Ep 113: A Woman’s Desire To Feel Special

“When a woman starts performing in her relationship, she stops being seen.”

Every word in this episode is a mirror for the woman who quietly wonders, “Do I still matter?”

Meg & Jacob crack open part two of one of their most tender, triggering, and transformational convos yet what it means for a woman to want to matter, deeply, not just in her business or family but in her relationship.

We’re diving into the difference between being needed vs. being chosen, why female significance is not the same as attention-seeking, and how the fear of being too much makes women shrink their wildest longings.

You’ll hear the real-time reflections from their own partnership, including the raw moment Meg almost gave up, and how they found each other again not in roles, but in real presence.

If you’ve ever felt unseen, under-chosen, or like you have to “earn” your seat in love… this one is going to go straight to your heart.

🔥 Here’s What We Dive Into:

• The difference between being significant and being useful
• Why female longing is sacred—not dramatic or needy
• The silent heartbreak of becoming "just the mom" in a relationship
• Jacob’s reflection on what most men miss when their woman starts to pull away
• How to feel chosen again without begging for attention
• Why a man’s leadership must include emotional devotion
• What it actually means to see, hold, and re-choose your woman daily

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🔥 Let's stay connected:

Follow Meg: @the.meg.o

Follow Jacob: @thejacoboneill

Follow the podcast: @sexloveandeverythinginbetween

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Transcript

1:47

Even though I knew you were out there, that there was most likely a card, and that you were cooking me Mother's Day pancakes and you do your things. The fact that you hadn't said Happy Mother's Day to me. Just think it's like something inside me. Like the fact that that wasn't the first thing that you said to me, and that you didn't acknowledge that in that moment, just like, just really fucking hurt and. When you left the room, I just got back under the covers with she and I just bawled Yo yo yo lovers. Welcome, welcome, welcome to sex, love and everything in between. Where the O'Neals. You're here with Meg and Jacob. And this is the place we have really uncensored conversations about sex, intimacy and relationships. Well, super excited you're here. Enjoy this episode. It. Hey, lovers. Look what. I got. Hello, lovers. Hello, lovers. Hello. It's Frank Wolfe. Did. This is not an ad. This is the podcast. Oh, good. Hi. Hey. How are you feeling? I'm. I'm great. This is. Our fourth attempt at starting the podcast. And, starting the podcast, and we just need it to connect. And Jacob held my hand and kissed me. And now I'm more in my body. So. So stay there. Oh, hard to hear. Are yours? Are you here in the room with us? Are you even here right now? What are you doing? Tell us your deepest, darkest secrets. Oh, maybe we should have an episode like that. Like that? I used to fall like the guy. You know, the guy that. Oh, yes. Let's do that. Let's just send us your deepest, darkest secrets and we'll. We'll judge you. We'll do a judgment episode. How to judge. Jay. He's the first man I say yes. Yeah. Funny. Very funny. Okay. Anyway. Hi. Let's. I'm. I'm wondering, are we still talking about this? Let's dive right in. No context. Okay. Says, you. Know any gay. We're not starting this another time. This is this is. This is. The chaos. That's that's this is who we are. This is who we are. We we really are. Okay, well, we're here to tell a story. It was Mother's Day on Sunday, and things didn't go to plan. Oh, tell him on. Tell me more. Yes. We want to tell the story of my Mother's Day. What unfolded? It was my first Mother's Day. Not what I expected and not what I wanted it to be. Not how I wanted to feel. I didn't even realize I was putting, like, expectations on this day that this is happened. This is this. This is something that has arisen for me before on birthdays. Like this happened on my 30th, where, you know, I felt like I didn't feel special enough. And I wanted you to, you know, have planned more or like, gotten me gifts that you'd been thinking about and planning for like six months. I wanted to see that you had been thinking about this day and preparing for this day, not just for a week. I wanted to, like, know that you'd been thinking and preparing for it for like six months. Even though the year before you had thrown me a huge festival. And a lot of this podcast. I think I. Well no but that's, I think that's why this, this story is important because. A Keith is you got, I've got heaps to say on this later. And I was just talking to a friend about this who had a similar experience, not on Mother's Day, but something else. And we were both talking about like we both have phenomenal men that show the fuck up for us and do so much for us. And still there are some times where we don't feel special enough, and this yearning to feel special and like the only fucking girl in the world and that we're just like, so deeply looked after and celebrated sometimes we don't feel that even though our men are so fucking phenomenal. And I think this is why this conversation is important, because even if your man really, really fucking wants to love you well and like for you, you're so you appreciate me every fucking day you show up so incredibly. There have been so many moments in our relationship where you have surprised me and like, yeah, just, you know, given me the most epic gifts will surprise things and organize things and have spelt so. It felt so incredibly special. And then there's still moments where I don't feel that way, not necessarily because of anything you've done or like you fucked up. It's just that that yearning is so deep. And I think, why this conversation is so important, that it's important that we as women, you know, feel like we can bring, that we can be witnessed in the part of us that wants to feel so fucking special and wants to feel so taken care of and wants to feel so cherished. And you know, looked after and celebrated. So that's the kind of conversation we're going towards. Amazing. So on on Sunday I woke up and like I said, I didn't realize how I didn't realize how important my first Mother's Day was going to feel until I woke up on that day and I was like, oh, like, this feels really special. And you were already out in the