Ep 86: What Women Crave Most...

This week, we're diving headfirst into the heart of what makes intimacy tick—not just the close quarters but the deep, electrifying presence that makes every moment resonate.

As Meg and Jacob juggle the excitement of a "Baby O'Neill Barbecue" and the everyday hilarity of their lives (like debating the etiquette of drying camping gear on the front lawn), Meg and Jacob unravel the layers of what true connection means. It's not just about physical closeness but about feeling your partner's presence so intensely that nothing else matters.

Meg opens up about craving Jacob's undivided attention—his presence so potent, it's like being touched without a single finger laid. Jacob brings his characteristic warmth and wit as he greets you, the listeners, pulling you into their vibrant, unfiltered world where sex, love, and the spaces in between are discussed with no reservations.

They also riff off on:

• Meg expresses a deep desire for Jacob’s presence, not just physical closeness, emphasizing the need for depth in their interactions.
• They discuss the balance between traditional roles and maintaining individuality, particularly as they prepare for their new baby.
• The couple shares light-hearted moments about drying camping gear and being perceived as "gypsies" by neighbors.
• They talk about the challenges of maintaining intimacy during daily routines and the impact of distractions like technology.
• Jacob and Meg prefers the term 'Baby O'Neill Barbecue' than baby shower.
• Both discuss the importance of the quality rather than the quantity of presence in their relationship, emphasizing deep connection.
• They explore the necessity for personal space and growth, especially Jacob’s perspective on men needing time away for personal development.
• Both stress the importance of communication in managing expectations and desires within the relationship, particularly around time spent together.

And many more...

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Transcript

Meg O'Neill: 0:00

I don't want your physical body, just like moving through life with me. I want the depth of you present with me. I want to feel you fucking penetrating me with your presence. I want to feel you so there in the moment that I feel like nothing else could take your awareness away from me in that moment,

Jacob O'Neill: 0:22

you yo, yo, yo. Lovers, welcome, welcome. Welcome to sex, love and everything in between. We're the O'Neills. You're here with Meg and Jacob, and

Meg O'Neill: 0:32

this is the place we have really uncensored conversations about sex, intimacy and relationships. We're super excited you're here. Enjoy this episode. Hey lovers. Hey lovers. Welcome back to sex, love and everything in between.

Jacob O'Neill: 0:52

We here. How are you my love?

Meg O'Neill: 0:53

I'm good. I'm tired, yeah, but I'm good bit hot. I'm cool in this room, but it was, it was hot this morning. It's a hot day. It's

Jacob O'Neill: 1:00

a hot winter's day.

Meg O'Neill: 1:02

I know it's wild that it's winter, but yeah, definitely gonna go for a swim soon, and then have a nap. We have all your family arriving very soon.

Unknown: 1:10

Yep,

Meg O'Neill: 1:11

we're celebrating our baby tomorrow. Yep,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:13

and we're having a baby shower. And I'm okay with that. Now I'm sorry that I was being a bitch.

Meg O'Neill: 1:18

We saw someone that we were at the grocery before, and I was just telling someone we're having a baby shower tomorrow. And Jacob was like, I don't like that word. We haven't called it a baby shower, and I'm having like, a mother blessing in the morning. We've just called it baby O'Neill barbecue,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:33

yeah, that was, I like that name,

Meg O'Neill: 1:35

okay, sorry, we're having a baby O'Neill barbecue tomorrow. Yeah, no. I

Jacob O'Neill: 1:38

just felt like a baby shower. Just felt a little too it just reminded me of all the baby showers I remember, or I picture like all women. Maybe they maybe that's usually what I think. I'm pretty sure that's what. Yeah, from my I don't really buy

Meg O'Neill: 1:50

into the way people do things conventionally, so,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:55

of course. But yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 1:57

we've got a big weekend ahead of us, so I definitely need a nap and a swim? Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 2:03

how are you I am like, I'm present. I'm here. I'm not thinking about all of the things that I need to do to get the house organized. Yeah, I'm here. We've just, it's finally stopped raining, and I've been able to, like, dry out all of the camping gear from, like, a week, like, a seven days ago, we've

Meg O'Neill: 2:23

had all the camping gear on our front lawn. Yeah, and

Jacob O'Neill: 2:26

we live in a really nice street, and I just felt, I felt quite self conscious about, I'm like, do people think we're gypsies or we're ferals, bogans,

Meg O'Neill: 2:34

bogans that have all their camp shit over the front lawn for like, seven days.

Jacob O'Neill: 2:39

It's like, it's such a I don't know if anyone ever feels this. Maybe it's just me, or I'd love to hear if there's any other men out there. Like, when you finally clean everything up, and then you start packing it away, and you can see the end in sight, like, yeah, I've just had to go through and clean all of the camping kitchen, like the cooking equipment, because it was all wet from coming back and like

Meg O'Neill: 2:59

it poured like it was clear for the first two days, and then the night before we our final night, and then the morning we were packing up. It packing up. Yeah, poured rain. So every inch of everything was wet, so wet, and then it continued to pour rain at home. So

Jacob O'Neill: 3:13

yeah, but yeah, that feeling of like I can see everything drying out, and like I'm folding stuff up and it's like, crispy and dry, and then I'm putting it back in its place in the garage, and I'm like, it's actually going to happen, like, things are going to be back where they're meant to go, and it's going to be tidy, satisfying. And then I probably want to go camping in a week or two. And then I'll be like, damn it, we're going camping for the baby moon.

