Ep 103: Stop Weaponising the Masculine and Feminine

"Polarity isn't a weapon to get what you want - it's an art of moving through life together" - dive into this raw conversation about how masculine and feminine dynamics are meant to liberate, not control.

Still learning how to do podcast quickies, Meg and Jacob sits down and discusses the misuse of polarity in relationships. From Instagram gurus to red pill ideology, they break down why using masculine and feminine concepts to control your partner isn't just ineffective - it's missing the whole damn point of conscious partnership.

This isn't your typical polarity talk - it's a vulnerable exploration of how these energies can either liberate or suffocate your relationship. Whether you're deep in the polarity world or just curious about masculine-feminine dynamics, this episode offers fresh perspectives on creating authentic connection beyond rigid rules and roles.

They also riff off on:
- Why weaponizing masculine/feminine terms kills intimacy
- The difference between surface-level and deep polarity
- How to create safety instead of demanding change
- Understanding both light and dark aspects of each energy
- Moving beyond black and white relationship dynamics
- The art of dancing between energies naturally
- Creating space for both partners to be fully expressed
and so much more...

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#consciousrelationships #polarity #masculinefeminine #intimacy #sacredpartnership #relationships #podcast

Transcript

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So of course, when we learn about polarity, when we first read intimate communion, or we listen to some of these people on on on Instagram, we're like, oh, this makes sense. I'm going to use this to get what I want, when an actual fact like we know that it's not it's a way to move through life. It's a form of artistry, and it's a way to connect deeper, not only with our partner, but with ourselves. Yo, yo, yo. Lovers, welcome. Welcome to sex, love and everything in between, where the O'Neills you're here with Megan Jacob, and this is the place we have really uncensored conversations about sex, intimacy and relationships. We're super excited you're here. Enjoy this episode. Hello, beautiful people. What up gang? What up lovers? What up people, family, friends, community. We are back this one's gonna be a quick one today, because we are still learning how to have quickies. Well, we're learning how to do that, but we're learning how to fit podcasts in around being parents. It's a whole new thing, and we only have a certain amount of time today, so let's go. Okay. Three things that you need to know about. This, this, this, this, okay, bye. It doesn't really suit our style of podcasting, which is we just talk and we talk about what, like, what's been happening in life, and then we find our way back to the topic of conversation. Yeah. We struggle with rules. I definitely struggle with time rules. And tell me when to do something. Try again, yeah, but expect some more of these succinct, smaller episodes. Now my parents, we're gonna succinctify. But today we wanna talk about, what do we wanna talk about? We wanna talk about why it's necessary to stop weaponizing polarity, to stop weaponizing the terms masculine and feminine, and something that I don't know if this ever really showed up in our relationship. I'd love to hear your perspective on that if I used to weaponize these terms. But what we mean by that is what I often see in my work with women, is women diving into this work around polarity women, diving into, you know, the dynamics, or the, yeah, the dynamics of masculine and feminine, and wanting to feel, feeling this desire in their body to experience more of the masculine from their man, from their partner, but then coming back into their relationship. And really like weaponizing this concept, really using it as a way to illuminate to their partner how they're not being enough right now, right? You're not in your masculine. You need to be more masculine. You're being too feminine right now, or vice versa, men coming into women and being like you just need to surrender to me. Why aren't you surrendering? You're being too masculine and really using these terms to just using these terms to make each other feel not enough. It's as if your projection game is just up leveled. It's like I used to emasculate you passively. Now I'm going to do it with the right terminology and make sure that I get it right. It's projection game up level. It's like before, before I used to nag now, I like point out that you're not good enough, yes, and we think it's okay because, oh no, I'm learning these. This is like a spiritual concept. This is like, I'm learning from from relationship coaches or from these big teachers. I'm allowed to do this. I'm allowed to point out that you're not being masculine. I'm allowed to point out that you need to, you need to be more feminine in this moment. But the truth is, that's not how you play this game. That's not if you want, if you want to, if you want to play in polarity, if you want to deepen into or play with these, these dynamics of masculine and feminine in your relationship to you know, deepen the sexual tension, to ignite the polarity in the field of your relationship. That's not the way to do it if you also desire to keep a strong connection of love and intimacy and respect, right? It's not respectful to use these terms as weapons. Of course, the piece that yeah, be done. That's it succinct. What I believe is that polarity is what governs the entire universe. So these push and pull of two opposing forces, two opposing energies, rather and when we try to use them for personal gain, aka, use them from our shoulders up, or using them intellectually, if I say this, then I will get what I want. Or if I. Point out that he's not masculine, then he's going to be more masculine. That way I can be more feminine. We're putting conditions and