Ep 54: Blowjobs 101 with Eleanor Hadley

Brace yourselves for another sizzling episode with Meg and the incredible Eleanor Hadley!

Eleanor, the brains behind the viral "Tongue Tactics" course, spills the beans on mind-blowing BJ moves that will set your sex life on fire. From the illusion of deepthroating to a pepper grinder dance, she's got the 'magic sequence' of oral down pat.

But that's not all – Meg and Eleanor dive into the essentials of communication, consent, and the crucial role of connection in the bedroom. It's not just about the moves; it's about the vibes.

They also riff off on... 

•  Meg shares her journey of overcoming discomfort with giving blow jobs to feel powerful and pleasure her partner. 
• Eleanor  discuss techniques for pleasing a partner during oral sex, including varying depth and rhythm. 
• Eleanor also discusses the importance of building up to a "magic sequence" in oral sex, using a variety of techniques to keep the partner engaged and interested. 
•  Using mirrors and eye contact during oral sex to feel  powerful and to get even more turned on
• They  discuss the importance of women taking up space in sexual relationships and feeling comfortable with their own desires. 
•  They unpack the Madonna-whore complex and how it affects women's sexual liberation and self-perception. 
• Meg  advocates for embracing awkwardness and discomfort to access new parts of oneself and enjoy sex more fully.
• Eleanor shares their perspective on dating and relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-work and being true to oneself.

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We carefully read each and every review, and we love hearing about your experience with the podcast!

⚡️Let’s Stay Connected:  

IG: @the.meg.o @thejacoboneill @sexloveeverythinginbetween

⚡ Connect with Eleanor Hadley:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/eleanorhadley
Website: https://www.eleanorhadley.com/
Enroll in Tongue Tactics: https://www.eleanorhadley.com/tonguetactics

⚡ Want more? Here are some of the offerings & courses you can join us in…

The Desire Date: A sexy date night experience for couples ready to re-ignite passion & deepen intimacy. ---> https://bit.ly/49r28Zt

Ignite Your Intimacy: A 4 week course for couples ready for a sexier, wilder, more ALIVE relationship… NOW! ---> https://bit.ly/3R0ihxU

Jacob & Meg also coach individuals & couples. Reach out to them via Instagram for more information. 