Meg O'Neill: 3:38

Oh, yeah. But the bathtub with a bathtub,

Jacob O'Neill: 3:41

with a bathtub, yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 3:42

we just booked a little glamping trip for our baby moon. Excited for that,

Jacob O'Neill: 3:47

yeah, but you're taking me to one of your favorite holiday destinations. I went there, like solo, you get away. I did, yeah, that

Meg O'Neill: 3:54

was probably two or three years ago. Now, I went on a solo glamping trip. That

Jacob O'Neill: 3:58

was the thing, I think, when we did a really huge solo shoes on the fire, and

Meg O'Neill: 4:04

I made my own fire out I love that was such a beautiful trip. I loved it. I

Jacob O'Neill: 4:09

don't know what it is about that that part of you, but I remember, like, early on in our relationship, like, that part of you was really, I was really inspired by, I was really proud of, like, I like, Oh, you're, you're a capable woman

Meg O'Neill: 4:23

that I would like, you'd go

Jacob O'Neill: 4:25

and do shit on your own like you'd go like you didn't need anyone else, or you didn't even need friends. You didn't have any friends when I met

Meg O'Neill: 4:32

you, shout out, Kristen, but when I met you, I was probably transitioning from all my high school friends because I'd stopped drinking, yeah. And then into, you know, my

Jacob O'Neill: 4:45

spiritual friends, spiritual friends. Shout out Kristen, the most spiritual person in our in our friend group. No, I was just saying that it was really cool to see how you would take yourself on adventures and you wouldn't, yeah, like you didn't shy away from those things. And they weren't. I. Was

Meg O'Neill: 5:00

house that when we first got together, I, like, did, like, two months of house sitting down in a shed in Byron Bay, and I looked I'd never owned a dog in my entire life, and I looked after two dogs. One was a cattle dog, like Django, and the other one, I can't remember,

Jacob O'Neill: 5:14

but you were living in a shed like, like, with the gas cooker and everything. I'm just like, who are you? I

Meg O'Neill: 5:18

know that was, that was pretty cool. And I had to make my I remember that time I'd never made a fire by myself, and I had to work out how to, like, build my own fire inside. And, like, you remember

Jacob O'Neill: 5:28

calling me when you were down there once, when you'd burnt yourself on, I think it was on the gas stove. Yeah, I

Meg O'Neill: 5:32

burnt myself on the gas stove. You're crying. I think I was, I think you laughed, not you didn't laugh at the time, but later you were like, that was really dramatic, because I didn't even have a scar or like anything, and I was like,

Jacob O'Neill: 5:45

but yeah, well, shout out to the solo trips that you won't be taking.

Meg O'Neill: 5:55

But I'm glad I had that season of life, and I'm sure I'll have that season of life again. But yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 6:05

yeah, I plan every year to be taking two to three weeks solo for my own right of passages. You're great,

Meg O'Neill: 6:11

you're great at doing things for yourself. It's

Jacob O'Neill: 6:15

it's biological men need at least every year, one two week block where they leave the home and they go and do something for themselves, an adventure. When you

Meg O'Neill: 6:24

say it's biological, what do you mean by that? Like

Jacob O'Neill: 6:26

you have to do it read 00 books, but innately, as a man who's deeply connected to the earth, the wisdom that I've that has been shared with me is that men need to go away once a year for at least two weeks to do something adventurous. Yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 6:46

So yeah, but I guess that could be if you're looking at our ancestors the way that most likely the women were with the children in the home, yes, in community, raising the children, and the men would most likely leave and hunt and do these things

Jacob O'Neill: 7:02

your wife at home with just, you know, the children, you'd have a structure, yes, a community structure totally.

Meg O'Neill: 7:08

And I think, yeah, but that's, um,

Jacob O'Neill: 7:11

I think that's like, I did say that

Meg O'Neill: 7:16

recently, you've been away a lot while I've been pregnant. I said I'm nervous that's gonna happen when other babies here, I know that much. I think you've been away at least once a month, yeah, since, since I got pregnant. Yeah, I'd

Jacob O'Neill: 7:35

say so yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 7:40

and I have not been okay with it. I Yeah, yeah.

Jacob O'Neill: 7:45

I think, like, that's like, that's a very important part of me, and I know that that's that's going to change when we have the baby, but like, being able to go away, I feel like, when I come back, I'm so much more like me. Yeah, yeah. I think that's such an important piece for men to understand is that, like when you like to fully choose your relationship, you have to be able to be you need to be fully choosing yourself as well, and that frequency, duration structure is really determined by you know your lifestyle and how you want. You know what cups need to be filled, which is super important to actually not just do, because you're like, Well, I'm filling my cup, but actually, like, sit down and have conversations around what needs you both have, and then what the relationship needs as well, yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 8:33

And that was, you know, you planned a lot of things this year, and that was conversations that we had earlier in the year when I was like, oh, like, Yeah, I had to kind of share that that, like, not that I didn't want you to go away, but I wanted almost to be let in on the process. Yes. Like, before you were like, now that we have a dog as well, and I think this is even going to be even more prevalent once we have a child, once our child is here, that, yeah, it's no longer just like, I see, I'm going, it's like, ah,

Jacob O'Neill: 9:07

bye, yeah. I think that's

Meg O'Neill: 9:09

like, that was good, and you got, you got really great at that this year. I

Jacob O'Neill: 9:12

think, I think that's that gives, I think context is so important. I think this like and like, what we're talking about today, too, is like quality, the quality of your presence. I was gonna say this is a great, perfect segue, because I know if I don't go and do the things that I need to do, yeah, to fill my cup, whether that's a work thing, a personal thing, an expansion or transformational personal growth thing, or a spiritual thing, or whatever, if I don't do that, and I don't feed that part of me, that part of me is the is the one that starts to get resentful. Yeah, it's like it feels like something is being taken from me.