hinges on everything that we're bringing to our partner, bringing to our relationship. One of the key things that I see men do is that, well, if she's submissive, then I can lead, oh, which is, like, such a, such a small minded, narrow minded, rather approach to polarity. It's like, cool if she just surrenders, then I can, I can be in my masculine or she's not being feminine enough. She keeps trying to do everything like this is where you are utilizing polarity as a way to keep yourself comfortable, not to grow, not to evolve, not to deepen with your partner. And this is the classic, what it's called the red pill movement. I don't it's got to do with the matrix, but essentially, there's a lot of men's coaches or a lot of prominent male figures out there speaking into polarity from a wounded place, oh, from a place where I don't want to be challenged by life or feminine so I'm going to create a dynamic where I get to be in control, and I don't have to ever really be invited deeper into my own inner world. This is, this is, and this is because men have been taught that their value is found through their ability to control things, control money, control power, control women, control resources. And this is where we develop an understanding that everything outside of us is something that we must gain power over. And if we don't, then we don't have resources. We don't have value, therefore we are not enough. So when men bring this weaponization of polarity to the space, what they're really saying is, I don't feel good enough. I need you to be more submissive, surrendered so I can feel masculine. Yes, like you said before, it's conditional, right? It's hugely conditional, deeply conditional. And I would say this is really we talk about this a lot, how these dynamics of like playing with the masculine and feminine, they can be done at a very surface level, which is what we're talking about now or at a very surface level, which is seeing these energies as very black and white, like the feminine is submissive and surrendered, the masculine is in control and has the direction where there's so much more nuanced than that, and so much more Like, for example, the feminine. There is a leadership to the feminine in many, many ways. The feminine holds such deep qualities of leadership. She leads in the way she she emotes. She leads in the way she takes up space and she inhabits her body. She leads in the way that she brings her heart and she brings her desires forth and to just simply see the feminine from at or both the masculine and feminine in the surface level way is really diluting, I don't know if that's the right word I'm looking for, but diluting how much you can experience in your relationship. It's like, what's it? What's it when it's like, clogging something like the when there's like, something pink, yeah, it's like, kinking, yeah, I'm imagining it's like trying to watch a color TV in black and white. Yeah, that's what it feels like. It's like our black and white. When there's this, there's this full range of colors that are available through the, you know, the spectrum of polarity and the different textures that come through from the feminine, like the to kind of just like probably anchor in some kind of not teaching, but deeper level of awareness, there's light and dark of each and the light feminine is very different to the dark feminine. The light masculine is very different to the dark masculine. And these are two opposing energies within the one pole. And that's what's beautiful about this, is that quite often, a lot of men want the light, feminine, the submissive, the soft, the the beautifully, uh, nurturing, nurturing, yeah. But then those men will go and watch really crazy porn, or they'll go and like, forget, get their fix of the dark feminine in a way that they don't ever have to put themselves at risk of being obliterated, being called deeper into the lair. And this, this is why a lot of men struggle with polarities, because they don't see it through the they see it through a black and white lens. And they go and they read scientific papers and they listen to men speak very, very confidently online in 92nd reels about how this structure is the way it's always been in, the way it's always going to be, no matter what that we're fixed in this. Base, that women are submissive and that they have to do what men say, and men are the leaders, and they have to take responsibility and protect and provide that note at all costs. And there's a beautiful simplicity in that, that men attach to as well. There's a, oh, that's, I can do that all right, if that's just the way it is, then I won't have to worry about then I can just get to work and then we can just relax. Ah, but that's not what life is about. Life is not about creating comfort and creating rigidity. Yes, it's not. Life is about being able to move naturally through the world. Move naturally. And when I say naturally, I mean move with the seasons and the flavors and the textures and the pulse of life that's here in this moment. And if you look at nature, there's a beautiful chaos to it. When we look at our modern world, we have sanitized everything. We've tried to create this very controlled environment. So of course, when we learn about polarity, when we first read intimate communion, or we listen to some of these people on, on on Instagram, we're like, oh, this makes sense. I'm gonna use this to get what I want, when an actual fact, like, we know that it's not. It's a way to move through life. It's a form of artistry, and it's a way to connect deeper, not only with our partner but with ourselves. Something you, yeah, I want to, like, deepen into that, because I think if you're using these tools, or let's use our example for our relationship. For example, once, when I first read the book intimate communion by David data, this is like my introduction into this work. I very much attached to the masculine and feminine in this really surface level. Way over