Ep 74: How to be CLAIMED in partnership

In this episode, Meg and Jacob share their journey of transforming their relationship through leadership and surrender. Meg opens up about moving from being fiercely independent to yearning for Jacob's leadership. She talks about how she used to take charge but eventually felt a deep desire to let Jacob lead as she connected more with her feminine side.

Jacob shares small but bold steps he took, like closing Meg’s laptop when she worked late, to shift their dynamic. They discuss how these actions helped them grow—Jacob learned to lead with confidence, and Meg learned to relax and trust, feeling more secure in his leadership and how this made her feel safe and fully claimed.

They also riff off on:

• Meg’s initial independence and control in their relationship.
• Her deeper longing to surrender to Jacob’s masculine power.
• Awakening through embodiment practices and deeper intimacy.
• Confronting control issues and believing she always knows better.
• Jacob’s journey to step into his power and vision.
• Importance of cultivating receptivity in the feminine.
• Expressing discomfort openly and embracing vulnerability.
• Jacob taking small risks to shift their dynamic.
• Growth required for Jacob to lead confidently and Meg to relax without resistance.
• Encouraging couples to evolve together through successes and challenges.
  
  And many more..

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CLAIMED: An in-person event who wants to feel deeply claimed by their partner: https://meg-oneill.com/claimed-immersion

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Jacob & Meg also coach individuals & couples. Reach out to them via Instagram for more information

Transcript

Meg O'Neill: 0:00

This is the piece I really want women to hear that you can't just point the finger at your man or Amen and say, Bring me your leadership. You know you are part of that, that equation you are a part of that co creation. And like you said before that receptivity, that openness that offering him appreciation, celebrating the moments he is taking risks honoring him, respecting him in those ways is like, so fucking important. And then in your own body mean being so devoted to meeting the parts of you that want to control.

Jacob O'Neill: 0:43

Yo, yo, yo lovers, welcome. Welcome. Welcome to sex, love and everything in between where the O'Neill's you're here with Meg and Jacob. And

Meg O'Neill: 0:52

this is the place we have really uncensored conversations about sex, intimacy and relationships. We're super excited. You're here. Enjoy this episode. Hi, everybody.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:13

I love us.

Meg O'Neill: 1:14

Welcome back.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:15

How are you? My love?

Meg O'Neill: 1:16

I am really good.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:18

You're looking sexy as fuck today.

Unknown: 1:20

I feel really good today. Yeah, yeah.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:23

You're beaming.

Unknown: 1:24

Thank you. You're

Jacob O'Neill: 1:25

radiant.

Unknown: 1:25

Thank you.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:26

You are nourishing my nervous system. This your energy. Oh, this cute little. Well,

Meg O'Neill: 1:33

how far am I now? I'm like five and a bit months pregnant and I love having the bump out. You've

Jacob O'Neill: 1:39

been Yeah, I've been really flaunting the bump. I have

Meg O'Neill: 1:43

on the weekend, everyone. I actually bought Jacobs jeans. And really into like, my wardrobe is usually just old high waisted stuff. And very quickly being pregnant. I couldn't wear any of it. Yes, like any of it. And so I went through the stage of being like, nothing fits me. But I still want to look hot and sexy. And there was just it wasn't feeling fun. So on the weekend, we went to some live music and I was wearing these low rise pants that have anyway. And then you were our friends wherever and they were like were Jacob's jeans. It's like, okay, and you rock them. Yeah, the crush was a little low. Yeah, that's

Jacob O'Neill: 2:23

it. That's the boyfriend fit. I

Meg O'Neill: 2:24

think I think it's the whole thing now. Yeah, so it fell tight. Yeah, but anyway, I wouldn't saying that because I mean, I haven't really worn dresses lately. And I put this dress on today. And I'm like, This looks good. It looks great. I don't think it's gonna fit me very much longer. Not even because of the bump. But because of

Jacob O'Neill: 2:41

the boobs. The Bumping boob combo. The boobs are a bit ridiculous and you got a bit of a dump truck now as well. Yeah, yeah. And then the

Unknown: 2:54

hips are widening. I know the

Meg O'Neill: 2:56

hips a white like my whole body is just a different it's not just the belly. It's like I'm assuming because just curving in all like different places that I didn't expect you

Jacob O'Neill: 3:06

in because your body shape was so petite and like fine. I was yeah, it didn't have a lot. Like it wasn't super curvy. I didn't have any at all. It's just like this so many curves right now. It's so beautiful to watch your body evolve. It

Meg O'Neill: 3:22

is fine and to really find that like to feel the sexiness of like yeah my hips widening and like my Yeah, just just just this like juicy a rapper figure feels really fun. Yeah, yeah. I love it. Anyway, so I'm good. How are you?

Jacob O'Neill: 3:40

I'm good, too. I'm pretty. I'm pretty good. I'm got a lot on. Yeah. And yeah, I feel how do I feel? I probably don't ask myself that question enough. How do I feel? I feel how do I feel? What's the right word for it? I feel like I'm laying a lot of foundations right now. And I'm not getting I'm probably don't have as much momentum in my life as I'd like. And I feel like I'm almost spinning my wheels. But not in like a bad way. I feel like it's in a way that's like preparing me for the next sort of season of, of growth. Yeah, I feel like there's like a lot of incredible things like coming with my facilitator training and Tegan coming around again, and it's asking me to like be really, really intentional with my time. And that's yeah, really, I'm having to rewrite some very, very old programs around my time use of time and energy, which has been good. It's been really confronting, but I kind of knew that this was what fatherhood pending impending fatherhood was gonna bring for me. impending, impending.

Unknown: 4:56

I only ever hear that word impending doom I

Jacob O'Neill: 5:03

felt like impending doom like, not so much around the actual thing happening but around me failing at what I what I want to be. Yes, yeah, so the impending doom is more around failure than it is the actual thing. By

Meg O'Neill: 5:16

the time this podcast has come out, I think the episode with you entirely would have come out which can you speak into that, don't

Jacob O'Neill: 5:22

you? Yeah, there's some there's some cool stuff that I speak into about that you turn

Meg O'Neill: 5:25

to a friend of Jacobs, who's also in men's work and also is his

Jacob O'Neill: 5:29

father to be Yeah, his fiancee is like a week ahead of us. Yeah. Ahead of you rather. Yeah. I'm not pregnant. You I'm pregnant. Yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 5:37

we're pregnant.

Unknown: 5:40

We should do a poll to see who likes that. Is it I'm pregnant or were pregnant. You're pregnant.

Jacob O'Neill: 5:46

We are becoming parents. Yes, we're

Meg O'Neill: 5:48

going to be parents. We're having a baby. But I'm pregnant.

Jacob O'Neill: 5:52

We will have a baby in our house in t minus three months.

Unknown: 5:56

I think it's a little longer than that.

Jacob O'Neill: 5:59

T minus a little longer than three months. I've also been sneezing a lot today, as you see so much today this morning. I sneezed 30 times. Jan was 30. Like at least 20. It was at least 10. You know, maybe I'm exaggerating? A lot.

Meg O'Neill: 6:19

Okay, any any other little

Jacob O'Neill: 6:20

chitchat? But she kind of wishing you didn't ask me that question now. Yeah, just I sort of took that and ran with it did not do your diary.

Meg O'Neill: 6:37

I do like to get into the podcast and talk about what we like. What we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about, but I also love I know, I know that the people love just hearing about our lives, too. Anything else you want to add anything else you want to bring any updates for the people before we have this conversation?

Jacob O'Neill: 6:58

No. Oh, wait a second, I want a 10 minute monologue about something that has nothing to do with today's topic.

Meg O'Neill: 7:12

Do you want to? Do you want to share where we're going today? We're

Jacob O'Neill: 7:17

going into the realms of would you call this feminine surrender? Or the almost like this? I'll call like a deep a deep desire of of woman without giving too much away, would you like to? Do you think?

Meg O'Neill: 7:44

Well, I really want to I've been having a lot of conversations online and with my community right now, around this desire that many feminine women experience this desire to be claimed and to feel their man's masculine power and to be able to experience the texture of his leadership. Right. And he's, he's, he's decision making, and he's his direction and guidance. And I wanted to have a conversation about our journey of that. Because I'm sure lots of people and I share many stories of how phenomenal you are at leading and claiming Me and you Are you show up as an incredibly powerful man in life, but especially in our relationship. And I want to really tell the story of how we got to that place, because that is how we started 10 years ago, definitely not. And that was not the dynamic that we had. And why I want to tell this story of why I want to like give insight into this is that I truly believe that in relationship we can evolve. But it doesn't take just one person. It has to be the evolution of both humans and this devotion of both humans to shifting that dynamic. And often that can be led by one human. And from what I've witnessed a lot of the time that is a woman in a heterosexual relationship. And this is part of feminine leadership. And I really, anytime we talk about a woman desiring her man's leadership, I never want anyone listening to think that means that the feminine doesn't lead at all or the feminine doesn't have any qualities of leadership. No fucking way I actually believe the feminine is the pulse of a relationship because it's her desires, her yearning, her, her wants, that she brings forth and actually births the relationships and leads it and takes it to new places. And so often it's a woman that goes, Hey, I want something different. Hey, I want more. Hey, let's go over here. Hey, let's evolve this relationship. And that's, that's Through her leadership that she's really, she's really birthing a new version of the relationship.

