Ep 68: Clean Feminine expression vs. Projection

What does it truly mean to channel clean feminine energy into nourishing the men in our lives? 

In this episode, Meg and Jacob focuses on the transformative power of a woman's trust and support in her man, illustrating how such faith can significantly enhance both partners' growth and the overall dynamic of the relationship.

Dive into the delicate balance of power and responsibility within a relationship, highlighting the critical role that emotional support and trust play in fostering an environment where both partners can thrive. Megan and Jacob share insights and personal experiences, offering practical advice on how women can create a nurturing space that encourages their partners to embrace both their strength and vulnerability.

They also riff off on:

• The importance of trust in a relationship and how it allows a man to rise into his masculine power
• Creating a safe and nourishing environment for both men and women in a relationship 
• The role of women in supporting their partner's growth and evolution through their words, actions, and energy
• Communicating emotions, needs, and desires cleanly without projection or blame
• The significance of micro moments in building trust through small actions and choices 
• How nourishing a partner with trust can unlock their potential to fully commit to the relationship

and many, many more...


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IG: @the.meg.o @thejacoboneill @sexloveeverythinginbetween

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Transcript

1:07

A woman that trusts her man and is communicating that and is posturing that and he's having that in her energetic transmission like, that is powerful soil for a man to rise and man to deepen into his masculine power a man to come alive, like in the relationship and outside of it. Truly a man that is backed by a woman, a man that feels such deep trust from his woman. Like trust in that like she trusts him and his decisions and his capacity in the world. That's an unstoppable man. Yo, yo, yo lovers, welcome. Welcome. Welcome to sex, love and everything in between where the O'Neill's you're here with Megan Jacobs. And this is the place we have really uncensored conversations about sex, intimacy and relationships. We're super excited. You're here. Enjoy this episode. Hi, everyone, what's up lovers. Hi, my man, what's up, blah, blah. And even I don't know how to answer. I know, I know how to answer that. General. How are you? What's been happening? Give me a it's not an invitation to like, what's up? Nothing much. You feel unhappy? I'm feeling so good. I feel so happy. I'm so happy with where we live and the convenience of where we live for. Right now. We have we were living on seven acres in like the bush still on the Gold Coast. But it was like 30 minutes to the beach. And we still loved going to the beach. We still loved going and seeing our friends and community that lived about 30 minutes away, sometimes 40 minutes away. Sometimes 50 Sometimes. I used to drive like 50 minutes for my pole dancing class. Yeah. And yeah, it just was challenging at times. And we wanted I wanted to move for like five months. And we were patient and we were very particular about where we wanted to live. And I will say you patient that's that's that's not just saying that. Yeah, I was I was really, really patient. You weren't rushing in like, I was still very much looking. Yeah, but realestate.com was getting a workout. Yeah, we always not always. But we were really blessed and created an experience where the Arina loved us and always have a great experience you have phenomenal with. I'm a people person. You people don't know this about me, but I'm actually a people person. Why don't people sometimes think that I'm a bit. I don't really like people. I'm a bit sort of standoffish. Sometimes you can play that character of being like, dark and moody. Yeah. That's part of who I am mainly at parties. We did our erotic blueprint. Shout out to Jaya. Yep. Is it just Jaya? Is there anyone else? Is that her thing? Jaya. Yeah. Okay, so it's James II. And I think and I'm actually energetic. Yes. Makes perfect sense. So if I'm at a party and I look annoyed, it's probably because your energy is not that good. That's got nothing to do with me. Okay, how are you? Before we dive in, I'm feeling 100 bucks. Back when$100 you see able to afford a house I'm feeling a million I'm feeling 10 million bucks. Good. Today's a good day. Now let's get into it. I just haven't finished I'll say, I truly think that like a lot of the time, we can get caught in the idea of arts and all an inside job, we just need to shift our internal state. And sometimes it's about holding the vision and trusting the process we've been chatting to like our friends who have just bought a new house and they were literally holding on for for for the house and everything that and it's come to fruition for them. It's really beautiful. And I was having a chat with another guy who's had a similar experience of like manifestation. And Ty had did another podcast today that's coming out it's retiring and we're talking about the process of faith. I think faith can be such a beautiful thing to relax into. And that for me is like super super important to remember when you are calling something in is to have faith completely. And that's like right now after having such a hectic couple of couple of months. I'm like ah I kept the faith even when everything else felt hot and nothing seemed to make sense. And I was questioning it I was like just come back and have faith have faith and trust in the process. So yeah, this like arriving here and having this feeling Although it hasn't felt that normal for the last few months. It's nice to land in it and be like fuck, we we were patient we were engaged and we stayed the course we didn't ever check out we were we stayed in the in the process of it and now we get to Yeah, we get to ride to the beach in two minutes. We have to go and have coffee on the on the Get on the creek, we get to go to the you get to go to the dog park after this and hang out with all your new friends. Like we've got the guys we live right near this new like off leash, or there's like a big off leash dog park like 200 meters from my house. And I'm now a part of the community that has joined I have always invited on the Instagram thread. She has she's at Palm Beach local. It feels so good. I my mom. My mom loves like, going to a coffee shop and someone knowing her name and being a part of a community. I have my mother, you or your mother. Yeah, so and that's a good thing. Your mom's right, my mom's best shout out to Coco. Coco. Okay, all right, let's dive in. What are we talking about today, this is a pretty hot topic, and something that I think is gonna be seriously valuable for you. And I want to I want to like I also want to put a disclaimer, this isn't something that we as men then just get to weaponize either this is something that we're learning and understanding on a deeper level. Yeah, so we're going to talk about what it means to express cleanly in our feminine energy or clean feminine expression versus projection. And really, this conversation came about from some conversations I was having