the past eight years, I have deepened into and widened my experience and my understanding of both of both of these energies and essences. And I would say we play with these energies and this dynamic in our partnership so that we can feel more of ourselves and more alive, like for me, resting into our relationship and it being a place where I can unleash and rest into and bring more of my feminine like, you know, my oracular nature, the part of me that can see things, the part of me that feels so sensitively, the part of me that is full spectrum in my emotions, the part of me that yeah, is deeply attuned and deeply sensitive, like all of these different parts, I feel like more of myself, because our relationship is a space where I get To rest into that part of me. And I'm assuming, from what I've seen, you've come more alive in yourself with our relationship being a place that welcomes more of your masculine energy, your feminine energy is welcome. In fact, that's something you know we're playing into right now, like even, even the way you said about your birthday recently and your receivership and these it's not as if we don't honor that we both have the opposite force within us as well, or energy within us. But really, what I'm getting at here is if you're using these concepts in your relationship, and if you're starting to play with polarity, and you're feeling less like yourself, you're feeling less free, you're feeling less alive, you're not doing it right. If you're feeling more controlled, especially as a woman, or you're feeling like you're fucking it up and not getting it right, and yeah, you're feeling like you're getting it wrong, like that's not the point of this. The point of this is to make you feel freer in your system, more liberators to liberate, more life force, more of yourself, more of your gifts. And any other way, in my personal opinion, if you're playing with these dynamics and you feel anything but that, that's it's not it's not it, you've gone the wrong direction. Yeah, that's essentially you're playing on the surface, or you're using this in a way as, yeah, like we said earlier, like weaponizing, like you're using it as a way of, like, rules, and it's, it's you're not being that's not it. You need to be more masculine in this moment as well. I just want to riff here. Um, it's also a way, when I, when I see people using these dynamics, and it's I can see how easy it can be. It's a way to not actually honor the truth of the moment in a relationship. So for example, if your man, if you're a woman, that really desires to feel the strength and the unwaveringness of your man's masculine energy in relationship and the depth of his consciousness, but there's a moment where he's wobbled, there's a moment where he's feeling stressed and he's Yeah, you can just feel his stress and consumed by life totally. That is not a moment to say you're not being masculine enough, not masculine. Hey, I'm not feeling your consciousness. You. No, like in that moment, give that guy a fucking break. Your practice as a partner isn't to say you're doing it wrong and make it about you, which is really what we do in those moments. And I've been guilty of this in the past. Like I need Where did your unwaveringness go? It's how can I love this man? Really fucking well right now, how can I love him? I'm gonna let, I'm gonna remind you, maybe straight because I'm gonna remind him that it's okay to feel right now I'm gonna, I'm gonna love him so he feels comfortable and able to feel these feelings. Like, I really wanna sorry. I just really wanna change that word comfortable to Safe, safe. Yeah, it's not gonna feel comfortable to feel your feelings if you're a man, okay, I love that, like when your partner provides a safe space for that wobble, rather than point out that it's wrong. That's when the that's when the beauty of polarity, like unlocks a deeper level. And vice versa, if a woman is, you know, this is classic, when a man and you know that dynamic you said before about the red pill and and when men take this really surface level and black and white, it's like you're being too masculine if you're not surrendering, or you're being too masculine if you're not letting me lead. I wrote this post years ago about this, and I'll probably repost it this week when this episode drops. But if a woman isn't surrendering, she's not always being too masculine. Sometimes that's the most feminine fucking thing a woman can do, because she's not feeling safe and she's discerning. She's saying it's actually not safe for me to surrender. This isn't a safe container for me to surrender. I'm not actually feeling a deep level of presence and consciousness from this person. So it's not safe. Why would my body unlock for you? Why would I rest into this space I don't feel safe to and so telling a woman that you're being too masculine in that moment isn't creating more safety. It's not creating an environment for her to soften and open and be more in her body, right? It's making her feel wrong. And women have spent 1000s of years being told that they're wrong and broken and yeah, imagine going to the ocean when it's really, really big swell and the waves are crashing, and you go, excuse me, ocean that's not feminine, that's not very soft and surrendered. Can you just like, chill out, please. I want to go for a swim. Can you not be so? Can you not be so, like, chaotic, so, like, You're being too much right now. Ocean, grind, vast. Ocean. Like, don't do that. Like, I need to go for a swim. My, my need for comfort is overrides. Your, your, your expression, your, true expression. And I feel for those of you that are like, oh and be honest with yourself, like, for those of you that might even feel like, oh my gosh, I do this. I do this, it may be a really subtle way or maybe a very overt way. But if you're feeling like, oh my gosh, I use these terms to point out when my partner's not doing it or not in the energy that I want them to be in the whole