Jacob O'Neill: 10:06

This is what, like in the polarity world, people call the Oracle. Right? Yeah, that's the feminine Oracle, which is like this deep, knowing of all that this deep yearning for more. Yeah, for the, for the next, the next evolution, the next growth. And it's so, you know, this is why so many women have a feminine core is because they literally operate in a 28 day cycle that constantly death and rebirth, death and rebirth. And this is like why women I feel are so attuned to that, that that like, deeper desire for for continual growth is because they're constantly going through that cycle themselves. And men who don't have that, don't really, we don't have that bodily function. So therefore, if we don't create that in our lives, we don't, we're not attuned to it. And that is why I think being in relationship with a woman who has that gift is really, really powerful.

Meg O'Neill: 11:03

I love that. And I've never, I've never probably spoken into it in that way, or reflected on in that way. Because that's so beautiful that with a woman bleeds, and every single month, it's invitation to let what is ready to die die. And so we then hold this ability to look out at life and honor what needs to die. Right? Yeah, so that what is new can be reborn. And that's such a gift when we bring that to relationship, to be able to say, this dynamic this way we're doing things this way we're showing up for each other is ready to die. So that a new way a new dynamic, a new evolution of our union can be birthed. Yes.

Jacob O'Neill: 11:50

I love that. Yeah. Yeah, it's literally built into your biology.

Meg O'Neill: 11:56

And so, yeah, I wanted to deepen into a conversation today around how our relationship began and the dynamic we had. And then, yeah, how we got here to a place where I would say, we do really play that that polarizing, you know, game in our relationship where we play with the dynamics of polarity where I deeply Yun for your power, and your energetic spanking. Right, and that, that leadership, I yearn to melt into you and our relationship and feel you so deeply penetrating me and penetrating our space that I have no choice but to be in my body and to melt into my body. But that has been such a motherfucking journey. Yeah, to be able to receive that part of you and experience that part of you. Yeah.

Jacob O'Neill: 12:50

And that alone, like me cultivated as well. Yeah. I think that's like, why so much of a relationship is a is an ongoing willingness to deepen. Yeah, for

Meg O'Neill: 13:02

sure. Yeah. Okay, where do we want to begin? At the beginning?

Jacob O'Neill: 13:09

A long, long time ago, in a land about 120 kilometers, 100 kilometers from where we live now. Brisbane City. Inhale, Cannon Hill, re organics. There was a man, a young man, strapping young fellow. Let's start with I'm going to speed up. And we're gonna start Oh, can we just start into that point where we got to, like we got together and you were very much like clear on what you wanted. I was very much just going with the flow.

Meg O'Neill: 13:45

Yes. Sorry, which I found really sexy even looking at if those of you haven't listened to our episode on dating, which I think was episode 71 or 77 to 70. We took you back to when we first started dating in my journal entries for that time. And that was such a good episode. And it remember how much I was reflecting on I love touch shield you? Yeah. How chilled out you are. And if we're thinking of like, polarity and like polarizing energies, I was attracted to that because I was not that right. I was more in my masculine energy of I know how to get shit done. I know what I want in the world. Right so that like I used to come into the fruit of the array organics and you would be juggling fruit and like, you would just so like there was this blase energy to you and

Jacob O'Neill: 14:44

go with a different word, but

Meg O'Neill: 14:47

where do you gonna go? Presents? That's that is true, too. I don't want to I'm not like shitting on you. But there was like this part of you. That was like really Elite chill, I would say and I'm sure your you often reflect on this time in your life. You didn't have a lot of direction. You would you were in this like, Oh, I'm just arrived to work. I go to work I come home I you know, and that was really attractive to me at that time. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 15:17

I believe that I had a level of I had a lifestyle that was very carefree. Yeah. And it was carefree because I didn't have a lot of responsibility. Yeah, when I didn't have a lot of responsibility. I didn't have a lot of things vying for my attention. So I could be present. Yeah, but that presence was built upon a foundation of very little responsibility. Yes. So you'd come in and used to be juggling the fruit that was because I didn't have to think about anything else. Yeah, I didn't have a woman at home. I didn't have a vision that was calling me forward. I was in this this beautiful. Kind of in between this limbo state in my life where I was just coming back to who I was before. The vision could be anchored before the woman could present herself before all of the next steps for my life. Were coming online and because you Yeah, I don't know what why that attracted you. But yeah, for me, it's like, yeah, it was it was his blase Ness, but there was almost like, there was this level of like, freedom that I was experiencing. Yes. Can I take back blase? No, you can't. I'm gonna hold on to it and a future argument.

Unknown: 16:17

Can I have another God?

Jacob O'Neill: 16:23

Tools? But um, yeah, I I feel that I was living a very, I had a lot of freedom in my life, because I didn't have a lot of responsibility. Yeah. So that I think can be really I think, like a man who feels free is very attractive to a woman. Yes.

Meg O'Neill: 16:43

Yes. And I think we could deepen into a conversation around that, but

Jacob O'Neill: 16:46

easily, yeah, yeah. But the other key piece for me is that I was free, I felt very free, but I didn't have a lot of responsibility. So my freedom was never really wasn't cultivated through challenge or adversity, or through deepening into more service. It was just me being very self serving. I work here, I make money. I eat what I want. I look after myself, it was very self serving, which is what I'd call immature, masculine.

Meg O'Neill: 17:10

Yes. And I see this in the even we spoke to this in that dating episode, like the spiritual kind of fuckboys archetype. Yeah, experiences a lot of freedom, but it's free of responsibility. I don't want a relationship. I don't want anything to tie me down. Because I want to be free. Yeah, but the ultimate masculine practice, and really what you teach is freedom through responsibility, freedom through anchoring of vision, through freedom through purpose. And freedom

Jacob O'Neill: 17:41

through devotion. Yeah. So that's the the key piece is that a lot of men was I guess we're speaking about this now. But quickly, men can experience freedom sitting on a mountaintop doing nothing. That's easy. That's yeah, that essentially is like, there's no responsibility other than to take care of my being. Yeah, then what will happen is that they'll either add one or the other alignment add, Korea, or relationship, and they can normally seek freedom through one or two of those, but very rarely can they hold both? Yeah. And this is where men get tripped up. They're like, fuck should I go for my vision? Should I go for my relationship, and they toss and turn with those two? And that's where the wrestle comes in of, like, how do I continually experience freedom, and engage with a woman on a deep devotional level, and also embrace the journey that moving towards my vision takes me on? Yes, and sometimes I can feel like they're pulling you in two different directions. Because one is like, one is creating, like impact and the other one is creating intimacy. And those two things can sometimes find, they can, they can sometimes feel like there's you're holding tension in your body, which is where like, the freedom comes from your nervous system, and expanding your capacity and your capacity. So it's like, hey, I can hold this woman and her deep desires for me to command and dominate in our, in our, in our, in our love life. And I can also hold the attention of I have a great vision to serve humanity and deliver my my gift to the world. And that requires my time, energy and resource and I can give to that as well because I've got the nervous system for that.

Unknown: 19:19

Yes, and go on.

Jacob O'Neill: 19:23

And I did not have that. Back when I was juggling. my nervous system did not have any of that capacity. All it had capacity for was whistling, juggling, riding a bike to and from suburbs in Brisbane and drinking coffee and Red Bull vodkas.

Meg O'Neill: 19:40

And also I want to acknowledge you at 24. And yeah, this I love the work of Alison Armstrong and I love what she really deeply speaks into is like the different stages of a man's life and him. He doesn't really step into his his king hood or his kingdom. until he's in his 40s all. And we need to be able to honor that time it takes for a man to cultivate that in internally, but then also His external kingdom, right, his success, his, his, you know, responsibilities in the world, all of those different things. And I think, you know, we're going on a few different tangents here. But I think they're important, I think it's really important to honor this as women that we can't click our fingers and go be masculine, you know, provide for v, if you're dating currently, and you have those desires, obviously, you can be out in the world and be be, you know, holding a standard for that. But also, you know, honoring and offering our partner or future partner grace in becoming who they here to be and stepping into their power.

Jacob O'Neill: 20:50

And 100%.

Meg O'Neill: 20:52

There was one thing I wanted to add, just remember the other Oh, lately, we've been talking a lot about like, oh, I said to you, if, like, I would want to spend if I got to choose to spend every single moment of every day with you, I would, yeah, you were like, and I already knew this. We've had many conversations about this. But you're like, No, I would not choose that. And then, and I'm sure it's okay to share this. We were we were on the phone to one of your siblings. And I asked her the question, and she's, you know, not in this work at all. It doesn't really, you know, know about polarity or anything like this. And I asked, I asked her, Hey, if you and her husband was there, and I said, Hey, if you got to spend every moment of every day with your husband, would you? And she goes, Yeah, of course. And he goes no way. And I think that speaks so beautifully, to a man's desire for freedom, and a woman's deep yearning for love, and relationship and connection. Like women, we ache for connection, we ache for intimacy. And I know there's exceptions to this. But from what I've witnessed in men and women, this is really, you know, common across the board. And I think as a woman, it's really important that we honor our man's yearning for freedom and not take offense, not take it personally, not be offended by it. Like when you tell me, Hey, I need space, I need to go surfing, I need to do that. I don't want to spend every waking hour with you. Because I'm on mission. And I I want to go serve and fill my cup in other ways. Like, I understand that. That's, I understand we're different. I understand we're deeply different. Sometimes I struggle, but I um, but I understand that. Right. And I think that's just a really important piece to bring into the conversation.