Meg O'Neill: 9:50

And yeah, what we wanted, the conversation we wanted to have today is really one of the biggest things I see women craving most in relationship, which is presence. A like presence, the presence of their man. But it's not the quantity of his presence, it's the quality of his presence. So it's not that a woman wants her man by her side, maybe like she thinks she does want this.

Unknown: 10:17

But why do you say that?

Meg O'Neill: 10:20

Because sometimes I'm like, Yeah, I could spend every moment with you, but really, the truth is, it's not that I want to spend every single moment of every single day with you, but what I do ache for is, like, really, like the the core, like when we're together, for you, for you to be fully fucking there, and for us to be fully fucking there, and not just, you know, housemates in a house, you know, and our bodies are close by a lot of the time, where our bodies are sitting on the couch next to each other. Our bodies are cooking dinner near each other. Our bodies are eating together. Our bodies are sleeping next to each other. It's actually like, No, I can feel the depth and quality of your presence right now, and I think that's so important as a woman to understand that a lot of the time, this is what we do actually crave, and being able to ask for that, yeah, because, and I think as a man, to understand this as well that you could think, and I've seen this a lot with men, that a lot of men are like, What the fuck like I'm here? Like, if a woman saying I miss you or I haven't really seen you, and he's like, What the fuck like, we eat together every night. We watch Netflix together. You know, we sleep in the same bed every night. Like, what? What more can I give you? And what a woman is really asking for in that moment is like, No, it's not just I don't want your physical body, just like moving through life with me. I want the depth of you present with me. I want to feel you fucking penetrating me with your presence. I want to feel you so there in the moment that I feel like nothing else could take your awareness away from me in that moment like that. That's what women crave so deeply. And like, 10 minutes of that quality presence. If you gave a woman 10 minutes of that a day like oof, that would shift everything. The

Jacob O'Neill: 12:20

way that I see it is, like, as a man, if you're listening to this, like, think about something that, like, captivates you, or, like, draws all of you in, and you get fully invested in maybe you watch sports and like, when the footy's on, or the soccer, or some, you know, the UFC, and you, like, can't not watch you're watching it, and you can't think, or everything else disappears, and you're just watching the fight like that, kind of like depth of presence that you're giving to the sporting match. That's what that's the way that your woman wants to feel. She wants to feel that almost, that that vigor, that that that level of intensity of your presence, like she wants to feel you, not just existing in the space, but you penetrating the space. Yes, like I often

Meg O'Neill: 13:06

say, a woman wants to feel like the only thing in the room, like that your phone doesn't matter, like nothing is going to and I'm sure the women listening to me can feel this. We're very sensitive creatures, like you can feel when your man is fully there, and you can feel when he's distracted, and maybe he's like, you know, looking at you, and he's not touching his phone, but you can feel that he wants to touch his phone and he wants to go into the other room and do something else, or he wants to like, you know, or work's really on his mind, or he's thinking about what he's got to do the next day, or, and, you know, that's not, I'm not berating men for experiencing that. We all experience that. It's very challenging to be present in our body, in in the very, you know, busy, distracted world we live in, but, but that's like that. That is the depth of what a woman craves, like quality, presence. Quality, quality presence. So feel like, yeah, like, Oh my gosh. I feel like nothing could, nothing could get in the way of his, his like, like, yeah, like, I'm the only fucking thing that matters to

Jacob O'Neill: 14:19

you. Nothing else, nothing else can take him away from me. Yes, and and for me, this is, like, really important for men to understand. This isn't just about like you like, kind of like, holding the presence like this. Can't think about anything else. Don't think about that. Don't think about that. Anything about you want to learn to like, relax into presence and let things go. It's not about holding on to everything. I've got to remember those 100 things, but I'm going to park them in the back of my, back of my brain. I'm going to be here with

Meg O'Neill: 14:50

you. Yeah, I'm being present. Can you feel me? I'm breathing.

Jacob O'Neill: 14:56

Can you feel that like it's not about. But the thing with with with presence, is it, when it's forced, it's, it's not coming from from, from the place that it needs to come from. Yeah, because what it will do is it'll, it'll exhaust you, rather than reinvigorate you and your presence. What happens is, when you are deeply present with your woman, what will actually happen is this beautiful, regenerative kind of connection where you're giving it and you're also receiving at the same time, yeah, and that, for me, is kind of the sweet spot that you're looking for. So there can be things that draw your presence away, or that you may be parked in your brain, and man, like, this is a really good thing. Some, some of this shit is actually practical. Like, it's actually practical, like, hey, what if you got out? What if you, like, you scheduled some time? Or maybe it wasn't, you know, you're about to sit down and spend some time together after after work or and you've had dinner, and you think of like, five or six things that you haven't done yet, rather than try to push them away or try to hold them in the back of your head, communicate like this is where communication is. So can be so so sexy as like, hey, my love, I've just got to, I've just had a whole lot of things just come into my brain about what I need to do. Over the next couple of days, I'm going to grab a piece of paper and write them all down so I can come back and be really present with you. I

Meg O'Neill: 16:21

love that when you do that, when you because, again, it's it's sharing. It's not you just like leaving the space. It's you creating this like, containment of like, Hey, I'm gonna go do this thing quickly, but I really want to be present. I'm doing this in service to what you want from me. I'm doing this in service to be to be able to bring my full presence and depth to you.