Transcript

1:11

Hey, beautiful humans, welcome to sex, love and everything in between. You're here with Jacob and my wife, Meg. And this is the place where we have all them very, very real role and extremely unfiltered conversations about sex, love, and everything in between. It's here you get a behind the scenes look into our relationship. And we will not be holding back. Well, we might not know. You don't know how to do that. Not at all. So beautiful ones. Thank you for being here. Enjoy this episode. Welcome back, everybody. We have the amazing Eleanor Hadley back with us again this week, if you will, you don't have to listen to last week's episode. But Elena was with us last week talking about how to pleasure policy, specifically tactics for licking pussy. Yes. And now we're back. We're going to be talking about sucking cock. And, obviously, months, we're just saying like, how is this our life job, it's rather ridiculous. But you know, it's very important and vital information that a lot of us don't receive. And I know, I know that some of you listening have done exactly what I used to do when I was in my early 20s Go on to Google and be like the puck to my second dick. And so you know what I created a close all about it. And I'm like, here, this is the information that you need. Because I wasn't sure I used to hold a lot of shame. It's so interesting that I do the work I do now, because I was the kind of teenager that like, I kissed a boy a lot later than all my friends. I had sex like a lot a lot later, but like I was just out of high school. So still 17 but I felt so much shame for not being exploratory. So I didn't want to talk about I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. But I definitely didn't want anyone to know that I didn't know what I was doing. And I think that's such an energy, even when we're in our fucking 20s 30s, probably 40s and 50s. I know we have some people listening to the podcast that have been married for, you know, decades and decades. And you know, our conversations about sex are really shifting things for them. But I think it's so important to like, let go of this idea that we should just know what the fuck to do. Like how exactly how, like, usually if we're in a heterosexual relationship, we should suddenly just know how to pleasure. I don't know what to do with one. Like, it is wild that we have this expectation that like, oh, you should just know and even you know, as sex educators, when I meet people who aren't in this space, and they hear that I'm in Texas educated people who mean like you teach people how to how to have sex. And I'm like, Well, I'm not in the room with you with a fucking whistle. Because I am a sex and relationship coach, and they have a vision that I'm in the bedroom with them. Yeah, full on, like referee get up. And just being like, foul play. penalty shot. That's a red flag. I don't know sports. No, there's definitely a space for that. That's not what I do. But yeah, we do need to learn how to have sex. We do need to learn other pleasure anatomy, we do need to learn our own pleasure anatomy. Yeah, because we aren't taught that like our sex education system is cooked and very inadequate, and doesn't teach about pleasure at all. It just teachers, you know, all the scare sort of fear mongering things around, say yes. And so where are we learning this? And if we say porn, that's unfortunately incorrect, because that's not a good teaching resources. Not it's not a good place to learn because it is performative by nature. It's intended to be performative. And I'm not anti porn by any means. But I think that if that's the only place that we are seeing sex represented, and we're not seeking out knowledge, and obviously anyone who's listening is seeking out knowledge, which is wonderful. I think it is important to learn, okay, I want to be better and I want to bring my lover more pleasure. What can I do? How can I be better? And I think one and I'm sure you're an advocate for this, too, is, like you said, like learning about our own pleasure. And that is so I think we were talking about in the last episode, how so often women will maybe this was just in our conversations, outsource pleasure and that was such my experience of like, I just, you should know. Yeah, I'm just gonna lie here. And you turn me on you touch all the places you do that and then he can't make me can't. Totally can you make yourself and are you communicating? What does work? Do you know what works for you? Uh huh. Like we need to learn our own bodies so important completely. And so when we learn and have our own relationship With our own plus our own plus his own Cox, then we can Yes, like, education outside of that is really important. But then we're actually able to give our sexual partners information. Like if we're literally just going into a sexual experience, assuming that they should know. Especially because everyone's body is different. You know, there's, I know you said, Well, you're going to teach has a 99.9% success rate. Yeah, gotcha. There is there is a Yeah, like, every, every body is different in that, that commute that knowledge of our own body and pleasure is so important to bring in as well. 1,000%. Yeah, I think understanding your own pleasure is very, very important and being able to communicate with your partner about like, what it is that they like. Now, you know, we did the pussy pro episode. And by and large, boulders are a little bit more complex. And the way that we experience pleasure tends to be a bit more complex. Dig, serve it easier. Bless them, bless their sweet little cotton socks, they tend to be a bit more simple and easy to sort of figure out No, I, it's rare that you're going to really fuck up a blow job. Unless you're doing some real, real wrong, like to eat no teeth. We don't want we don't want any accidents or emergency room visits. But, you know, it's going to feel generally pretty good when you're doing most things. But like with BJ queen, and with these Tang tactics, you can really elevate it to the point where your lover is just like, absolutely losing their marbles. And that's what we like, because that's like, it's honestly I think them blow jobs is such an interesting journey. Because I think that a lot of people, you can be in like one of two