Jacob O'Neill: 22:48

Yeah, very important piece.

Unknown: 22:52

Do you want to add anything to that? No. Okay. Well said, Okay, so, Ray organics, you were juggling fruit. And I,

Meg O'Neill: 23:03

I was really attracted to that, like, yeah, freedom, and that that, you know, chilled out energy. And at that time, I was very much in this like, would you say like an Olden. I don't know if it was Ultra independent. But it was very much like, I don't need you. I don't need a man. I didn't even what like, and it was very much like, I'll be a whole human and you'd be a whole human and we come together as whole humans.

Jacob O'Neill: 23:28

Yeah, there wasn't a very there wasn't any neediness or insecurity or like, they're from you, you were quite what I felt. And when I reflect on at the early stages, it was like, there wasn't like, any pressure from you, for me to be a certain way. There wasn't any kind of I need you to be this and there wasn't any gripping. Even though you deeply desire that you were very clean in the way that you brought that Yeah, I think that's like a testament to you. And you, you do say that, you know, that was your puppy dog spiritual era, but I still think that that was I think that was a really powerful time for you in in creating what you wanted. And I felt like that's what kind of confused me and why I didn't not why didn't but I wasn't aware of it. I wasn't very good at dating, but I you know, you didn't seem to have any neediness. So for me, as a as a people pleaser, it was like, Well, what do i You don't need anything. I said, why? You know, what do I got to give you I don't have any value? That was my perspective on it. Yes. Which then kind of feeds into my you know, you you were independent. You were you didn't have a you sort of separate it. You hadn't separated from your old sort of friend group that you were choosing to walk a new path which has you severing sort of your ties to the old community and starting to walk this new path and connect with new people. And yeah, there's a there's a level of independence that you need to cultivate to be able to do that and courage. And

Meg O'Neill: 24:59

I think because we can He knew to like, once we got together, I was very much like, I know what I want. You come along for the ride here, let's

Jacob O'Neill: 25:08

go do that here. This is where we're going.

Meg O'Neill: 25:10

I was leading, I was making decisions, hey, come to yoga with me, hey, this is what I love come and do it with me. I was making a lot of the decisions in our relationship. And you were very much like, okay, like you were very go with the flow. Okay, I'll go and do this class with you. Okay, I'll go to yoga with you. Okay, we'll, you know,

Unknown: 25:30

go and do whatever we were doing.

Jacob O'Neill: 25:32

And that's, like, that's a pattern that I've had my whole life. Yeah, it's not just all of a sudden that I was with you, that was something that I'd always done. I'd always just if someone is, you know, I used to use the excuse, like, I'm happy doing whatever I'll do. Like I can, I can have fun doing anything. And I can. But that also doesn't mean that I ever really deepen into any thing of my real desires. That means I'm always just skimming off the surface. So yeah, for me, that was just like the way that I thought, relationships work. The other person said what they wanted to do, and I agreed to

Meg O'Neill: 26:02

it. Yes. And I got it worked for us, but what like, three, maybe even four years?

Jacob O'Neill: 26:09

Yeah, it really worked. Because you were in a very, you Dunston enough sort of self discovery work, personal development, whatever we want to call it and you realized where you wanted to go? And I hadn't? I definitely had not. Yeah, but you were fun. You're exciting. And you had a direction. So I was like, Cool. Let me like the, you know, even though I did really fucking like you, there's still that part of me that, that, you know, that was just still responding to Okay. Yep. Yep, yep. Okay, this is my programming. Yep, I'll do whatever you want to do. Yep, we do yoga. Yep. Okay, we go and do this. Yes. Okay, we do this.

Meg O'Neill: 26:50

And even at the time, like I was in a network marketing business, and it was my dream to have you quit your job. Yeah. And join me. Yes. And that was like, I want to, and that was very much the kind of culture of the network marketing, it's like, retire your husband or retire upon it. And that was my dream, it was like, you won't have to work, you can just follow me around, you can just be in my business, you can just do what I want you to do.

Jacob O'Neill: 27:18

My little, my little, sort of version of you have a very specific place that fits within my reality.

Meg O'Neill: 27:27

And yes, and I think that is, even though you said it wasn't pressuring you to be something there was like, because you didn't have a lot of direction. At that time, it worked really well for me to be like, This is what I want you to be, I want you to come to yoga with me, I want you to I want you to quit your job and and join my business and all of these things happened. And then it got to a stage probably four years into our relationship. I think I read the book, intimate communion by David data. And then I was also on this journey through, you know, our plant medicine work and some other work that I was beginning this descent into my, into my body into my pussy into the depth of my feminine. So I was no longer just operating from this, like shoulders up spirituality I was, I was becoming an embodied woman. And as I became this embodied woman, I began to feel these new desires unfurl, or these new desires come to the surface that I hadn't yet connected with. And it was these desires around all, I don't want you to just fit into this life I've created for us, I don't want you to be almost like this puppet. I'm like, Hey, quit your job, hey, come over here and do this thing. I, I was discovering this part of me that wanted to be led and wanting wanted to melt into you and want to be wanting to be dominated by you. And wanted to wanted to be so deeply claimed. And didn't want to be this like I'm independent. I'll show us where to go. Well, I'm, I'm kind of like, follow me. I realized, oh, that doesn't actually, that isn't actually feeding the depth of what I want out of a relationship.

Jacob O'Neill: 29:22

Though, which is like, for me, what I'm taking from what you've just shared is the whole concept of like, you weren't exhausted. You weren't like I'm just sick of making decisions. I'm exhausted. I'm done. Because more you had had an experience with like deepening into a desire rather than being exhausted by playing a role that didn't suit you.

Meg O'Neill: 29:41

It completely. Yeah, it wasn't I'd never had resentment for you. And no, I don't I don't think I ever held resentment for you in this in this way. But there was this like, Ah, I think I'm a woman that wants this. I never knew I wanted this. I never knew I wanted to be You ravished and claimed and to feel you're like, like, penetrating me with your masculine power. This, this was like a new experience for me to even, to even like contemplate or like feel that desire coming alive in me. Yeah.

Jacob O'Neill: 30:16

Which, once again, when I speak about your cleanliness when it comes to communication, like it's one of your your like superpowers is that the desire awoke within your body and you came and brought it to me. Yeah, yeah. And you did it in a pretty, I would say a very clean way. Whereas I feel like, as Instagram reels have popped off, and everyone's got, you know, all of these really, really buzzword he kind of takes on polarity and different things, I feel like women can start to like, sort of, sort of chip legs just to chip away at Oh, that's a desire, yeah, that's what I want. But then there's like this frustration and, and not knowing how to actually cleanly bring that, and how to actually, like, invoke that in demand. Whereas I feel like because we were both willing, we were able to deepen into it. And I think that's one of the biggest challenges that I see is like people like get this new information, but then they don't know how to actually like, shift from this dynamic to this other dynamic. And for men, especially if you're like me, where a lot of your self worth is tied up in the validation you receive for doing things for others. Now, you're all of a sudden saying, you don't want me to do that. And I have to now lead and do the complete opposite. And that's gonna make you feel even better than what I've been to already been doing. Oh, shit. Okay, that's, that's, that's news to me. And I remember reading into my communion as well. And being like, Holy fuck. There's this whole other way of relating that I have not tapped into, tapped into yet.

Meg O'Neill: 31:51

Did reading that book excite you? Like, I remember reading that or like being introduced to, like you said, another way of relating and feeling like, my body responded being like, I want that. Wow. Like, I didn't even realize I wanted that. But I I want to taste that I want to feel that was Was that something you? I

Jacob O'Neill: 32:12

don't think that's my default. I think that like my default is to feel shame around the fact that I didn't already know that. And then yeah, I feel you're so good. Like when I see you, like, you'll like absorb new information. Oh, my God, how exciting. And I'll absorb it and I'll go, Fuck, I've been doing it wrong for so long. Okay, I'll look like fuck. And I'll instantly go into judgment on how I've been showing up. Like for me, when I read that I kind of wrote off the first four years of our relationship as me not being good enough.

Unknown: 32:41

And I think that speaks so beautifully into

Meg O'Neill: 32:45

what we often talk about, like, one of the biggest wins for a woman is I'm too much, especially in relationship. And for a man, it's I'm not good enough. And I think this is why I really want to bring this conversation forth. Because as a woman comes into feeling this desire, maybe it's for the first time or coming, coming into connection with this desire to be ravished to be claimed to feel, you know, her man's masculine power. It is so important we offer this or bring this in a way where when not when not communicating to women, you're not enough, you haven't been enough. Right? This it's important, we bring a level of sensitivity. Because when a man feels small or criticized or that he isn't enough, that's not the place he is going to rise from, will be able to serve you most deeply from

Jacob O'Neill: 33:42

No, definitely not. That's the way that I look at that is like you can either rule with by fear or rule by love, like, lead with fear or lead with love. And if you're leading with fear, you're only going to create more separation, you might get what you want. But you're still going to be leading, you're still going to be like, you're still going to be in control. You haven't invoked and started to dance with the other person you've been like, this is how you need to act for me to be able to surrender to you. So go and do these five things. And then away we go. So he goes in, he books the weekend away, he sends you the text, he buys the dress, he brings the flowers. And when you hop in the car, there's this numbness, because you have said that he needs to do this. So he's just jumping through hoops. He's once again, doing as he's told, and it's completely derailed. And the formula that you thought was going to fix and deepen and solve all of your intimacy problems, has just perpetuated a deeper level of disconnection between you. Yes, and created more. More resentment between the two of you so

Unknown: 34:48

Oh, my God, everything you just said.

