Sex, Love & Everything In Between

Ep 99: Our Birth Story - Part 4: Post Partum

• Meg and Jacob O'Neill • Season 2 • Episode 99

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“For me, motherhood feels life-giving”

Meg shares her raw truths about the sacred transition from maiden to mother in this intimate postpartum conversation.

Join Meg and Jacob as they talk about their first 8 weeks of parenthood, sharing how they’ve created a deeply nourishing postpartum experience through community, sacred partnership, and the art of receiving. From body changes to sleep , they answer your burning questions about the reality of a newborn.

This is a raw, unfiltered look at how intentional preparation and community support can transform those early weeks with a baby, into a time of expansion rather than depletion. Whether you’re preparing for parenthood, supporting new parents, or simply curious about conscious parenting, this conversation will change how you think about the postpartum period forever.


They also riff off on:
• How to create and receive community support
• The truth about postpartum body changes
• Co-sleeping and nighttime parenting
• The transition from maiden to mother
• Creating sacred postpartum rituals
• The power of meal trains and community care
• Navigating relationship changes
• Physical healing and recovery
• Finding rhythm instead of routine
and so much more…

🔥 Love this episode? Don't forget to subscribe and share your thoughts in a review. We love hearing from our listeners!

🔥 Let's stay connected:
• Follow Meg: @the.meg.o
• Follow Jacob: @thejacoboneill

🔥 Want more?
⚡ Grab our relationship freebie: https://meg-oneill.com/relationship-freebie
⚡ Join CLAIMED: https://meg-oneill.com/claimed-immersion
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⚡ Join Full Spectrum Woman: https://meg-oneill.com/full-spectrum-woman
⚡ Connect with Lesley: https://www.instagram.com/lesleypowellbirthkeeper/

🔥  Listen to the other episodes here:
Ep 95: Birth story Part 1: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/ep-95-our-birth-story-part-1/id1667686687?i=1000675946442

Ep 96:Birth Story Part 2: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/ep-96-our-birth-story-part-2/id1667686687?i=1000676851388

Ep 98: Birth story Part 3: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/ep-98-our-birth-story-part-3-q-a/id1667686687?i=1000678553472

Ready to dive deeper? We work with individuals and couples - slide into our DMs to learn more!

#sacredbirth #birthwithoutfear #naturalbirth #divinefeminine #postpartum #birthstory #podcast #intimacy #relationships #community

Meg O'Neill:

For me, motherhood feels life giving. For me, motherhood hasn't taken and yes, technically it has, but I don't I'm not feeling that it's taking from me. It is giving to me. I feel so much more full of love. I feel energized. I feel so fucking joyful. I'm I'm thinking about myself so much less, and I love that, like I it's it's a relief not to have to think about that my day doesn't just evolve around me and my business and like what I want like that is glorious to me, and it feels so good. So yeah, the the transition from maiden to mother or saying goodbye to the maiden, has felt almost like a relief.

Jacob O'Neill:

Yo, yo yo. Lovers. Welcome, welcome, welcome to sex, love and everything in between. We're the O'Neills. You're here with Meg and Jacob, and this

Meg O'Neill:

is the place we have really uncensored conversations about sex, intimacy and relationships. We're super excited you're here. Enjoy this episode.

Jacob O'Neill:

Hey, lovers, hello, hello, hello.

Meg O'Neill:

Little ocean, little Oh, she's just, this is our second podcast for the day, and he's just woken up. You're awake, mate. You're gonna want some baby thing. What are you doing, little

Jacob O'Neill:

man, how are you my love?

Meg O'Neill:

I'm great. Yeah, we are here to talk postpartum. Yep, you guys have sent in all the questions. Yeah, we're gonna be answering them.

Jacob O'Neill:

But all in all, postpartum, pretty nourishing. So

Meg O'Neill:

deeply nourishing. I've had an, I'm what, seven and a half weeks postpartum. Yeah, I have felt deeply nourished. This has been an this has been a very, very easeful in terms of what I was preparing like I had no fear around birth, but post part motherhood, I was thinking we wouldn't be getting any sleep. I thought we would feel I honestly thought we would feel really disconnected through this time. Yeah, I just thought it was gonna be really fucking hard. And it's not that there hasn't been hard moments, and our life has completely changed, but I'm so fucking in love with it, and I don't feel depleted. I don't feel I feel like having a baby has added and nourished me in my life, and that and this episode, we're going to be talking about how, again, that wasn't just luck or that didn't accidentally happen, that we really curated like I felt that way because of you and our relationship and the way you've supported me postpartum. I felt that way because of how our community has showed up for us. We're almost eight weeks postpartum. I'm always almost eight weeks postpartum, we still have food in our freezer. You've cooked meat for yourself. You

Jacob O'Neill:

have, you haven't. I haven't cooked you a meal yet. No, I've cooked myself a meal because I wanted, didn't want another bowl of slow cooked food. I wanted steak or sausages. I wanted something like fresh

Meg O'Neill:

off, slow cooked meat and rice. And I am all about it, and it's so good,

Jacob O'Neill:

but yeah, for eight weeks or seven and a half weeks, you haven't, I haven't cooked anything, cooked anything. I haven't cooked anything for you.

