Ep 70: How to date if you desire deep partnership

What are your thoughts on dating apps and on dating?

In this episode, Meg and Jacob dives in and discusses what to do when you meet someone in a dating app and how to cultivate a relationship when dating.

They share valuable insights from their own dating experiences and reminisce the first few months in their relationship.

They also riff off on:

• Holding your fucking standard and only being available for what you truly deeply desire in a relationship
• Bringing your desires vulnerably to the motherfucking table early on so you can see if a potential partner is able to meet you in the way you want to be met 
• Practicing the art of discernment to taste when something is off and see if a partner's words and actions integrate
• Trusting the feeling, not necessarily the form, and only pursuing relationships that honor what you deeply desire
• Getting really clear on who you are and what you want before entering the dating scene
• Men becoming the man they know they are here to be and developing vision and integrity for their lives so they can provide stability for a potential partner
• Meg's hand written card and manifestation entries from a decade ago
• Jacob reminiscing about Meg's very 'Maiden' crystal and moon bathing days

And many more...

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⚡ Want more? Here are some of the offerings & courses you can join us in…

The Desire Date: A sexy date night experience for couples ready to re-ignite passion & deepen intimacy. ---> https://bit.ly/49r28Zt

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Jacob & Meg also coach individuals & couples. Reach out to them via Instagram for more information. 

Transcript

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Meg O'Neill: 0:00

Dating is really about, okay feeling someone out and exploring whether this person can meet you in the way that you want to be met and that actually takes you vulnerably leading with your desires you bringing forth what's important to you? So that man can either say FUCK YES or NO

Jacob O'Neill: 0:26

Yo yo yo lovers Welcome welcome. Welcome to Sex love and everything in between where the O'Neill's you're here with Meg and Jacob. And

Meg O'Neill: 0:34

this is the place we have really uncensored conversations about sex, intimacy and relationships. We're super excited. You're here. Enjoy this Episode

Unknown: 0:53

Hey, lovers,

Meg O'Neill: 0:55

hi. Hi.

Jacob O'Neill: 0:56

How are you? My love?

Meg O'Neill: 0:57

I'm feeling great. Yeah, great.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:00

You are looking great. Am I yeah, like what about me? Glowing your radiate actually had

Meg O'Neill: 1:06

quite a few people tell me at the market. I don't know if it's the pregnancy or I'm using castor oil on my face, which is very shiny, very shiny. The shininess of the cost oil could be I didn't say that to people at the markets I just received Yes, I'm glowing.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:24

And I'm currently

Meg O'Neill: 1:26

alive. Very alive. Right to clean

Jacob O'Neill: 1:29

office. Clean your office last night?

Meg O'Neill: 1:31

Yeah, yeah, we moved in. Like a month ago. Yep. And I was very good. Would you say I half finished things sometimes.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:39

I wouldn't say that.

Meg O'Neill: 1:42

No, not in like my work or mainly just cleaning and tidying thing I would

Jacob O'Neill: 1:47

say that you do things but then the finishing of them doesn't become a priority. Yeah, I would say that you do finish things 95 Because you are actually an incredible finisher. Thank you. You always finish me off. Always. I never not get what I want. I love that this is being video recorded. Because then I can do

Unknown: 2:09

you can do

Jacob O'Neill: 2:13

the face real life emojis

Meg O'Neill: 2:17

so if you're not currently listening to this or watching this episode, go to YouTube Jacob's

Jacob O'Neill: 2:22

into like and subscribe facials Jesus why getting this need to know before I agree. Me getting

Unknown: 3:00

good

Jacob O'Neill: 3:16

oh my gosh. Yeah. But I would say that yes, you quite often complete the tasks that you set out on but when it comes to like, I think your office like when you're in your office is just work to like, it's like all that stuff around you. I would say that your environment doesn't really affect your ability to be productive. Yeah, for me massively Well, I

Meg O'Neill: 3:36

can be in an untidy home, which is that's why I'm going to thrive in parenthood. Yeah, I don't have to have all the dishes cleaned. Have a good day. I don't have to have and then there is a point in which like right now, our house is quite dirty because the dog was coming in and bringing dirt from inside and I was we had the cleaner just come and I was just like aching for the cleaner to come. So I'm not a total feral.

Jacob O'Neill: 4:01

No, I would argue that you've like come leaps and bounds from when we first got together. And yeah, like you are but I think what I felt like going to your office like my office is like everything's I'm big into trinkets by the way guys. I'm a trinket guy. I like little trinkets, crystals for healing little little things like that.

Unknown: 4:23

I mean, tell what happened to my eyes last night.

Jacob O'Neill: 4:25

Yeah, what happened in your office?

Meg O'Neill: 4:26

Oh, cleaning out, you know, when you just like collect things over time. And I just thought and this is why I kept avoiding this task. I had like, all these boxes of just little things. Yes. And I was like, This can't go in the bin. But I've got it and I don't want to put it on my altar. I don't want to like display it in our home. Yeah, but it's just sitting here right now. And so Jacob offered to let's go on into your office tonight. And I just have like, boxes of crystals, just so many crystals. And I used to be a crystal gal like put crystals in my had pockets put crystals in my bra. I would just have crystals everywhere. And now I end.

Unknown: 5:07

Where else now? I only put crystals in you're

Jacob O'Neill: 5:15

gonna laugh This feels

Unknown: 5:17

so good. But you said to me last night you would like, bring back. What did you say? Bring back

Jacob O'Neill: 5:26

the Maggie that sits under the full moon with crystals in her hand charging you up. I want a bit more of I want more of that Maggie. back.

Meg O'Neill: 5:35

What did I say? No. No, I said She's gone. She's the mother now. There is something for me that was like when I was in that made an archetype and that really like naive le spirituality where

Jacob O'Neill: 5:54

it's it's such it's so strong in the light feminine energy like light feminine. Yeah. So I love it.

Meg O'Neill: 6:01

Like everything is just beautiful and positive and every and I still believe this. Like everything does happen for a reason. But it's it's more like bypassing and telling people that and yeah, like I was very in that that floaty flowy like feminine when we met, which I think was so attractive at the time.

Unknown: 6:22

Yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 6:23

I loved it. Yeah. And you still love that kind of energy of that. Even the first party. This is a fun little side story. For those of you that know our story, we were like I was in love with Jacob for nine months before we actually got together. And he didn't really understand that I was in love with him. And we went to this party probably like four or five months into that nine months. Yeah, I was I was still living at home with my family. And all my friends knew about you. Ray organics boy, my real good ex boyfriend and I was like, we're gonna kiss tonight. I'm going to I'm going to kiss this guy. And at that party, I was complete. I didn't drink at the time and I think you rocked up. Kind of drunk. I drank and it was at that party. It was a full moon and I took everyone outside and I did a full moon ritual and you would like it was so not the vibe of the party that I was getting everyone out on the full moon. We were writing things down. I was leading people in burning things on the ground like burning things under the full moon. I

Jacob O'Neill: 7:23

was fun. Like I thought that really was. That was a good. That was a great party.

Meg O'Neill: 7:28

That was fun. Didn't end. Well. Then we slept in the same bed with my other friend. Yes. And I was just like, cuddled up next to you thinking like, I think he's gonna roll over and kiss me. I think it's gonna make a move on me. And you didn't, I didn't. Then the next morning, you were like, I'm gonna go home. I'm like, I'll drive you.

Jacob O'Neill: 7:49

I'll drive you. I'll drive you to your house.

Meg O'Neill: 7:52

I'm gonna see where you live. Well, I've actually been to your house the day before. Yeah, that's another story. Anyway, and then last night, you I just, I was like, I'm done with all these crystals and you were loving the trinkets and the crystals and the shiny. Throw them all out. Well, we're gonna go put them in the garden now.

Jacob O'Neill: 8:11

Yeah, we're gonna go put them in the garden. Shout out to our beautiful friend, Sam Sam McPherson. He literally came over and hung out and we spent some time together and he stayed the night and he went to Bunnings and bought seedlings and mulch and came and like set up our whole veggie garden for us. It was so genuine, the most beautiful he said the most beautiful thing to me. He took photos obviously if you've seen them on Instagram, like he took some trimester two photos, which isn't really a thing apparently

Meg O'Neill: 8:38

commented saying I love that you guys got trimester two photos. organized. In my active, tiny little like, yoga pants. That's

Jacob O'Neill: 8:53

like when we had your 29th birthday. And everyone's like, is this is make 30 Like, no, she's 29 It was like this.