Jacob O'Neill: 34:51

Surprise, surprise. It's not just the formula. It's how Yes, you relate. It's the energy and the way that you bring it and move it between the two. To people which is my favorite thing to talk about all the other stuff is just loving the energetics of it erotic blueprint energetic Hey, yeah,

Unknown: 35:13

I need a pee

Jacob O'Neill: 35:15

peg through

Unknown: 35:17

I know that I'm pregnant.

Jacob O'Neill: 35:21

Okay, where are we up to? We're up to

Meg O'Neill: 35:24

the energetic Ivor we're gonna dive in. I've got a question I want to ask you. I'm gonna go pizza okay my love if you are a woman that deeply desires to be claimed, cherished, chosen ravished in partnership. Whether you are currently in partnership or not. You are going to want to join me here on the Gold Coast in July. I am holding an in person immersion for three entire days, three entire days devoted to breathing down the walls of your heart, opening your body liberating your expression and becoming a woman able to be claimed cherished and chosen in partnership. I have not run an in person event or a women only event in a very long time and given the baby I'm about to have I will not for a while after this. So this is a very special opportunity to come and work with me in person with a very intimate amount of women we are going to go deep it is going to be an unforgettable three days and if you are feeling the call to join us come and apply ASAP there's limited spaces, you're going to want to go to the link in the show notes or mag dash O'Neil dot com forward slash claimed dash immersion or just head to my Instagram, all the information is there. I can't wait to be with you. We're back.

Jacob O'Neill: 37:02

We're back. I've paid you've paid How are you feeling? Good. Feeling nimble feeling I can't

Unknown: 37:08

concentrate on I need to be shot. You

Jacob O'Neill: 37:11

know, why not? Too much pressure.

Unknown: 37:14

Yeah, but that was for

Jacob O'Neill: 37:18

you guys pregnancy is an excuse for the day.

Unknown: 37:20

Um,

Jacob O'Neill: 37:20

you want to ask a question.

Meg O'Neill: 37:22

I want to I kind of want to circle back to I want to dive into the energetics and the way you just said like the formula piece. Yeah. But first of all, I want to ask, what like I know when you said you read, you know, intimate communion. And you were like, I've, I want to write off the first four years like I was almost doing it wrong, or wasn't enough. Yeah. Was there ever a point because I want to get into the stage of our relationship where I started to bring this desire. And we started to shift the dynamic of our relationship because it wasn't as if we clicked our fingers and you were organizing things and and, you know, one of the greatest things, one of the things you're the greatest at in our relationship now is when I'm in chaos, or when I am like, you can feel I'm like yearning for containment, or yearning to deeply melt is you know when to step in. And you know, I call it like you energetically spank me, or you energetically like, grabbed me by the throat. Yes. And that's like, so fucking sexy. But that's been something that you've refined. And you've it's taken time for you to step into that. So I really want to get into the conversation around like, what was what unfolded in our relationship to move us to the place we're at now. But my question right now is Was there ever a point where what I brought made you feel not enough

Jacob O'Neill: 38:52

I don't think what you brought made me feel that way. I think that the awareness once I'd gotten this new, this new information around sexual polarity around the energetics around the different styles of relating once I'd gotten that information, I was like, fuck, I've been flying blind my whole life. And in that there was a feeling of like, I should have known this. Why didn't I know this already? There was always a part of me. And once again, this is my childhood. Was this like, I should know better? Yeah, I should always know better. Like, I'm the I'm the eldest child. I'm the one that should should know better. You should be you shouldn't. Yeah, there was so much short in my life that I now see. I see things through the lens of sight, you know, rather than like, Oh, this is a great opportunity. I see it as why haven't I already done this? Why am I so far behind? So that is my own shit. Yeah. And I would say that when I do alchemize that I then see it as an opportunity to do better. Yeah, rather than I never want to be who I was. Because that's me rejecting my old self. So it's more around like, Ah, now like, we like one side, when once I'd read into making me and got all the way through it, I remember just being like, Ah, this, this all makes so much sense. And because I'm so hyper vigilant and aware of things, like I was able to, like, start to understand how to move in our relationship with a whole lot more nuanced probably is the world where I was like, a cooler, I know, I know how to, and start off with pretty basic stuff, but it was like, oh, cool, alright, you know, you've, you've worked all day, and it's like, I'm not gonna let you like, just keep staying in that I was like, Okay, I'll run the bath or make the dinner I'll I will create a container for you to stop, you know, to melt into.

Meg O'Neill: 40:55

I remember one of the things you first started to do was you would come into my office and go, or you would say, your finishing work and like 10 minutes, yeah, especially because at that time, I would work, I had a tendency to work late into the night or just like, work, work, work, work, work. And you would be like, you're finishing in in 10 minutes, and then I'm running your bath. And then you'd come in, and you'd literally close my laptop. Yes. And there was, you know, the part of me and I'll get into more of this later, but the part of me that wanted to just like know, oh, my god, no. But then also underneath that was the part of me that was like, oh, like, yes. Yeah, energetically dominate me. So tell me what to do. Let me just like melt.

Jacob O'Neill: 41:42

Yeah, I think there was like, you know, that that sort of beginning of like, repolarizing, our relationship was around. Yeah, very simple, very structured. Action. Yeah, I'm being like, fuck it. Let's see how this goes. And

Meg O'Neill: 41:59

you were I want to really honor you for taking risks. And I think this is a big, I speak about this so much with my women inside full spectrum woman that when we're stepping more into our feminine, and we're wanting to offer that into our partnership, it requires us to take risk. Right, take risks. So if you want to bring your eroticism in a way that you've never done it before, you're gonna feel fucking nervous, or it's you don't know how your partner is going to react or what response they're going to have to a new part of you. Or if you bring, you know, if you play with like bringing your jealous bitch, or like the part of you that tantrums or the part of you that's like, I want to spend every moment of every day with you. Instead of being like, oh, yeah, whatever, I don't need you. Like, when you bring these new parts of yourself to your man, it's risky as fuck, because you've never done it before. And you do not know what's going to happen. And I just, I remember that and, like, so deeply honor that, in that season of our relationship is you were so willing to get it wrong, or to fuck it up. You were so willing to lean in and be like, I'm gonna walk in and I'm gonna close my laptop, and she might kick and scream, and she might she might get angry. Or she might melt into a puddle of deep feminine meter opening and surrender. I don't know. But I'm gonna go in and I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to try. I'm going to take a risk. And that was a bold Yeah.

Jacob O'Neill: 43:34

Well, it was it was either, you know, this is the new level of awareness. And if I don't take this action, then I'm denying what I now know to be true. Yeah, going against what you know what life is asking of me. Yeah. So regardless of whether Yeah, that's that's the way that I saw it. It's like well, what Yeah, rather than rather than be like, you know, what if this sort of this foot What if I fuck up it was more about what if this is the actual way? What if this this is the way they would if this is the next step? And that's what I you know, that became a bit of my March like, the next step is the next step. Yeah, God, listen, whether I succeed or fail, the next step is the next step.

Meg O'Neill: 44:16

And this is something that I've you know, been in this is like the depth of my practice in relationship. But also something I am consistently reminding women of who desire more from their man or like desire, you know, more of this leadership quality is you must offer him grace. Yes, right. I even told that story the other day of like, Oh, you must be aware that he's not always gonna get it right. If you want your man to lead, he's not always going to make decisions that feel amazing for you. are right in the moment, like the other day, you took me to breakfast, and it was so sexy. I was on the phone to my mom, and you just like leant over and mouth to meet us. And I was like, Yes. Like, I just love that I'm not even going to look at a menu. I just get like food brought to me. Yes. And then the food came out and he'd ordered me tomato soup.

Jacob O'Neill: 45:16

I remember the gluten free bread did not that

Meg O'Neill: 45:18

it was our first meal of the day, but it was like a one o'clock. So they didn't have a breakfast menu anymore. But I was expecting like eggs or I don't know. And then it came out with tomato soup. And there was a part of me that back in the day, maybe when we were first playing with these dynamics that would have projected this energy of like, You're wrong. Like how the fuck did Why the fuck did you order me tomato soup. You fucked that up. And you I couldn't trust you. I'll just go and order something. And it might not have been those words. But that would have been the energetic underneath my body language. My like huffing and puffing or whatever it would have been. Yeah. And instead last week, or whenever this was when this happened. Like, I just felt the contraction. And I felt the part of me that didn't want the tomato soup. And I I let you feel that I didn't make you wrong. I didn't blame you. I just let you witness the part of me that was disappointed. I don't want this. And immediately also it because I wasn't making you wrong, or I wasn't having this energy of like, I knew you wouldn't get it right. There was you you don't know how to lead me. You don't know how to make the right decisions. You fucked this up because I wasn't bringing that to the space. It actually offered you an opportunity to even lead me and hold me in an even greater way. Because I was like, you were like, what's on my love. I know something's up and I was like, I don't want. Like, I really don't feel like the suit. And you just said, That's okay. I'll eat it. He's my cod. Go inside, look at the menu and order whatever you want. And I was like, Are you sure? There was part of me? That was like, no, no, I don't know. Like, I'm

Jacob O'Neill: 47:10

gonna be a good guy. I'm gonna eat this tomato. You were never gonna eat it. I wasn't.