Meg O'Neill:

I've heated things up a few times because I want to feel normal. Even this morning, you're like, I'll heat your breakfast up. And I was like, No, I just want to go into the kitchen and I want to do it myself. But yeah. And again, I think this is actually something that I've had a lot of people in our life reflect back to me during this time, like, Wow, you look and maybe this is what people just say to a new mother, you look so radiant. But no, I've had people genuinely say, Oh, wow, you feel and just seem really nourished. And again, I said this on the last episode that so much I think our culture teaches parents to be that the only preparation they should really be doing is like preparing the nursery and like painting the wall and making everything look pretty and getting all the things and it's like, no, like, Do you have a fucking meal Train who's going to be supporting you. What structures do you need around your family? Who do you need around your family that's going to bring a sense of ease to this journey? Not so it looks esthetically beautiful, but like, if you're into that perfect but like, what we care for more is we're not really huge on esthetics. No, we're huge on how does it fucking feel? I want to feel nourished. And so, yeah, we were really, really fucking intentional about that. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill:

and once again, it's the prep work, like all of the ways, it's all the values that we hold and how we move through the other areas of our life that have developed this kind of experience for us as well. You know. Community piece that trusting the birth keeper, trusting the birth keeper, journey that we went on, and then also, just like our ability to receive, which is a whole other piece, rather than feeling like we have to do it all ourselves, that's really

Meg O'Neill:

big. Remember when aunt was over here recently, and he was like, wow, you've had so many people giving to you. And I think he said, You guys are really good at receiving I was like, Yeah, I am. But that is like, I graciously have received all of this. And when people have come over and be like, I want to I want to rub your feet, I want to massage you, I'm like, yes, come over to my house and cook all day for me. Come over to my house and ask me what you want me to do, and I will, like, you know, and I think that's probably a huge piece that come up. Maybe you're a woman listening to this, and we've had a few questions about, like, oh my gosh, how did you get your community to support you in a way? I think another piece to that is, what would it feel like if people showed up for you in that way? Would it actually be uncomfortable? There's got to be an openness to receiving that as well. Yes,

Jacob O'Neill:

and I also want to honor that we've given deeply to our community, like we've have continually given to our community in a way that is now, like nothing goes one way. There's reciprocity here. You know, we've always been extremely giving, like always without, with our space, without our food, with our time, with our energy. We've never, once, I've never once felt as though we've, we've like, I don't feel scarcity when it comes to community. No, yeah, that's that is, that is very true. That's part like, that's a cornerstone for us. It's like, if you come to our house, you you eat with us. If you come to our house and you need to, it's late, you need a place to stay. Yeah, you want a towel. There's towels in the cupboard you need. You know there's, there's always, there's always going to be a place at the table for when people come to our home. And that's a value of mine, a value of yours, and our family value, and one of our family values. And that then gives us the opportunity to then receive from community, and we get the choice whether or not we say yes to it or we push people over. Oh no, no, we're fine, and that's what you said. Just see where you might be feeling uncomfortable about receiving and that might be the thing that's stopping you, not the fact that you don't have community. Yeah.

Meg O'Neill:

Okay, let's dive into these questions. Or do you want to, do you want to speak into what postpartum has been like for you? Do you? Are you postpartum? Or am I just, I

Jacob O'Neill:

don't even know how long, how long? How long does postpartum go for? Well,

Meg O'Neill:

some people would say postpartum is your interest, your life for the rest of the life? Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill:

I don't love the word postpartum.

Meg O'Neill:

What would you say? How is fatherhood for you? Yeah. How is early, the early days of fatherhood?

Jacob O'Neill:

Great.

Meg O'Neill:

How is your

Jacob O'Neill:

my journey is open. Like, energetic. My energetic journey, no, like, the first month was, like, towards the end of the first month, it was hectic for me, like, I was feeling at capacity by the end of the first month. Of like, yeah, I wanted to get back into work and I wanted to, like, kind of like, re, re, engage with life in that way. And you needed me, and I had to kind of really start to the transition. There was probably the only wobbly bit the first couple of weeks. I was like, Yeah, cool. I can get your water. Yeah, I can feed you. I can do this and do it. And it was again, I was like, don't get the don't want to have to fill your water bottle up. And like, I was holding your water bottle for you to drink out. I was like, I think you can hold the water. Was like, I think you can hold the water bottle now. And I was like, you would be like, you, you would embrace it. I'm sorry. I'm

Unknown:

like, the toxic end of receivership,

Jacob O'Neill:

yes. But then I realized, oh, there's a point here where, if I keep you like, like you said, you went, made your breakfast, and I think there's a point where you where there's a transition out of, like, the bubble of of that specific season. And I started to feel that a little towards the end of the first four weeks.

Meg O'Neill:

Even today, I went out. I think it was the first time. I didn't even realize this until I got home. That was the first time I was by myself, with him. Yeah, I drove by myself. No one met me out. You

Jacob O'Neill:

only drove and met your mom once. Yeah, so this is the first time you went out and had him by yourself,

Meg O'Neill:

yeah? So before that, so a lot of the time, anytime we were leaving the house after the first month you were with me, but I'm realizing, in the last few weeks when I've gone out with other friends or today by myself, I'm like, Oh, I can do this. Like, because, yeah, there is a point, especially those first few weeks when my body was recovering, I couldn't really do a lot. And also I didn't want to do a lot, because I really wanted to heal, and I really wanted to honor, I really love in I think it's in Chinese medicine, or the Chinese culture, they're very much about, like, the first 40 days, and, you know, honoring postpartum, and they talk about the first 40 days, determines after birth, determines the next 40 years of a woman's life, and so how she's nourished. In China, they practice, like, traditionally, like containment, like a woman not leaving her house, like usually, her mother or grandmother coming and feeding her and nourishing her. And all of these things. So yeah, there was a I was consciously wanting to not overextend myself. But yeah, there did come a point where it's like, Okay, now what does life look like? You're back. You're doing work. I'm kind of integrating little bits of work and like, yeah, you're not gonna grab my water bottle and hold the water bottle to my mouth every time I need a drink of water, there

Jacob O'Neill:

becomes a point where it's like, okay, this is enabling. Yes, oh, we're holding on to a certain stage totally. And I can get, I can understand why you'd want because it's special. It's so special. Yeah, but I was starting

Meg O'Neill:

to feel some grief every like, when I would be like, Oh my God. Now we're a week from when the birth happened. Now we're two weeks from when the birth happened, like, this grief of like, we're getting further and further away from that beautiful ceremony in that time that, you know, we shared, and

Jacob O'Neill:

that's different for me, because I'm like, Oh, we're getting closer and closer till he, like, wants to hang out with me, wants to talk to me, and wants to come and hang out with me. So yeah, that would be the only sticky that was that that and just knowing how our level of communication has to develop, as has had to develop, our home life has had to develop, and all of those things, it's like it's just asking me to be more conscious, more more more present with what it is that I'm doing and I don't have as much room to to fuck about, which is kind of good for Me. I like to be not busy, but I like to have things that are important and a specific amount of time to do them, rather than just being, oh, whenever I get to it, I'll get to it, yeah. Oh, excuse me. Okay,