kitchen. You'd gotten up early. I think you'd gotten up like 3 or 4 hours beforehand. And you were at in the kitchen cooking pancakes, and you were having your sister revolt because she lives down the road and her husband was away. So it was like looking after her on Mother's Day to, And then when I woke up, we we put us on, we put him on this little potty, and I was putting him, and I needed your help. And so I yelled out to you and you came in, and we hadn't seen each other that morning yet. And I yelled out to you, and you came in, and then you helped me. And then as soon as you finished helping me, you went back out to the kitchen. Even though I knew you were out there, that there was most likely a card, and that you were cooking me Mother's Day pancakes and you do your things. The fact that you hadn't said Happy Mother's Day to me. Just think it's like something inside me. Like the fact that that wasn't the first thing that you said to me, and that you didn't acknowledge that in that moment, just like, just really fucking hurt and. When you left the room, I just got back under the covers with she and I just bawled like, I not just like, cried a little bit. I like, wailed like I was. I was wailing, crying. Yeah. And then a little bit of context, I'd also, before I really realized this day was important to me, I'd also filled the day with lots of lots of things. So it was a friend of ours birthday and I'd, you know, said yes to organizing something, which then I didn't feel like doing. So I had to kind of cancel and we had to reschedule something in the afternoon. And, then we were having your sisters over, and. We'd been out the night before. We'd been out the night before. And like, suddenly I just realized when I and I did end up bleeding for the first time since becoming a mother the next day. So it all becomes very clear to me, like why I was feeling so ultrasensitive on the Sunday too. But, I think I woke up being like, oh, like, fuck, I don't actually want to see anyone today, and I just want to be looked after by you. And I just want to I just want to be alone in the room with you in person, and I just want you to take care of me. And I just want you to celebrate me. And I didn't realize I wanted that, and then I couldn't really get out of the things that had recently history. Right. Well, I could, but I didn't choose to. Yeah. So that's why that, like, you're not saying Happy Mother's Day to me. That just felt like. So, like. You didn't say everybody mother's know I'm going to be with other people. I know. Oh, no, I'm going to go and hang out with people in the afternoon, and you're not going to have any space to look after me, you know, ruin this day for myself. And it's not what I planned, and it's not I want to feel and I it's. And then when I was bawling and wailing, I hear one of your sisters come in, and then I'm like, oh, now we don't even have, like, time and space to like, you know, come back into our hearts together and be witnessed in this because that's so important to me when I am feeling something to have you witnessed me and like, you know, your sisters, we hear one of their little sons was here. So it was just like it was a lot was a lot. Where do we go next? Oh, I thought I was doing all the right things. Like I hopped up early, so I'll get fresh flowers and buy all the stuff at pancakes and come back and like, I was in the kitchen cooking. I had the speaker ready to play music when you came out, and my whole idea was like, you would come out and I'd go, Happy Mother's Day. And we'd like, you'd say the flowers and you'd sit down, you'd read your card and all of that, and that's not at all. So I this, this is where like the, the wires I think got crossed is like, oh, cool. I was so fixated on how I wanted to deliver it that I probably wasn't really aware of, you know, the simple or I missed the little things I was trying to, like, really make it special. Like, oh, the pancakes ready. This done, that done is done a coffee machine. I did it after the music. Okay, cool. I was like, oh, sort of setting the scene, but all you really needed in that mind was me to come in and kiss you on the forehead and say, Happy Mother's Day. You know the best moment. Well, the best mama in the world. I needed. That one. Yeah. And yeah. And I think this is why this conversation is so important that, you know, someone can be, you know, loving us in one way. But then when it doesn't quite land how important it is to then be in conversation around that so that there's not resentment there as well. Would. You also say that the emotion that you're feeling was not just in that moment, but for many versions of you that never got celebrated or ignored? Really special. I often tell this story, you know, this story that when I was 13, it was my first year of high school. My birthday was on a school day. What year did you have your first played? The year after year. After I 14. 14? You know, I was just like, kind of like, you know, you had your first. You bled for. That? Yeah. I, but I was 13. My family weren't that great. Not not that great, but, like, you know, like, every year your mom would make a cake. My mom didn't. We want a cake. Family. Like, sometimes it could be someone's birthday and we wouldn't have a cake. And some people would think that's probably horrifying. I still think that's weird. Yeah. I find that bizarre. And so I think there's, I don't know if we would always have like birthday parties and family and I think there was like I probably had a birthday party a few days beforehand with all my family that would have been a cake there and everything. But on my particular birthday, I think I got home from school, we had dinner, there wasn't really a cake, and then after dinner my parents were like, oh, we're going to go on a walk because they would, you know, walk sometimes in the evenings. And I remember going to my room and just bawling. And I never told anyone or I never like, showed anyone that I was upset about that. But the fact that, like, that night wasn't about me and I was I didn't feel celebrated and I didn't feel like anyone was going out of their way to really, like, make me feel special. Really hurt and this, this has come up in our relationship before on birthdays. And, you know, on Mother's Day where it's that that, like, little Meggie that felt like, oh, like, you know, I want you to be thinking about I want this day to be about me for every second of the day I want I want it all to be I