with my clients and full spectrum woman around being a safe woman, like what it means to be a safe woman if you're in a heterosexual relationship, a safe woman to a man. And I think so often, and rightly so there's big conversations around safety, the safety a man can create for a woman and I think those conversations still obviously need to be hard. And I'm such a huge advocate for those conversations. And safety is one of the biggest deepest keys to unlock a woman's femininity and unlock her. And I'm not just saying her surrender, but her power, and her depth of trust. And all of the magical powerful parts of, of a woman's depth of feminine energy, like safety is key in relationship especially. But what's not a conversation that's not spoken enough about is really creating a safe environment for a man. And being part of a man's environment, when we're in relationship to him, or with him being a potluck, we are part of his environment, we are part of his environment, full stop, which means his environment dictates or supports his growth supports, how much he feels open to share how much he's expressing himself, all of these different pieces. You'll like this is, for me, it's like your woman has influence on you. I think that pletely you know, so often it's like, the masculine is the container and the feminine is what sits within it, you know, men are here to hold, you know, the very frequent sort of kind of phrases are the masculine holds the feminine, the masculine holds the feminine. And that that is true, I totally agree with that. But at the same time, it's like the feminine does have the ability to influence and either call forward into greatness or crush into nothingness. And it's like, that's a powerful energy to hold as a woman like you have, you have a responsibility to wield the feminine, that exists within you, you know, in a way that is safe, not they're not safe in like, I'm going to tiptoe around this man and not not cause him to feel things, but I'm going to do it in a way that is safe and allows him to experience the love that he needs the the awareness that he needs the, the the, I guess the little nudge or the little like, or the the understanding that he needs. And I can I can bring that in in a way that is appropriate and safe. And I don't even know if safe and as we're having this conversation, I'm like, I don't even know if I like safe as the word maybe it's nourishing, like a nourishing woman. And if we think of this as like, a man is a plant. I was gonna say a flower of it that that man is what do you want to be? I want to be a tree. Okay, a man is a tree, big, strong tree. And we like a tree grows and thrives due to its environment, the soil that it's planted in, yes, and the weather and all of the sun. And we can't deny as women or as women or as humans, that if we're sleeping in the same bed with someone every night if we're have our lives intertwined, if we're in partnership, of course, who we are being and how we are meeting that person and the words we're using and the posture we're taking in our body and the transmission we're literally offering to that person. Of course, that is influencing the way they are being in the world. Of course that is influencing how they feel in the world and how that how they're growing and evolving. cause we cannot deny that if we are in partnership we are an integral part of the environment of the human we're in partnership with. You're really passionate about this. Yes. And like how are we aware of that role number one? And are we taking responsibility for that role? How are we taking that role? I don't want to put that up yeah, do we? Are we trying to thrive in that role and do our best to be the best environment for our partner? Or are we just focused on his not being enough? He's not doing enough he's not the big strong tree yet. He's not being the tree I want him to be yet without actually realizing were a part of that you get to water that tree or you get snap it in half. And like the pace that I'm the clear thing here is like, what is your can you understand that your role has a place in his in his journey and his growth and expansion as a man? Yes. And for me? Can you understand it? This is the thing is like, am I offering my am I bringing through my, my, my feminine transmission to control him? Or am I bringing it through in service him in his his fullest potential. And I think that's really important to sit with and be like, Wow, if I actually fed this man, actually, energetically fed this man, everything that would nourish his, you know, his capacity to actualize what he's here to create in service to humanity? FARC, what would I be on the receiving end of? How would he fuck me? How would How would he take me? Does anybody and this Yeah. And this is the, this has been an you know, for men. And you've got to learn how to receive that that's going to be your journey to receiving that that level of nourishment to be fed in that way. But you know, this is this is polarity baby, this is really honoring and and it's not about you have to always be that. But this is a skill. And this is something that you get to bring to your relationship in service to the deepening of your love. And I would say yes, this is about polarising relationship. And beyond that, this is about love. Yeah, this isn't just like, I'm gonna say, be ready at 6pm is a masculine being. So she feels, you know, like, I'm taking the lead. No, this is about I am devoted to this man. Yeah. And I wish part of my role and my diversion. Part of my role and sorry, that was part of my role and my devotion as the woman that gets to love him. Right? Is to do my fucking best. Yes, is to feed him really well. Right? Energetically, right? Emotionally, all of that to be a powerful environment for him. And let's just gonna say, let's dive into what we're going to we're going to talk about what that looks like. Yeah, this is yeah, I just want to also say like, what may be hard, and what you may not know, as well as a woman, especially in a relationship is that a big part of a man's fulfillment is in service to his woman, in giving what you know, in giving to his woman and being, you know, a lot of, you know, there's a lot of harping on around, like, be present with her be present with her. Yes. But there is also a part that feeds a man when he can protect and provide for a woman. And part of the being able to provide is knowing that, you know, it's, you know, that there's someone that believes in their capacity to be the provider to go out and get the things and bring them home in whatever capacity that looks like. So yes, like, I want to completely debunk any method, you know, he doesn't want to love you better. And he does. And this is a way that, you know, this is a very, very real and tangible way that you can call more of that love in and more of that capacity. And for him to bring that home to you. I adore that. And maybe this is the place we start with talking about what this looks like. Because a lot of women would be like, I don't feel that part of him that wants to really adore me or wants to really look off to me or wants to really show up. And this isn't always the case. But what I've witnessed in a lot of the clients I've worked with, and a lot of just