Jacob O'Neill: 16:48

Yes, and that way, I'm not choosing. I'm not, in a moment, trying to be like, I'm, I'm, I'm compromising right now, because what can happen if you've got those things rattling around the back of your head and you're being present, you're like, God, if I forget these, I'm going to regret spending this time with her. Yeah, like you, you will, you will create your own resentment because you haven't had the the, I guess, the communication skill, which is something that you can cultivate. Yeah, to say, hey, lover, I've just got to write these, these five things, down on a piece of paper so I don't forget them, so I can do them, so I can get them done tomorrow, and then then I'm all yours, even

Meg O'Neill: 17:26

last night, ever dinner, you had your phone, and we were like, you just you'd made dinner, and you just put dinner down, and then you grab your phone and you said to me, Hey, I've just got to quickly finish this one thing. I'm sorry, but I want to be really present with you. I'm just going to quickly finish this one thing. So usually I don't like when you're on your phone at the dinner table at all, but this was like, Okay, you're finishing that one thing. It's not as if you're just, like, eating and you've just unconsciously picked up your phone and you're doing something, yeah, and maybe sometimes you do that, but I'd get, I'd get annoyed, yeah, because there's the communication in the context there of like, oh, well, I can wait for him to do that one thing, knowing that he's going to choose to bring the depth of his presence here in a moment. So yeah, again, I think that's so whatever we need to do. So like you said, and this goes both ways as well, like, whatever we need to do to be able to be present with each other to like, Can we do that, to create the environment of presence? And I think there's a reality too, that there's always going to be more to do. There's always things that we could be doing that then gets to a point where we actually have to be able to park those things and have things unfinished. And in even in not having everything finished. We're going to choose our partner. We're going to choose to bring presents. We're going to choose to, you know, be there in the moment with our partner. Because, yeah, there's always going to be fucking things that need to be done. And I'm sure, again, stepping into paranoid very soon, I'm sure I feel like I'm going to nail this, like I'm okay with having a messy house. I'm okay with things being not done in the home, but I'm sure there's many people that maybe feel challenged by that and maybe aren't able to choose being deeply connected or present with, you know, their person, because everything needs to be perfect in the home before they can choose that. And I think to a certain degree, there is a yes. This is what I need in order to be present with you. And then that gets to a point of actually, I need to practice the art of surrender right now and letting go and choosing presents anyway. Yes,

Jacob O'Neill: 19:32

100% Yeah. And that's where, like, if you are trying to get everything done before you spend time with your partner, what you're saying is, like, you're not a priority. Like you are. You know, I will only spend time with you if I get everything done. Yeah, and I've been, I've been very, very, I've been wired that way to a degree, like, where I need to have everything done, because I'm, I'm setting myself up for the next day as well. I'm thinking about the next day and the week. And that has been hard for me to be with, but I'm learning to be I'm learning that where

Meg O'Neill: 20:06

I will drop everything, like I was gonna do some work. Don't worry about it. I'll just be with you. It's gonna have gonna go out with this person. Now I'll be with you,

Jacob O'Neill: 20:16

but you can, like you're allowed to communicate the things that are important to you like you don't. It doesn't need to be everything. But for me, like making sure the kitchen's clean at night time, like, I have to do that, because I know the next morning when I come out, I want to be able to have breakfast. I want to come out to a clean space, because my environment really, really is important to me. Yes, and that doesn't mean that I'm like, we've got washing you know, I'm not. I'm a lot more relaxed than I've than I ever was. But I think it is really important to know, like, if something's important to you, you communicate that, but you don't let that be a kind of, like a counterweight to like, well, I'll only spend time with you if I get to finish this totally, yeah. Okay, lover, I'm going to finish cleaning the kitchen, and then we're going to spend time together like it's the context, the communication and feeling each other in is so important. Yes, one thing I

Meg O'Neill: 21:10

want to add here is that like we're talking about, and this is specifically for the women we're talking about, often women having this deep desire to feel the quality of the man's presence. And this isn't about putting the expectation on your man that he has to be penetrating you with the depth of his presence in every moment of every day. And I've probably made you feel that way sometimes in our relationship, where what I've really come to learn is that like, yeah, you're not, even though you're in the space with me a lot. You know, we work from home, we live together, we Yes, you know, yes, that you're not, even though our bodies might be in the same room. You're not mine to have access to in every single moment. So expecting you. You might be making lunch, and I might be in the space, and you might be, you know, on your phone, and there might be a part of me that's like, I want him to be presents. I want him to present. I want to feel the quality of his presence in this moment. But it's like, actually, you're doing something, yeah, and you haven't this, this isn't the time, you know, you're in the middle of something Yes. And so I think really being able to honor this Yes, to speak this into the space and bring this desire forward to our partner that it's really important to have these times where you're deeply meeting each other, but they're not expecting him to be able to offer you that level of presence anytime your bodies are in the same room with each other, definitely.

Jacob O'Neill: 22:44

And like, lunchtime is a great example, because, like, when I come out and I'm like, making lunches, like, I don't really want to see you, like, I don't want to spend time with you. I'm, like, been working, and I want to just like, like that. And that's the part of me that misses the nine to five lunch my lunch hour was my lunch hour, yeah. And I remember, like, I would go and I'd be able to just chill out and listen to some music, eat some lunch, yeah, watch some videos of surfing or skating or whatever, and then, cool, go back to work. And I think that that's where, you know, the the respect thing of like, Oh, cool. Like, we haven't agreed that he's going to be, you know, deeply penetrating me with his presence and cracking up in my feminine core until I radiate love all over the place. Like there was no agreement there, there was no expectation, there was no that was never the plan. He's just having lunch, just having lunch.