want, I want this whole day to just be about me. And I want to be celebrated. I want you to be thinking about how to make me feel special in every moment. That includes when you first see me and it's my special day thing. What you should do is you should acknowledge, hey, it's your special day. Every Mother's Day. And so it wasn't this was like, this is a this is something I'm bringing into the relationship. And again, this is so important that we acknowledge this and we can this is why our owning a work is so important as individuals in partnership. Because we get to notice. What am I bringing in here like, yes. Is this really about you not saying Happy Mother's Day or yes. That's what's kind of unfolded in this moment. But that's not just about that. That's about, little making that didn't fully feel seen and celebrated and acknowledged in that moment. Probably many moments before that, too. So that was the that was what I was bringing into that day. And then once I came out, like I said, because your sisters were here, like I was really emotional and I let myself cry. Like they hugged me and I cried and cried, but I also I didn't really feel like, you know, and I didn't feel present in the moment to, to bring that through. And I probably wasn't aware of that right then and there. And we, you know, you did make the pancakes and you, you I could see you even like putting on songs that I loved and looking at me and like being like, look, this person, I love this song. You feel good. About you I'm putting on you. Never thought you were like, I could just tell how hard you were trying. Which was so beautiful and like. But physically, it's like I couldn't receive it. It's like my body was so closed and I was trying, and I just felt like these, these walls, that which is so uncommon for me now in our partnership, you know, I used to feel that a lot, but I, I know how to take myself into the posture of openness quite quickly. And, you know, for most of the day I was in deep closure and deep kind of godness and, and attention. And so I felt that and even like where you were at, you know, in the kitchen after kitchen, you were kind of cuddling me. And I just want I think I was telling you, I'm like, I'm sorry. I feel so close right now. I want to open, I want to open, but I'm just I'm just struggling to open. Yeah. And I think then after they left, we we ended up going on a on a walk. That didn't go well either. No. And this is where I really go. This is where I really started to just be like, oh, like, why am I why am I closed? Because my thing was like, you've done the fucking pancakes. You bought me flowers. You wrote a really beautiful card from Art. She, like, had gotten his hand in January drawings. That was his hand. I put it the pen in his hand, just like was like. So, Jacob, it put that pen in his hand and like he drawn it on the card. And Jacob said, like, you know, from where she. And like, there were so many beautiful things. And yet it's like I couldn't receive it. It's like it's like I wasn't letting myself or I just couldn't physically receive that and let myself be grateful for that. And so I was just being like, why? Like, why can't I open to this and why can't I receive that? So when we went on a walk, I was just really expressing to you that I like. I can feel this part of me that wanted you to be thinking of this day for months and months and I knew. And even now she is saying this sounds so. It feels really vulnerable. But this is the truth, is that I knew you'd gone out of the house early and gotten those things. Obviously you get flowers on the day. But there was part of me that was like, like wanting you to have been planning a present or planning something for like months in advance, or it needed. I needed to see that you'd been thinking about this day, and you probably would write the pancakes every day, but it's like I was wanting you to have been thinking of this day and planning something, and for me to see that you'd been planning and thinking about, you know, how to make me feel special. I need evidence that you've been thinking about that for months. For me to be able to feel special and for me to be able to really deeply receive that, And then I was telling you, on the walk, I'm like, I feel. And I was just bawling and being like, I feel. Like a crazy bitch right now, and I feel so ungrateful. And you may be begging to give up because it's what I feel like I wanted. Move. And it was really uncomfortable because on that walk, I was still just like, I don't know, I think I was fighting with the part of me that day that wanted more and wanted to wanted to feel really special. And I was just like intention around that. So also when a lot of tension around then having to go and do stuff with other people later in the day and like not really feeling like I wanted to do that and just wanting to like, you know, be with you. So I think my body was holding a lot. But Hello my loves, I am interrupting this episode to let you know that Full Spectrum Woman Live is happening again here on the Gold Coast on the 7th of June, and you are going to want to be in this room. We had the first one back in Feb and it was an un fucking forgettable day. Like it was truly, so deeply transformative that with 80 something women in the room a day devoted to awakening the feminine in your body, awakening the feminine in your lineage, doing the work that your mother, your grandmother, your great grandmother. So many women in your line couldn't write. Really owning yourself as the chain breaker and being the woman, the erotically alive, wild, untamed, fully express woman that the world has taught you not to be, is told you not to be. And this imagine that 80 plus women in a room devoted to that being, that embodying, that awakening that yes, it gets wild. Yes, it gets very raw. Yes, we are sounding and moving and really being our full expression together. There is also teaching. There is also Q&A, there's group coaching with, Jacob and I. My man comes onto the stage and you can ask the masculine questions again. I cannot really put into the words what unfolds in this day the transformation that's possible. But also if you're asking for a deep sisterhood, if you're asking to be witnessed and to be around women that are also deeply passionate about really, truly living a true life and truly being the embodiment of the feminine living this body led life, you need to be in this room. We have, close to 50 tickets already