like, observing the world and partnerships in the world, is that often a man closes that part of himself down. After feeling like I don't know how to support her. Right? I'm struggling to do that. Right? Or I don't feel good enough. She's made me feel like every time I try and get it wrong, so what's the fucking point anymore? What's the point? Yep. And so this is a really powerful place to begin because if you want to be a nourishing environment, For your man, you must bring this this energy of, I believe in you. I respect you. I truly believe in your capacity. I believe in your ability. I believe that you can get it right so often as women. And if we're talking about this, like clean, feminine expression versus projection, or emasculation, if we call it a big part of emasculation is this energy of I know better? You might not be saying that to your partner, as a woman, but fuck he's feeling that and your transmission is offering that your posture, your energy, right, the way you're holding yourself, the undercurrent of the words you're saying, literally thought is translating to I know better. And an example of this could be, you know, his packing the car, right? He's packing the car with things. And you've said to him, like, oh, you see you doing it that way? Are you doing it that way? Right. And that might seem like the simplest thing. But um, under that all you're doing it that way is like, I'm questioning because questioning you because I don't believe the way you're doing it is right, and I've got a better way to do it. And I wouldn't have done that way. And actually, there's a part of me that wants you to stop doing that. So I can do it my way. And it can be right. And that might seem really small. But when there's like many, many micro moments like this in a partnership, really what this is communicating to your partner is I don't believe in you. I don't trust you. And I know better than you. And if we're thinking of this analogy of like the tree, do you think that's powerful soil for the tree to grow, for your man to grow. And so many women are expressing, excuse me, and communicating in that way. And obviously, because that's what we've been, that's what's been handed down to us, from our mothers, or from pop culture and TV or whatever it is. Right? A lot of women are communicating in that way in their relationships. So offering that transmission and simultaneously holding this deep yearning to trust them in this DVD yearning to feel like, oh, my gosh, I could just rest into my man and he could he could take it. But they don't go with they don't go hand in hand. If you want that, if you want that desire fulfilled, you must choose to be a nourishing woman, you must choose to really become so devoted to clearing those patterns, cleaning up those patterns of emasculation, and coming into clean expression with your feminine and really focusing on what kind of environment I am I beam for my men. Those micro moments are very, very important. And I think that can like lean into like the clean feminine transmission. It doesn't have to be this one big like lavish performance of like, You're so good. Like you're so good. You're the best you I believe in your you're the greatest man that ever lived. It's the micro moments. That's all that's where the that's where the mass, the mastery of this really comes online is in the micro moments. And those those add up just like they do when they are projection or emasculation. And that dripping tab is is the way that you either feed him or drown him. And for me, that's like such an important piece what you've spoken to them I love and and this is not to discredit if he has dropped you in the past. You know, there's a whole other concept of around like revealing your hurt, which is not what we're talking about today. But I think that I would like to speak about that in because really that's a huge part of Kleenex motioning, awesome. We're gonna speak about that. And I didn't I didn't read the intro to you. I didn't read the notes either. I know it's cool. I'm glad we're gonna speak about that then I thought that was gonna be a whole nother another topic but that kind of weaves into it as well as like, he's not perfect. No one is. But at the same time there's there's there's both sides of kind of like yeah, you can clean up that that projection and start to focus on the little things that he is getting right and celebrating and feeding him in that way. And there's also going to be this other vulnerable expression where bringing it through cleanly bringing through the pain or the hurt or the feeling of being dropped by him is you bring that through with an open heart as well. So this there's a real there's a real vulnerability to both sides and I think too is that when you do start to do this and you feel his his capacity to lead and direct and command the space, there is a level of you letting go of control. There is a level of you surrendering and relaxing in To him, that is going to take a little bit of time, especially if you've been more if you're more on the other end of like using those projections to hold him in this state of not good enough, or I know better than Yeah, so that's why those micro moments are important, because they're going to slowly allow you to transition from here to here. I want to go into that clean expression, like in revealing versus projection, would you like to do that right now? Yeah, let's do that right now. But that, just to like, recap, this first point is a really beautiful question to ask yourself is, like, do I think I know better, do I think are better, and that is going to be really confronting, and this can be in moments where, you know, he's washing the dishes or driving or, you know, like we said, these micro moments. And to catch yourself in awe, I think kind of better than him right now. What if, okay, if I think I know better, and I follow that thread, that's going to have a moment unfold in a certain way. And that moment is probably not going to lead to deeper connection, that moment is probably not going to lead to deep intimacy. If I'm the transmission I'm bringing all the way I'm meeting this him is I know better than you. Right? Versus if you notice that and go okay. What if I didn't think I knew better right now? What if, what if I actually, I had the way I would do it, and he has the way he's, he's doing it. And I trusted him his way, even if I don't understand it, even if I wouldn't choose that, like what would happen right now if I trusted his way without having to fucking understand it. And that is the portal to deeper intimacy and connection, because that is going to make your man feel like a man feel like you trust him. He's not gonna then go like, fuck, okay, you do it. Okay, like, I can't get anything. Right. That isn't that is a nourishing environment. When a man feels like I am trusted in this space. Can we before we move on, I think this is an important piece too. Because you're if you are listening, you're willing, like, oh, fuck I, I do all of this. There's going to be moments where you are going to drop consciousness and potentially project or emasculate there's moments. Well, I'm just thinking of the plants the other day to tell that story, because this is the example of how you fumbled but