camps, like I love them or hate them. And there's not often like, like, they're okay, maybe you're maybe you're apathetic about a job. But what I think is really fun in my work is taking people from like, not enjoying it, fucking loving it. And I know that some people have heard me sort of say that, and they're like, What do you mean? Like, as if you're gonna love giving a blowjob, but like, it can be so fucking fun. And you can feel so powerful because you're like, I have your pleasure. Well, now I feel my most powerful like I run a successful business. I do lots of things as well. I feel my most powerful sucking a cock. Yeah, I got this. It is just all me totally. And I think that feeling it is something I love. Like I love doing it for my partner. But I also love the transmission of my own experience and the place I go in myself when I when I do that. So yeah, that was definitely my journey of like, oh, I don't know what I'm fucking doing. And I don't like doing this. And I want to kind of avoid in to oh my gosh, I can't wait. I fucking love it. Yeah, yes. And that's like, that's what I want people to experience. Because I think that a lot of the time when we think of sex and pleasure, especially in a heterosexual dynamic, and especially because we live under like a patriarchal capitalist world, we can feel like, our pleasure is not ours, and that our purpose is to provide them pleasure. And so often we feel this, like power imbalance, almost, and making you feel like, Oh, well, I'm just doing this for them. And they're making me no one should ever make you do it. But like, like, I'm doing it just just because they want it and it's the second duty elements. Yeah, it's just like, that's such an achy sort of energy around it. And I want people to get to a place where they're like, I actually have this really amazing gift for you. And I'd like to gift you the best fucking blowjob of your life. You're welcome. You know, that's the energy we're going into. I love it. Okay, teach us You said you have like a method that's, I do X 99% of the time. Yeah, it's called the magic sequence. Tell us if you're open to giving us the magic part of it. Yes. Okay. So there's, there's several steps to get to the magic secret. Okay. So, as we know, with especially with like, pussy pleasure, we want to take our time. Now when it comes to a penis, because the arousal for men and people with penises tends to start from the inside out like caulk first and then the rest of the body might get a little bit more juicy and aroused. It's a little bit different, we still do want to bring in a little element of teas, because we want to build up that pleasure, but we don't want to tease to the point where they're like, they're coming too fast and be like, Oh, I missed the boat. But we do want to kind of, you know, take our time to kind of get down there. So, of course, you know, and I go into this in a lot more detail. And in telling tactics, but the general sort of just taking your time to like, make out with them, you know, work your way down their chest, sort of tease around their legs, and then you sort of start with like, some licking, all the way up along the shaft and swelling around the top as well. Kissing things like that before actually taking it all in your mouth. Yes. And I think like, you know, just like we don't really appreciate when someone just like suddenly starts like DJing the clip, or just like rubbing real hard right on the clip, it's not going to feel as good, I mean, gonna feel a lot better for them. But it's not going to feel as good. If you're just like, okay, immediately, like, you're going to take the whole thing, I'm going to do three straight away. Look, they're probably going to love that. But I like to set us up for success. And I want us to feel really, really comfortable to continue on, as opposed to immediately going. And yeah, exactly. Like, you want to build yourself up as well. Because like this is also an arousal process for you. You can feel a lot of pleasure by giving a blowjob and that power dynamic, in my experience, when I you know, don't just Deep Throat straightaway, and I'm like, yeah, just just slowly, almost like that tease. There is a real you know, I have my man's pleasure. And in my hands. Exactly. And there is a real there's a ton on in. Yeah, bringing that energy alive. Absolutely. And I think that, you know, if we are thinking of those power dynamics, you know, if it's just like, okay, cool, I'm going to, you know, enter the groin or region, and then suddenly a dick is all the way inside of my mouth. Yeah. It's, it feels more like, Oh, this is for you. And now you're just like, kind of getting your pleasure and like using my mouth for your pleasure. Whereas I want this to be a reverend experience. I want this to be something where I'm like, I have the power here, and I'm gonna do it. And they're just like, Oh my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is she doing next? Like, this is amazing. And I'm losing my marbles. That's what I want. I want them to be like squirming and losing their ship. So that's why I tend not to go like straight to like, full cocking mouth. Yeah. You say, go to cog you were saying all licking up the shark? And then looking around. And so I love like hands and mouth. Yeah. Because you can kind of create this illusion of deepthroating as well. Yes. Which is really, really handy. So I love to sort of create this O ring around the base of the penis. And so maybe, you know, you start with licking, and then you go up around the head, and then back down and do a few of those maybe sort of like kiss along as well. We have to remember though, that the shaft of the penis is nowhere near as sensitive as the tip. Right. So just like it wouldn't be quite as exhilarating if someone is just like, massaging our left flap. Yeah, for like 10 minutes. Like, next, like you like, like clear, like go to HUD to be clear, because the rest of it right. So it's kind of like that we don't want to just like focus on just like, oh, kissing, kissing and like up and down and up and down. We want to make sure that we're actually using the entire penis and, and getting the head involved as well. So it might be that you're like using your hands and you kind of go up and around the top and then back