sold. There is limited spaces, so if you were keen, come and join us. Tickets are $159, or you can get a ticket for you and someone you love. At a discount. So head to. Meg O'Neill, which is owned by double Elle.com forward slash FS w Dash live. So that's forward slash live or easy. Just go to the link in, the show notes or go to my Instagram or, you know, you'll find it somewhere if you really want to come. I cannot wait to be in the room with you on the 7th of June, I love ya! Enjoy the rest of the episode. we've had a lot of weekends that were filled as well, like no other with like, all good things, but there was not really like this was our first weekend at home and you so artfully planned things on both days, which is funny. It's almost like you set yourself up to open this wound to work with it. And I think I was I think a lot of what I was feeling that day, too, was angry with myself for planning too much, and I was almost like a people pleaser planning. And I you know, I love the humans that we saw that day and we were around. We had an awesome time. And we did have beautiful times with the with the humans that were there. But this was just like the undercurrent of what was happening for me. And I realized that I wanted to I wanted Sunday to be about me fully, and I made it about, oh, before Sunday and made it about other people. So, you know, your sister didn't have a husband to be with on Mother's Day. So I was like, come around, we'll do Mother's Day together. Well, maybe actually, I didn't want that because I just wanted to be. And then it was someone else's birthday. And, you know, I was like, let's plan something for her. And, you know, and I got so excited about the week leading up. But then when it got to the day, I was like, I just want this, I just want it. That's exactly NASCAR syndrome. You wouldn't. It was it was like, I wish. You would literally abandoning yourself for everyone else because you were you were you actually using your empathy in a really unconscious way? That's actually very vibrational. But I really and I think that's why I had a lot of anger with myself on, Sunday. And again, it was like a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time that like that feeling of just being so angry when you said yes to something and you really don't want to do it anymore, but then it's also you're in a place of lack. You know, it doesn't actually feel freeing to say no. Then, yeah. And I don't get that a lot anymore. I'm very good with my boundaries. I'm very good at being like, no, that's not authentic. Yes, me. But but there was some things. Yeah, it was like I was planning these things for people and, you know, doing things for people because I wanted them to feel good. Yeah. Anyway, so that was a lot of what I was feeling that day, too. And it just was. Yeah, it was just a lot of energy. And like I said, I bled the next day. And so my my deep sensitivity and like my desire to be just with us as a family made so much more sense. And like the, the heightened ness of the whole day and like the like because I was crying and I'm, I'm an emotional woman. I cry a lot. This was like wailing tears. There were moments where I dropped to my knees in the bedroom and just wailed and wailed and wailed and yeah, it was lot. It was. So where do you want to go? So yeah. I think what I really want to and this is something that I've, you know, I've spoken about this so many times, but like, there's a difference between like, being of service and creating significance. And on these special days, it's like significance is what you want to feel. You want to feel significant. You want to feel as though you are the only person that exists on that day. And your desires are the only desires that exist, and everyone else is. Everything else is void. Everything else is irrelevant. The only thing there is, you are there to be the center of attention. And this is something that you can't just do once in your lifetime or once in your relationship. That's why when you spoke about, you know, the birthdays, we threw a huge 29th for you, which everyone was like, oh, this is make 30. No. So 29 and I, you know, I spent so much time organizing that and, you know, and then I sort of set the tone. Then your 30th, we had all of our friends over, we had a cake. We all wrote down amazing things about you. We sat around as a as a, but it wasn't. But there was a bit what I realized is like, oh, I can't you can't just do significance once and then just ride. Ride that until it dies and then and then oh shit, I got to do, oh, now I have to do it rather than I get to do it. So realistically, in that moment, it's like, yeah, there wasn't enough significance. It wasn't that I wasn't doing great things that I wasn't. I hadn't tuned into what would feel significant and what would feel appropriate to celebrate the role that you stepped into his mother. Where have I not actually felt into the depth of this. So it was a real lack of consciousness in my life. But realistically it was like cool. All right. This means something. To my love, this means something to you. And I just I missed the mark and there's no right or wrong. It's just. Yeah. Cool. Fuck that one up and I refuse to not be given the opportunity to do better. So I can still love you. I can still nourish you and I can still show up for you and I can still create significance even if I fucked that one up. And I'm okay with that. It doesn't feel good in my body. And yeah I can feel frustrated and I can feel like I'm not enough or God you know. Yeah. She's I'm grateful. Can she say that. I'm glad to see that I've just gone back for I haven't taken any time off after retreat. I've shown up. I've been really present. I've been looking after I've. Yeah. And I can create all of that. But the truth is, is that you didn't feel special. Full stop. Okay. Let's ride. This is because it's going to take a little bit of time to move through this. And that's what's here right now. And I can do better. And if I make any of, if I bring any other story in, all I'm doing is perpetuating the or avoiding the feeling of getting it wrong. And I got it wrong and I, it like it's not it doesn't, it doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. Just means that on that day I got it wrong. I still showed up and did what I thought was the right thing, but I didn't actually. And this is the difference between polarity as a formula and polarity as a practice. It's like I wasn't practicing. I