Meg O'Neill: 8:58

That was a that was? Yeah. But anyway,

Jacob O'Neill: 9:01

yes, has created this beautiful veggie garden for us. And you're gonna go and place the crystals around there for good energy. Because that's the energy spiritual people do. And Sam said, the most beautiful thing is I'll do anything for a pregnant woman. I'll do anything if she's walking across the street and need something. I say carry something heavy. I'll go there and I'll lift for gardening. He's like, I'll do anything for a pregnant woman. It's just like, he's just like so has such a deep reverence for the journey to motherhood. And he's a he's a father as well. And we're actually going to be doing their wedding later this year, which is super exciting. Him and his beautiful beloved and their little boy and yeah, it's just that's a weird segue from crystals into motherhood, but oh, yeah, I just wanted to shout him out and just yeah, I'm looking at the garden and just like, yeah, how cool is life? Life

Unknown: 9:52

is so cool. Shall we?

Jacob O'Neill: 9:54

Shall we jump in? Yeah, I

Meg O'Neill: 9:55

think we've I think we've exhausted

Jacob O'Neill: 9:57

the intro energy. This is a lot this is our Three half podcast. Oh, no, that's gone. Well.

Meg O'Neill: 10:04

So topic of today. I've actually had a few people recently, and over the last year of being on the podcast, asked if we could do an episode on dating. Yes. And specifically within that conversation speaking about dating apps, yes. Now, obviously, you know, we've been together a decade. Have you ever had a dating app?

Jacob O'Neill: 10:24

Yeah, I did. We can get into that. But yeah, I was chatting to a single mom from cassava once. And I just became really good friends with her. And now she was like, 10 years old. And I was just like, I don't, I couldn't really get my head around, like churning women and getting them over to my house. I wasn't the best at dating. Let's just say that.

Meg O'Neill: 10:41

Yes. And then I'm going to sign I remember how our friend had recently broken up with his partner at our house, like five years ago. Yes. And he was getting on Tinder for the first time. And Jacobs, like, oh, I want to check this out and see what it's like, yeah, Jacob downloaded a profile. And then months later, you should you must have deleted it months later, I deleted

Jacob O'Neill: 10:59

the app, but not my, my profile, my profile. So you got to shut down your profile. And

Meg O'Neill: 11:05

I got a message from someone being like, hey, I don't know if you know this, but your partner is on. Jesus? That was funny. That was. Yeah. So when we want to, we're going to be talking about dating apps. Our thoughts on that? What? Yeah, what we would really, and you know, I work with a lot of women that are single, but deeply desire partnership. And so I really want to come from the perspective of what I really see a powerful things to bring to that season of life when you're desiring deep partnership, because you can be on a dating app, or you can be in the world of dating, and not want the punish it. You could be dating, you know, to have a lover, you could be dating for many different reasons. But this conversation, I would say, is really about dating with the intention of being in deep partnership.

Jacob O'Neill: 12:00

Why else would you die?

Meg O'Neill: 12:02

Well, if people take from like I said many reasons.

Jacob O'Neill: 12:06

Then I want to get married like me and have a woman. Let's go into personal bias. I've learned about that. I think that's like for me dating. The first thing that you've like alluded to, which I think is he was like, why are you dating? Are you dating? Are you dating to explore, and you want to have, you know, different relationships and feel out, you know, what it would be like to be with this kind of person or that kind of person and actually, like, explore the dating world and get a bit of data back on like, what you like and what you don't like, because I think that's also super important. But like for me, if you are dating for, to call in like a beloved that you're going to walk this life alongside, then you have to start to be getting really clear on who you are, what you desire, and and where you want to be spending your time. And I think that's, that's the thing that you know, I haven't coached a lot of guys in the dating world, but I've coached a lot of guys that are single, and a wanting to call in their life partner. And a big part of that is them becoming the man that they know they are here to be Yeah, and then setting a standard and not choosing to operate below that standard when it comes to choosing who they're going to engage with. intimately.

Meg O'Neill: 13:16

Okay, I love where this conversation is going already. Because I think I, I want to like let this be the foundation of the conversation because I love that you said the word standard. And what I see for women, and why it's so important for a man or a woman, let's just speak about women right now a woman to get so clear on why she's dating or why she's using an app is what I see happen is women can go into dating or go into chatting to someone, and then be so quick to let go of their standards or let go of what they want in a bid to be desired. Or in a bid to be chosen. Yes. So they might want partnership and D partnership and then the man coming into their life or that they're dating is like I don't want partnership. I'm actually polyamorous, you know, let's come and be you know, and this woman actually deep down knows that she wants to be in a monogamous partnership and knows that she wants to feel really chosen. But then is getting caught up in this energy of our but I'm enjoying this into attention. I'm enjoying this energy. Where this is my number one piece to any woman dating is hold your fucking standard. It's like if you want to be claimed, if you want to be chosen, or only be available for that. When you're off giving your energy and being available for things that are not that you're basically seeing a life that's okay. Yes, that and more please. Yes, I'm going to continue to text with this man that that is making me feel confused and I'm not too sure if he likes me. I'm unsure of how like he actually makes me feel. Yeah, like really good questioning myself and second guessing myself but Oh, there could be something here and I'm gonna keep messaging and I'm gonna keep going on dates like, no, if you want the feeling of feeling chosen and claimed, and that is not what you're receiving close that connection. Like, that's like, we could close this conversation right there. And then because I think that is, I think that's like the number one thing. And it doesn't really matter if you're on an app or you're out at a bar, or you're meeting someone at the markets or in real life, like that piece around, holding the standard and only really being available for what you truly deeply desire is everything.

Jacob O'Neill: 15:41

Oh, can I ask you a class and like some deeper layer questions, and you can explain I think it's important for, especially for the women listening, and also for the men like to understand women better, like if you, you know, if a woman wants to be claimed and chosen. And you know, you're not the one to claim and choose her, you have a duty, then if you're aware of this, and you can see a story playing out for her where she's abandoning herself, you have a duty to a responsibility to communicate that and step back. Yeah. And not engage and take advantage of if you have that awareness. Right. I want that.

Meg O'Neill: 16:12

So yeah, that's a man of integrity. Yes, I can see that even though, you know, this is what this is like, the deep gift of the masculine to see beyond her words. Yes. When a woman is saying nothing's wrong. And deep down, you can you can feel that there's something there. Yeah, the same kind of energetic and she's saying, Oh, no, like, I'm good to just like, be whatever be whatever and like, not have a bit deep down, you can feel that that's not actually and if you can feel

Jacob O'Neill: 16:41

her nervous system going like this, and she's saying something different. That's what you focus on. If she's like, Yeah, I'll do whatever you want. Yeah, I'm happy to go with the flow. And whenever Susan, like, that's what you listened to. Of course, you have to have the ability to be in your body and feel through your nervous system into hers and hold it and all that stuff. But I want to circle back to the standard. Why do you think and this is, you know, this is? Like, I'd love for you to give not necessarily specific examples, but maybe speaking to why. Why do you feel that when a woman is presented with the opportunity to be in partnership, even if it is not? 100%? Maybe it's 70%? Perfect? Why do you feel that women tend to choose the relationship, rather than choose to honor their standards?

Meg O'Neill: 17:31

For many different reasons, I think because a huge piece of what women value is relationship and is love. I would think as a woman, sorry, you keep going.

Jacob O'Neill: 17:43

Now you keep getting that, that was rude for me to interrupt. And

Meg O'Neill: 17:46

I think as women, you know, there's also this, this added pieces of woman continues to grow older, right, that gets into maybe her late 20s or 30s, late 30s, early 40s. And beyond, right, there's this story of and it is there is no truth to this at all. But this story that we are fed as women around our desirability is linked to age. Yes. And so I think that can play a factor in this sense of like, partnership is important to me. I'm getting older. I I'm I'm going to ignore these things that I'm actually not available for, but I'm going to not ignore them because my desire for love is louder than those things right now. Right. So I think that's one piece. I think that a huge piece is the the value women place in relationships and how much women are fed by love and partnership. And this is, this is a beautiful fucking thing. This is a beautiful fucking thing. You were gonna say something.

Jacob O'Neill: 18:50

The desire for love is louder than that thing. You said, I'm just like, wow, that's a really beautiful statement. And I also I also think it's important to hear that if especially for any men are listening, that women have that story and like it's it's woven into the collective through societal conditioning, that the older you get, the less desirable you are. That's, that's as men, we don't have that as such, because our worth based on society isn't linked to how we look. It's about what we can earn or what we can provide. Yeah, and as a

Meg O'Neill: 19:24

20 times, that increases as a man.