Meg O'Neill: 47:15

But there was part of me that was still like, but but and you said, No. And this is where you energetically spanked me? You said? No, no, you said, Ah.

Jacob O'Neill: 47:26

Did you like that?

Meg O'Neill: 47:30

Maybe not like that. But you did something you were like, kind of like,

Jacob O'Neill: 47:34

just go inside now, or what you want. And

Meg O'Neill: 47:36

you said you can either make a thing of this? Or you can go inside or do what you want. We can continue how you can great day. What are you going to choose? Oh, okay. Obviously gonna go inside all we want and not make a thing of this. And it was so fucking sexy. And I just really want to speak into this because this is our practice as the feminine. It's realizing that upon it isn't always going to get it right. And our disappointment is welcome in the space. The part of us that's like, oh, like, this isn't it is welcome in the space, but not from a place of projection or making him wrong.

Jacob O'Neill: 48:17

You get to feel your disappointment. But you don't get to project that onto your partner as a judgment. Yes, of his action. So it's like, yeah, I did order the tomato soup fact, you feel disappointed because it's not what you want. Fact. That doesn't mean that you need to project that disappointment onto me to say that, hey, you're wrong. But you can feel that disappointment. I can read the disappointment in the way that you express. Like, ah, what's up my love. And then you can say, hey, I don't really feel like tomato soup. Cool. And then I get to make a decision on whether or not I take that personally. And

Unknown: 48:50

that yeah, I'm like, fuck it. It's

Jacob O'Neill: 48:54

tomato soup. And then I was like, then you should Oh, yeah, having coffee. Okay. Yep. It's first Mother's Day. Yeah, tomato soup probably wasn't the best. But you know what, I made a call and the hub. I'm gonna it's on the table, I'll eat it. But I then had to make the decision of whether I get to like, stand my ground like, Okay, well then if you don't want to eat it, I'll eat it. But I'm not gonna you know, you're just gonna have to get hungry. Like I didn't have to be an asshole about I got to like reengage at a deeper with a deeper level of, I guess, direction and be like, Okay, well then if this isn't, if we're not going here, well, then we're going here. And if you want to make this mean something and turn this into a big thing you can or you can go and get what you want. Right now we can continue on with this day. So sexy. It's like, yeah, I get to give you not an ultimatum. But I get to put you into a position where like this is you know, you can choose to turn this into something that it doesn't need to be. And I'm going to, I'll go there with you if you want to if you want to if you want to tussle but I feel that there's a better option here which is go and get the food that you want. Come back, sit down and we're going to continue having a great day. And

Meg O'Neill: 49:56

I also want to honor that that takes a lot to not take that pill I suddenly even when a woman isn't projecting blame, but when a woman when you've taken a risk in relationship, when you've to any you've done this so many fucking times in our relationship where it hasn't landed my last birthday. When we went fucking kayaking did not land and I and you it was a surprise we worked out I didn't know where we're going. We woke me up so early. And then I was I felt we got I got wet in the kayak immediately. And then I felt seasick the. And like, I wasn't gonna hide that I wasn't enjoying the experience. I was just showing you I was and I also wasn't like, Fuck you fucked up. How dare you are all my birthday? Like it was just like, I'm cold and I'm sick right now and I'm disappointed. And you? What do you mean? Oh, CeCe got seasick? Yeah, no, I was just like, I literally wanted to throw up in the kayak. But you huge shows instead of to become small and almost be like, fuck you. I tried and I took a risk and you're not appreciative. Yeah, you held and you continue to stay in your leadership, you continue to stay in your power of, okay, I took a risk, this hasn't gone down. But I'm gonna continue to lead this moment. And so when we got out of the car, when we got out of the kayak, you we went in the car and you like, put my favorite country song on and I started crying and you were like, we're gonna have you like, that's, this isn't the end of today, we're gonna have an incredible day, it kind of again, you're kind of like leading the moment of, hey, I understand that this moment didn't work out. And I've still got you, and we're gonna go to bayleaf we're gonna have an incredible breakfast, then I'm going to take you to get a massage, then I'm going to do this. Like he was still you didn't drop me because I didn't respond in the way that like of like, oh my God, thank you, this is the best moment of my life. And often when you you know, that a lot of the time that is my reaction, deep appreciation and a lot of the things you you lead on do land, but that the reality is that's not life. No, that is not life. And if anyone's expecting to be able to take these dynamics of like polarity, and to go to their partner, you know, be more masculine, and think that they're going to lead and get it right in every single moment. And you're never going to feel disappointed again. Like, that's not reality, that's not life. And part of playing with these dynamics is playing in the gritty messy moments too, and continuing to hold as a woman continuing like, for me my practice in the tomato soup experience, or the birthday experience was, Can I continue to open to this instead of closing my heart and blocking him out? Or withholding? Can I continue to reveal what's alive for me? Can I continue to open? Can I continue to trust him? And then the depth of your practice was can I continue to hold? Can I continue to lead?

Jacob O'Neill: 52:58

Totally. And if you expect your partner to perfectly legal perfectly submit to you, then you've got a control issue. And your nervous system is needs needs needs some work? That's essentially it, like the way that I see it is that for a woman who needs her partner to lead perfectly in the way that she needs him to? Yeah, you're still you're still trying to control yes. If you if, like, if he orders a tomato soup, and you like, See, I fucking knew it, he has no fucking clue who I am. versus actually acknowledging the action step of leadership versus the outcome of what you needed that leadership, action to be. You're still trying to control and lead your relationship, you're still trying to, you know, be in the seat of awareness and not letting yourself you know, you're not actively practicing being with your partner's leadership.

Meg O'Neill: 53:56

And I want to speak into why many women desire them and leadership because what it makes possible for a woman Yes, and I'll speak from my own experience, I love when you lead and and offer me experiences like I'm going to order for you, I have a surprise for you. I'm not I've organized the day, I'm not going to, you know, yeah, I'm not going to tell you what it is, or come in and close the laptop, all of those things, please me or contain me or create a container where I can melt into my body, where it's an invitation for me not to be in my head, not to have to hold consciousness of the situation, not to have to be, you know, vigilant of what's going on. But I get to rest deeply into into the container you create for me, which is an incredibly pleasurable experience. Once I've moved past my, you know, patterns of control and the parts of me that want to control and make sure you're doing it right and think I knew better. Underneath that is the part of me that just wants to melt into it. My body and melt into this like container, right and you've created that container. And so I just wanted to get clear on that when when we're talking about that, like control piece that can often come up for women underneath the pattern of I know best and I'm going to try and control you and you should do it this way. And I know better is actually underneath that is often the part of us that so deeply wants to release the fucking control. Because we want to taste the depth and oceans of surrender that is made possible when we truly relinquish control and allow ourselves to melt into the container that our partner is creating for us. Yes, like that is that is the doorway to this and this is a spiritual experience. Like I this is a spiritual practice. This is feminine spiritual practice. It's can we surrender into life itself into God into the container that life is creating for us? And our relationship becomes like a microcosm of that.

Jacob O'Neill: 56:03

Yes. Fucking love that. My love. What do you feel? Can I ask a quick question? I just want to like sort of circle back. Why do you say say there's a woman listening to this? And she's like, fuck yeah, I want to be ravished Fuck yeah, I want to, I want to feel that containment for a man's masculine field of awareness, his consciousness, whatever it may be, she was a bit Miss Independent, like you were in like, very comfortable with her direction vision and what she wants and knows how to get it, so to speak. But then this deeper desire to be ravished is unlocked or activated from whatever, for whatever reason, whether it's reading a book, listening to a podcast, having a sexual awakening, whatever it is, many different ways lead to this this point for women. What are some of the things that you feel women struggle with? When they make get met with this? Like, yeah, so like, we've been saying, you know, a woman can be like, Okay, now you have to leave me in this way to do this thing at this time, and can kind of like put all of the can still be playing a little bit of like, all conductor of the orchestra that want the man to be in control, but in the way that they want it. So what are some of the ways that you see women struggle, like they still sit in that seat of I want to be in control, but I want to be led? What do you feel is like some of the things there? Well, it's,