didn't break down into my fucking balls. I didn't like feeling like it has a hump. What's for what's in here? I just came in playing my fucking flute like a dickhead. And I was excited to be. And I didn't get. And I didn't get received in the way that I thought I would. You know, I came back home and you were super sensitive and you were overwhelmed and, you know, you had a great time, but obviously, you know, I wanted to give you space. So I came in probably actually, I probably came in feeling like I owed you something. But I also wanted to be celebrated and acknowledged for what I'd just done with my work. And I felt really powerful and that in that I didn't actually take my time to acknowledge myself. And I probably came in expecting something from you. And I didn't get it. And then I was just like, I hadn't really landed the plane. And Jacob's talking about coming home from his five day retreat. Yeah. And saying that the house was incredibly clean, which was like, that was amazing. And I think there is. And this is what also felt uncomfortable about me feeling that is there was part of me that was like, oh, like, I think I've held the expectation of, you're really going to celebrate me because I've been look at all I've done. I was with our son for five days and I clean the house and the house came. It was perfect when you came back and you know, I didn't. I didn't make you feel wrong for leaving. And, you know, like all of that, that was part of me that was like, so celebrate. That didn't make you feel wrong for leaving. So, so. But like, oh, that was uncomfortable to be with, to see like the conditions I was putting on that, but I just want to circle back to what you said before around like you were really saying, I've got it wrong, which like I would say, no. But then also to a certain degree, yeah. Like I the desire there was to feel like. And I love that you spoke about significance because that is it. And I'm sure every woman listening to this podcast right now is feeling that like, yeah, you want to feel significant. You want that to be an act of significance that felt and this is what I was saying about like, you mean knowing you went out that morning and wanted me. The actual desire was I wanted you to be thinking about it for six months. There's the significance piece of it's almost like I want to be the of blood, sweat and tears. I wanted this to be a little like, oh, I know that you've had to put something on the line to celebrate me. I don't want it to be easy. I wanted you to, like, have to plan it or be thinking about it or, Yeah. I wanted that to be, like, an intentionality. And so I think, and I'm not just saying that for me, I think truly, every woman and I've worked with so many women and I've been in discussion with many friends around this that think this is something that we as women deeply crave, that, that men, I don't think, do like on on a man's. But like as a woman, I think we want to feel like the most special girl in the world and like something that's so deeply significant and feel so special. And yes, I think a man. Once, significance. But not in this. Like there's a different texture to it. Would you say? I don't know how to. Dis Australian culture. Men don't celebrate themselves. Therefore they, they avoid celebration. So any reflection of celebration or acknowledgment is is uncomfortable for men. So therefore we avoid it. So would you say you desire like that same level of significance that I have no. But deep underneath, even under your conditioning, do you feel like you desire that one? You haven't found it yet? Yeah. And you would say that there's a difference between what? The quality you see in me and other women of that yearning to be, to be seen and witnessed and made significant on those days is something that you see more in women. Most definitely. Yeah. I 100% agree. I think and this is probably just where I'm at. But like for me, like on those days where it's like I get to to I just want to be left alone. I don't want to have to like that's. Like. You want a space of to mine. Yeah. I just want to be like, not have to think. I want to not have any plans. I want to wake up and I want to go and get breakfast wherever the fuck we get it. I don't want to be. I don't want to have a booking at a restaurant. I don't want to have anything. I probably just want to go and buy steak and then come home and cook it myself, and I hang out in the hammock. I most likely just want to do nothing or have the freedom to do whatever the fuck I want. I want there to be zero. Demand. Demand or zero timing. I want. I want it to be timeless in space. Less. Yes. And like even on your birthday this year, I knew the greatest gift I could give you is not like usually I want on my birthday. I want you to plan everything. I want you to have planned something, you know, for months in advance. So, guys, do you want the rundown of what's happening for Mother's Day 2026? We are flying to Bora Bora, so it. Really, But yeah, I knew, like, you just wanted to wake up and do what you wanted. And my. I knew my practice that day was to just go with your flow. And we went to the camping store we went to. Where else do we go? We went. Just wandered around. We wandered around shopping malls. We we did it. And I just knew that was my greatest gift to you. To not to not try and. Get us. Anywhere, speed you up or hire you up or get anywhere. It was just like, this is where do you want to go now? What do you want to do now? Where do you want to go? Yeah, right where I'm like, no, I don't want my I don't want to make any decisions, have I? I want you to be like. And then we're doing this and then I've got a surprise for you. And then we're doing this. It's like, yeah. So I feel, Do you have something. To say like that is the gift. It's like I'm giving you what I would be like. Why would anyone want this? Like, why would that? Sounds like someone gave that to me. I'd be frustrated if someone was, like, taking me around, like, this will go next. I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm. I just want to feel where we. I just want to just wander. Also, I really want to like, acknowledge, like the parenthood journey. If you are trying to really live and breathe a conscious lifestyle, like you have so many more conscious decisions to make throughout this, you know, the start of parenthood that for me, I've been really like it's been quite confronting to feel like just how, in suspension, I've been around