Meg O'Neill: 23:34

He's between calls. Yeah, he's wants to

Jacob O'Neill: 23:37

chill. I've just been speaking deeply to clients so, and that's the same thing, like, if, you know, if a man is sitting on the couch, or if he's he's in a point of, like, you know, if you come in and demand that, or, you know, come in and, like, get grumpy because he's not giving you the attention that you think you need, or that you are, like, expecting from him. It's like, okay, what, I guess, what is, what can, how can this be brought to the to light? Or, how can you like, hey, my loves, you have, like, do you have time to connect tonight? I'd like to connect. And sometimes he might not, and that's okay as well. But like, yeah, like, once again, like, learning how to bring a an invitation rather than expectation, is is really important. Yes,

Meg O'Neill: 24:27

and asking for that like, you know, again, not just expecting in every moment him to be able to offer you the depth of his presence, but also, if that's something you're feeling is missing from your relationship right now, sharing that desire like hey, and this is something I bring forth, you know, regularly in our relationship, because it is such a priority in it. And something for me is that I'll just, like, be like, Hey. I would really, I'm like, really craving just a night where, like, nothing gets. In the way of us, like, where we've got our phones away and, you know, nothing gets in the way. Can we, can we do that this week? Or can we do that tonight? And yeah, you get to be like, yes or no, not tonight, but let's do it on Friday night. Or, I'm full this week, but I would love to do it this time, yeah, or just, like, going, I might offer that into the space, and you're like, Okay, well, Wednesday morning, we're gonna go on a walk, and then I'm gonna take you to breakfast, like, making it desire LED. You know, we speak about this all the time on the podcast, that instead of bringing it as a complaint of, like, oh, fuck, you're always on your phone, and you're never like, you're never actually here with me, right? If that's the fucking truth of the moment I knew there's fire there. You can bring that. But also a way more powerful way to bring this is to I always say, under every complaint is a desire, like underneath the complaint of you're never present, you're always scrolling your phone, you're always distracted. Is the desire of, I want to feel. I want to feel you so deeply here with me. I want one of the women at the claimed immersion, the way she described it is, I want to feel you breathing down my throat. And I loved that so much. We were then joking about it all weekend, but like that sense of like, I want to feel you so here that your breath is like merging with my breath, and it's just like we're becoming one because the depth of presence we're offering each other, and being able to just express that as a desire, instead of like pointing out you're always in your phone, you're never with me, you're distracted. Like leading with that desire, or offering that desire is far more potent.

Jacob O'Neill: 26:43

Yeah, definitely. And that way, that's where you can honor, like a man's kind of like emotional sensitivity or emotional reactivity, if you if he feels attacked, he's not going to open. Yeah? The other thing that I want to speak to around this is like a man needs transition time from work to connection, yeah. And regardless of whether you work from home, you're an entrepreneur, nine to five business owner, whatever, like you do need to honor that there will be a transition phase that you need to implement, from like being, you know, immersed in your work, to like, actually being able to switch off and be present with your partner, your whoever it is that you're spending time with, and that's what I have struggled with working from home. But the more I like leave my laptop doesn't come out of my office anymore, and it feels so a bit of a you know, my phone might come with me. So it's about creating these separate separating the two. Like, how can I like step away from work, or step away from the distractions and, like, give myself that transition time, whether it's to have a song, or whether it's to actually, like, chill out and watch an episode or something, whether it's to play a bit of music, maybe it's to go for a walk, whatever you need to create the transition phase, because trying to flick that like a switch, like to come out of work and then instantly into like, depth of connection can feel like you're not actually getting anything for yourself. It feels like I've been giving it work, and now coming home and I've got to give presents to my partner. When do I get to give to me? Yeah, that's when you get to like, Oh, cool. All right, I can see that I'm not creating in the appropriate transition. And for some guys that might be on the drive home, but a lot of the time, and I've heard Paul check talk about this on a podcast years ago. He said, I need an hour between coming home from the office or coming home from work and connecting with my my family. And he's like, that doesn't mean I just like, don't talk to them when I come in, I come in, I say, Hey, I'm home. Kiss. Oh, awesome. Okay, cool. And then he'll go and he'll do his practice, and he'll have a practice of, like, winding down. And I think that's a really cool thing to discuss with your partner, what you need to be able to give them what they deeply desire. And

Meg O'Neill: 28:58

again, I love that you brought that in, because it's like this. Again, it's and if we spoke about this, the last podcast episode we did too, it was like having these discussions on like, what environment do we need to create so that we can experience this depth of presence from each other and this intimacy that we deeply crave? Because, again, the reality is, if you're raising children, if you're you know, have very full lives, like, whatever it is you're doing when you are in long term partnership, like, yeah, you've both got full lives outside of that intimacy. And so there needs to be a consciousness and an intentionality in terms of creating the environment which enables you to experience the intimacy and the depth of presence from each other that you deeply crave. So yeah, like being able, if you were to say, Yeah, I need an hour, half an hour, whatever it is, to be undisturbed, to play music from this space, so that I can be the man I want to be for you when we have dinner or when I. Come out of that room like, beautiful again, I'm able to see that, oh, that's insert you deeply want to meet that need I have, right? And you have this need that I'll be able to meet so that, you know, there's this beautiful reciprocity there as well, and that that might not, that, you know, I don't, I don't really like the word compromise or believe in that, but it's like, you know, being able to, what word did you use that? David, data used on that level, right? Yeah, being able to, like, calibrate together, to find a place where you're both able to feel met,

Jacob O'Neill: 30:34

yeah? And I think that this is where we honor, like, the the differences in us, like, if I said hey, like, there's eight hours on Saturday? Yeah, and I've got another second with me, and I've got nothing, and I've got nothing planned, but, um, I was wanting to spend some time with you. How much time would you like to spend together?