Jacob O'Neill: 19:28

I would argue that a 20 A man is more desirable when he is 40. Because he's built, if he goes on that societal trajectory of like, I earn 50 grand when I leave school to I'm earning 250 grand when I'm 40. I could see that, you know, my desirability increases based on the perceived value I bring, yes, whereas for a woman, if she was to say I'm the hottest or the sexiest or the most attractive when I'm 20 and when I'm 40, I'm beginning to age and become old and become, it's all it's all downhill from here. There's this bill least at my value deteriorates over time, which I guess a man I don't, I don't have the felt sense of that I can't feel I don't feel that in my my body. So I have to really practice compassion in that regard and not and not and choose not to buy into that story.

Meg O'Neill: 20:18

And I think it's again, we're not saying there's any truth to these stories, but it is a very real experience a reality for women that we are constantly bombarded with these stories that our youth equals desirability. Yes. And obviously, that then plays into, you know, love and partnership and relationship and dating. Yeah, and I think but just back. So that's like an added piece we brought in. But I think that I, I love that you pointed out that that the desire for love is louder, because I think this is again, if you are a woman that is dating, this becomes the practice that you're devoted to, especially if you have found yourself in relationships, where you're like, Ah, how did he cheat? Why did he choose this man? There's so many red flags here. Like, how did I end up in relationship with this person. This is usually when we're more devoted to seeing what we want to see, rather than actually bringing our deep discernment online and anchored, staying anchored in our values and what we deeply desire. Like when you are a woman, and this I would say is also that difference between a maiden, a woman in her maiden energy, which is like, you love me, awesome. Oh my gosh, she's nice. And like, oh, like a woman in her maiden energy hasn't quite learned the power of fierceness and discernment. And she hasn't quite, you know, develop this skill to taste when something is off. And if you are wanting to be in the dating world, and I'm not saying to be cynical as fuck, or to have, like superduper high standards when no man is able to meet that, and a man has to be perfect. And a man has to do everything right. Like, no, this is totally not what I'm saying can

Jacob O'Neill: 22:10

also be a protective mechanism. When you set your standards like I know that's, that's not the right guy. He's not perfect. Yes. And I think we can talk into that after but keep going.

Meg O'Neill: 22:19

But yeah, to have this sense of discernment, like real discernment of is this man actually able to meet what I deeply desire? Yes, and to be a woman that's willing to ask those questions as well ask those questions too. And this might not necessarily be on the first date. But if if, you know, if you're very clear on the type of partnership you desire, or what you're really wanting, this is also going to be requiring your vulnerability and your openness and for you to be desire lead and not push down your desires. And hopefully, this man is just exactly what you want. No, like, dating is really about, okay, feeling someone out and exploring whether this person can meet you in the way that you want to be met. And that actually takes you vulnerably, leading with your desires, you bringing forth what's important to you. So that man can either say, Fuck yes, or no. And I think so many women avoid important conversations, or, and again, I've spoken about this so much on the podcast, we as women have been guest conditioned to play it cool, and push down our desires again, thinking that's what makes us more desirable. Like, I don't care, I don't mind or your polyamory is cool. I'd love to try it out. Or like, oh, I don't care when, you know, I don't care about keeping

Jacob O'Neill: 23:50

like all of these other ones. Like, I know, I'm not ready to commit fully just yet. Or like, oh, let's just like, let's just like, when when men won't call you. You're not hurt his girlfriend yet. He's like, I'm just saying we're just seeing each other. We're just sitting like, just like, keeping you at arm's distance. Yeah, I'm cool with that. Yeah, I don't need to be. We don't need to put a label on it. Wherever

Meg O'Neill: 24:12

you deeply desired to be chosen. If a man is constantly saying, I don't want to put a label on it. Yeah, I'm fine. Let a woman who's discerning and is devoted to what she wants will say, hey, that's great that you're not right. You're not ready for commitment right now. And I want to honor and respect that. And I am and this is not for me. And if

Jacob O'Neill: 24:33

you if you if you genuinely don't want to commit then that's okay. But I'm, I'm not I'm not here for for this.

Meg O'Neill: 24:40

And that. Like I did something similar at the beginning of our relationship. Yeah. Which really was an opportunity to write for you to step up and to chew and to claim me on the level in which I want it to be claimed. Yeah. And I think again, this is like such a key piece but yeah, in order to We get what we want in life in general, but especially in relationship, we must be willing to bring our desires to the motherfucking table. And that was

Jacob O'Neill: 25:09

vulnerability the way that you worded it before. Because if you're a woman and you're experiencing this non committal flakiness of know that, you know, let's not put a label on it, and you're like, you're avoidant, no, I want a man who is actually able to claim me by I want an actual man, not a boy, and you start throwing all of these, this, these these attacks. It's like, that's, that's not gonna give him the opportunity to, like, lean in, because maybe he's, maybe that's his, his, his way of like, keeping himself safe is no, never letting anyone in. And if you came to him and said, Hey, listen, like I get that you just want to like, not label it right now. But for me, commitment is really important in this relationship, and I really want to commit to you. And I'd love it, if you would you want it to commit to me, and we could choose this together. But if you don't, I need to know. Because I'm looking for commitment in in a relationship. And for us to and for it to move forward. It doesn't have to be we don't have to get married tomorrow, of course, but I do want to I'm do want to pursue this with you. And I think that's part of like the Oracle the feminine is that I feel this. And I'm gonna be vulnerable here right now. And that means that I have to put myself out there and you might he could, he could say no, I'm not into it, I just want to, I'm just looking to, I don't want to put a label on it. No, I don't want this, that you know, you might have to put the relationship may dissolve, but it also may, you also might give yourself the opportunity to be claimed it may call him forward. And

Meg O'Neill: 26:34

that's the risk. That's the risk, right? And it's always going to be a risk to be a woman that deeply expresses the desires of her heart, it's always going to be a risk, whether you're dating someone or you're 10 years, or 20 years into a partnership with them. Right, there's always going to be risk of rejection, there's always going to be risk of will I be met in this Is he is he or she willing to meet me in this. But what I always say to to women that are dating is fuck, bring your desires as quickly as fucking possible, right to find out if this is the man that can meet you, you're expecting to be three or four months into the relationship, even six months, 12 months into a relationship. And then you're like, I can be myself, or that's when I'll actually share with him that I want to be married. That's when I actually will share with him, you know the truth of my fullness? Or to bring out my full expression to uncage these parts of myself that I haven't? No, because then what if you get the information of Oh, like, this is not what I thought you wanted or now you're bringing me this needed like this wasn't what I truly believe in this like filtering. The intention behind if I was in the dating world, my intention behind dating would yes to be have fun to be having fun and exploring and meeting people. But also, if I held the desire of deep partnership, this is a process of filtering. Is this person able to meet me in what I desire? Are our desires compatible in that way. And so the more quickly you can reveal what it is you desire and be witnessed in that the more quickly you have, you know, clarity on is, is this person, right for me to continue to pour my energy and open my heart to oh what else?

Jacob O'Neill: 28:32

I think that's just such a beautiful I know we're not in the dating world. And I know where we haven't been single for so long. But I think this is like, like this is really like this is really important information I can and what I want to, I probably just want to like temper all of what we share with like, it's okay, if you do not uphold your standard and you do pursue the partnership that isn't just right for you. And I think this is like, like any kind of journey of growth and expansion and deepening into what you truly desire. There's going to be times where you you find out what it is that you don't want. Which that only amplifies more of what you do want. Yeah, and it's about like learning like allowing yourself to have these like Moments of Awareness and not making yourself are fuck look, I've done it again, oh god, I've should have seen the red flags or shouldn't have my anxious attachment styles flaring, or whatever it is like, all of those things. It's like, Hey, you're human, you're human, and you have a desire to be loved. That's cool. And you're learning how to cultivate the ability to communicate those desires and to not say yes to anything that doesn't fully honor those desires. And that's it. Yeah, that's a really important thing. So just understand that yeah, that's a journey. This and you get to go on that journey. And a big part of that is learning what learning more about yourself. I think that's the biggest thing that I've you know, when we got together I was so connected to myself, and I feel like you were really focused on yourself as well. And then when we came together there Was this brewing of our relationship and it's not, didn't happen as fast as maybe you want it. And I wasn't as conscious of what was going on as maybe a wish I had have been. But we were both, like devoted to what we what we deeply wanted. Yes. And I think that's really the piece, there's like, you can't just be like, devoted to the desires that you want in a relationship, you have to be devoted to the desires of all areas of life and be fully embracing life in that way as well. Yeah. And that, for me is really important. You want to speak about men now? What would you like to keep speaking about women?