like, okay, I want my business to go here. I want to make sure that, you know, she has the best upbringing, all of these things I didn't get you. And then you've got to come back into the moment and then be present as well. So it's this, this, constant ping pong of, like, the greater vision of my life. And then back to the present moment, the greater vision of my life, then back to the present moment and the weeks in the month sort of blur rather than actually like, okay, what's happening this week? I feel what's happening this month. Okay, what do I need to plan for? What do I need to be ready for? It's like, okay, I know in 5 to 10 years I'm going to create this amazing movement in this business, and then I'm coming back to the ocean. It's me to look at him and make sure that he doesn't fall off the edge of the bed. And I'm gonna be right here, right now, and then move back into the big vision. And it's almost like a form of hyperventilation where I lose a mother right here or I'm out there. So to find myself in the middle ground where it's like I go on Mother's Day this month or next birthday's coming up. Oh, Valentine's day, oh, anniversary. Christmas. All of a sudden there's all of these things that I'm that are just sort of arriving without me having the awareness of them getting closer and. And we're back. We just had to have a little break. Things got a little clunky because it's a vulnerable conversation. So I get really vulnerable and talk about just like even I wrote about this on Instagram. I just feel like there's, There's an intimacy here. And there was, like, a chaos to Sunday that I don't feel like it was very chaotic. And even usually we are very quick in our relationship when there's when there's something there to clear it. And that was not the case on Sunday because now we have a child. We'd filled our day with people and things, so we didn't really have the space to kind of come back and clear as quickly as possible. And then it took us on us three hours to put us down, and both of us were just kind of like a bit broken by the day. That was the hottest day of my life. Actually. Yeah, that was the hardest parenting day, but also one of the hottest days of my life. Like, normally I, I can have capacity, but, like, I felt like holding him, crying and then seeing you crying and him on the booth and then getting off. And I was like, I was delirious by the end of it. I was like, so exhausted. And I realized I was like, I'm at. I'm at my capacity right now. I'm beyond capacity, and I want to be able to give more to you and to ocean. I want to be able to shop. But right now I'm I'm like literally drowning. And I think with that and then I was feeling that intensify of like, I want more from you. And then when he went to sleep, he didn't acknowledge Happy Mother's Day or you had a great dad like or anything like that. So like, even though I could witness that you were at capacity and you didn't really have much else to give me. Taking offense to that on me, still wanting more from you. And it was just it was messy and chaotic and yeah, I think we had to stop the podcast before because I was feeling a bit like glue, like, I don't know, that was just like a bit of vulnerability here in being witnessed in a. Yeah. And also just like sometimes for me, we share so much of our life and we share so much of what goes down in our relationship. And sometimes when it feels clunky or there's not like, yeah, sometimes it just feels like clunky and like vulnerable to, to, yeah. To to bring it through. Yeah. My chest has hurt pretty much this whole podcast because it is, it's like, oh, like, I'm not I'm not perfect is essentially that's what we're saying. It's like up until now, our parenting journey has been pretty fucking awesome. And then that day of all day is fucking Mother's Day, when it should have been the like the pinnacle, the spectacle. Like you want that day to be the special one and it's meant to be the special one. And it felt like the exact opposite of special. All the way till the very end. We and, and I think that's what was really challenging for me too because like I said we usually clear things always. We never really go to bed with anything. Not feeling really clear and really liberated. And now with a child sometimes. Well that was probably the first night where we were really in that. And like, you'd fallen asleep and I was still with him and. But you'd been with him for hours. But yeah, it was, it was clunky. But I think also and then like to kind of bring this all through in the morning I got up and I came at, came out to you and you were in the kitchen. You just like I think you wrapped your arms around me and we, we hugged and I said, can we read Mother's Day? You were like, I'm already on it. And I think this is the piece I want to really like. Like really drive home about this conversation is that when we and you're so impeccable at this and even there you were like I got it wrong. Like yes. Like you didn't meet me in the level of significance that I was really deeply aching for. And what you were so impeccable at is not taking things personally and not making me feel wrong. And that was so vulnerable on me on Sunday to kind of be like, I feel like a crazy bitch and like, I feel like I'm feeling so awful for not being able to be so grateful for what you've done. And this part of me that wanted it to be more of a spectacle and wanted more significant to know, and just feeling so messy and not. And yes, it was a few little pieces where you were like, oh, this makes me, you know, you were feeling like not good enough. And, you know, these, these pieces, but yeah, really, your ability to, yeah, just be like, okay, can I have another go of that? You know, I want I'm not going to make you feel wrong for. Well, fuck, I look how much I've fucking tried. And there isn't there. How can how can this be not good enough for you? Like you listened. And even though you done so much and you had put in effort, you still loved me in my yearn for more. You still loved me in my. Oh my gosh. You want to feel so deeply special. Like, okay, I want to love you in that. I want to give that to you. Let me try again. Like that was everything. Even though Sunday was like so fucking chaotic and a lot of emotion, that was everything that, hey, can I have another go of that? Yeah. And if we don't allow it or make space for it and like I said yeah got it wrong. Like that's not like I'm not saying that that was good or