then picked it up, picked it up. So I think this is important too, because we're not expecting, you know, women to all of a sudden be these perfect, little submissive, I'm going to feed him everything that he needs. I'm going to be the perfect little wife or the perfect little partner. It's like you're, you're still there's still gonna be parts of you that are a little bit sharp and edgy. But how do you soften those and, and I guess, yeah, recover if you do project. Yes. And this is where I want to go just off the back of that clean expression doesn't mean sweet, soft and surrounded, clean expression is ownership of the expression, which we're gonna go into in a moment. But let's tell the story of me nagging you about the plants. So we just moved. And we moved to Palm Beach, we moved, and Jacob did 99.99999% of the move. And you're amazing, like you did so much. You didn't so much, so much, so much. And then maybe the day after we moved on. It was a few days after we moved. We were going to Brisbane. And I was feeling emotional because it was my grandmother's grandmother's celebration of her life, she passed away. And I was just had a morning when nothing felt like it was going right. And I was just I was driving to Brisbane in separate cars. And I don't lie I like when you drive and we had to take separate cars. And so as I'm backing out of our driveway, I've looked over to the right, and I see all my plants that have been left outside from the move and half of them are dead or die. And I literally called Jacob and again, you were exhausted. You'd showed up so deeply. You were Yeah, you've done so much. And I in that moment felt the need to call you and say what did they say to you? Did you know that all the plants are dead you left them outside? Do you never plan to dead you live throughout time? And then you What did you say you're like yes, I did. I didn't realize that and yeah, I didn't I didn't didn't realize that they were going to die. I didn't realize I would die like quickly being out in the sun. And then you were like, are you okay? I was like I'm just feeling a lot and it's okay. You can like don't worry, you don't have to do anything. And that's what it says it i Listen, I can't do anything about it right now because I'm almost in Brisbane. But um, I can message that I was like You message them? And you're like, No, no, no, no, no, just just, I'm just. And it was kind of like this like kind of tussle. And I was like, Oh, I can't do anything about it right now. I'm happy to say that. Yes, I did leave them outside. But I didn't sort of I don't know what I was needing. I don't know what I was expecting in that moment. It was a part of me that was just like, you did something wrong, you did something wrong, and I need to show you that you did something wrong. And then I drove like, five minutes later, I was I drove to a cafe doing some food, and then I messaged you being like, would you message me? It was really cute. Okay, do you unright it? I'll have a look. I'll see if I would usually have cold you. But I knew you were driving. And I knew that I'd already Yeah, usually I'd really like to apologize via message. Did I say I'm sorry, I was rude. I'm feeling really emotional today. And I didn't realize it. Thank you. Thanks for doing all you do. You do so so so much for me and us. And I'm so grateful. That was the most epic recovery. Because it was like, I did realize as I drove, and I knew in the moment that I drove off, and I was like, that was unfair. I didn't need to do that. After him, he spent you spent four days of your life moving for us. And I had appreciated you for that. But that was not cool. That was not respectful. That was not, it was loving that was not clean. It was it was I want to show you that you're wrong. And I'm right. And you shouldn't have fucked up like that. And so, yeah, to and this is one of the things we are deeply devoted to, and we are such advocates for for you to practice. And many of many of you do already practices from listening. But we're such big fans of like, owning when we fucked up and even saying, like, Can I have another go of that? Right? All coming in and just like aren't like the, the way that I owned that of like, Hey, I'm sorry. What's underneath that that phone call was? I'm emotional, feeling really emotional today? And I'm sorry, that wasn't I projected that on you that wasn't that wasn't yours to have. And, you know, the truth is, you do so much and I appreciate you deeply. That that like the I think that's like if you do if it does come into your awareness after the fact, you can, you can actually send that message, you can actually go back in and speak those words and, like clear the space. You don't have to wait for your partner to come back and say, Hey, what you'd said was wrong and sort of play this back and forth of who's right who's wrong if you want to recover and reconnect in that way you can, you can opt out of that right or wrong dynamic in any fucking moment. Exactly. Yeah. And I highly recommend you do. Whenever you realize you're in that dynamic of I'm trying to be right, and I'm trying to make my partner wrong, like up to the fuck out. It does not lead to deep intimacy, it does not lead to deeper love or connection. No way. And like that, like after that. I just I was like, Oh, my loves is like, oh, not only did I feel fed, I also knew Hey, you're really emotional today. Thank you for like giving me some information that's going to help me love you better. Like there's a vulnerability in that. It's like, oh, cool, I'm gonna go I'm gonna be here again. I was and I was like, I'm showing up for you. I look after you. And like, the difference in that is like, if you hadn't have come back with that there would have been a part of me and be like, man, like, I can't I just can't get it. Right. But in your your message that followed that it was like, Oh, she does see all the things that I do. And she is grateful for me and she's really emotional. So yeah, that through the grace of humaneness, I'm gonna, I'm gonna love you and reconnect and choose you again and again and again. And you know, I could and this is the piece I really want women to hear as well. So many women in focus on he's not showing up, like even listening to this conversation. Some people might be like, how do I respect him? How do I appreciate him? How like, there's nothing he's doing because so many fuck ups is doing I can't trust him. There's all these things that he's doing wrong and you know, X, Y, and Zed. Yes, you can keep choosing to focus on that. Do do you want to evoke more of that? Awesome. Okay, keep focusing on that epic. But you could also choose to, and I'm not talking about letting things slide, slide or biting your tongue. But I'm talking about get off the ride of holding him in deep resentment and holding like looking through looking at your partner through the lens of you're not getting it right. And I'm going to show you where you don't get a ride. And that's my job actually to point out everything that you're getting wrong in our relationship. And actually see if you can practice wow, like, there's so much to appreciate here because I could have focused on you didn't do the plant thing. Yeah, and If I would have let myself focus on that, that