Meg O'Neill: 30:51

Seven hours, 59 minutes. Hey,

Jacob O'Neill: 30:55

I haven't got anything on Saturday, and want to spend some time. How much time would you Oh, Saturday? That's a day. The whole day,

Meg O'Neill: 31:03

I just assumed my head as well. Like, if you haven't told me any of your plans for the weekend, yeah, and I know that neither of us have, like, we're not going away, we're not going to visit family or anything, I'll just assume that we're spending every second of every day.

Jacob O'Neill: 31:18

So this is where calibration and

Meg O'Neill: 31:20

that you're giving me the depth of your presence that entire time. So

Jacob O'Neill: 31:24

this is, like, the conversation having that quality and quantity. Like, what Meg is saying there is, like, she wants, she wants presents, but she's going to take as much as she can get, right, yep. But for me, what is actually true for me? Like, if I said, Hey, I've got the whole weekend. I'll spend like, 30 minutes with you. That's a bit cheap. I'm being a bit cheap. It's like, but like, what am I willing to what feels right for me to? Like, what do I feel I can really deeply give from a place of, like, unconditionality, where I'm not going to, where I'm where I'm able to then also create space for myself.

Meg O'Neill: 32:04

Yeah, and I think what's important to me, too is containment of time, like, when you what feels really good for those weekends. So say, like, you know, we have a very full weekend this weekend, but maybe it's next weekend where I don't really feel like we have anything on. So,

Jacob O'Neill: 32:21

no, we don't. So in

Meg O'Neill: 32:24

my head, there would be like, okay, at some point we're gonna have maybe we'll go on an adventure together. Maybe we'll have breakfast. I don't know where I love you being able to be like, Okay, next weekend. I know we don't have much on I would love to do some stuff around the house. I also want to do a bit of work. Or I also want to go for a surf with some friends. So can we, can we keep all of Saturday, all of Saturday before lunch free, because I want to take you out, or I want to, like, go on a little adventure with you and the dog, and that feels really good for me to then be like, Okay, I'm going to get the depth and quality of his presence during that time, rather than over the entire weekend, not knowing when you're gonna give me all of you, but, like, waiting to be like, he's in the garage. Should I go? And should I go and try and get him to give me the quality of his presence now he's got okay? Like, when am I gonna get it? Like, that level I love. And again, this is, like, where I as a woman, love to be led and love to be contained, and I'm able to then, like, oh, I can even feel in my own body, like, like, take a really deep exhale, because I'm not trying to, like, follow you around and get the thing that I want from you. Or I'm not waiting until you know you're where, like, you know I'm not like, yeah, following you around trying to be like, when is he going to give it to me? It's like, Oh, I know that this is the time where we've devoted to each other, and you're going to offer me the depth of you, and we're going to have this real, beautiful intimacy that I deeply crave. This is why, yeah, like when you organize date nights, or like when we have when, when there's a containment that that that is so meaningful to me, and there's like a a surrender, I can then I can then really honor. When you're off living your life and doing other things, you know

Jacob O'Neill: 34:15

you have a that you know. You know that you have a place in my life where that is important to me, and that when I'm with you, I'm fucking with you. Yes, yeah, that's what I've seen. Because, like, containment is, like, that's the thing that makes that creates security. Like, and if you're a woman and you're sitting around waiting and, you know, you see your man like he has nothing on the weekend, and he's, like, sort of just existing or running around doing different things that he hasn't told you about, like, that's unfair in a relationship like there's two humans that living together, connecting. It's like you have you have a responsibility to be able to communicate. Yeah, and if you're constantly just running around doing other stuff or everything for everyone else, even if it is all of the jobs that need to get done, there's still a part of you that's trying to get some. Where, and you're not honoring the relationship as a part of your life, yes, and the relationship is that, you know the quality of your presence will dictate the quality of the connection. And if there isn't a quality connection that's on you, yeah, it is. And it's, you know, I've taken, you know, I take responsibility for that all the time, because I know that when I'm not, and you have, you know, so beautifully, like, developed this way of, like, reminding me, or, you know, pointing me back in the direction, like, Hey, I'm here. Hey, I love you. Hey. And I think

Meg O'Neill: 35:33

I just want to add here that, like, as a woman, I don't want you to think that you're on the ladder. Ask for that once. Like, no, I asked for that very regularly. Yeah, and that's not that because you don't listen or like, it's just because that's really fucking important to me, and that is something that, yeah, life gets full and life gets busy, and that is something that's required me to be like, hey, hey, I'm feeling this yearning for connection, and I'm feeling this yearning for intimacy, and I'd love just to have like, you know, can you let me know when you've got space to make me feel like the only thing that exists in the world? And you know that's as a woman, that's your you can bring that. And don't feel resentment towards your partner for for having to bring that, yes, if there's a line where we are often talking about willingness, if you're asking for that, asking for that, and you're never feeling a sense of willingness from your partner, well, yeah, that's, that's great information. But if you're bringing that, and there's like, a, Oh, of course, my love, I would love to do that. Okay, leave it with me, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna check my calendar. I'm gonna organize like, you know, put it I'll send you a calendar invite for a few things in the next few weeks, or whatever it might be, like, beautiful, and that's I don't find, I don't think it's wrong to, yeah, have to remind someone you're in partnership with what's important to you and what feels good for you and what you desire. In fact, if you're a little Puppy's dreaming and he looks so cute, it's yeah, if you're averse to asking for what you want after you've already done it once. I don't even know. I just it's like a, like, it's a pride thing, yeah, and it's a that's actually you.