bad. I'm saying yeah Coke got it wrong. Let me do better. Let me do better. And that's what I feel like if I had have come back to you to be give a look at this. This is, this is you're actually wrong for feeling what you're feeling. And I shame you. And I invite you to suppress that. That 13 year old Maggie who locked herself in a room and didn't let anyone else see her in her sadness, in her, feelings of, I guess, abandonment and whatever the other word you use, trauma informed word you use. It's like, yeah, you felt shit because you didn't feel special. Awesome. And if I had have been, if I had my finger on the pulse, if I had have been breathing and if I hadn't been conscious and if everything had, have gone perfectly, if I had had some transition time after retreat and if we had have had more meals cooked and we could have flowed a bit easier, and if this and that, and if all of the other things had have lined up, that wouldn't have happened. But it did, and it happened so we could see what was there and then choose to do better. Yeah. And I think in. And then and then time will tell whether I do better or not. You know, I then get an opportunity to be more conscious and to deliver moments of significance to you. And remember, fuck yeah, you are. You're still my wife. You're still someone that I want to celebrate and acknowledge. It's like, oh, we've got a kid now. Yes. And we've got all these extra levels of responsibility. But I still I don't want to miss I don't want to deny you that because we've now got more responsibility. I still want that to be an important part of our life. And no, said cool. Let me get the calendar. Let me be more organized. Let me use this moment of getting it wrong to create a structure where I can really, really honor you and love you in the way that you desire to be loved. What great information. Susan. Yeah. I think this is something like when I, when I shared this story on Instagram the other night and I was speaking about how I really feel that this is a desire. So many women have to feel really special. And yet we live in a world that conditions us as women to, act cool and act as if we don't want much. And be so averse to seeming high maintenance or too much. And so even though I truly believe this is an ache and a in so many women carrying their bodies to feel special, to feel significant, to be like deeply celebrated and looked after in that way. So many women are holding that, but then pretending that they, they don't want that. Yet simultaneously hoping that their partner gives them that without them having to express it. Right. And so you know I think this is also just a permission slip that often this part of me has come forward in relationship from being courageous enough in moments where I haven't felt met or I haven't felt celebrated to bring that and also trust that you could handle that. And to trust that like oh like, oh I don't want to seem high maintenance and like you know that that one of our stories is that when Jacob proposed I didn't like the original ring. This was not this was. This year Mother's Day not being Mother's Day like that was huge. And that was also so healing for the part of me that was like not wanting to be would rather resent you silently, then say something like, I could not live my life looking at a ring that I felt resentful of you for. Right. I had to say something so that, that that part of our relationship was clear, because I couldn't ignore that it wasn't the woman that I want I don't like. It just didn't feel right. So you know I yeah this owning this part as a woman, the part of us that wants to feel special. That's really important information that we get to offer to our partner. If you want to feel claims, if you want to feel really looked after and significant in your relationship, oftentimes I would say the majority of the time, all times it's going to take you being witnessed in that desire, being letting your bringing that desire for, hey, I want to feel special. Hey, I want to feel like you've been like thinking about this day for a long time. Sometimes it might sound cute like that. Other day times it might sound, you know. Like a bench. Like a wailing. Bell. Batshit crazy. I also want to acknowledge that if it brings up in your man, he's. I'm not enough. That's his wound. That's his shit to work with. That's his trigger. And if you're not triggering each other in some way, shape or form in your relationship, then you guys aren't really being fucking honest with each other. Like, honestly. And I'm not saying that you need to be constantly, like, projecting or like like, you know, I should like playing table tennis for like, okay, cool. That's your projection. No, that's my trigger. I'm going to own that. That's yours. And you're constantly like, hyper vigilant. You like, be bold in love and fall flat on your face and have these experiences together. Bless you and allow your relationship to crack you open deeper to. A place that healing happens just because you had the courage to go there. That's that's when like yeah cool. The reading the books and that sort of stuff. It's all, that's all that's all just pre game. And then moments like Mother's Day like that felt I'd rather run a fucking marathon than do that day again like that. That was really fucking hard to be with the part of me that felt like, fuck am I, I'm not good enough for her fuck. And like, things came up that I didn't think would come up that I thought I dealt with. And now that I'm in a new role as father, it's like, oh, all of my same fucking stories are here. All of this bullshit is here, where I make up the belief that, no one's grateful for what I do. No one acknowledges me, no one based on that. And that's not true. That's just me playing into I'm not good enough. And then when I can, when that I'm not good enough comes down, I then get to be the victim. And then I get to, like, blame you for how I'm feeling when the truth is, is like, right now, Jacob, you unconscious. You weren't playing at the depth that you know you're capable of because life is asking you for more. Welcome to the start of your fucking life again. Welcome to another version of of of another season. Let's go. Breathe. Slow down. Where are you trying to get to? You've got a woman and a child that, like, are the best things in the world. You've got a job that you love. Like be here. Be here. And I want you to be able to bring all of you, all of you to me. I want, I want the things that