Meg O'Neill:

let's dive in. We'll start with the community questions. We've had questions around, how did you reach out to your community for support? Did your community just show up, or did you tell them beforehand what you wanted. So I think I've known women that have had meal trains before, and I know that is something that you know I wanted. But then also, when we had our first birth keeper, and then Leslie both were sharing, hey, I can we can I can support you guys to have a meal train. So when Leslie came into our birth keeper came into our life, she she set up the meal train, you just invited people. And we already had, we already had, I already had a bunch of people reaching out and being like, when I saw them, say, at the markets, or, you know, a wider community being like, Hey, I would love to cook for you when your baby comes and I would just say, Oh, my birth keeper is organizing a meal train. So I'll send, I'll get Jacob to send you the link. So where we already do we're blessed to find ourselves in a community where people were already wanting to give in that way, and already had that awareness, yes, but also we did reach out. I think you sent the meal train to people that might not have specifically said, Hey, but you just said, Hey, this is one of the ways that you can support us.

Jacob O'Neill:

Yeah, okay, if you want to support us, this is how you do it. Like, yeah, what are they going to say no or not answer? Unfriend people want to I will. You've got to give people the opportunity to say yes to it, like, if they don't know that you've got that there, then if they don't know that you're open to it, how can they give to you? Like you've got to be willing to put yourself out there

Meg O'Neill:

and people, and not all people. But I know when I've had people around me give birth, I want to support and I want to be directed in how to support them, yes, and so don't Yeah. Like, actually, yeah. We knew people wanted to love on us and support us, and so we created, or Leslie created, the meal train, to make it very useful for people to support us. And so the meal train, she wrote up a whole thing, and it was like they chose a day and a time to drop off the meal. We had an esky out the front. They weren't it just said, you know, just leave it in the esky and go, Meg and Jacob aren't taking, like, having visitors right now. And yeah. And then people that weren't even on the meal train would just drop things off or, like, yeah, weeks later be like, hey, I want to cook for you. Can I come drop something off? And, yeah,

Jacob O'Neill:

definitely, and it's so nice. Like, what I found was, like, our community, whether they had children or not, were really, really giving. And then what I noticed was people in our like, not what other people that were close to us, but not necessarily, like, had we been friends with for years, these people who had had children, they were like, I'm dropping a meal around, like, Nick or amber and Ryan and the

Meg O'Neill:

way Amber, Amber dropped like, three meals around Kevin massage my feet, yeah? And I know now that I've had a chart, like, I've cooked for women before. I've sent women meal vouchers and things like that. Like, I know that's a thing to do, yeah, but now I am a mother.

Jacob O'Neill:

It's like, oh.

Meg O'Neill:

I'm like, Oh, wow. Like, how I'm excited for the women, especially the women that are close to me, to give birth, because I now I'm really aware of how to show up even more. Yeah. And even my really beautiful friend and close friend, Ray, she has two sons. She lives in. Hour and a half away, but she came down that was such a good day, like four weeks in, or he was four or five weeks old, and she just stayed at her house for the entire day. She cooked, like a week's worth of meals, a week's worth of cookies, which is a lot of cookies, because I'm really into cookies right now. Yes, um, she massaged she did a foot bath for both of us. She massaged me, yeah, what else she held Oh, she for a while and, like, rocked him to sleep, like, just absolutely

Jacob O'Neill:

glorious. And then cooked us dinner. We had snack and potatoes on,

Meg O'Neill:

sat down. Oh my gosh, that was fucking phenomenal. Shout out. Ray, if you're listening, yeah, we love you. Ray, so yeah, it was a combination of directing people and guiding people on this is the best way to support us, and then also just graciously saying yes, when people would reach out, even, you know, a month after giving birth, and be like, hey, I want to drop food over just continuing to say yes and allow ourselves to be supported. And

Jacob O'Neill:

the question that I asked myself was, like, if someone asked me to cook them a meal, what would I say? It'd be a no brainer. Like, yeah, of course, of course. Already know another guy, he and his partner are due soon. And I'm like, I caught up with those guys when I went out to number. His name's Charlie, and his partner. I was like, oh, like, I know they're probably gonna give birth in the next two or three. So, like, Oh, I could easily make them a meal. Like, it's now, like, I'm now seeing how giving and receiving and feeding the community with with these generous with generosity is such an important piece. It always comes back. And I don't think that you know it's all well and good to have friends that you like doing things with, but like generosity and supporting each other in these moments to, like, create nourishment and like, really lean on each other. It creates this, um, it then, like, allows for there to be more space for intimacy with like, those challenges that would normally come about because two people are really tired. Those things don't need to happen because you're allowing the community, you're allowing these people around you to actually hold you guys in your bubble. Yeah,

Meg O'Neill:

it's not that we couldn't have cooked, no, but we would have felt more stretched if we had to cook. And we have been able to have such beautiful intimacy in terms of, like, connectedness, as we've been parenting, because, yeah, all of those things have been there, and also you've I don't, I don't think we've spoken into this right now I'm blurring with the other podcasts we just recorded. But we didn't suddenly click our fingers during pregnancy and go, Oh, look at all these people around us like we've been building out community for years and years here on the Gold Coast. And like you said, we have been generously opening our home and putting ourselves into the community, building relationships, all of an intimacy with the people around us. So yeah, I think if, again, these things don't just happen once you've had a baby. These are things that you know, build up before pregnancy and birth too. Yeah, um, someone said it sounds like you had an on call. I think that's how you pronounce it. On Call birth, when the baby was born in the sack. And she said it has very special meanings. So, yeah, I think, I don't know if he came out in the sack, but he was definitely in the sack until right at the very last minute. Yeah, I looked it up and it means, like, it's like, called a veiled birth. So

Jacob O'Neill:

he's a shaman. He's

Meg O'Neill:

very Yeah, he's going to be a shaman. Yes,

Unknown:

tell us

Meg O'Neill:

about your pelvic floor care routine. It's 24 hours old because I just went to the pelvic floor physio yesterday.