Meg O'Neill: 30:32

No, go for it, bring what you want to bring.

Jacob O'Neill: 30:35

I feel for men who, in the dating world, like there's a really important piece that you really working on what your vision for life is. I knew a really clear thing for me was I wanted to be a father. That was like the main thing, and I would do anything to become a father, like I would abandon every other desire that I have to become a father, I then had to learn that there were other desires in my life. And that was a big journey for me to go on. But the thing with with men is like if you're not really clear on what you want, and a woman says yes to you, and you don't have the ability to discern and say no, and you end up in a relationship, and then you realize, actually, I don't really want a relationship with this woman. But I've come this far, it's just easy to stay in this relationship and do the things I've seen so many men fall victim to that. But I've also seen men who protect themselves from a deeper relationship. And they keep cycling through these short term relationships, because they're too scared to go to that next level, which will speaking about with commitment. And for me, the thing that I see most in men is that they don't actually know what they fucking want. And when they, if they do know what they want, they're scared to say it out loud. They're so scared to claim what it is that they desire and make it known to the universe to spirit and say, Hey, listen, this is the standard that I want for my life. Because once you say that, you then have to get to fucking work. You then have to get to fucking work. It's only I would argue in the last week, I've actually felt like the man of the house. And it's been fucking nearly 10 years of me journey deep with like, my healing and my fucking business and my relationship and all the shit that goes on in a man's life. And it's only in the last. Yeah, I'd say the last week where I was able to pay, you know, I've been able to financially provide doing something that I love whilst also staying present, and being engaged with my relationship. And it's for the first time I felt like I actually might be able to fucking do this. I actually might be able to do this, I actually might be able to have what I want. And do stop do things that I love. And this is, this is the journey this is the initiation and the the ongoing, the ongoing responsibility of manhood. And for me, this is a really important piece that you in contemplation and, and taking time to sit with your vision.

Meg O'Neill: 33:05

Yeah, and just as a walk from a woman's but a heterosexual woman's perspective, that's really attractive. Yeah, like a man. On purpose a man with vision is for many women a safe man is a man Why is he a safe man? Because that's a man that we feel okay, if we go into life with this man, I feel like he is you know, he knows where he's going and he could provide and he could protect and I can feel safe if I was to choose to have a family with this man. He could provide for us he could you know, you know take us where we want to go. And so that's a very attractive quality for a woman I would say especially a woman who is very clear that she desires partnership. Appealing feeling like just thinking just because we've already spoken about that made and kind of energy Yeah, I'm like I don't know if this is a warning for women out there. I don't know what you want but I feel like what I see and what I don't want to say this. I did a post a while ago and it was like de conscious man. Yeah. And I might like hyperlink it here in the show notes or something. But basically it was like, should I just read this post? I just read it so good. And it's gonna sound like I'm going off topic here. But this is this is gonna be really you wanting to dating especially like conscious spiritual women. Okay. Do conscious men just because you practice semen retention and can quite David data does not automatically make you a safe masculine space. Just because you say I see you I hear you does not mean a woman feel seen and heard in your presence. Just because you tell a woman all of you as welcome does not mean you're actually embodying this as truth. Men want to know what we as women ache for Almost from you integrity, we want to feel that you're a man of your word. We want what you say to align with what you do. So I'm sorry, but it's simply not enough to just say, to just know how to say the right things. No, we want to fucking feel you embodying those things, living out those things, being a stand for those things. This is what creates trust. This is what makes us feel safe enough to open and surrender, not just not simply you just regurgitating stuff on the Way of the Superior Man. So man, you want to walk beside a fully embodied feminine woman, well, be a man of your word. Stop telling a woman all of you as welcome unless you really fucking mean it. Stop telling her it's safe to bring her fullness unless you're actually ready to stay and hold as she brings her rage. Okay? Also grief, her mass and her magic. Stop saying I see you unless you're really willing to witness her in the full spectrum of her. Man, we love you, we need you. And we're so ready to be met by you.

Unknown: 36:06

A whole. And so it is.

Meg O'Neill: 36:12

And I share this because I feel like a woman in her maiden energy can't yet see. Discern, discern, when a met, she takes a man's word for his word, she can actually feel whether that man is in integrity. So I'm kind of saying this based on like the vision bit too, because I just feel like there are so many flowy men out there in the conscious space that can say all the right things. But for me, and my personal opinion, aren't really a safe space for a woman because they don't know where they're fucking going. They're not anchored in their body. They're not anchored in like a truth. Yeah, they're not a strong masculine space for a woman that deeply yawns but that, yeah. And so I'm bringing this forth as a real invitation, again, for women to really, and dating is just such an incredible place for you to practice the art of discernment. Like, okay, this man is saying this, but are his actions aligned? Oh, he said, he sees me and he respects me. But, you know, he's did he take takes a week to get back to me, or he says, We're gonna meet up at this time, and then he doesn't show up, or he canceled last minute, like, you know, really trusting or being only available for a man whose words and actions really integrate.

Jacob O'Neill: 37:38

And I really feel that that like, dating in your 30s, I think if a man can't like, have a vision for his life, or share with you where he's going, then that is like a good good indication that he hasn't really like deepened into the masculine, I guess, the masculine way. Yes. And that's really important. So the other side of that is that you want a man that you can feel as well, yeah. So you want a robot that can sit there and give you projections for the next 30 years of his life. As fuck that. You want to you want a man, it's fun and present and potent. And he's like, he's aliveness. And that's something that is, is important as well. And I'm not saying that men have to be perfect, but there has to be a willingness, a willingness in in that like I want and a willingness to, like, create a vision for my life and to fail in the pursuit of it. And also not forget that you can have fun. And that's something that I you know, I've I've swung the pendulum on many times where I've been super serious. And then super fun, super serious and super fun. And second, learning how to bring that what I would call like this safe energy of like, you're here with me. And if I didn't know where we are, if I didn't have anywhere, if I wasn't aware of where we were going, I trust you to to guide me. You're here with me now. And I trust where you're taking me. Yes. And I think that's a really beautiful. Even more recently, I've been really engaged with my work. And I was having a chat with my mate Pete today. And I was like, I really can see where I've dropped the ball the last couple of weeks is that I'm taking all of this responsibility. But then I'm telling Mike to go and sit in the other room while I do it all. I was like, hang on, I actually need to communicate what's going on, hey, love it, this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm doing. And this is how I do it. Because that's what allows this to this this life life to to continue to operate, this lifestyle that we're building together, and the baby and the new house and everything and it's like I actually need to bring you in to my into my world and share some of the decisions and speak to you about some of the things and like this is a balance of both being present and offering you an insight whilst also being very clear on where I'm going to go and I think that's a beautiful skill. If you're a man if you can cultivate that. And you're in the dating world, you then have a level of here your integrity will guide you in The relationships that you're exploring Yes.

Meg O'Neill: 40:03

And I think it's an I don't think I don't want any man to think that he has to go on a date with a woman and be like you like you said she has to be what I hear more about my vision. Here is my purpose in life like

Jacob O'Neill: 40:15

three the five or 10 year vision.

Meg O'Neill: 40:18

So it's not about regurgitating these things at all

Jacob O'Neill: 40:22

asked me about my vision Yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 40:24

I swear my masculine man just off me

Jacob O'Neill: 40:27

asked me about my vision gone

Meg O'Neill: 40:29

No, these are this is you know, that's a felt that's a felt experience. And I really want to bring this piece in and this is actually something I was so clear on. Even though I was very young when we met I was journaling a lot of the time of you which is to journal so much

Jacob O'Neill: 40:48

of crystals

Meg O'Neill: 40:51

in your bra, and for those of you that don't know this the first birthday we were together for like your birthday sorry, it sounds like your one we were together and the first but

Jacob O'Neill: 41:05

your Jacobs birthday when the first yeah the first birthday that

Meg O'Neill: 41:09

we experienced together Yes, I gave you I made up this like journal. You are craft you I was so crafty was meant so mad. Because I truly believe I think I wrote something on the

Jacob O'Neill: 41:25

should I go and get it? Do you have it? Like I get it? Meg I have everything that makes me Okay, get it hey, you keep talking you keep telling people about it and I'll get it perfect.