feel silly or that you say you shouldn't feel that. Oh why am I feeling so. It's like that's if you're not bringing those. Where are they going. Where are you taking them. Most likely suppressing them which is only going to mean that they come out later. And I think this is such a beautiful reminder that we're or there's always like parts of us, you know, to deepen into and I would say I'm a very fully expressed woman in this. So much so I, I would usually not have much to contend with when I bring my desires forth or bring what I want for us. And yet still there was part of me in this particular experience that felt too much and that felt like I was asking for too much and felt high maintenance and felt embarrassed and ashamed for feeling that way. And so, yeah, this is this, you know, this is the work. I'm still in the work, you know, even though I teach this work and I've been on this path and really in this practice of, of this full expression, and you do welcome so much of my expression that this still felt tender. And may that always be things that feel tender and a little uncomfortable, like that's, that's the growth edge of relationship. And that's then the doorway for deeper intimacy and getting to be loved in deeper ways. The three things that I'm taking away from this conversation is experience. Yes. No one's above the work. Oh, I love that one. Everyone has an edge that feels uncomfortable and. Have the courage to bring what's alive to you, and the grace to allow yourself and your partner to do better. Yes. I think that's I think those three things, are so powerful, are so powerful. And if you really give you if you really give yourself over to those and, like, almost like let those three things humble you, then you just become a person who's practicing. I'm a practitioner of life, of love. And I'm still learning because I'm a human. And any point I put myself above humanity, I've lost touch with reality. I love that, okay, thank you for this conversation. It's felt like just the right dose of chaos. And this one. Honestly, it's so very chaotic for me. Right? I think we'll continue to have this. I think this is this is an ongoing conversation. I think these, you know, I think we're going to have to keep as many times as we need to bring this to the podcast and normalize these kinds of conversations. I think this is a very real experience that a lot of men and women have, and why relationships inevitably fail when more responsibility comes online. Because they we forget to actually be with what's there and make space for what wants to come through, whether that's good, bad, or indifferent. And I just for the women listening that have really resonated with the desire to feel significant and the desire to be made to feel significant and the desire to feel really fucking special, especially on these days. I want you to really be honest with yourself. Have you let yourself be witness in that? Have you brought that desire forth right? Or are you just crossing your fingers and silently expecting or hoping or wishing that your partner does that, even though you've never expressed that? That's something that would feel really delicious or feel really important. And in the times where it really breaks your fucking heart that you're not made to feel significant or you're not made to feel special, can you be witnessed in that instead of putting up your walls and making your partner guess what's wrong? Or just like pushing him away, can you open your heart and trust that you know it might be fucking messy, especially if this is the first time you're bringing that right? Even I've been witnessed in this desire many times. And still Sunday was messy and it was a bit chaotic. But we moved through it and we got through it and we're clear right? But like, can you be witnessed in that vulnerability is the doorway to deeper intimacy and deeper connection. If you desire to be made special, it's going to feel vulnerable to ask for that. And can you also feel and be with the parts of you that are ashamed that you want that, that feel too much for desiring that, for desiring more from your man, for desiring to feel like you know, an absolute fucking princess or queen, or just like the most fucking special woman on the planet on Mother's Day, or on your birthday or on Valentine's Day. Like, if that's a true desire to, like, bring on that first in your body. Let yourself be the woman that owns that. The deeply owns that. What if it wasn't shameful? What if you didn't feel shameful to desire that or feel high maintenance? Like, I know I don't feel shame around being a high maintenance woman anymore. I'm a mother fucking high maintenance woman. Wouldn't you agree? And I am a maintenance man. But I also indulge in moments of significance I don't just maintain, I also indulge in moments of significance because every now and then. Frequently, at least four times a year, there is moments of significance that are required to remind my woman of her magnificence. So then I was thinking like then all the days now that I'm a mother, birthdays, Valentine's Day anniversary like this. Big things. I know. Don't worry. I've been doing the math. It's in the budget. It's in the spreadsheet that you will never see. But you will feel that. Don't feel so. Depth of surrender due to my sacred spreadsheet. Yeah. And that means if I want you thinking about those days six months in advance, you'll always be planning, at least for two of those days, at in every moment. My world revolves around surround significant planning for significance. Don't worry about the dishes, okay? We we going to Hawaii. We got a guy that we love. Yeah. And we'll see. You know. Thanks for being here for these conversations. We love you. Bye. Peace. Yo yo yo. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of sex, love and Everything in between. Now, if you'd like to stay connected with Megan, you can head on over to Instagram and follow me at the Jacob O'Neil. And where can people find you? Love her at the dot, Megan O. Amazing. And yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all other information in regards to what we've got coming up. And yeah, we're super, super grateful that you guys have taken the time to listen in to this podcast. If you do have any topics or any questions, like I said, hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do apart from that. Have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. Thanks for being. Here. Big, big love.