could have consumed my whole day, my whole week, you you, you kill my plants, they were expensive that you killed my plans now I have to go back home. But I didn't want to focus on that, because you were driving to Brisbane to support my, my family set up for my grandma's celebration of life and MC and he just moved and like, there was so many other things for me to focus on and appreciate. You zoomed out, I zoomed out Yeah, and like so often and in no matter where you're at in your relationship, I'm always kind of brutal about this. If you're devoted to holding your partner in that kind of resentment, get out. Yeah, you want to stay in the relationship. You either turn your focus to what you can appreciate. Right? Or you leave. Otherwise you'll choose. Otherwise, your choosing that what was that? That was the spirits of this house confirming your beautiful, beautiful transmission? Sorry, yes. I also want to be like, I did, like, the thing is like, I did leave those plants out, I did end up dying or are dying. And I didn't do that to hurt you. I didn't do that on purpose. There's going to be points where your partner doesn't do everything the way that you want them to do. And it's like, it's not actually an attack ago, 90 Unless it's a narcissistic tendency, which is very, very nuanced. Like, a lot of the things I do aren't to hurt you the things that I mess up that just to me of, you know, I didn't, I didn't think about that. And I wasn't aware of that. And I can take ownership of that without being thinking without being kind of a bad person for not knowing that it's, and these are the conversations that you then get to like, oh, cool, like those indoor plants, they did cost a lot of money. And they aren't, you know, you did buy them and they were important to you and cool. Alright, I now know that about those plants. You know, I'm not I'm not hiding from that little, you know, and we can take that, and we can have an actual conversation about that after the fact. But, yeah, I think that there's such an important thing of zooming out and seeing the full, the full picture. Yes, completely. Yeah, I just think that's important to know that your partner if they do trip up on something, or if they do forget, or they're, they're not doing that to hurt you. They're not doing that in an attempt to make your life work. So you're uncomfortable. And this is also the part of trusting him. Yeah, trusting that he loves you trusting that he wants to love you better. So I need a cough. Excuse me, shall we switch gears and go into the healing? I think this is like part of that. Because we even saw in that example, that underneath the part of me that was nagging you about the plan. So wanting to show you that you were wrong about the plans underneath that was I'm emotional today. And I'm actually feeling it capacity today. Yeah. And, and I'm stretched and I want love. And so if we're looking at clean, feminine expression versus projection, projection is, I'm feeling something. And I'm going to try and push that feeling onto you and blame you for that feeling. Right? I'm driving out of the driveway. Ah, because I was triggered by the plants because that almost like set me off. Like I was already feeling emotional. So it's always like, this feeling is Jacob's fault. I'm gonna call him and tell him this feeling is his fault. Right versus clean, feminine expression is, okay, I'm feeling this, he's done something and there's a trigger there. Or this has brought frustration into my body or there's anger here, or there's something that's come alive. But instead of pointing my finger and being like, You're to blame, and you did this and you're wrong, right? We ask the question, what's underneath that? Like, what's underneath that? What's underneath that? Or another way I like to put this is under every complaint is a desire. So the complaint about the plant underneath that was all actually I just really want love today. That's my that's my desire. Can you can you like treat me train enough to make you look after me today? Yeah. And so this is part of if we'd like circling back to the conversation about being a nourishing woman and being a nourishing environment for for young men. This is one of the ultimate practices to start cleaning up where you are projecting and switching that or beginning to be in the practice of cleanly expressing your emotions. And one of the reasons why I want to really teach this is because I'm the women come to me to be fully expressed. Right? They do me They claim to be full spectrum woman, they write letters from women. That's that's the work I do in the world. It's like I'm teaching women how to be in their full expression, especially around relationships. But some women take that to mean I am a full spectrum woman, I'm going to be fully expressed in my relationship with a fuck this man. Yeah, that means anything goes that means I can be in my dragon, my inner dragon and be like you did this and you did this. And yes, it's all about welcoming my rage. So I'm going to bring my rage. And I'm going to aim it at him. But that's not the what the fuck I'm talking about. Right? Yes, your rage is welcome in your relationship. Yes, your frustration. Yes, all of you is welcome. But it's welcome. When you own it, when you take responsibility for it in your body. It's not welcome. When you're blaming, you're bringing that rage and you're spitting it at your partner and telling, you're the one that did this, and you make me feel like this. No. One of my greatest one of the greatest lines that I use, and I teach to move from projection, which is really outward facing, you're to blame, you did this, you're the reason why I'm feeling rage, anger, frustration, disappointment, whatever it is, versus clean, feminine expression is owning the emotion. So saying, oh, there's anger in my body right now. I'm feeling frustration coming alive in my body right now. Versus you did this and I'm angry or just raging at your partner and pointing the finger and being like, you didn't unstack the dishwasher correctly, or you killed my plants, right? versus actually clean feminine expression is when we reveal, it's like we let our partner in. And what I could have said is I could have called you and said, Hey, I'm feeling really emotional today. And I've just, I've just gotten in the car, and I've looked at the sign and I sold all my plants are dead. And I want to cry. And I'm feeling a bit of anger and frustration that my clients are dying, and I cannot blame you. And I know you've done a lot, but you kill my plants. The expression of like, not hiding that, but also not. Not projecting that. And it's a reveal. Yeah. And I think this is like sometimes a little bit of the harsh exterior that I know, women can can sort of sort of embody is like, I can't, I can't let you in. I can't submit to this, this feeling within me as emotional saying, Hey, I am feeling this. And hey, I kind of need you today. I need you to show up for me today I need and that is a very vulnerable thing. Because you're asking for help. You're asking for support. And in the landscape of the modern world where everyone's independent, everyone's affairs boss, babe, they can do whatever she wants, and doesn't need anyone to help her. Which, you know, I