Jacob O'Neill:

Mine is wonderful, and I've

Meg O'Neill:

got to do some more pelvic floor stuff, and before I can go back to Pilates, how is the process of saying goodbye to the maiden? I thought I would feel a lot of grief becoming a mother. I thought my postpartum would be, um, I thought grief would be a very present feeling that I'm I would be having right now, and it hasn't. There was one day where I was sitting exactly here, but nestled up here, I remember, and I cried and cried and cried. I think it was about, I think he was probably a week old, and it was the first time I'd felt like really big grief and really big emotion. And it was one of those days where he was just on me all day, and I just handed him over to you, and I just took a walk in the backyard, and I I remember feeling grief. Then of like, oh my gosh, my body isn't mine anymore. And oh my gosh, this is all consuming. And I was grieving my relationship with Django, and I was out walking the garden, just looking at. And go from Django is following me. And I was like, oh my god, I can't cuddle you on the couch anymore. And I thought that was gonna be a daily feeling of like, oh my gosh, look what I've had to give up. And I I'm not free anymore, and I'm not this anymore. But I wrote an Instagram post on this like, for me before. For me, motherhood feels life giving. For me, motherhood hasn't taken and yes, technically it has, but I don't I'm not feeling that it's taking from me. It is giving to me. I feel so much more full of love. I feel energized. I feel so fucking joyful. I'm I'm thinking about myself so much less, and I love that, like I it's, it's a relief not to have to think about that my day doesn't just evolve around me and my business and like, what I want, like that is glorious to me, and it feels so good. So, yeah, the the transition from maiden to mother, or saying goodbye to the maiden, has felt almost like a relief, and maybe I'm sure once, not sure, but potentially, I know I'm very early in my motherhood journey, so I'm sure there's going to be layers of grief that unfold. But I think that's something also I was very aware of and I reckoned with. I knew we knew we wanted a child for years and years and years. And I remember probably even three years ago when I thought of becoming a mother, it always filled me with terror, not about giving birth, not about Yeah, not about giving birth. It was I'm terrified of what becoming a mother is going to take from me. Yeah, I'm terrified that I'm not going to have any freedom. Terrified I'm going to wake up and not be able to do whatever I want on that day. I'm terrified that I'm not going to be able to be in my business. And then there was, and again, that's the maiden it's like, oh my gosh, I'm not going to be able to free and roam around and just frolic whenever I want to wherever I want to and then there was a point just before we got, maybe a year or six months before we conceived, where I just started to be so pulled towards motherhood, and I wasn't focused on what it's going to take from me, or what will it give to me. And you used to point that out. You're like, hey, when we talk about becoming parents, you only really talk about what it's going to take instead of what it's going to give. And my experience so far is it has given me be transitioning into mother has has been so deeply expansive,

Jacob O'Neill:

two things love, all that.

Meg O'Neill:

How's your transition from made into other?

Unknown:

Is that what you mean?

Jacob O'Neill:

No, I just want to, like, what I've found is like this. Like, the simplicity of it is, is, what is life giving? It's so simple, yeah, and like looking, and I just hanging out and looking at him, like, waking up, and he's just, like, cuddled into you. Like, those things are just like, like, I don't know how to replicate. I don't know how to replicate that in any other way. I don't think you can be replicated. Yeah, the second thing, and you don't have to answer this, if you don't want to, but like, how does it feel to be in, like, your your current body, like, physically, like, I feel like that's a transition from maiden to mother that you haven't really, we've had a few little things. I don't want to force it, yeah, force you to comment. But I feel like that's a really important thing that a lot of women probably can feel. What I've noticed is it's either like, I'm now, I've now got a new body and I can't do anything about it, or women, like, rush back into, like, training their body to get back their body, which is which I don't from witnessing you go through birth and what your body has to experience to bring a baby through like nourishment, healing, rest, all of that stuff is more important than getting back to being a certain level of fitness, in my opinion. But um, what? What is your relationship with your body been like since maiden to mother?

Meg O'Neill:

I love this question. Um, probably for the first month. And I answered this. Someone asked this on an Instagram Q and A I did, and it was in the first month that I answered it, and it was like, How are you feeling about your postpartum body? And I said, I don't have a moment to be insecure, like I'm learning to be a mother. I'm in the beauty and intensity of early motherhood. And it's like I hadn't thought about my body in that way. But the last few weeks, and we did a no, what's it called this maternity, we did a newborn photo shoot, and I got some photos out in the garden, and I'm, like, hardly wearing anything, yeah, and when I looked at those photos, it was a bit, it was confronting to look at, because I was like, that just didn't feel like me, you know. And I was pregnant for nine months, so then you're getting used to another body. But I looked at these photos and I'm like, That body that I was looking back at just felt so foreign and Like. Uh, how is that me? How would how are those thick thighs me? How are those dimples all over my leg and my butt? Me like I've never had that before. How is that soft, like curvy stomach mine and I could feel the part of me that the conditioned part of me that's like you should rush to change that, you know, get back to Pilates ASAP, you know, so that you can go back and be the way you were before. And you know, this part of me that that can, can really feel that present in my body, and is confronted by this, like postpartum body, and then also the part of me that's that's like, Wow, can I can I love this softness? Can I embrace this body that is necessary to now feed my baby, and this extra weight and curves and softness that's that was needed to bring my baby into the world, but it's also needed to nourish my baby. And like you said, it's like healing and nourishment. My job isn't to go out and fucking lose a few kilos. My job is to

Jacob O'Neill:

celebrate it too, right? Like women getting, oh, wow, it doesn't even look like you've had a bouncing back. Yeah. I don't think that's mean, like, that's your journey, but for me, it's like, where are you like, Where, where is that being driven by I need to get what I've lost totally.

Meg O'Neill:

Yes, that's, I didn't think of the made into mother being like a physical like, yes, a physical transition, but also the body we now find ourselves in as mothers.