Meg O'Neill: 41:40

I'll be back I want to choose the ones who read it anyway, I I used to journal about Jacob a lot and there were so nine months between me meeting him at REI organics which was this like health food store. He worked there and I was a customer and I used to come in a lot and I was journaling a lot at the time I was listening to Abraham Hicks so I just used to journal about what I wanted. And I would journal about how I wanted my partner my future partner to make me feel and so I would journal not about like what he looked like or how much money he made or any of those things I would talk about how present he was with me and how deeply he listened and all of these different things so I would write all of this and then also when I started to feel that you were that man I was journaling about I used to journal about you and then so for those of you watching this is what I made Jacob for his birthday Oh my gosh I like hole punched it and everything Yeah, and then I I said Dear is Jacob a collection a collection of my musings theater read insane proof that you are indeed a product of my creation my desires made manifest thank you for being unapologetically you infinite love mag

Jacob O'Neill: 43:03

show me your maiden without telling me your

Meg O'Neill: 43:11

leases 10 fucking years ago this is 28th of January 2014

Jacob O'Neill: 43:22

You gonna read it or are you just gonna know

Meg O'Neill: 43:26

but on the 26th of February so this is over a year ago on my gratitude list a year ago. So I just went through my entire journal and picked out what I like things about the man I wanted and then also things when Jacob was in it so on the 26th of February 2014 on my gratitude list was my mom my little sister, my body and my ability to run and create food friendly Jacob my family.

Jacob O'Neill: 43:54

Friendly Jacob,

Meg O'Neill: 43:56

my gratitude list at the end of March 29 of March 2014 Gratitude lists Kristin gray Oh shout out to Kristin katg Sal for chats markets my my beautiful kitchen clients right organics Jacob good chats slash connection

Jacob O'Neill: 44:10

Oh, friendly two good chats

Meg O'Neill: 44:14

oh my god connection so funny. Just the words I use in some of this like give people like just it's too crunchy guys. Gratitude is 20th of April number 10. Jacob I love chatting to him makes me happy. Oh, this

Jacob O'Neill: 44:29

is making me emotional.

Unknown: 44:36

Play Yeah, read it out

Meg O'Neill: 44:46

everyone's 27th of May 2014. So this is like 10 years ago. So he says in my journal obviously the day I realized I really liked you. Yeah, I said I want him only today. I realize the way he smiles, his enthusiasm for life, his kindness, his laugh, his sudden stunted nervousness. We connect. He seems to get me. I'm so attracted to his passion, his stories, his amazing positivity. I'd love to talk to him. He's simplicity. That's it. That's what has me. His joy in the little things. His choice to live freely. I can't wait to have fun with him. I can't wait to laugh and learn from him that was like six

Unknown: 45:44

guys, I often these could also be like, what? I want him only today did I really know. Oh, that's so beautiful. Okay, now we're in. I'm just gonna fly with this

Meg O'Neill: 46:10

on this is after what I thought was our first date. But later you you don't you didn't think it was the first day that was the first day. Yeah. And I said God, I'm so unbelievably comfortable with him. We spent a whole day together adventuring. I love his confidence and how inhibited he is in expressing his childlike nature to play so freely. It gave me permission to do the same to be me without any sense of judgment. He is unbelievably chilled. super chill. Yet his sudden bouts of stunted yeah you must do an awkward you know cute way attractive way bring a smile to my face. Ah the only sign I get from him that I might make him a little nervous

Unknown: 46:57

I say I'd so good so desire sexual relations I want to fuck him I so desire second

Meg O'Neill: 47:22

is hilarious yet I can't envision how it's ever going to possibly evolve the west so when it comfortable for me right now but that's the beautiful part isn't it the unknown the uncertainty. And then like 10 days late up. I got a little excerpt from my journal entry that the day after you came over played a little guitar and we slept under the stars. This didn't You didn't think I cooked dinner for you. I put mattresses under the stars because of a single bed and I put a double mat just under the stars or two mattresses that I feel very strongly for Jacob after having him over last night. It just cemented for me my deep attraction towards him. When he was playing guitar I literally wanted to jump him it was unbelievably sexy watching him so engrossed in something presence and passion my two favorite things. This is what I'm talking about. I was so clear on like, I wanted a man that was super present and very passionate about something that knew what he wanted and what he loved to do I feel childlike around him playful silly open comfortable. Yeah

Unknown: 48:36

I think this is

Meg O'Neill: 48:39

oh the things I say a whole areas.

Jacob O'Neill: 48:43

I'll post up a carousel with a few of these for you guys. Give you a little insight.

Unknown: 48:47

Oh my gosh, I love that. there anything else that you want to share on

Meg O'Neill: 48:51

the end? It's just to be continued.

Unknown: 48:55

And now we're having a baby. No. Baby how wild is look at cute I was

Jacob O'Neill: 49:01

really like that is very that's this is one of my favorite things that I I am very sentimental with things.

Meg O'Neill: 49:11

You think I love both of us love cards. Yeah, I love card and I love the written word. You do? Yeah. That was really beautiful. This episode took a real

Jacob O'Neill: 49:23

guys dating. Yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 49:25

Dating Are you going to do is write in your journal. Right stalkerish poetry.

Jacob O'Neill: 49:31

Poetry that could get you put in jail if

Meg O'Neill: 49:35

create main book.

Jacob O'Neill: 49:39

You were working full time.

Meg O'Neill: 49:42

22 living at home with my parents.

Jacob O'Neill: 49:45

What I really want to circle back to around the standard like in that time. Could you tell the story about the other person that you want that invited you on the day? Yeah, so this is a great story.

Meg O'Neill: 50:00

Yeah, that's just like a great, I was great at holding. I knew what I motherfucking wanted, I was young. Yes, I knew what I wanted. And so I, as you can see from my journal entries, very clear, I was very politically, feeling a lot with Jacob and I would go into the store. And I was I was very, I was, again, I was listening to so much abraham hicks at the time, which is all about focus on the feeling. Yes. And I was I was, I was so clear, I wanted a man that I felt that I could feel his presence with me, he listened deeply, like made me feel like he was really there with me, and this passion, and this, like creativity, that was really important to me. And so I was really feeling a lot with you. But then obviously, you know, kept coming into the store, like, you know, we started a friendship, and then nothing was ever really happening. And I was also clear that I didn't want to, I didn't want to force things. I was like, if this isn't meant to happen, I'm gonna really trust the unfolding.

Jacob O'Neill: 51:02

And that trust was really important. I was really

Meg O'Neill: 51:05

trusting the unfolding. And I'm like, I'm gonna really I'm okay with the slow burn, and I'm still seeing him and I'm still, you know, where he lives? Yeah, I do know where he lives in a really works, he can't get away from me. And then I went on this, I was, I did this like conference thing, to just a little conference thing that I worked out for a few days. And there was this guy, this conference that came over to me, we started chatting, you know, we had a really beautiful connection. And then he asked for my number. And then he asked me on a date, later on. And I remember or it wasn't even like, it was like, let's catch up for a drink. And then we're organizing a time. And then it was, I remember being literally parked in West End. And maybe it wasn't like, we'd planned this day for ages. But our MyKad texted me and said, Hey, you want to meet like, tonight? It's at six. And I was literally about to get out of the car. Or it was the time I had to make the decision to basically say to this guy, yes or no. And I remember sitting there about to text him back. And I was like, if Jacob was to have asked me on a date right now, would I go on a date with this guy? Like, I was just, I was just feeling like, if Jacob. If Jacob was done, you know, make a move on me. Would I be going on a date with this guy? And it was a no, it was like, No, I want Jacob I'm really clear on that I want I'm feeling something that this. This isn't that same as that feeling. And I literally said no to this guy. No, sorry. I don't want to go on a date with you anymore. And it was a beaut, it was a beautiful man. It was gorgeous, man. And like there was you know, he's a lot older as well. I really went for the older man in my early 20s. I always say that if we would like to not be there, maybe not now because we're having a baby. But if we would have something about and maybe I'm looking forward to this age that you'll be at but something I found really sexy out of men. That's 40 To 40 to 43.