Jacob O'Neill: 37:35

I don't know how you're expecting. You're expecting perfection. You're expecting one, one desire, 111, revealing of desire to equal one desire being met. It's like, that's not and read, if you read, if you've read anything about the subconscious mind, like, it's really hard to, like, get through to the to the like, the the belief systems that can sometimes be held in place that have been there since, like, childhood, and not to mention that, like, the modern world is constantly, like, barraging us with information. So yeah, what I would say to that is a yeah, you may have to ask two or three times, but ensure that you infuse, like, a depth of feeling into these, like you ask with your entire body, yeah? And that first one might be a little bit vulnerable, so it might come out a little clunky, and it might be a little bit heady and not have a lot of feeling. Yeah. The second and the third, it becomes more and more normal. And the thing, like you said, with willingness, if you are constantly asking and you're bringing it through the body and your partner is not budging. Like that's

Meg O'Neill: 38:44

information, and if it's something that's really deeply important to you, yeah, I

Jacob O'Neill: 38:48

think I've said this 100 fucking times, like that's data that is information that you get to then use to make your decision. And sometimes, you know, sometimes relationships don't fucking work out. Yeah, I'm not saying that every relationship is going to be the perfect one or last forever, and that's not, not what I'm saying with this, you know, if with this kind of dynamic or these tools or skills that we're sharing, but like you as a woman, bringing your desire through and allowing it to come through your body, and you do that consistently, and you aren't being met, you then have a decision to make. Yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 39:26

and when Jacob says bringing it through your body, this is really that difference between complaining and putting a coke. I call it throwing grenades. So like, if Jacob was on his phone and I I was yearning for his presence, but instead of actually bringing that through my body and expressing like, Hey, I would, it would be so meaningful to me this week if we had just time where our phones are off and like nothing else is getting in the way, we were just so deeply present with each other. Instead of doing that if you're like, closing your heart, if you're being cold. And you're saying, like, Oh, you're always on your phone, and then like, storming away, or like, like sitting on the couch with him, like, almost like side eyeing him, like waiting for him to give you presents, and like hoping that he gets that you know you want your like presence in that moment. Like, no, it's like, actually, just like allowing him to witness you in that depth of yearning that you have. That's everything.

Jacob O'Neill: 40:28

Yeah, 100%

Meg O'Neill: 40:31

anything else you want to bring here. I feel like this could be a short and sweet episode.

Jacob O'Neill: 40:36

The other thing like that cute, almost like the coming through the body with the invitation. There's also, like, the dark femme invitation. I kind of bring this through. I think this is important. It's like, yeah, yeah, for sure. Like, if your man is on his phone and like you are, I think there's, like, there is a way of like, you can, and I don't want to make this sound to sexualize, but like, if you want his attention, like you, you can use the dark, feminine, like, essence to come through and, like, almost, like, take up so much space in the room that he can't not focus on you. Yeah. And I think that's a really powerful thing as well. I think that is something that you've done quite well at times. Is where you, like, come in naked, and you're like, put your phone. Say, put your phone away.

Meg O'Neill: 41:25

Like you can't shake my butt.

Jacob O'Neill: 41:30

Yeah, and like, be like, is you sure

Meg O'Neill: 41:33

you want to scroll your phone now? Yeah, the energy behind, yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 41:38

exactly like I would even say, like, if you say, Put your phone away, I'll I will reject that. Like, don't do what to fucking do. Yeah, I don't like to be domed in that way. Like, being told what to do is not something that works very well for my No, it doesn't have a problem. I have an issue with authority. But if you came in, you started shaking your ass in my face, and you, like, started just like, crawling around the floor and touching yourself, like, my phone would become pretty fucking boring pretty quick. And, like, that's not to say that's use that all the time, but if you're wanting to, like, bring a different texture, like, I think that's a really powerful way to move. Or, like, yeah, just cooking dinner and lingerie. Or, I love when you've said you've done this a few times. Oh, hey, my love, I'm just going to I'm going to bed. I'm just going to go on self pleasure. And I'm like, okay,

Meg O'Neill: 42:33

one of the women inside full spectrum woman, we have a new group chat, and she was just sharing that because we'd shared this. She was also in the art of loving a man around like, yeah, like, if your man has, you know, if he's not wanting to have sex in that moment. And this isn't out of like, manipulation, but you can, you like, take, take your pleasure into your own hands. You can touch yourself like, beside him. You can, you can start like, like, you can be in your own pleasure, and how often that will draw a man into wanting to be a part of that experience. And this particular woman was sharing that she'd she'd tried that, and how he would like, immediately it was just like, Okay, I'm in. And again, this is there is a part of the feminine that is incredibly manipulative and but I think sometimes there's like, a playful way that we can do this. And again, it's not about going, I'm going to self pleasure. So he knows that, you know he shouldn't reject me. No, you've also got to be okay with the fact that if he was to roll over and go to sleep and you would have self pleasure. You are also doing it for yourself, or if you were to put lingerie On, and I've done this many times in our relationship, just like, put lingerie on and put my favorite fucking music on and like, be dancing while I'm cooking. And like, yeah, there's a part of me that's like, you know he's gonna love this, and he's gonna be able to drink in just like this energy, but also, I'm not, like, going, I'm gonna put lunch around because he hasn't given me attention. And, like, hopefully he gives me attention because of this, like, no, that, that's also an expression for myself. So the seductress energy, I think, is, like, so powerful and so beautiful. And there is, there is this, like, manipulative quality, but not I don't even I don't manipulative. Isn't bad, no, and it's manipulative, but it's also from this place of like, the seductress knows she's hot as fuck. The seductress knows she has a power over a man because of the energy that she holds and the energy she's able to move through her body. And so as women, it's really about like, yeah, if you want attention, it's also about knowing that well, you have the motherfucking power to demand his attention, to draw him in. Yes, that's okay. And that can be with the way you move, that can be with the way you ask, that can be with the way you bring your desires forth. That can be with the. Way that you, you know, hold yourself in your body, and what the energy you're transmitting like, again, knowing that that's, that's part of our our power as women,