Jacob O'Neill:

And that's where women are obviously like, because their perceived value is, you know, how they look. Yes, and that could be a really rough if you do not experience the rite of passage and actually go through it and feel it. And like you try to rush back to get that body so people don't only associate you as mother anymore. Like that can be you just trying to get what you've lost.

Meg O'Neill:

Uh huh. There was something I was gonna say that oh. And like, I don't fit a lot of my clothes, yeah. And during pregnancy, that was fine, because it's like, yeah, obviously my belly is getting bigger. I can't fit them. But now there's a confronting thing to Oh, like, like, because it was part of me in my head that, and I'm I've always been a tall, lanky human, and I've always been like, if you look at my mom, I have the same body as my mom, and she's just like, she finds it hard to put on weight, so that's just my metabolism, that's just my genes, that's just my body. So it was part of me that was like, Oh, I'm I'm just gonna pop this baby out and be able to fit all my clothes again. And that's been a bit confronting for me. I fit like a few of my clothes. And also, with breastfeeding, there's things that don't I can't easily breastfeed in, so I'm very limited in what I can wear now. So that's been, that's been a bit like, oh, a bit gritty. But also I really love that you're obsessed. I'm you're more obsessed with my body now than when I was pregnant. Yeah, and you're so obsessed with my body right now, I did, so that's very helpful. Yes,

Jacob O'Neill:

I didn't. I found it really hard to be like, wasn't that I wasn't attracted to you? Is that there was something overriding that attraction when you were pregnant? What do you mean overriding? What was overriding the attraction? Like, there was other things that were more important than than being attracted to you, what like, I wanted to make sure not take on like, you didn't you. You're the one that wouldn't shut up about it, like, well, when's it happening? Is this gonna be okay? No, I feel that like you were pregnant, and I felt there was a fragility to you. I was like, there wasn't, there wasn't, like, a I didn't feel like in my yearn for you or my lust for you, I didn't, I felt like you were not fragile, but like, I couldn't, I couldn't engage with you in that way because of what your body and I was like, Yo, your body's like, growing human. And

Meg O'Neill:

there was in like, end of, probably, well, most of the trimester I had that pelvic pain, and also roll it like, Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill:

and again, sex felt clumsy, and it wasn't, it wasn't the it was really hard to be in the deep attraction, and I think that you were really passionate, you were really horny, and wanted was really funny, yeah, wanted The one of the orgasms, but I was more focused on you're growing a baby, and also I'm tending to all of these other things that need to happen. And I think I had so many things I was thinking about, that attraction wasn't really at the top of my list, yes, but now, like that, he's separate from you, and it's almost like, I've got it's like, I've got you now. And it's like, and then this body's like, It's all new. It's a whole new landscape. So it's kind of like, yeah, so it's kind of like, I was saying this to today, and I was like, it kind of feels like, kind of feels like, I'm like, I'm like, it's like, we've just gotten together, like, the from a physical point, and my my pussy looks and your pussy looks so. Different, yeah. So it's like, oh, this is like, yeah,

Meg O'Neill:

guys, no one talks about this, but, well, people talk about it. People go, Oh, your vagina is going to be ruined when you have a baby, which I don't buy into. But my vulva, not, not my internal vagina, my vulva looks different. It is smaller, yeah, my inner my inner labia is tucked in. Now I had more of an Audi now you can't see and then my clitoris is further down and feels smaller. And I'm someone that looks at my pussy a lot, so I know what I was expecting to see, and it looked very different, yes. And then you I was sitting on the couch and being I think this is probably a week postpartum, after the puffiness and everything went down the swelling, and I said to you, hey, I think my pussy looks different. I'm gonna show you tomorrow. And you were like, show me now. I was like, Okay. And then I just pull my underwear down, and you go, Oh my god, it's so tiny. I was like, okay, it is different because I thought, because I hadn't really been able, not able to see my pussy while pregnant, but it kind of gets puffier when you're pregnant. I thought I'd forgotten what it looked like. But no, maybe this is a good moment to go into. How is my precious Yoni feeling? That was a question. Is it sore to walk, sit, be touch. So, yeah, it was really tender. It really tender for a good week, and I was bleeding for a while. You know, anyone that's had a baby knows you wear, you got to wear nappies. And, yeah, yeah, it's the healing. Postpartum healing is legit. It's a whole thing that I don't probably think you hear about or know about until you're in it. And that's also why rest was so important. I didn't journey. My only journey for the first few days was like, from our bed to our bathroom, which is only a few meters, and then when you wash the sheets. I'd come out here, but it would take me a long time to get out to my nursing chair. So yeah, it was really tender, because I didn't have anyone checking me. I didn't know if I'd torn or anything, but I kind of knew that I didn't, because it didn't sting or hurt. But then, a few days after he was born, the puffiness had gone down, and I was beginning to be like, Oh, I was beginning to just feel, and I hadn't looked yet, and I was like, maybe what I'm feeling is a little bit of a tear. I don't know, but I don't want to know, because even if I have torn, I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm just going to rest, and I trust that it would heal. And then after a day of that, I was just like, Hey, Jacob, can you look at my pussy? And then you looked, and you were like, oh, it's the tiniest. I had a little graze down the bottom near my perineum, and then in inside my vagina, just little grazes, and they stung. And I just put manuka honey on them, manuka honey on them. You put manuka honey on them. And then I was putting it on after my showers. Yeah. So, and now Pussy is smaller, but healed. Great, glorious.

Jacob O'Neill:

Okay,

Meg O'Neill:

what other questions do we have sleep? People want to know about sleep. What positions we're sleeping in as I'm as we're co sleeping and nursing. Yeah, give us all the sleep, deeds.