Meg O'Neill: 57:21

that's the piece, it's the control piece, which, obviously, I actually do not know, a woman that doesn't have, you know, this embodied pattern of control. And of course, we do, it's a protective mechanism. Yeah. And this not only shows up in relationship, but it shows up without a larger relationship with life or a larger relationship with spirit. And again, this is why I feel this is like the depth of feminine practice. And, you know, men also have a feminine energy. So this, this is a practice, you know, they can practice you in relationship to life. But it's, it's this practice of relinquishing the part of us or melting down the walls we have that tell us that we need to control the outcome, we need to control and create certainty so that we are safe. Right. And you know, like, like you said, then so often when a woman is first meeting this part of her that what I want to be claimed, I want to feel his leadership, what I see is the part of her that then is trying to control how that unfolds, control how he does that, the part of her that says, I know better. If you have a part of you that says I know better, and you're bringing that and allowing that to be at the forefront of your relationship, you will never experience the leadership and the claim. And the ravish meant that the deeper part of you is yearning for an integral necessary part of being a woman that's able to receive his leadership, receive His power receive His claim, is doing the work to meet the parts of you that feel the need to control feel the need to know better and to tell him what to do. And that's confronting as fuck, I've had many moments of that in our relationship. Where, you know, I've asked you, hey, I desire I brought my desire forth with an open heart of like, I want you to plan special days for me, so I don't have to think about and I can just melt and then you do that. And I've been critical. Or I've been like, why didn't you do this? Or why are we leaving at this time? Or there's part of me that is trying to fight you for the lead. That's that's like, wanting, I've asked for something and then once I've asked for it, it's almost like no, I don't trust you to to lead me right now. I'm still trying to fight to control. I'm trying to find the incredible eyes where you haven't gotten it right. So I can use that as an excuse to be like, Ah, see, I can't trust him and I can go back into the familiar seat of having control again, and knowing better. So just to kind of summarize that it's this familiarity with this pattern and have I know best and I want to control. Yeah, that's my and I just also want to honor that's huge. That is such a practice to breathe down those walls. And it's also what we deeply crave. As women, it's like the ultimate thing we crave. We want to be fucked out of our heads. Right? I wrote this thing this week on Instagram, because a lot of the women I work with and a lot of the women listening to this would be entrepreneurs would be like women out there, in business making things happen. And there is a deep yearning within these women I know within me to come into the container out of our relationship and literally have the boss babe fucked out of us. The part of us that has to make all the decisions the part of us that's like, I know how to get shit done. And I know how to strategize. And I know how to like lead. Yes, that's a powerful part of a woman. And I'm not saying don't be that I am that in a huge portion of my life. But I don't necessarily want to be that in our relationship. And we really want to come into our relationship and have that part of me, dominated and fucked all the way out of me. And again, that takes being willing to relinquish control.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:01:38

Thank you for sharing that my love the piece that I'm taking from this and what I because I get a lot of messages from women, they're like, Why can't Well, like I want my man to just like, I want like, I want like, what do you have with me I want you to do I want my man. And I'm like, like, stop focusing on what I'm doing and start witnessing the way that mega shifting from control to receptivity. Yeah, this is a piece so I know you want to speak, I'm going to continue to speak for a moment. What I can be, I can take the lead, no matter what, like I can go on I can make all the decisions, make all the money, do all the things and do everything right by the book, as per intimate communion. However, if you are not practicing receptivity, if you are not relinquishing control and practicing receptivity, I will only ever be met with resistance, I'll only be met with expectation I'll only be met with bots and shoulds and noes and IFS from you because you are not. And there is a tussle and we've got to honor the tussle of course, but if that is your your, if that's where you take your standard, like, I'm not relinquishing control, he has to do with this this way, this way, this way, this way, this way. And any thing that he does that is unknown to me is actually not okay, yeah, then you are not practicing receptivity, you're not practicing trust, you're not having faith in the the actual energetic exchange that's going on in your relationship. So, for me, one of the greatest things that a woman can do in regards to that desire is to make them known, hey, I want to feel your leadership, I want to feel your direction, I feel your power and assertiveness in our relationship. You don't then set it a task list. You can share what how you would like to know I want to be taken out, I want to be spoiled, I want to be I want to be celebrated. I want to be like I want to be on display I want to be I want people to know that I'm your woman, happy days, but then you sit back into the seat of receptivity. And you practice invoking that through being in that energy Yang in that sort of, you know, surrendering to life moving through you and drawing his leadership out of him rather than demanding it be shown in this specific way to create this specific outcome. So you could have the feeling that the book says you need to have to be in your feminine. So the piece that I'm really picking up on for women that you're speaking to, is to me it sounds like receptivity is the real key piece here.

Meg O'Neill: 1:04:14

Completely and I love that you said you could do all the right things but if you're if for example, I'm not open to that, and receptive of that I'm never going to you can have the most masculine man you know, masculine man, and not actually be able to receive that like you and I really want women to hear that that you are the living invitation. You must be the living embodiment to be able to receive that. No you cannot just point your finger at your man and say step up be more masculine lead me take me on a date send me a text that says Be ready at seven and wear the dress like he could do all of that

Jacob O'Neill: 1:04:56

said the copy for easy. Here is the text see sequence copy that you will be sending me over the next two weeks to reinstate polarity. And for me to be in my feminine surrender. warmest regards yourself surrendered. Deeply embodied. Oozing, radiant, feminine. divine goddess lover.

Unknown: 1:05:20

And was I don't remember Yeah, I don't remember where I was going. But yeah, that's my mind is empty.

Meg O'Neill: 1:05:41

Yeah, yeah, you can't. And something I also was was speaking on social media in the last week or so is that. And I've said this many times before that it is such an IK it is when a man says to a woman and I hate when I see this in the polarity space. There's an expectation of surrender. So when a man's like, just surrender, right? When, what if a man was to say that to a woman without providing safety, without providing containment without offering the depth of his presence? That is just demanding a woman to surrender without creating the environment in which she needs a woman is going to do the complete fucking opposite? Right? That's actually repulsive. Yeah. And for women, it's really important to honor that, we can often do the same thing to men, we can be like, demanding, like, be more powerful, be more masculine, lead me, but simultaneously, not be creating an environment where he feels safe to do that. We're criticizing him. We're trying to control how he leads and how he brings his power. He's, he's bringing it in moments. And then we're saying no, not like that. No, not like that. Here's how I would do it. Or in the small ways of like, you know, you could be asking on a Tuesday night, can you can you lead me more? Can you take me on Mondays? Can you do this thing? And then on the Wednesday, he's said that he's going to go and do something with his friends. And you're like, Oh, you're always out? Or then you're driving with him? And then you say, why are you going this way? Or he's scrolling his phone? Why are you always on your phone? Right? That is not an environment where a man will feel safe, to bring his leadership because you're constantly communicating. I don't trust you. Right, I don't trust you. And so this is the piece, I really want women to hear that you can't just point the finger at your man or a man and say, Bring me your leadership. You know, you are part of that. That equation, you're a part of that cocreation. And like you said before, that receptivity, that openness, that offering him appreciation, celebrating the moments, he is taking risks, honoring him, respecting him in those ways, is like, so fucking important. And then in your own body means being so devoted to meeting the parts of you that want to control like this is going to be so fucking confronting. This was so fucking confronting for me. In those first few years of really shifting our dynamic was meeting all the parts of me that would want it to like fight you, when you were leaving. Like when we would dry I remember this one time, when we're driving to a restaurant, I literally was just like, I just, like, felt so uncomfortable. And so like, my body was like, you know, almost like fighting, I could feel the parts of me that just wanted to be like, you're gonna get it wrong. I don't trust you that like you weren't in the right place. You can fuck it up, oh, my God, and almost wanted to sabotage that moment. So you did get it wrong. So I could just be like, See, told you and I could just be comfortable again, comfortable in the seat of making decisions. And I'll just do it because I can trust myself. And I know we'll get it right.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:09:14

It's easy to do it myself.

Meg O'Neill: 1:09:15

It's easier to do it myself. If you're a woman that wants to be ravished claimed and lead, you must be willing to meet the part of you. Right and be with the discomfort of being with a part of you that thinks you know best. Yeah, right, and thinks it's easier to do it yourself. Yes, right. That's going to be uncomfortable. You're going to be sitting at a restaurant and potentially thinking, I wouldn't have picked this one. I would have actually picked the Asian joint down the road. And then you've just got to be with that part of you. Notice that part of you. And then can you find the receptivity under that part of you? And you go Oh, hi. You're welcome here part of me that thinks I know best and thinks that I would have had a better time if I chose or I controlled the situation. But actually Hi, I'm gonna practice hula taking a deep breath and opening my body. I can feel the part of me that wants to make him wrong right now. So I can be right. And I can come back into the part of me that wants to feel familiar of like familiar and in control. Okay, I can feel and acknowledge that part of me, but can I breathe down into receptivity? Can I open? Can I speak that part of me into the space? I used to do that all the time, you'd make a decision or you'd share something and I'd say, Oh, my God, I can feel the part of me that wants to make you wrong, right now I can feel the part of me that struggling to let you make a decision for us, we'll let you lead. That's powerful when something is spoken into the space. Right, then you got an opportunity. Or I could even say, I can feel the part of me that's like, really uncomfortable letting you leave right now. And I want to be in control. Can you help me? Right, you can ask for your partner support. And, like, in that moment, yeah.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:10:59

And I think that level of awareness is really powerful, too, because you're sharing what's going on for you without it being a projection. Yeah, I just want to look up and see if I can find this. Like I wrote, I wrote a post about this. A while ago, I can't remember when it was, but I'd like to read it. If I can find it. Yes, please do. Yeah, I can't remember where I put it. It was it was a real a while ago. But yeah, I I really feel that like that, like that awareness and being able to like speak, it just takes it out of like, the guessing. Like, oh, I'm gonna have to, I want to push this down. I don't want him to feel this part of me. Because this isn't what I want to bring, I want to be in my receptivity. I don't want to be this I don't want to be it's like, once you voice it, we can both like kind of almost like if we can always bring some lightness to it. Sorry, I'm not speaking to Mike. We can bring some lightness to it. And then we can start to ground it. And then that's when like a hammer. Hey, love it. Thanks for sharing that with me. Don't worry, I've got us. No worry. If you feel a little bit unsure, you just let me know. But I'm gonna go the way I know. We're gonna have the food that I've organized. And if I get it wrong, get it wrong. You're really good at you.