Jacob O'Neill: 45:10

yes. And the big thing too, the, I guess one last thing, is like, when you say you want His presence. Like, be aware of where you may just be, like, I want, I just want to sort of, sort of tie a bow on this conversation and with this is like, like, be aware that, like you, you know, desiring his presence may actually be the moment be asking for you to give something to him as well, which is such a thing, like, I don't want to, I don't want to get this mixed up. I kind of want to, like, really land the plane on this. It's like, His presence is not just him giving you what you want. Yeah, yeah. I'm just sort of fight like, because it's like, no, it was. But like, it can be easily sort of formulated, like, Oh, if I I need his presence, because I want him to give me a massage or I want him to, like, do something with me and do what I want, it's like, no, like, His presence is the thing that sort of wraps both of you up into an experience where, whether it's a deep conversation or deep love making or playing a board game or going for a walk along the beach or going out to dinner. It's that you you are both giving and receiving in that moment. And yeah, it might be that, you know, if you can, if you come in and you want his presence, and you can see that he's exhausted, it might be that you go and like, go and touch him with love. Go and nourish him. Go and touch his shoulders, go and stroke his back, go and, like, make a cup of tea or something I don't know, like, replenish him, and then see what comes. Like, if you be aware that, you know, receiving His presence can come on the back of you, you know, from on the back of deep nourishment. So I think that's just, I just want to really know that, you know, it's not just about you coming in and being desire, like, being desire led Yes, but also just attuning to like, oh, this dude's fucking exhausted man. Like, yeah, he needs, he needs my nourishment right now. And when you feed him, he will feed you, yes, yeah. I just wanted to sort of,

Meg O'Neill: 47:19

I really, I think that's really powerful, because it can, it's not, we're not. You know, this conversation was all about women desiring the qua the quality of a man's presence. But this isn't as women coming from an entitled place, or it's actually important that we check ourselves in that. Like, yeah, it's not just like, you're not being present with me, but also it's like, yeah, knowing that that's a way that a man feeds us. But how are we feeding him? And is that, you know, is that through respect and love of his boundaries, is that through loving touch, when we can see he's exhausted, like, how are we and that sacred reciprocity of relationship is yes, yes, it's important that we become desire led, and we're able to speak and advocate for the yearnings of our heart, but also to be able to deeply get off on feeding him.

Jacob O'Neill: 48:12

Yes, yeah. I

Meg O'Neill: 48:13

think that's a beautiful place to end.

Jacob O'Neill: 48:16

Yeah. This is a I think we could even do a version of this around, like nourishment, like nourishing a man. I think that'd be a really nice one, a follow up episode that we can do, okay, talk about that, like, how a man can ask for nourishment, because I think a lot of men really struggle to receive that's me and a lot of guys that I work with about like letting love in, or being able to ask for what we need. So I think that'd be a nice, a nice, a nice podcast to do just sort of address the other side of the the I guess, the equation as well, perfect. This is a really, I really enjoy this. I like if there's anything else you guys want to know about or is this, have any questions, please let us know, because I enjoy talking about this sort of stuff. I realize how much I like I do know a bit about this. So thanks, my love. I sometimes forget, like, when I'm doing all the men's work, I forget how I am types of relationships. Yeah, relationships. I'm well versed, but I'm also, yeah, I'm really passionate about this sort of stuff. Because, yeah, men need a voice. Men need someone to be able to voice this for them to you know that it's not just it's not just them going through it in their relationship, or it's not just all women wanting this is like, Yeah, I'm I've been through it. I'm going through it. And I also know that, you know, developing the skills and understanding myself better has allowed me to actually not just give you more presents, but actually, like, have a way better, more fun, awesome, fucking relationship. How's baby? Baby's kicking? Yeah, yeah, we good.

Meg O'Neill: 49:51

We're great, awesome. Thanks for being here, my loves. We'll see you next week after that, and the week after that. And however. On. We are here podcasting forever. Bye,

Jacob O'Neill: 50:06

yo, yo, yo. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of sex, love and everything in between. Now, if you'd like to stay connected with Meg and I, you can head on over to Instagram and follow me at the Jacob O'Neill and where can people find you lover at

Meg O'Neill: 50:21

B dot, Meg, dot. O amazing.

Jacob O'Neill: 50:25

And yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all other information in regards to what we've got coming up. And yeah, we're super, super grateful that you guys for taking the time to listen in to this podcast. If you do have any topics or any questions like I said, hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do. Apart from that, have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day.

Meg O'Neill: 50:44

Thanks for being here. Big, big.

Jacob O'Neill: 50:46

Love you.