thing, because he's speaking, yeah, into the microphone. Next time you feel that desire to say something, stop, take a breath. And instead of saying, I'm gonna point out where they're not being masculine or where they're not being feminine, can you actually attune to two things? What's the truth of the moment? Right? Is it actually necessary that they are in their masculine or in their feminine in that moment? Can't Can't the truth fucking be that whatever is alive in them is, what is needed in the moment. Secondly, how can I create the environment to help them feel safer, to rest into their natural essence? So for example, if it's a man and and his natural essence, the part of him where he feels most alive and he wants to bring more of to the relationship, is his masculine and you don't feel him deeply seated in that in a moment, instead of telling him you're getting it wrong, you need to be more masculine. I need you to be more masculine. What would it look like to contemplate how, what? How can I create an environment where he feels safe to rest back into that maybe, um, maybe it's cooking him dinner and nurturing him right, so that he feels like back in his body and not so in his head. Maybe it's just like gently reminding him what a powerful motherfucker and that he's got this, yeah, like really shifting this, trying to get what you want from your partner to how can I love them better? How can I support them back into, not even back into, yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure what I'm saying is landing. I don't even want a podcast. I just want to hang out with this baby. Are we liking our little babbles in the background? I might. Want to feed him. Just give me a little feed. Yeah. Anything else you want to bring? I think this is setting us up for our next episode. Guys, we're going to do a an episode around doing the doing your own work when in relationship, like doing like Shadow Work, inner work, and working on yourself whilst also in a relationship with your partner. Like, what we're really speaking to is, and I want to just take a moment to honor everyone that is excited by polarity, like you've got to start somewhere. You have to start somewhere. And it's easy to see these, these models and these, these frameworks and these concepts as your your saving grace, as you know, the light at the end of the tunnel for a lot of people. I know when people get a hold of the love language, is like, Oh, all right, I'm gonna buy flowers every Thursday night for my partner, and then that's gonna solve all of our problems, because she loves presents, and she loves to know that I'm thinking about her. So I'm gonna put in my calendar flowers every Thursday and then you do that for a month, and it becomes stale. It no longer becomes the spontaneous, oh, he's thinking of me. It's like, oh, he's doing what he's always done, Ah, okay, following a form. Oh, he's following a formula to make his life more comfortable. So what we're doing is a relationship is around ongoing depth, growth and evolution, and we're deepening together. That means that both of us have to be doing our own work, not just grabbing hold of the love languages and then looking at attachment styles, and be like, I'm anxious, avoidant. So as long as you don't make me anxious, I won't be avoidant. What do you mean? What do you mean? So, like, we've got a tip toe around each other, yet again, we've got to create control mechanisms to stop us from actually addressing the thing that our relationship wants us to heal. This is why polarity is like such a great it's such a great place to start because it gives you a framework to understand the energies. But those energies require you to come down and live them. Live with those energies through your body, not to use them as an intellectual formula that if I lead, she follows. If she follows, I will lead. Or you aren't doing it right. I'm over here being in my feminine, but you're not being in your masculine. Get it right, so that we can feel this hot connection where it's like, that's not, that's not and, and, you know, sometimes this is the portal to the depth, right? We need to play with something in the surface to be able to deepen into it. But again, I just want to reiterate, if that if you're feeling a level of, if you're feeling more controlled, or, yeah, like you're you're getting it wrong, or there's this energy of, like, yeah, feeling not good enough, as you begin to play with these energies, it's, it's not it, it's not it so, like, the the the place where you want to move towards is feeling free or more liberated, right? And more, I would say, more you, yeah, the US, you that you could be the the funny thing here is, like, imagine you're a woman, and you've tapped into the polarity world, and your man goes off to work for the day, and you stay home, and you self pleasure, and you put on a red robe, and you buy flowers for yourself, and you put on your sensual, feminine embodiment playlist, and you do all of that. And then your man arrives home at five, and he doesn't instantly take you, doesn't instantly come home and just grab you and just ravish you. And you're like, Well, I did what I was meant to do. Why aren't you doing what you're meant to do? And what you're meant to do? I'm in my feminine. Why aren't you in your mouth? Why have you not come through the door instantly being drawn into your leadership? Because I've been in my feminine all day. One thing that I've learned is that it's very there's a difference between cultivating your feminine energy and cultivating your masculine energy and then bringing that that texture, or that texture of energy to your relationship. So for men, when we go out to work and we're going getting after it, my hyper focused on bringing home the bacon, making money to provide we're not in the relationship. We're outside of the relationship, doing what we need to do, to give to the relationship. But when we're in the relationship, we're actually