celebrate the power of women. And I think women are here to lead and guide in steward in this new new paradigm, of course, but to deny the gifts that a man is here to give you because you do not feel because you are not able to submit to the deeper feelings within your feminine core is to deny yourself, the, you know, the thing that you wish to receive the most. Yeah, and it's, it's, I think at the core of that, it's like, it's counterintuitive, like if you don't have a desire to feel really deeply received and held by a man. And if you don't have a desire to feel the power of your man, like you don't have to practice any of the ship, go on with how you going. But if you're deeply there's a yearning in your body of like, I want to feel my man's power and I want to I want to feel met by him. And I want to feel I want to feel taken care of if that is a deep yearning, these, these are pieces that you must practice, because this is part of you creating that CO creating that experience, because it's not just about him, even though we sometimes want to go he's not stepping up. I'm not feeling taken care of. It's his issue. No, you It's part you are a deep part of that environment. I truly believe every single fucking man has the capacity. Every heterosexual man has the capacity to be that for a woman. Yes. And yes, there in a work is important. Yes. But also, one woman could diminish that part of a man so deeply. So he does not bring that part of him forward. And another woman could call forth. That part of him. Oh, right. And so I think it is truly again, I'm going to reiterate that we as women, we really realizing like, I'm part of the environment, like the way I'm speaking to my man, the posture I'm taking, am I offering him touch? Like, how am I nourishing him, so that he's able to be what I deeply yearn for as well. And this comes back to the piece that you said, if you can't find the capacity to do that in your relationship, then get the fuck out. Amen. And that's the that can be a really sobering truth. But you're also holding yourself back from the relationship you want. And same with your partner. So that's, that's a Yeah, that's really, really well put my love. Have a little drink of water. Yeah, I've got this little cough. Um, I want to offer some more examples before we close up. And I'm just thinking about what examples I want to use Zoom. We close out the podcast. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Did you want to talk about like, revealing your hurt? Yeah, that's Yeah, I think a little deeper into that. Yeah. Yeah. So I think some other examples of the way we can project as women is, yeah, when when not getting what we want when, you know, our partner isn't showing up for us. Or there's we're feeling disappointed when not feeling met in certain things. And so often, when that is happening in relationship, the pattern women, many women come into is, I'm gonna either huff and puff, and stay silent, but like, energetically show him that I'm pissed off, but I'm not going to tell him, I'm not going to tell him what I'm disappointed about. I'm not going to, I'm not going to actually express what's there. But I'm going to stay silent and close my heart and my body to him. Hopefully hoping that he understands that his fucked up, which is basically I'm going to, I'm going to withhold my love. Yep. From him. As a punishment, he doesn't get access to me and I'm not I'm putting up this is almost like I'm closing off to him. Yeah, turning off the Yeah. And when you do that, as a woman that is not ever going to lead to deep intimacy and you getting what you want from your man, you feeling more deeply mate, you feeling more deeply nourished you feeling taken care of, because huffing and puffing or staying silent and withdrawing or withholding is offering him no information on how to better love you or how to better show up for you. Similarly, if your pattern is to, I'm disappointed, he hasn't done all of these things. I'm actually going to nag or I'm going to tell him how wrong he is. I'm going to tell him that he's not doing enough. Right, I'm gonna focus on what he's not doing. I'm gonna tell him you don't do this, right? Why'd? Why don't I've got to do all of these things. You don't do this, right? I've got to do it myself. If that's the vibe, again, that's also never gonna lead to you feeling more deeply connected to your partner, or you getting what you want. Because again, there's no information in that on how he can better love you. Or if there is information, it is wrapped in this. This is how you can support me better but you're not doing enough and I don't trust you that's wrapped in barbed wire. Yeah, so that man doesn't want to take that information that man actually wants to go fuck you to that information. He'll he'll who want to go fuck you. But quite often what he'll do is he'll just he'll close off as well he'll he'll become cold, he will retreat and, and push you away eventually as well. Yeah. And so really, the way if you're a woman that desires to feel fully met and feel taken care of and get what you want in your relationship, the only path there is to reveal, like, what is alive for you in a clean way. I can claim feminine expression, which is really, you know, if there is something you want to give an example of something of, of what have claimed feminine expression. Do you want to give me an example of when I like someone could be pissed off? Say that one of the one of the I think something is so so across the board is saying I'll be home at five and then I don't get home at five and I don't communicate Yeah, so you've come home a few hours late later than you said you would be 45 and I'm and I'm upset you know, I could either huff and puff and I could withdraw and withhold hoping that you're gonna get that you've done something wrong and I'm upset or as soon as you get home and I could I can say you really late night dinner on the table and like I kind of like it kind of trust you and you do all these things and where have you been under You know, I had dinner ready and the like this, like, projecting anger, or revealing in this moment would be you arrive home. And like what's alive for me? I'm gonna just let you into my heart in that moment, which is, hey, I cooked I worked really hard for dinner tonight. I actually put it on the table at 530. And then you didn't get home. And I'm feeling really upset. There's lots of sadness in my body and frustration, because I prepared and then you didn't arrive home. And I was really looking forward to spending time with you. Yeah, that one. Underneath the desert, what's underneath the complaint with that was the desire of, you know, I was really excited for a night just the two of us together, no. You can tell we've had this conversation before, without our phones, just like the two of us. And so, you know, you can then hear that the information of ah, that's what you wanted. You're not I'm not a bad little boy for coming home late. I'm, I, I actually, she desired she desired quality time with me, and that there is going to sting. But it's going to sting because it's true. So that's a really important thing is like, Ah, I said, we have it five, it's now 630. And I didn't communicate otherwise. And this woman is