Jacob O'Neill: 53:08

A three year we know Yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 53:10

maybe like early 40s. Yeah. Not so sexy. Maybe there's something maybe you're just gonna be so sexy at that age. And I'm just like, so like, Yes,

Jacob O'Neill: 53:18

I think we circle back to it's a man that is like, lived. He's developing himself. He Yeah, it's the key. And it's like, it's a man has been through the trials and tribulations and I'm sure you could go and you could, you could learn and want a man like that. But if you stood alongside a man that has grown and you've watched him every step of the way, like the what you're looking at is a man that's you know, walked the path off, and you're looking at the kind of the end result of a man that is, you know, being initiated into his king energy. Yes. I would argue that that is the journey that if you find someone that's willing to go on that journey with you, fuck,

Meg O'Neill: 53:54

and I love that too. Because, say what you want about Conor McGregor watching you thing I am obsessed with his partner. I don't even think they're married. But the way she has stood the fuck by his side. Like they didn't get together when he was like a multifunction millionaire and like, unbelievably, however much money he has. Yeah, she was like that when he was on whatever, like government payments and training and like, you know, I also I love that piece that you know if that is really important to you awesome if being provided for immediately is really important to you. And there's also this energy of like, can I be there for this man knowing that I would love him to step into that role for me, but maybe that's not right now and and can I feel his devotion and his desire to be that for me? Can I can I it's been our journey, totally

Jacob O'Neill: 54:44

his willingness to to develop his own sense of greatness. A man can be powerful in his vision. But if he doesn't actualize that vision through taking every next step, then you've got to make And that is just in Fantasyland. Yeah. And that's, you know, a lot of guys talk to me. They're like, yeah, I just want to be a coach and I can just see all of the I can see what I want to create or create this massive big impact. I'm like, well fucking get a bucket, and a fucking shovel and come to fucking work. Yes, it's gonna take work. Yeah, all of us. Yeah, but I just know, like, I can help these men. I'm like, well help them. If you're going to fucking talk about it, be about it. And that's the biggest thing is as you develop a vision, you have to start to become devoted to the daily steps that date, though, you know, once again, Pete and I were talking about this was like, consistency and in maintaining your integrity, and having the courage to admit when you are out of integrity, and then stepping back in, yes. And that's a journey, right? That's a journey that you go on with another human. And like, I can't sit here on this podcast with you right now, without having gone from, like this notebook here. This beautiful notebook that you made for me that I'll never ever, ever let go of. Like, like, we now have a fucking story. We've developed experiences and and challenges and overcome it all this shit. So we can look back and be grateful we've got this beautiful, beautiful 10 years together that we're we can be incredibly grateful for. And that takes fucking work, right? And that takes depth of choosing and it took your discernment in the beginning to be able to like deeply choose this and then for you to call me forward. And for me to deeply choose it in a way that I had never chosen a relationship before. And yeah, I think that we've really gone off the topic of you know, how to date or what date is, like, we haven't talked about the apps. But um, yeah, I think what we what we've shared is, is what I like to think that we are a, the what we've created is the result of people deeply choosing ourselves and the relationship. Yes. And not seeing one as what seeing is one or the other.

Meg O'Neill: 56:57

Yes, completely. I want to go back to what you were saying about that discernment. I had all like that the choice to go, No, I don't want to go on a date with that guy. I also want to say that it wasn't my attachment to you. It was my because I think sometimes in dating, we can like get groupie, and it's like, that's the person to be that person. And that was something that arose for me during that time. Nine fucking months. Yeah. But also I was very much continuing to be in the practice of like, let go of it needing to be him. And also just focus on what What about him? What is he showing me that I love and a man? Yes. What is he demonstrating that's attractive to me. And like, if if it doesn't end up being him, this is great fucking clarity that I love seeing someone creative. And I love someone that plays music, and I love you know, these things that I'm feeling from this man. And so when I chose not to go on the other day, it wasn't just because I'm like, Jacob is the only man for me, it was like, I'm actually not feeling that same presence in that same passion. And in those same things that I'm I'm feeling from Jacob, and I'm loving from Jacob from from this other man. And so, yeah, I just think, again, like reiterating what we said at the beginning this, I really see this is such a practice for both men and women that I work with mainly women around. Like, being only being available for what you really want to be fucking available for. And this isn't about not giving people a chance. But this is like not holding on to something when it's clear that it's the man is not showing you the traits, the things that you're really after. Or if

Jacob O'Neill: 58:43

there's like the end, if there is a slow burn going on, and you're building a relationship with someone that does isn't moving as quickly as you like, and then something else presents itself. Be honest with yourself like, yeah, if that other thing that pops up, and it's exciting and new, and has the potential to move faster than what you're already cultivating. Ask yourself, like, do I actually want this? Or am I actually do I want to see where this goes. And if I had to choose what would I choose? And I think what I'm taking from what a lot of what you're sharing my love and I want everyone who's listening to contemplate is like for you to be a yes to something you have to be a no to everything else.

Unknown: 59:22

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Jacob O'Neill: 59:25

And that's such an important piece like you like Jacob represents the qualities in a man that I want. I'm going to say yes to that. And I'm going to say no to everything else. And that in that moment, you made a decision, which then, you know, worked out for you worked out for me. But that has to be you have to be willing to take that risk. And I think that's one of the things that for it for relationships and for dating. I think there's like, I encourage you to like get really clear on what you want. Hold a standard be discerning but then also be willing to take a risk. And, you know, trust the feeling, not necessarily the form.

Meg O'Neill: 1:00:09

Yes. And I think another piece that I think is so helpful in releasing that grip, because I know a lot of women that can get grippy in the realm of dating is like, is trust, trust in the mystery trust in life? Trust in whatever? Will you call that force?

Unknown: 1:00:30

Trust in the mystery that was a suddenly made out. Yeah. And then.

Meg O'Neill: 1:00:39

And I love the line, like what is for me cannot pass me. And I think that's so important. Of a reminder, when we're feeling ourselves, like, Should I text back should I do this things should edit it. When that anxiousness is wanting to come in, in the realm of dating, it's like, what is forming cannot pass me I remember repeating that again. And again, when in those nine months together and be like, before we got together. So I was like, I can feel the part of me that wants to like, text you or like, you know, force this. And again, if you want something, go the fuck after it. And if you want to express something and want to be committed to like, don't hold back on that. But also, is that coming from a place of anxiety? Or is it coming from a place of truth? I think that's an important piece.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:01:22

Totally.

Meg O'Neill: 1:01:24

Should we just do like quick fire? Thoughts on apps, dating apps, those kinds of things? Just because we said we were going to,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:01:34

we want to stay in integrity.

Meg O'Neill: 1:01:35

Yeah, we are men and women. Word.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:01:38

I think the short answer that I want to get because I know we're coming up to time is it's not the app, it's how you use it. It's not the man. Yeah, it's not the it's not, you know, it's if I say to people like you, like if you're going, if you're going into something with an expectation or an attachment, or this is what I need to get from this, you've instantly lost out on the the potential possibility that comes with that. You know, I have great experiences on Facebook marketplace. Facebook marketplace is kind of like the tinder and the for for married men. It is there's so many dudes that just love to flick through Facebook marketplace and scroll, scroll, scroll to message someone, hey, is this still available?

Unknown: 1:02:27

He's still getting like the domain heated like being

Jacob O'Neill: 1:02:30

like, Oh, I don't have to go and look at this. Like, I look at some ridiculous shit on Facebook marketplace. But once again, it's like I go on there. And I'm like, if I'm not clear on what I want from it, and I'm not clear on what my intention is, and I'm not clear on why I'm using it. And then I end up scrolling. And then I'm looking at shit that I don't even need. Yeah, and this is the same thing with apps. It's like, if you're going on that app, why are you going on it? What is your intention? And how can you be really clear and stay in integrity and not use the app as kind of like this way just to mitigate risk? And to kind of get what you want without giving something to the space? Yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 1:03:08

I think I get the question all the time from from single women, like, ah, should I be on the app side, I want to be on the apps like, oh, like an almost, I feel like a judgment of themselves for potentially being on the app. You know, I think I feel a neutrality to apps. And I would say if you are single and potentially wanting to be on the apps come out with a sense of neutrality, it's neither right or wrong. It's not. It's not good or bad. It's, it's the way in which you're choosing to navigate that. And I think as I've seen many people, you know, have great relationships through apps or meeting in that way. And the reality is, it's a big way in which people meet these way, these days, I would just say be in right relationship with that choice. If it doesn't feel good for you get off the motherfucking out and go out into life. If you don't feel if being on an app doesn't feel true for you choose to carry the story of there are men if you're a woman, there are men everywhere out in the world. You know, I can meet him in a supermarket. I can meet him, you know, at the dog park leaders, like choose the story of their men. They're a single men everywhere. Yeah, they're beautiful, incredible single men everywhere. And all I have to go out is live. And all I have to do is go out and live my life and be in the motherfucking world. And I will come face to face with with incredible glorious single men. Oh, and I think we're like our story. I know many people that have met in in real life as well. Like it's still fucking happening. I think sometimes that can be a story of the apps is the only way to meet people. Yeah, but I would say a lot of you know, a lot of humans I know that are in partnership. You know, I know people that have met on arts but I also know people that have met and in real life and in totally many different ways and