in the dance. Same for a woman, if you're, if you're if you go to work, or you go and do whatever you do in your feminine embodiment, when you come back in, when you come back into connection with your partner, there's a difference between Bri between bringing the texture of your your your feminine energy, and sitting there expecting your partner to bring the masculine because you've been in your feminine all day. And same thing if you come home after work and you think you've been in your masculine all day, and your woman doesn't instantly greet you with a with nourishment and submission. And what can I do for you? You're my lord, Savior and master, then you've missed the point. You missed the point of bringing your energy to the relationship. And with this, this is not a who goes first game. It's let's develop awareness, and once, who becomes aware first. This is the one that's invited to bring through the texture. So sometimes it's going to be the woman, sometimes it's going to be the man, yeah, and this is really, I feel like we close up in a moment. But this is really, again, I just want to reiterate the piece around this isn't about like, what can you get from your partner? I'm going to use this so I get what I want from my partner. This is more about what can we experience in our union, like what becomes possible like for us. For example, I feel most at home when I am deeply in my body, deeply emotive, deeply like, you know, embodied and alive, and filling the space with my energy, like I'm, that's, that's, that's the feminine. She's alive, she's movement, she's, you know, and I would say, your gifts in our relationship, and you would feel most you. Am I right in saying when you are bringing the rootedness when you are bringing the consciousness, yeah, when I'm like, for me, when I'm able to focus, I focus on the space like for me, like even like the way that I like for me, a board my favorite board game is a puzzle. Like, I like the like, the the witnessing and the consciousness that it requires to, like, be present with that. Whereas for you, like, you want something that's like, interactive and like, well, let's make noise. Let's like, whereas for me, I would like to just sit in silence and do a puzzle. I think that's and I think that that's like, that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy each other's like practices, but it's like, oh, that's, that there's a texture that I bring through that stillness, like when I'm when I'm cultivating that stillness within me, I can bring that to the relationship and not be wobbled by your fullness, not be wobbled by your your joy and your radiance that like shines throughout the entire home and our entire relationship. And what I was really getting up before is that when we're in that when, when you're, say, the witness, or when you're bringing that level of consciousness, and I'm in, you know, my embodied feminine, there is fucking magic in the air. There is so much becomes possible, right? But also, I want to speak into the fact that that's it's not as if I'm never in my masculine in our relationship. It's not as if I never make decisions, or it's not as if I'm never holding that pole of consciousness or direction I am and I do even when we work, like even sometimes in the home. And I just, I just really want to give people permission, because I just see this play out so much online, you know, in the spaces I'm in, I want to give people permission that it doesn't have to be so black and white. In fact, this is a dance, and you can be a deeply feminine woman and still inhabit your masculine energy, in your relationship, in your work, in other places like it's not this such black and white, and I hope that brings this sense of like relief and play to yet to to this, this, yeah to this, to this full stop to your relationship, yeah, yeah to your practice. Okay, anything else you want to bring? To bring? No, I just think, like, just to reiterate that we're not shaming anyone for where they're at, like, deep acceptance and love for your journey. And this is the final thing I'll say, is that for men, if you think you're only masculine, you are denying yourself a connection to your soul, to the thing that is, you know, that creates life within you, like the thing that really wants to create. And for women who deny that they have any masculine, you're really, you think you can only be in your feminine, you know you're really denying yourself the structural integrity, the of your nervous system. So this is a practice. This is a ongoing practice, both within ourselves and within our relationship. And yeah, there's no there's no right or wrong. There's just continual willingness to deepen into what is true. And that takes time, that takes practice, and that takes honor, and honoring of both persons, inner worlds and nervous system. And that's a little bit about what we're going to talk about on next week's podcast. My love, yeah, yeah. We're going to talk about shadow work, and how doing your own shadow work can really allow you to show up as in an even greater capacity in your relationship. We good, we're good. He just spewed on me confirmation that the podcast is done. Okay. We love you all beautiful humans, big love. Bye. Yo, yo. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of sex, love and everything in between. Now, if you'd like to see. Connected with Meg and I you can head on over to Instagram and follow me at the Jacob O'Neill. And where can people find you love her, at B dot. Meg, dot. O amazing. And yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all other information in regards to what we got coming up. And yeah, we're super, super grateful that you guys for taking the time to listen in to this podcast. If you do have any topics or any questions like I said, hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do apart from that, have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. Thanks for being here. Big, big. Love you.