wanting to love me and spend time with me. And I've I've dropped her. And she's revealing her hurt and revealing what the deeper desire was and how important that is to her. Like that is clean as it's still going to sting. But it's clean. There's nothing for me to attach to or to defend because it's, it's it's a truth. And it's in it's the truth of your heart. So I can't deny it. Yeah. I love that little dog and you keep talking a little dog is barking outside okay. Oh, he needed John. Then he's jumped over all the podcast chords. Good boy. I believe he's training us for he's training us for parenthood, I'm sure. Oh my gosh, hello, now you're on you're gonna be on the YouTube video. Django. You're on the video. But, um, yeah, so this clean expression is really a few things here. If you're wanting to practice this, what's what's underneath? What's underneath this, like if my pattern was usually to nag or complain or just like projectile blame? Like, what's underneath that? And if I wasn't trying to be right, right now, if I wasn't trying to show my partner how they fucked up. Like, what's actually the truth under that, that when you become diverted to that truth when you become devoted to the art of revealing like truly revealing I'm just nervous that he's gonna grab the code. Sorry, guys, oh, man, let's have a puppy. When you become devoted to the art of revealing this is true, this will truly change the fabric of your relationship, this will this will truly shift the transmission that your man is offering you in the relationship like you will receive a different man, if you have had patterns of nagging emasculating or just giving him the silent treatment and withholding and holding resentment in your body. If you begin to practice this, and truly being a woman that brings her desires into her relationship cleanly, like this is huge. Being a woman that shares her desires, like hey, I would desire even with the plants I could have, I could have been shared with you. Or even if I didn't want to share the hurt if that didn't trigger me, I could say he would really love you to bring those plants inside. I want to look after them again. I want to bring them back to life. I would really love if you would be able to bring these plants inside for me. I'd love to. Right instead of even put the plants inside in the dead. Right this like this invitation like again with that with that knowingness that your man wants to love you. Okay, I can I can bring my desires forth but it's my job to bring my desires forth cleanly without this energetic of, I'm going to ask for this thing and you're actually probably not going to going to even do it. I'm going to ask for this thing. And actually, I don't trust you to do it and I'll just do it myself. Like so off. In our desires, as women in relationship are then wrapped up in expectation, or conditions, or just this, like, I don't actually believe that you can do it. Let's see if Yeah, let's let let let you prove my theory, right? Yes, I'm gonna watch you prove that I'm right about this and you're gonna fuck this up, I want to speak, just really want to land the piece around. Also, what if something is deeply important to you and your partner keeps dropping the ball on that like for me, that whole like not being on time, that was a big thing that I didn't, I didn't respect time the way that you did. And I did because quality time wasn't as strong as a strong love language as as it is for you. When you shared multiple days, a couple of times where I dropped the ball, and that new actually revealed, Hey, I like spending time with you. And when you tell me that you're going to spend time with me or that you're going to be home at a certain time, I get really excited. It brings me alive, I get I look forward to it. And then when you don't communicate that it's changed, and then I'm sitting here waiting for you. I feel really hurt. I feel really upset. Because I was because I was because you told me that you'd be home at this time. And I was really looking forward to that. So one of the things here that's really clean is like if something's important to you, and your partner isn't able to honor that. That conversation is really important. Because I'm guessing 9.9 times out of 10, your partner does want to love you better, they might just not be aware or have the same value on the thing that you have. Yeah. And to be honest, I don't really value indoor plants. I don't I don't I don't like it's not something that I can easily not have any plants and inside it and be completely okay with that. But even just on this podcast, like using odd, I could have said hey, can you bring those plants I don't wanna look after them. I could have in that moment be like, Oh, of course Meg likes indoor plants. I just in my mind, it doesn't, it doesn't even register. But now I can be aware of that. I can do better. And I can continue to love you better and deepen with you. So really like a lot of the time makes told you beneath beneath the complainers a desire. And a desire is something that's important to you. Yeah, it's something that you want. It's like this is important to me. And I know it's vulnerable for me to share this. But it's going to mean a vulnerability is is is a doorway to deep connection, it is something that's going to give you give you access to yet to what you really want. Yeah. Turn a comment to wrapping this up. Yeah, let's wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up. So I think if you're a woman wanting to practice this, I want to just like reiterate some of the main pieces. We gave, like some really specific examples. But I think beyond that, like the overarching piece here is can you let go of this idea that you know better than your partner? Like the main piece here is, can you offer your partner your trust, right? That is nourishing to a man and anyone but specifically a man in relationship. And if we're again, going back to that tree analogy, like that's powerful, motherfucking soil, a woman that trust him in, and he's communicating that and he's posturing that and he's having that in her energetic transmission, like that is powerful soil for a man to rise, and man to deepen into his masculine power, a man to come alive, like in the relationship and outside of it truly a man that is backed by a woman, a man that feels such deep trust from his woman, like trust in that like she trusts him and his decisions and his capacity in the world. That's an unstoppable man. And in a world continually tells men that they're toxic and that they're, they're bad and that they're wrong. Like there is a narrative of that that floats around. Imagine what it would be like for you to be the catalyst for him to create a new story about himself. Imagine what kind of mentioned what kind of man he would become and who he would, who he would be honoring and revering and offering gratitude to if you were that woman, like that is so fucking powerful. Because yeah, there's gonna be a world out there that tells you you're not good enough until you that you need to fit this box do this thing do that do that do that. And men are subject to that their entire lives. You've got to have a bigger house a bigger fucking car or a better fucking job more money in the bank to be good enough. And