Jacob O'Neill:

Oh, great, tired now. Yeah, I think you're nailing it like it's really you that's co sleeping. He doesn't want to sleep with me ever. Well, you're in the bed, but you're not when I'm over by myself lonely, but you're like, you're sleeping on your side. He's nestled in, yeah, sucking on your boob, suckling on your boob, and we wed your pillow up against your back, so you've got that support. So I'm

Meg O'Neill:

in side lying position, so we co sleep. And have from day one, even, like I was thinking about this the other day. He was born at 10 at night, three, and then we probably went to bed at 3am and we just like, popped him in the bed. Leslie left, and we're just like, both staring at him, and it's just crazy that this thing's born, and then you're like, Okay, let's

Jacob O'Neill:

go to sleep.

Meg O'Neill:

I remember being not terrified of it. I remember like, going, you fell asleep that night or that morning, and I was just watching him because I was like, I just want to watch that he's breathing. And I didn't sleep, I don't think for those first few hours, but yeah, from day one, just sideline position with my bottom nipple in his mouth. And then I just fall asleep. And we have a red light in our room, and we just put it on a really low setting, and we just keep the red light on all night, and then I just roll over onto the other side and switch sides. So I'm up for a maximum of maybe 10 minutes in the night, like a wake and maybe it's a few minutes split over a few wake ups. But we have not had one night where we have been up for hours. I don't think he's even cried in the night unless we've changed his nappies. Changing nappies. Yeah, he just kind of and when I when he's hungry, I'll be asleep, but I can feel him nuzzling on my breast, and he I just wake up a little, put his mouth on my nipple, and then go back to sleep. So sleeping has been, like, I am just 1,000% advocate for co sleeping,

Jacob O'Neill:

yeah. So good, yeah. And it's just, and then you wake up and they're there, and it's fun, and he's there, and

Meg O'Neill:

we just sleep in and we know, like, oh, it's the best. So, yeah, I was expecting sleeping to be a big challenge. And I thought, and I think my suggestion for anyone, and again, you know, I've been doing this for seven weeks, so who knows, but we've been getting great sleep because we don't get up in the night. We don't turn a light on. I get up to go to the toilet sometimes, but I'm not getting up. I'm not sitting up to feed. I'm just literally putting my nipple in his mouth, so where I'm not activating myself during the night and coming kind of out of a full sleep cycle, I think, yeah, yeah, that that's mean we feel really rested,

Jacob O'Neill:

yeah? And I think, like, there's been a few nights where, like, we I've had a few nights of light sleep, like I've been getting the hours, but I've been having light sleep, so it's but on, an, like, an average over the last seven weeks, I feel like we've been getting more than enough sleep. And, like, been really, really, like, intentional with, like, okay, cool. Like, let's make sure that the room's set up so we can get that kind of sleep and that and that. Now we're finding an even better, like, even more of a routine around our afternoons where, like, he has a feed and then give him a little bath, and then, like, get him, get him sort of relaxed, and then another little feed, and then to bed. And it's like, oh, this is super, like, there's a rhythm here. We're finding a rhythm rather than a routine. There's a rhythm here, and we're just honoring the rhythm that serves him the most and serves us. And it's, yeah, I think if you're listening to the pulse. It's very it's much easier than trying to force, force it to be something, yeah,

Meg O'Neill:

yeah. We knew, coming into, like, I knew we wanted to co sleep. I started following one or two co sleeping accounts in my pregnancy, just to know, like, how to do it safely. Yeah. But also, even if I didn't follow that, you know, like, instinctually, I knew to get into that position. Yeah, I knew, like, instinct when people I when I tell people, we co sleep, I've had multiple people say, Aren't you scared of rolling on your baby? No, like, instinctually, unless, again, if, if you drink, and that's a big thing with co sleeping, if you're a drinker or you're doing anything to shift your consciousness, of course, but if you're a conscious human being, that's going to sleep instinctually, you know? Yeah, right, I wake up and I haven't moved, and my baby's there, and I know this from when we got Django and he started sleeping in between my legs, I would wake up and like, not have moved a muscle.

Jacob O'Neill:

No. Thank you, Jenga for being for prepping us. Yeah, good. He's not allowed in the bed anymore, though he's

Meg O'Neill:

still in the room, and then he just contact naps most of the day. Yeah, so do we have a carrier that I've got on right now, and he just sleeps in this when we ever try and put him down, he doesn't like that. So he likes

Jacob O'Neill:

the adipo, out of Pope,

Meg O'Neill:

out of Pope, out of pop. Okay, done with sleep. No,

Jacob O'Neill:

I would like more sleep now please. What other questions we got?

Meg O'Neill:

Did you have baby blues? What's that? It's like a people talk about just feeling especially on like even Leslie shared with me, like, the day three, your hormones go through a big shift as your milk comes in, and just being aware that your it can bring a low energy and a low feeling. So baby blues, you know, some people have then postpartum depression. So baby blues is just almost like a low feeling around that time. I don't know whether

Jacob O'Neill:

I even like that term, to be honest, I kind of feel like you had emotions that were, yeah, I agree. I don't like the term baby blues, to be

Meg O'Neill:

honest, I definitely felt in not in the first week. I remember just feeling really high and connected to I wanted to FaceTime. Was FaceTiming all our family all the time, and just feeling really just so in love with him, and just feeling really good. It was probably seven days to maybe like seven to 10 days around that time, and I felt you, you felt a bit we felt a bit disconnected for a few days. And that's always for me, if we feel disconnected, that ripples out into my entire being. And yeah, I just had some low. It would get to the afternoon, and I would feel low. And also, at that time, I wasn't leaving the house, yeah, and I think I just felt, by the afternoon, a bit house bound, and I just felt a bit low from like, oh my gosh, I've just. In sitting on this chair all day. And yeah, because now I'm out in the world, I don't feel that energy. So yeah, I definitely felt some emotions that were low. And again, the way we work with emotions and feel emotions isn't really labeling them. It's just like, oh, okay, they're here. I feel them. I meet them. Is there anything when you adjust to support

Unknown:

this? Yeah, perfect.

Meg O'Neill:

How are you feeling emotionally, and how are you being supported emotionally? I would say you support me emotionally. Always. I am the

Jacob O'Neill:

greatest at emotional support.