Unknown: 1:12:15

And yeah, like the next

Jacob O'Neill: 1:12:17

week, we'll go on another date. And we might get it right. But I also might get it wrong. And that's part of it. That's part of the game. Yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 1:12:25

Yeah. And I think I love that you said speaking it out. Become like, therefore creates an opportunity to play with it. Now we're having this conversation with women inside full spectrum woman last night was speaking about jealousy when jealousy arises in the relationship. And if we're just trying to like pretend when not a jealous bitch, so there's no part of us. That's a jealous bitch. That part of us is then going to come out in manipulative ways. Yes. And it's the same with any part of us. If we're like, at the restaurant, or like driving in the car to the restaurant. And he we don't know where he's taking us or he's taking us on a surprise date or something. And we can feel the part of us it's like, I need to know where we're going. I think he's gonna get it wrong. Does he know I'm gluten free? Does he know that? I don't feel it. I hope he doesn't take me to Asian like, there's that inner conflict. And the part of us that's rising up is what I call the controlling bitch. Yeah, it's like the part of us that wants to have control. If we're pretending in that moment, I don't have no that's not a part of me. Breathe, open surrender. I'm feminine goddess. Like, like, sometimes that's not reality. Sometimes the reality is, hey, my love, I am just feeling this part of me that's like, Oh, my controlling pitch is coming out right now. And I want to be able to open and soften and I love expressing this, like, I want to be able to open and soften and melt into you tonight. And I can also feel the part of me that is like wanting to fight you and wanting to tell you, you're wrong.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:13:53

This is the unraveling like this is like yeah, unraveling of stories and like you get to like, unravel rather than throw, as like it's just, it's an unraveling. It's like this needs to move. And all that is is moving energy. And when you have the awareness and the the impeccability impeccability, the, the the integrity, whatever it is, if you can do that as a way like Hey, I just need to just share some stuff that's going on. I feel like I want to control you right now. And you're you're going the wrong way and I don't know where we're going to dinner and I really don't wanna have Asian I'm, I'm gluten free and I don't really want a dairy right now but I'm also like, I'm not drinking alcohol. So I wonder if I have any like other drinks on um, I got a drink tablet. And then like that, when you bring that energy into the space you do then that's an invoke that's an invoke invocation. You're invoking this, this space with an invitation. I'm saying 20 words. You are asking for his containment, in that unraveling. You are asking for his containment by presenting an unraveling of your feminine. Have this this story that no longer wants to be stuck inside of you. Yes. And that is a beautiful because like that, all that takes is a hand on the knee and like, Don't worry, my love of Goddess. I can see that sounds really hard. Come here, I get it. I get it. Yes. And then you get to drip feed that information. Well guess what, this place has gluten free. That's not Asian going somewhere else. And don't worry, I've checked how to get there. And this way, you can make it to the restaurant. And we're going to be on top. And no, I bought a jacket as well just in case you get cold, but they've also got blankets.

Unknown: 1:15:43

Yes.

Meg O'Neill: 1:15:45

And if you're a man that hasn't thought of those things, and your woman is bringing up all of those things. That's also a beautiful way to beautiful information for the future. So if you realize, oh, she's worried about getting cold, okay, a way that I can support her to be in her body, rather than in her head thinking that I haven't thought of everything is next time to make sure she has a jacket. I'll

Jacob O'Neill: 1:16:11

just I'll just give a masculine fucking cheat code here. Always, like just have a bag in your car. Like just do this. This is a direct fucking order for all of the men out there that want to hold some form of masculine containment for a woman, have a bag in your car, have socks, we have a towel, have a blanket and have a spare jacket in your car.

Meg O'Neill: 1:16:39

That's actually the sexiest thing when like we've been out and I need a blanket or like, we want to sit down somewhere like this happened. I think it happened on my birthday last year when we wanted to sit on the grass. And I was like, I don't really want to sit on the grass. You were like, I gotta blink on the car. You're like, hey, I'll be two minutes. I'm gonna go grab the blanket from the car. Yeah, it was just like, oh, like, you've solved the problem before it's even become a thing. Yeah. And again, not not that not that we should expect a man or feel this sense of like, why didn't you have the blanket, you should have the jacket right now. But there is this beautiful thing when a man is able to because again, what we're craving, if we look at the masculine and feminine, the masculine is holding consciousness. Right? And this supports when a woman doesn't feel like she has to out conscious a man. So think about, is it going to rain? Is it going to do this? Where are we going? What did it when a woman believes that or can trust that he's got that he's holding that pole, she can melt into her body and melt into, you know, being embodied in pleasure in her aliveness. And so, yeah, that that level of containment can really support a woman.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:17:57

Once again, masculine cheat code for all of the men out there. Yeah, have a bag in your car. Blanket. Socks, because her feet are gonna get cold, good quality water, good quality water. You know what, buy an RV. Take every single thing that you own with you everywhere you go.

Unknown: 1:18:18

So you can meet needs and every of everything.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:18:22

Never not think about her needs it always meet her expectations and never ever fuck it up. Joking, but seriously, like that is such a, it is such a beautiful thing when you can fulfill a desire, because you've thought about things from from a greater perspective from a more conscious place. So this is just a great one like I haven't met a I'm yet to meet a woman that doesn't get cold when it's not that cold. not that cold. But for someone for a while, but it can be so it's like have a towel, have a blanket. Have a pair of socks have a jacket. And if he can get an umbrella and get a really cool umbrella get a really sexy umbrella. It's such a gentleman thing. But if you have those things you kind of prepared for like, Oh, if you get caught in the rain, you've got a towel and then you've got a blanket you want to lay down on grass or it's wet or you're laid down so you've got a blanket. If if she she has the kind of faded cold she put socks on.

Unknown: 1:19:24

All those things are so sexy and

Jacob O'Neill: 1:19:26

there's nothing and there's nothing more like fucking just bosses that when a woman's called you can give her your jacket and she just like gets to like have this oversized jacket on it smells like you and she just starts to like, go all soft and gooey. And it's like these these are like micro things that lead to the beautiful like, eruption of like, of deep love

Meg O'Neill: 1:19:48

and invite her into her body invite her the these and because you want it you can't just say trust me. I've got it. Right. When a woman has a lot of tendency is to control embedded in her body, it's going to take time and you have to offer her grace as well on that. And these moments where you're able to say, I've got the jacket, or don't worry, I know that the restaurants gluten free, you're offering her these moments where it's basically saying, or in her in her body. It's going. Okay, I can take a deep breath. Okay, I don't have to control. Okay, he's got me.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:20:24

Yeah. And one of the things you know, this is your leadership may require you to go above and beyond if you get to the rest of the so let's just keep using the restaurant as an example. Yeah, you get to the restaurant, right? You get there. And your, your woman, your partner is cold. They don't have blankets, and you live five minutes away. What do you do? Do you stay there while it's cold? What do you do? Do you have a decision to make what's actually going to create more containment for you guys to reengage to read return to a place of like openness? Is it that you sit there for the next two hours as she shivers and closes, closes? closes, closes, closes? Or do you duck into the Bulworth? It's just down the walkway? And do you buy a cheap blanket? So you can put it over her knees? Do you quickly zip home and get another blanket and bring it back? What do you you have to start making decisions and getting resourceful and adapt? That's really sexy. You get to the restaurant and there isn't any gluten free options. And I'm also yet to meet a woman that isn't gluten, there's a lot of women that are gluten free. Called and don't eat gluten high maintenance. Yeah, so they're there. For me, it's like if you get there, and there's no gluten free options, you can sit there. And she can have a glass of water while you eat. Or you can be like, okay, hey, hey, guys, we didn't realize that this was there was no gluten free options, we're gonna have to cancel a booking. And we're going to find somewhere else to go to go and eat. And then you literally get on the phone, you ring, another two or three restaurants, you find the one that's gluten free, has gluten free options that are viable, and say, Hey, I messed up, this one doesn't have any gluten free options, I knew that you were gluten free, I just didn't remember. So what I've done is I've booked this other restaurant, they will have a drink here. And then we'll go down, they're gonna have a table ready for us in 20 minutes. And I'll have a bit later. But it is what it is. It's like you get to adapt and move with the decision making process to continue to create containment to continue to create, you know, that field of consciousness where she sees you're not just making one decision and expecting the rest of the night to go perfectly. Like you're gonna you're constantly engaged with the field and making those decisions. And that's kind of what, that's the role that we get to play that's like that's freedom is found through responsibility in that in in these, these kinds of dynamics with a relationship.

Meg O'Neill: 1:22:53

Yes. And even I thought of a question before, if you are a man that's wanting to really hold that masculine pole, and you're noticing your woman's controlling tendencies, or her tightening or her contraction, and she's not quite resting into the containment, you're thinking you're providing a beautiful question to ask is, what do you need to relax into tonight? What do you need to relax into tonight? Or today? Or whatever it is? Yeah, what do you need? So I might be I'm actually really cold. Like maybe that it's okay, if you can't attune to every one of her needs before she speaks it into the space. So this can be if you can just tell something's up, you can say, hey, my love, what do you what do you need to relax into tonight?