this is a sacred duty that you get to you really get to own if you want to in your relationship as you get to be the one that reminds him of his greatness and what he's capable of through that, that feeding and nourishing him as he grows into the great big fucking oak tree that is the big cedar tree and he provides the shade for you and your children and a life that you've created. And like, this is the you feed him and he will feed the life that you guys have always fucking wanted. And he'll serve you until his last fucking until his dying breaths. Yes. And this is the you know, this is the piece that you know, if you feed a man in this way, he will, he will, he will devote himself and he will commit like, like no man ever has before to you, and everything that you desire. Yeah. And it'll be fucking beautiful. It'll be fucking beautiful. And you'll be sitting one Sunday afternoon in the house that you fucking call a home with the people that you love eating food that is delicious. And you'll look over it and be like, fuck, we did this together. And that's the beautiful thing about relationships is that you get to do this together, you get to rise together and create a life together. And I'm just such an advocate for for for women who can love him and where he's at, and see what he's capable of and call him into that with this feeding with this nourishing, feminine transmission. I'm fucking I'm an advocate for that because I've been such a such a recipient of it and it's changed my fucking life. Yeah, and I'm I'm I'm so here to help women love men really well, because it's, it's game changing, like what you call forth. A man that's loves really well by a woman, like I just said, is unstoppable. A man that is loved really well by a woman. Like, what he can bring to her, but also to the world is next fucking level. What how he can show up to his children like all of it, all of it, all of it, all of it. One more thing. And so again, I just want to like offer the women that are really wanting to practice this, just a few final things, please, I beautiful one liner to practice and if this is new to you, and if you know like, Fuck, this has been a confronting conversation, I want to get better at being the nourishing soil for my man. What I'm about to say is probably going to trigger you. But what I want to what I want you to practice is when it feels appropriate, saying the line. I trust you. I trust you. So if he asked you, What are you What do you want to do this weekend? Or what should we I'm I want to take us you know, I want to have dinner like whatever kind of question. I want to get to you this weekend. Where do you want to go? I trust you. I trust you. If you definitely have a preference, I trust you. You could say I trust you. I know your preference. Like no. But I'm saying if you this is you can't What am I saying? Yeah, I'm saying that you can't then hall I trust you and then have the preference of he better choose Indian. And then when it's not Indians on Saturday night, hold him in. You fucked up and you did? Right. Yeah, so right. So so it can be Mexican. I feel like either Indian or Mexican. You choose? I trust you. Right. But so there's like this. When you do like Indian, again. I love even when we're at the markets yesterday, I said to you, I want to I want a coffee. And you know, I have like a range of different coffees I drink. And I said to you, I didn't want to decide. And I was just like, you choose. That's just you. And so Jacob brought me back my coffee. And so these might this. This is such a beautiful way of like, practicing and offering your man this opportunity to feel trusting or feel trustworthy. And yeah, like, show his love to you. And I just love that. And I think those micro moments like choosing the coffee choosing dinner, like they're not massive, life altering experiences, like they're not going to change the entire course of your life in that one moment. But those they're the micro moments that we spoke about at the start where like, I feel like something like Indian or Thai or Mexican. Like I'm pretty, I'm actually pretty. I'm open to anything you choose for us. You can create that like that dinner if he chooses Indian. And you're like, oh fuck, I wish we had Mexican and like, is that actually a big deal? Like that's a micro moment of him choosing and you get to be aware of that. And it's like, next week, you can go, you can go somewhere else like these are the micro biomes where you get to really practice. You've got to be willing to then practice the embodiment of trust. It's not enough to just say I trust you. Then you have to bring your body along for the ride and this is really the you embodiment practice of becoming a woman that is able to love a man really well is that you are going to meet every single part of you that's like, Oh my God, no, I don't trust him, oh my God, no, he's gonna fuck it up, oh my God, no, I want to choose and I feel so much more comfortable choosing, like, you're gonna, you're gonna have to meet and feel all of those parts of yourself in order to fully become a woman that's able to trust her man deeply. And again, if that's not the path you want to take, if you don't want your man to have moments of deep leadership, if you don't want to feel taken care of, if you don't want to feel fully met in these ways in partnership, you don't have to buck in practice any of this. But if that's a deep yearning for you, then you must be willing to meet and clean up these patterns, you must be willing to feel and be with the parts of yourself that want to stay in control. And, yeah, don't want to trust him. That's a that's a part of the motherfucking ride. It takes work, but it's definitely worth it. It doesn't take like this, this is gonna take effort. I'm sorry. I don't know. I just like, like, I just think like, yeah, like, yeah, it's gonna take effort. But it's like, for me, I just think that, you know, there's so many men and women that we've worked with, that have reaped the benefits of this, this exact practice and they put the effort in. And they like you said, if you actually want this, here it is. If you don't, that's okay. But like, if you do want it, like, here's the opportunity, here's the way to do it. And just Yeah, literally rinse and repeat. Keep practicing, keep putting in the effort and find, find the find the clarity, clean up the transmission and bring it through. Oh, yes. Okay, my love's have been practicing. Let us know how you go. And we'll see you back here next week. See you soon. Bye, love ya. Yo, yo, yo, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of sex, love and everything in between. Now if you'd like to stay connected with Megan, I You can head on over to Instagram and follow me at the Jacob O'Neill and where can people find you lover at the dot mag dot o amazing and yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all other information in regards to what we've got coming up. And yeah, we're super super grateful that you guys for taking the time to listen in to this podcast. If you do have any topics or any questions, like I said, hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do. Apart from that have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. Thanks for being here. Big Big Love.