Meg O'Neill:

I've had, you know, having Leslie here for postpartum. Leslie's come, I think we had five sessions with her postpartum. So she was always asking, you know how we're doing? She's texting every second day, especially early on, to check in. And we have a lot of people around us. We have the kind of people around us that come and visit and ask us how we're doing that. Ask me my birth story that I'm just going to give you my mic for a bit. You keep talking. What do you welcome. We have the kind of people that asked us our birth story and asked me how I was, and so I always felt supported by the people that came into our space. And also that's probably an important piece. I didn't think we'd have visitors for a while, but then immediately I wanted people, I wanted people to come and meet. Oh, I wanted, I wanted to feel supported, and here you go.

Jacob O'Neill:

Just remember, we're going to be putting this on YouTube. Yeah, that's fine, yeah.

Meg O'Neill:

Um, YouTube's allowed to see my breastfeeding nipple. Oh, really, yeah, okay,

Jacob O'Neill:

so can you put? Is it like, I didn't realize you can you put, but I

Meg O'Neill:

think it's, I think you can breastfeeding nipples are allowed. Oh, really,

Unknown:

I think cool.

Meg O'Neill:

But yeah, we were very intentional with the people that came into our space, and we set really good bound. And this is actually important to speak about, we were very we set boundaries with our families leading up saying, Hey, we probably won't have guests for two weeks. We ended up having them, yeah, but it was just more that communication of, hey, don't just expect that. As soon as the baby's here, you get ownership of the baby, and you get to come

Jacob O'Neill:

whenever you want. Yeah, you'll be invited in, yeah, when we are ready. And it wasn't.

Meg O'Neill:

And we just said it really beautifully. So there was the thing of, like, this is something to honor with the bubble that we've created, and what we're experiencing is something to honor. When you come into our

Jacob O'Neill:

you said to your parents, no, I said to my parents, get out of here. Get off the front lawn. Stop peeking, baby's not here yet. Get out. What are you doing here again? You did seven

Unknown:

hours. They came like multiple times in the last week, but

Jacob O'Neill:

it all felt, I think what I took from that is like setting those boundaries creates a power dynamic that gives you the power like we set those boundaries and then we could choose to either enforce them or welcome people in to that two week bubble, yeah, and that kind of set the tone. And when people came in, they were super respectful. They didn't come in loud, noisy or just as if they were they they were entitled. And that's what I loved about it, both, both your parents and my parents, were super respectful. And really, I was really grateful that they both like came into the space in the way that they did.

Meg O'Neill:

Yeah, um, two more things I want to talk about, because I know that you've got a call in 15 calls. One is, we spoke about this in all the birth podcasts as well. So this is just like rippling on from that, but we didn't listen. We didn't listen. We didn't have a lot of noise in our postpartum environment. I wasn't watching things of being like, how do I do this? And how what routine should be my baby be on, and how many hours should my baby be sleeping? And what are the rules for this thing? Like, we didn't have anyone telling us what to do, which meant that I could deeply connect into my instincts in motherhood, even when, you know, in the pool, when he latched within the first, like, 15 minutes, and then, you know, I didn't really tell then I just went. When we went to bed, it was just like, Okay, I just put him I'll just put him to bed, and I guess he pops on my boob, and let's see what happens next. And there wasn't, like, a, okay, like, you should be drinking this much milk, and should I get the colostrum out? And, like, there was just a, let's, let's, I'm just going to trust myself and know that. I'm going to know, you know how it unfolds. That, being said, Leslie had led me to a breastfeeding course. She said to do it before. Well, I actually had said I'd heard many women come to me. Well, not come to me, but many women that had struggled with breastfeeding. And one friend was like, oh, make sure you have some support in breastfeeding. So I just asked Leslie. I was like, What do you think of that? She was like, Oh, here's a course you could do just to watch up on it. So I did. I did a bit of the course before, before giving birth, and then we're probably a week in, and I was like, I'm gonna watch more of the course and just see if there's anything else I need to know. I was breastfeeding, fine. Um, that night I got mastitis, a tiny bit of mastitis, like it didn't fully, I didn't. I was getting hot and cold, and then my boob was sore, and it only lasted, like half a day or half a night, but I know, and then I and then we just had the most challenging, one of the only challenging nights we've had, where I didn't feel like he was latching, and he was crying a lot, and I know that is because I watched that fucking breastfeeding thing, and it got in my head because she was saying, you know, your baby's getting enough food if he's pooping at least three times a day at a certain age. And I was like, he hasn't pooped in like, 24 hours. Oh my gosh, him. Does he not? Is he hungry? Is he not getting fed enough? And I know it was like the thing of me thinking that I wasn't doing it right, that created the mastitis, and had that me feeling like you had a really, he could feel, he could feel my nervous system. And we had a really unsettled evening. And then the next day, I was like, fuck that. That's just because I was trying to listen to that. And I had through pregnancy and birth, I had nothing like that. I wasn't listening to anyone. So I was just remembering, oh, like, I just need to come back to my instincts. And so, yes, that was just really cool for me to see that and to also honor, like, yeah, where does the noise and people telling us what to do, whether it's our mother or an account we're following on Instagram or whatever it is, actually disconnecting us from our instincts as mother, and that's what I've been really focused on in postpartum, is like no one knows my baby like I do, no fucking Instagram reel telling me that it he should sleep X amount of hours a day, or go to bed at this time, or No. Nothing. Nothing can nothing knows my baby like I do. Oh, okay, the other thing I wanted to say is, I know a huge Did you want your voice to be known in this space? I know a huge part of why we've had such an easeful postpartum is because of the birth experience and because we had an undisturbed birth that honored the physiology of my body and the hormonal cascade of my body, which then allowed for his nervous system to be very settled. He's a very settled baby. Our nervous systems to feel very settled

Unknown:

for the physiological

Meg O'Neill:

process of breastfeeding and and just like our instincts and parents to kick in, because nothing got in the way of that cascade of of you know, events. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, it was all the other preparation and all the support, but it was also birthing in our home, birthing undisturbed, birthing unassisted, that enabled all of our nervous systems, yes, and his nervous system, to be really settled and really yeah, really, really settled, yeah,

Jacob O'Neill:

the birth experience, I think, yeah, will dictate the postpartum experience to a degree, right? So that's that's important to be aware of him. I'm in such a weird position.