Jacob O'Neill: 1:23:37

And the energy of that makes speaking into like, beneath that, like, if you ask that question, you can ask it as if there's a problem that needs fixing. Or you can ask is if there's an invitation for you to lead it on an even deeper level, yes, for you to embrace a deeper level of leadership. So if I see that Meg is closing, I'm like, what, you know, what do you need? Like, just tell me what you need. I'll get it. There's a level of urgency and a need for me to fix your discomfort because I don't feel comfortable. But if I say hey, lover, what's going on right now? What do you need from what do you need to be able to relax right now? If you could, if you could have any if you could have everything that you've ever wanted? In this moment? What what is it that you really need? I'm just really cold. Amazing. Thank you for letting me down. I'm gonna organize a blanket for you right now. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, don't worry. Don't worry. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. No, I'm gonna go and get your blanket. Let me go and see if I've got one here at the restaurant. They don't have any blankets. They're going to, they're gonna bring a heater around. And then they bring the heat around. Oh, it's out of gas. Okay, I'm just making this extravagance sounds like I'm the greatest man. I'm gonna get duck down to I'm just gonna call this around the corner. It's still open a duck round by a blanket for $27 or whatever and I just fucking suck it up. Yeah. And that $27 is part of the I sacrifice that I make in order to create a sacred container for you to soften into. And they come back with a really soft, fluffy cheapass fucking cold blanket. And you wrap it around your legs and instantly yourself and instantly you're like, he's got me. My needs and desires are valid and valued by him and he's willing to do what it takes.

Meg O'Neill: 1:25:23

That and the version of a woman you get when you do go the extra mile and that's when you are attuned when you are devoted to this like containment and like leading through these these Messier moments, the version of your woman you get to receive is delicious. Like oh, and like you are part of her, you a part of offering her an experience that she aches for, which is to soften and surrender and open

Jacob O'Neill: 1:25:55

100% and and this will all you know this is the role that a woman will play in this is to continue continually just to relax into receptivity. Yes, continually relax into receptivity. If you wrap that blanket around your legs, you say oh, how much was it? Don't Don't tell her. Don't just don't fucking tell it. That's the rule and other masculine Chica, which you guys to ask for more information around how you did the thing? She doesn't need to know anything. Irrelevant. Tell me more about tell me more about you.

Unknown: 1:26:29

Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:26:29

irrelevant. What do you feel like for dinner? Let's order a drink. Let's get this show on the road. Yeah, but uh, how much was it doesn't matter. And you're not allowed to ask me that question again. The menu, you get to them play on that. Like it's because if you can be receptive in the moment, but then you can backtrack like well, how much was it? 27 miles, I'll send you the $27 now and you're like no fucking like, there's so many ways in which that sabotage sabotage your receptivity by like trying to put you know, receive, but then men kind of like manipulate it back into I'm still in control over because I'm gonna pay him and not be create this like, Oh, I'm in debt. Do I owe him Yeah, but that's not it. Like he did that because he wanted to. And that's the truth. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to do it. That's what I always say. Yeah. Would you like to read your post? Or do we feel complete? Yeah, I've

Unknown: 1:27:23

this has been an epic conversation. I feel you Is there anything that you need? You've

Jacob O'Neill: 1:27:27

got your little blanket. I've got my little blanket. Yeah. Do you need socks a jacket and umbrella or socks and a blanket right now and T so you just need an umbrella and a jacket? And then you'll be so receptive The good thing about the basket shake heavy far right this parliament we if you are like driving somewhere early, just put a pillow in the car.

Meg O'Neill: 1:27:50

Oh my god. Amazing. I'm the biggest passenger Princess because of you. You're You're incredible at preparing the space before I get into a car. So

Jacob O'Neill: 1:27:58

funny how happy that can make someone especially if it's your partner can do for anyone. But like if you're you know, if you're hopping up to go somewhere early, like kayaking on someone's birthday, and you put a pillow in the car. Like it just seem like they're like, Oh my god. How good is this? You are so good to me. You put the pillow in the car and as a blanket here and I'm having the best time ever just sleeping in the car. It's such a feel so powerful as well. So that's another little cheat code but I'll um I'll read this poem. Yeah this is an offering for all those who yearn for deeper intimacy it's a bit vulnerable to read this haven't actually read through it all. Okay, cool. Here this is this is relevant was making sure I can do it myself. She says. I paused for a moment. She obviously has it handled. There is no need for me right now. But there's a twinge in my chest. No, it's nothing chivalry is dead. If she really wanted me to do it, that's what she would have said. We are all equal I guess. I can Vince myself there is nothing I can give her. She can't give herself but there's still this twinge in my chest. And when I listen to it tells me to stop thinking and get out of my head. Go deeper than the words go beyond her walls. Her need for independence has her holding her breath waiting for you to listen to her heart. Not the words she has just said. Her heart whispers take me. Lead me anywhere. Show me you're listening to the yearning that is really there. I won't surrender to your questions or suggestions of what I need to fix. I surrender only to the penetration of your full heart. The part of you that knows me better than I know myself. So yes, I could do it myself. I don't want to my heart is pumping and my body comes alive. It's time for the nice guy to die and the man to arrive. This defies logic and makes no sense. Regardless of my resistance, I take a deep breath and lean all the way in

Unknown: 1:30:26

that's so beautiful.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:30:28

That's the dance. Yeah. Such an important Django is done is such an important thing to really really attune to the heart and I think that's when when we talk about receptivity and openness that's what we're really talking about is like this opening of your heart and trusting love and trusting each other and trusting. I really think I think this is like really believing it that that love does exist and it does actually conspired or deeds conspiring for you guys to have a beautiful, beautiful experience of life together.

Meg O'Neill: 1:31:05

And to evolve each other. Yeah, and love really feeling that my desires are not only in service to me, but in service to you and vice versa. Oh, you crave most from me, is actually in service. It's like I am here to evolve and become more of that. Yes. And yeah, when we get to see our relationship as that dance and like this, invoking and inviting like the deeper gifts from each other as being it's it's how can we take offense to our partners desires, then it's like in service to us. It's for us as much as it is for them.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:31:45

100% Okay, this is a really fun conversation. Love ya. Love ya. I'm super excited for all the women joining claimed as well. Yeah. Yeah, I

Meg O'Neill: 1:31:56

think I think there probably would have been more info in the episode.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:32:00

Oh, yeah. Cool. No worries. Yeah, but I just think it's cool. Like, yeah, like, this is like, this is a big part of your work, I think, you know, and I just want to celebrate you my love for the way that you lead. I think there's so many amazing women out there leading in business and leading their lives so powerfully, and have this deep desire to surrender. And that just isn't about that just isn't about finding the right man. It's about finding the man that is willing to meet you in the process of this calibration. That's the pace so I yeah, I'm really excited for all of the women that are joining you for claimed.

Meg O'Neill: 1:32:35

And I know this Yes, acclaimed is my in person immersion happening in July. So if you can get yourself to the Gold Coast, you're going to want to be a part of this. And it is the the women I the women that are really drawn to my work and specifically claimed is if you are a high achieving woman, and if you are a woman that knows how to get what she wants in the world and, and really lead and make decisions and you're not desiring that in your partnership, you want to taste you know, the oceans of surrender that are available to you, you want to be able to melt into the containment your man offers you whether you're currently in partnership or not like this is this is a practice that starts first in our own bodies, which either invites our current man into more of his power, or it invites you know, the caliber of man that you deeply desire when you are out there in the world of dating. So this is going to be three days in person deeply devoted, devoted to becoming a space for your man's claim or your future man's claim your future man's leadership and again, this is about you know, meeting in the body these parts of us that want to control meeting the parts of us that don't want to receive and really stepping into and, and bringing alive these, these qualities of receptivity and deep surrender and also feminine leadership and learning how to be a woman that that opens her heart breathe down, breeds down her walls and expresses herself brings forth the controlling bitch brings forth jealousy, like doesn't try and hide these parts of yourself but really unapologetically claims to have full expression and have full spectrum. So yeah, you're gonna want to come so you can go to its application only. I don't know what date this is coming out, but maybe you still have a few days but earlybird Earlybird ends 31st of May. And you get a big discount with the earlybird but go to mag dash O'Neill with two L's dot com forward slash claimed dash immersion for all the dates or just head to the link in the show notes. Right on. Okay. epic,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:34:58

epic. Epic. Send my love.

Meg O'Neill: 1:35:00

We'll see you next week.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:35:01

Bless up plus up.

Unknown: 1:35:03

We love you. Bye. Peace.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:35:08

Yo, yo, yo, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Sex love and everything in between. Now if you'd like to stay connected with Megan i You can head on over to Instagram and follow me at the Jacob O'Neill and where can people find you lover

Meg O'Neill: 1:35:23

at the dot mag dot o

Jacob O'Neill: 1:35:27

amazing and yeah guys check out the show notes for all other information in regards to what we've got coming up. And yeah, we're super super grateful that you guys have taken the time to listen in to this podcast. If you do have any topics or any questions, like I said, hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do. Apart from that have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. Thanks for being here. Big Big Love