Jacob O'Neill: 1:04:58

like, I'm gonna apply this to my life. For in regards to like my business, you know, my business is online. And I, you know, I've got this one bro man, Manuel, and he's from Europe and he and I have this beautiful relationship because I decided to message him invite him to into one of my programs. He said yes. And now a couple of times a year he and I send voice notes back to each other on WhatsApp. And it's kind of like, like this pen pal. We've got this beautiful relationship and we speak to each other and like that would never have happened. I wouldn't have that relationship with him if it wasn't for Instagram. Yeah. So I can't say that Instagram is the right way to meet people or the wrong way to meet people. Same as I can't say that Tinder or whatever the other apps are, are the right way or the wrong way to meet people. Like it's the intention and the you know, your, your, your soul's path. Well, if you really trust it, it'll take you where you need to go. And in saying that, you know, I've same sort of thing I've, I've, I've met people out in the world where I've just said hello to them. And then I've built a deep relationship with this person, after being at an event or at a coffee shop. And then next thing you know, they're one of my close friends. And I'm like, Ah, that that that is how I relate in the world. Like, I don't put rules or expectations, but I have a clear intention. And I have discernment. Yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 1:06:15

like go if you don't, if you do or don't want to be on an app, but if you're very clear, and app isn't for me, and it's not the way I want to meet people go out in the world in the world meet people that you are phenomenal at this. And I would say actually, the time in which we met met, I'm actually okay at this now. But I go through season do not want to talk to anyone when I'm out. But when we met I was like wanting to chat to people. I was wanting to go into the stores. I was wanting to have conversations I was wanting to chat you know? And I think that's, that's magnetic as fuck. So magnetic to be out of the world. Open. Yes. Right. open to experiences open to conversations. Right? And you can practice this by going to your coffee shop and ordering a coffee and like, you know being like how like, actually not just being like, Hi, I'm gonna have the flat white and then walking away, like, actually beginning to open to conversation and be out in the world and, you know, be in life.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:07:15

Be curious. Yeah. Be curious. I think that's super, super fun. Like, like I fell in love with baristas all the time. I think barista is the maiden. It's like, Here's your coffee, Jacqueline, like, oh my god, I love you. Thank you so much. Like it's it's like a really nourishing energy but like, you get to go out and like and be curious and like in relate with the feminine if you're a man, like relate with the feminine without attachment. Like Thank you. Or like if you're if you reply for this, like, Hey, Jay, I got like, oh, what coffee or make me your favorite coffee, please What's your and then they make like ours your favorite coffee? A latte or you know, and you get to like, be exchanging energy in the world without coming across as too forward or you get to taste and play in the energy. And I think, for me, like one of the greatest things that I learned was, you know, I did customer have always always had customer service jobs. So I learned how to communicate by doing. And I think for a lot of men, like if you are a bit awkward, or if you don't feel confident speaking or if you you've got the provider if you've got a good job, or you're like, Oh, I've ticked all the boxes, why aren't I like a big part of it is going out and being in the world. Yeah. And being in relationship with with the world and learning how to speak and, and open up and same with for a woman if you do feel like oh, where is he? Where is he just go out and explore go out and be curious and follow your follow your desires? And what's the what would what would I remove? Say follow your truth? Follow the feeling follow the feeling. All you got to do is find the feeling.

Meg O'Neill: 1:08:53

Yeah, and even even like getting clear on how do I want to feel? What are some of the qualities I would love in a partner and if it is creativity, go and do a fucking creative class somewhere, like go to a pottery class, go to a music class, like go go out into the world and, you know, love is risky. You know, meeting people is, you know, it's gonna ask you and I always say this to women, like the price we pay to be fully expressed or the price we pay to really be out there in the world being women that get what we want is awkward and uncomfortable. We're going to have to pay that price. And I think that's especially in the realm of of dating. Like, it can be awkward to speak our truth and to ask for what we want it can be awkward to, you know, be out in the world exploring and you know, getting curious and putting ourselves in situations like experiences we might not usually for the sake of knowing okay, I'm I'm not going to meet someone in my home. behind a screen on watching fucking Netflix. There's a man out a glorious man out there in the motherfucking world. Well, I gotta go out Enter the motherfucking world and an explorer and put myself in spaces where he can find me. Go I love that sorry, I love that idea of like, like, people that are meant to be in partnership are looking for each other. Like if you have the feeling of, I'm ready for partnership, I want you to believe that there is someone else out in the world simultaneously right at this moment going, I'm looking for partnership, I'm really looking for partnership. And so you going out into the world to the art class or going to the dog park. Because what I've realized, since getting a dog is if you are single, or if you are someone who is wanting to make connections in the world, get a fucking dog. That's

Jacob O'Neill: 1:10:39

great. That's if you don't want to go and do a sales and communication workshop transformational work, get a dog and go for a walk down the street, get a cute dog and just go for a walk.

Meg O'Neill: 1:10:50

Oh my gosh, I've never spoken to so many strangers

Jacob O'Neill: 1:10:52

I have we now have a dog, we now have a group of really close friends. Obviously, these people more than I've seen my other friends.

Meg O'Neill: 1:11:05

What was it? Where was I going with that? Yeah, this idea of like you're out in the world, putting yourself in places to make you more easily able to be found by that person who's also looking for you. I just think that's so fucking adorable and sweet and beautiful and heartwarming. And it's not this, like I've got, I've got to go out and work hard or like, where are they? It's like, Ah, I'm going and living and life is going to bring us together, I'm gonna go out and live and life is going to bring us together, whether that's the ping to be on the app. And to scroll through at night, I'm going to I've got the ping, I've got the feeling I'm going to scroll, or it's the Oh, I'm gonna go on a walk to the beach there. I'm just gonna go to a cafe and take my book and see what happens.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:11:48

Someone was only telling me recently that oh, yeah, some friends were telling us about how like, they met on the app. And they went in to delete the app. And there was

Meg O'Neill: 1:12:00

who I thought, Who was I

Jacob O'Neill: 1:12:02

don't know what they'd want us to share their story on here. But I remember them saying that, yeah, that when she went into delete the app, and there was a message from him, or she saw, she saw him, she's like, Oh, I don't mind the look at him, clicked boom. And now you know, they're, they're in deep relationship. And it's like, you've got to be willing to engage with the field to start your story. Yeah, and if you're not engaging with the field of life, and I call it the field, because it could be the app, or it could be the art class, or it could be the dog park, or it could be wet and wild. It could be it could be a business networking event, it could be I don't know, it could be a sushi making class could be anything, you could go and go to run club, go and do yoga on the beach, go join a breathwork an ice bath, you know, go and find where your values are aligned with the with the space or with what you're looking for. And then trust that you know, your story with another will start there. And if it doesn't, then keep exploring. And then the story will start just like ours did. And it might take nine months might take 10 months, who knows but it will the if you're actively relating with the field of possibility, and you're engaging in these different areas where you are excited to go already, you're going to be more of you, which means you're going to become a match for whoever it is that is here to journey with you. And then you can start whatever story you've got and then you get to look back in 10 years 20 years 30 years time and your origin story.

Meg O'Neill: 1:13:27

Yeah, talk about your origin story that potentially started a wet and wild

Jacob O'Neill: 1:13:31

please if anyone out there beloved, wet and wild please let me know that we use DMS and want to know it's

Unknown: 1:13:42

like just a single person rocking up a wet and wild being like I don't

Jacob O'Neill: 1:13:46

know about you but if you're single and you rock up to wet and wild solo and you go there for the date respect, like you didn't go there with frog that's somewhere that I would go with family or friends I wouldn't just go Yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 1:13:55

I'm also thinking there's a lot of children there maybe don't rock off as to what have you.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:14:01

I kind of want to get wet and wild all right. I

Meg O'Neill: 1:14:03

think I'd like this single 45 year old man wet and wild.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:14:09

What is going on? Spectacular man. I feel complete my love. Is there anything that you wanted to

Meg O'Neill: 1:14:17

speak in and it's for those that don't aren't Australian? Well there's like a waterpark. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:14:21

it's not a sex play. Yeah. Yeah, huge.

Unknown: 1:14:26

Lots of children. Sounds crazy.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:14:29

We would be so excited as young teenagers to come up and go to wet and wild from the country. It was like I thought that was the Gold Coast. I thought wet and wild was the Gold Coast. Wild Movie World dream world on my Father and God. Theme

Meg O'Neill: 1:14:43

Parks theme parks.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:14:45

fucking funny. Um, can we do a quick little quickfire questions to some olives. If you're a date in your, you know, say we never met say you're in your 30s you're single. Where would you go? Where would you go to find Start to seek out a person to start your love story with.