Meg O'Neill:

There you go. Um, yeah. Is there anything else you want to add on that? I

Jacob O'Neill:

just want to big up like, Leslie again and be like, you know, having someone that isn't just like the birth she she's a birth keeper. Yeah, she's there for the birth, but she's there for the postpartum experience. Like, if she really set the tone for it, she really, like, she led the way in that she like, would show up, flowers, food, oh

Meg O'Neill:

my gosh, Matt. She would massage my feet. She would stay for like three hours every time she came to visit. And she would, you know, whatever needed to be done in our home. Yeah, she would do

Jacob O'Neill:

and like she has the the only steam thing. And she would make sure that you had your Perry bottle filled with herbs. And she would make sure that builds fresh flowers on your bedside table. About all of that carry herbs and everything. She was always making sure that you felt like nourished, yeah, and that your space was appropriate for nourishment to be just naturally occurring, yes. So she really set the tone, and then, like, making sure that our community was like in support of us and knew how to support us appropriately. Our parents knew what the what the boundaries were and how we were welcoming. Them into the space. And then we also, you know, it'd been pretty clear with our businesses and our structure around work to make sure that we were able to be present as well, and all of those things for two people that probably don't do a lot of planning or preparation. I think we planned and prepared this beautifully. And the postpartum is like the result of all of the work that we've done leading into it. And the piece that I kind of want to like finish on, because I've got to go jump on a call, is when people look at a person who is in business, and then all of a sudden, they're an overnight success. The person that is running that business that's an overnight success. Will say that overnight success was 10 years in the making. It wasn't just that one business deal, that one sale, that got them to become an overnight success. It was the 10 years leading up to that. And I feel that the birth of O'Shea, the postpartum experience that we've all had, is not just, it's not just it didn't just happen by chance. It wasn't just that because we were lucky. It's the 10 years of work that we've done individually and together to be able to arrive at this moment where we've had, you know, this, this, this degree of of ease and grace in what can be one of the, you know, biggest moments of anyone's life. Should they choose to, you know, become a parent,

Meg O'Neill:

I 1,000% agree, yeah, I love that you brought that Yeah. So

Jacob O'Neill:

I yeah, not to be grandiose about it, but like we put in the work to arrive at this moment, ready, courageous and, and, you know, and and willing to to embrace every feeling, emotion, expression that was gifted to us in the space

Meg O'Neill:

and yeah, part of the reason why we chose, or I chose unassisted birth, and the birth we had was because I knew it was setting our son up for the best and us up for the best start. Our son up for the best start to life, and us up for the best start to parenthood. Yes, knowing that his nervous system, like he wasn't coming into a space with bright lights or other hands weren't going to be on him, or there wasn't going to be hit for noise, or someone wasn't going to grab him and take him a going to grab him and take him away to measure him and do all these things like that. He got to be on my chest in the water for an hour, and no one, no one moved me until I wanted to move. And that, we got to be in our own bed, and that, yeah, all of those pieces, I think we compartmentalize. It's like, oh, the birth and then the postpartum. And like, no, it all ripples into like, of course, the way a baby enters the world determines, or deeply, not determines, but deeply influences, you know, how settled their nervous system is, and how they feed, and how that, like, all of that. And, yeah, I just think, yeah, so that that was, you know, a huge part of why there's been an easefulness in in this experience, too, because of what, you know, the choices we made about how the environment we were birthing in, and how intentional we were in that I also just want to speak into. I into we didn't leave the house. I didn't leave the house for the first, I think, was 24 weeks. So 28 days, we went out, and I left the house a few times to go for a little walk to the creek. But that was something too, like I was really intentional and not going to rush back into life. We had visitors. And we were having visitors like most days or every second day, and all visitors that we felt wanted the space, yes, and that was really life giving for me to just like, have people in our home supporting

Jacob O'Neill:

us for a window of time here, they weren't here all day. No, no, they'd just stay like

Meg O'Neill:

an hour or two. And most of them were always like, giving back to us in some way as well. But yeah, that was really, I didn't leave. I just like, settled into the bubble of the home, and I was so fucking ready to get out of the house when I did get out of the house. But I think that was, again, one of the reasons why I felt really nourished. Because I wasn't like, energetically and him, he was settled because energetically, he wasn't going out and being, you know, highly stimulated in the world. And then also me, you cracked the fuck open after birth. So just like, yeah, being in, just being in the confines of the home, which got fucking boring sometimes, but, you know, it was worth it. It was

Jacob O'Neill:

part of the discipline and the devotion to, you know, honoring the nervous system of this little guy and your, you know, the healing process for you as well. Totally right on, okay, postpartum episode, done. Thank you for your questions. And yeah,

Meg O'Neill:

we love this. This is now a birth podcast.

Jacob O'Neill:

No, no, we're still gonna talk. Talk about anal and sex and all the dirty things that you guys love and

Meg O'Neill:

how and we need to talk about how to creatively have sex when you're a parent. Well, yeah,

Jacob O'Neill:

because we are, we've had sex once.

Meg O'Neill:

We've done other things

Jacob O'Neill:

once already, yeah, and I felt like a virgin. Yeah, we're back, baby.

Meg O'Neill:

Okay, big love guys. Love you guys. Thank you. Bye, peace,

Jacob O'Neill:

yo, yo, yo. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of sex, love and everything in between. Now, if you'd like to stay connected with Meg and I, you can head on over to Instagram and follow me at the Jacob O'Neill and where can people find you lover

Meg O'Neill:

at B dot, Meg, dot. O

Jacob O'Neill:

amazing. And yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all other information in regards to what we've got coming up. And yeah, we're super, super grateful that you guys for taking the time to listen in to this podcast. If you do have any topics or any questions, like I said, hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do. Apart from that, have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. Thanks for being here. Big, big. Love you.

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Jacob O'Neill

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Meg O'Neill

Host