Meg O'Neill: 1:15:05

I love this question, I would definitely, if I was in the same work I was in, so like working for myself, I would definitely work from cafes a lot. Yeah, that you would be a cutie. And I would play, I would have like my local cafe that I went to a lot. And I'd be really connected to like the people there. But I would also hop around to different cafes. So

Jacob O'Neill: 1:15:23

you'd have like two to three days a week in one cafe, but then you'd have sort of a variety day. And

Meg O'Neill: 1:15:28

I would be really open, obviously, to getting work done. But also to like chatting to the people and building connections in that way. I would definitely be like to go into yoga and go into Pilates lots. And maybe not necessarily meeting a man there. But just like, I'd be in the community.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:15:46

You'd be at the markets,

Meg O'Neill: 1:15:47

I'd be at the mosque, I'd be at the markets, you really beat the markets. And I think I would really walk through life. And I was definitely in that season when we met. But I would definitely walk through life with with this sense of openness, not every day, if I wasn't feeling it, no, but like, if I knew I wanted partnership, I would walk into the markets being open, you know, my eyes would be out I'd be willing to make eye contact with people I would be, you know, willing to let them feel me I would be letting my essence shine through.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:16:20

I would be radiating feminine energy all over I wouldn't be I would be

Meg O'Neill: 1:16:23

like and that's like attractive. And I say attractive not unlike a physic that's all she's hot. It's like, attracts like it attracts energy when you're open. And when you're letting letting the world feel you instead of walking into the market scrolling of foreign and having your shoulders kind of like your neck down and you know, yeah, it's just open energy. So I'd be very intentional about that. I don't know, I'd probably play on the apps, but then I don't I do not think I would be someone that would be alright, I know, I would probably check myself if I was like, Oh my God, I've been scrolling on the absence of that, okay, I want to take a break from the app, and I want to go and be in the world. Where else? I just go try shit. I'd go I'd go. I'd go out in the world and try things you experience it like, yeah, and I go and try things that I knew. Yeah, not not just with the sole purpose of meeting someone, but it would be like, oh, there's going to be people here. And this this would be I'm really interested in this. And I want I'd put myself out in the world a lot more. Yeah. Yeah. What about you? If you were single, you're 34 we'd never met.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:17:41

I would probably move to Peru and apprentice with a high level shaman for the next six years.

Meg O'Neill: 1:17:50

I know what you just wouldn't have. But how about your deep desire to be a father? What if you're 34? And you

Jacob O'Neill: 1:17:54

think I think that I think I would? I think I don't know that. Like, that's always my first answer is like, I would go and apprentice as in Peru. And like,

Meg O'Neill: 1:18:06

if we'd never met, and you were single at 34, that's actually freedom to you. Oh, that would be so.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:18:12

But really, everyone's

Meg O'Neill: 1:18:13

everyone's like, Fuck you, Jacob play the game.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:18:16

I think that I would be the audit. I don't think I was ever very good at dating or like, I wouldn't say that I'm masterful. At I was never really good at like getting women. But

Meg O'Neill: 1:18:28

being imagine you're the man you won. Yeah. But you're single on

Jacob O'Neill: 1:18:33

as a carrier stick, get away, get away. It'd be horrible. I wouldn't be able to leave the house, I'd have to stay in the house, I'd have to be on the apps. It would be torture. I would think there'd be a part of me that would be deeply devoted to the things that I love. I think it's been a lot more time doing hobbies. And I think through that, I would think through those things. And I think I would be very open to like, I think I'd be more curious and ask more questions. I think I'm very, very bad at asking people questions these days. Because I am so deeply woven into my my clients lives is that that safe space, I'm so deeply woven with you and my close friends that I I don't really walk through the world with that, that deep level of sense, that deep level of curiosity anymore. And if people start telling me about themselves, I don't I don't actually want to know. Like, there's a part of me I've got other stuff that I'm on a mission have. So I think there'll be a lot more I think I'd have a lot more time for people that I'd be a lot more curious and see where the you know where the conversations would go. I think I'd spend a lot of time at cafes. Yes. I would think a joint Run Club. I think I do. I think I'd do more things that are co gender. Yeah, I think I'd be Doing a lot more things that a coach no versus me just always doing men's work. Yeah, I think it'd be a deeper kind of weaving of like, okay, I'm gonna go and do this Run Club at 5am in the morning, I'm gonna go to this, this workshop that men and women are out, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to this concert, I think it'd be a lot more open to, yeah, those things, which kind of shines a light on, you know, what, we probably need to cultivate a little more on our, in our, in our relationship

Meg O'Neill: 1:20:26

going. I just I just thought that too. It's like, Oh, wow. Like, it is true when and we're in a very different season of law, you know, we're about to have a baby of all these different things. And there is a reality when you know, I was saying this last night while we're cleaning up my space, like, oh, when you're in your early 20s, or your mid 20s, and you still kind of experimenting, and there's lots of things and you don't maybe have the level of responsibility you might have, you know, we're both CEOs of our business of our company, like companies and businesses, and we're becoming parents like this, there is a lot more responsibility to that. Yes. And

Jacob O'Neill: 1:21:01

I want more hobbies? Well, I would say that adventure in the unknown feeds us as individuals, like for me, like, when I go like I'm going away this weekend to a men's retreat on this feeds me to go and be in the world. Yeah, as Jacob and I think, you know, for you to go and, like explore these different hobbies. And there's like, it feeds us in a way that, you know, I've been out all morning and I came back and I was like, Yeah, I'm here. I feel present. I feel like I can bring a part of me that is or is now fed. It's not looking for something. Yeah. What a podcast. That's fine. Yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 1:21:36

we laughed, we cried.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:21:39

We didn't died. We are still alive. I didn't have a run for that. Sorry. Let's not finish on that. We're gonna finish on this.

Unknown: 1:21:50

You and this

Jacob O'Neill: 1:21:55

regardless of where you're at, in a relationship, whether you're 10 years in, whether you're one month in whether you're at the start of your own self love journey, and working out, whatever you want, I just I deeply I want you to know that I'm holding the vision for you to know and, and feel love in your life from yourself and from the ones around you. And this is my great prayer for humans to know that they are loved. And I really believe that regardless of where you're at, on your relationship journey, like you, you deserve to be loved. Like you really truly do. And that love can come from you and it can come from other people as well. And I want you to know that it's safe to open to that it's safe to receive more than you've ever ever thought you were worthy of it's safe to to give a little more as well. It's safe to give a little more. And you don't have to hold it all in and count your and count your models you can literally give in this in this way like Love Love is is a risk it flows to and from it's an infinite energy and I just really believe that everyone deserves it. And that's my that's my great prayer is that you that all humans know that they are loved and they find the people that can love them really well. Oh.

Meg O'Neill: 1:23:11

Thanks for being here, everybody. That was really beautiful.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:23:14

It was a fun talk. I'm so glad we didn't do that other topic that we were going to do. And we chose this one.

Meg O'Neill: 1:23:18

That one's I'm so glad to and I'm really glad you went and ran and got exactly where

Jacob O'Neill: 1:23:22

it is at all times. I have a very organized cupboard full of trinkets, pieces of paper, pens, x paper clips, axes, little knives kind

Meg O'Neill: 1:23:34

of slightly looks like a psychopath if you were to open his office cupboard is he has all of these axes lined out like perfectly?

Jacob O'Neill: 1:23:42

It's eclectic. It's quirky. Quirky, ya

Meg O'Neill: 1:23:46

know, it's I think it's like, it's almost like too neat. And the fact that this x is lined up so neatly in the cupboard,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:23:55

you'll have a series of thing vibes. Yeah. It's an archetype.

Meg O'Neill: 1:24:00

Okay. All right. Love you guys. We'll see you. Thanks for being here.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:24:06

Please. Yo, yo, yo, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Sex love and everything in between. Now if you'd like to stay connected with Megan i You can head on over to Instagram and follow me at the Jacob O'Neill and where can people find you lover at

Meg O'Neill: 1:24:23

the dot Meg dot o amazing.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:24:28

And yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all the information in regards to what we've got coming up. And yeah, we're super super grateful that you guys for taking the time to listen to this podcast. If you do have any topics or any questions, like I said, hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do. Apart from that have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. Thanks for being here. Big Love.