down and sort of like up and around and back down. And again, you can do that with your tongue as well like licking up swirling, because that frenulum which is the sort of seam under the tip of the penis that is incredibly sensitive. And so like flicking there can be really really great not spending too much time there but sort of flicking and then going back down along the shaft can be really really amazing. Yes, so article that like the lollipop like licking Yes, yeah, up swelling around the head and back down. And then we can get the hands involved as well. I've got to move that article, the pepper grinder, which sounds kind of aggressive, like you're not like squeezing. Chill out a little bit. We're not giving it like a little burn. But you know, we gentle but like relatively firm. And so we can kind of get that pepper grinder motion that's kind of going like twisting the hands in like a fist sort of motion, either way, right? And we can kind of do that up and down. That's really, really wonderful to get that motion. So that's just if you're doing hands only Of course you can bring the mouth in into the same motion. And this is where the magic sequence will come in. It's essentially a combo of like licking, sucking, and the pepper grinder. Okay. So of course, there's lots and lots of different, like tips and tricks about like actually sucking and having the clock in your mouth. But the magic sequence is all about adding in that hand movement with that sort of O ring with your finger pointer finger and your thumb around the base, and creating that twisting motion up and down. And then following that with your hat, head and your mouth, so your head will sort of follow and go around at the same time. So you're twisting down, like left, and then turning your head and your hand, right, and then off and then back down. And that can feel so amazing. So just that motion is going to feel great, because it's going to feel similar to a deep throat. Got you. But it's an illusion, because the hand is there, but it's still giving the sensation of Yes. Of the entire coffee. Yes, like consuming. Yes. Right. So that's amazing. And you can control as well how much of the penis you want to take into your mouth. Because you can have like the entire hand around doing that pepper grinder motion, or you can take 123 fingers off, so that it's just that O ring, as well. So you can slowly take more fingers off so that you slowly are able to take more of the penis into your mouth. Exactly, exactly. And so the magic sequence is using that kind of motion, but in a bit of a pattern. Okay, so you can choose what pattern works for you. But I find so using that pepper grinder with the head, sort of taking it into the mouth, up and down that twisty sort of motion. I like to go 123 And then my fingers will sort of come off or I'll take my hand slightly away or I'll just have that ring and I'll go as deep as possible. Okay, love that. So it's kind of like 123 deep. Yeah, and then kind of come almost all the way off. Maybe like a little like flick over the very tip of the penis with the tongue. And then 123 deep 123 Deep flick a we'll see. I swear to God, the amount of people who like I've got so many testimonials from tongue tactics like hundreds. And the amount of people that like the magic sequence Elena What the fuck? What is this sorcery? It is so good. Oh my god. I love that. It's amazing. Because it creates trading to people just think it's like, bom bom bom bom where and I haven't got that full sequence down, Pat. I'm very excited to use that. But I love like, yes, switching up the rhythm and like deepthroating and then coming back to the tip and like circles. And yeah, there is an energy of that. That's just Yeah, driving a person wild when you do that. Exactly. And what I love about this is that like, you know, some people are all about the deep throat and others are not. Yeah, and I never want anyone to feel pressured to Deep Throat. Yeah, it is. It is an intense thing. And it's not for everybody. And some people have very sensitive gag reflexes. And so this you don't have to Deep Throat but it's just like that. The sweatshop of sort of, not shallow, but like, you know, more shallow, shallow, shallow, then deeper. And it's kind of changing that to make them go, oh my god, like I'm, I'm in deeper, and that feels really, really wonderful for them. And it also adds to the tip as well. Yeah, that's exactly that like teasing, like, flick over the frenulum over the tip as well. leaves them sort of wanting more. And it's, you know, for men often like that, that continuous pattern can feel feel great. But it's a nice sort of blend of switching things up and keeping a rhythm as well. So rather than just like, Okay, I feel like I need to just go up and down, up and down, up and down constantly and I am sore, my neck is sore. Like I'm having no breaks. This is giving you a chance to have a break, you get a breath. And you can kind of keep it up and you can sort of you know, I actually except in my head like 123 I'm doing laughing, right? It it keeps it so it's a little bit different. So they they get they get this pattern that they're sort of almost expecting it. But you're not switching up too much that they're like oh fuck now I can't focus because you just changed it entirely new doing something totally different. It just builds things up so much, gives them a little bit of a window into like that depth. But without you having to, like, do like a whole minute of like, would pick a style Deep Throat, that doesn't feel good for you and that you can't maintain this means that you can kind of keep going for ages. And so you could do like five rounds. And then you could kind of tease them a bit and just sort of, you know, swipe your thumb over the tip and like look up at them and say something about like, how hot they are. And like how hard and like juicy they are for you. And like, you know, you say something that makes them just like lose their minds. Or maybe you know, you kind of like gently cut the balls, and then like ask them, like, do you want me to keep going and tease them, and they're gonna love it. And then you go back to your magic sequence again. But I always say like, we build up to the magic sequence. We don't start with the magic sequence, you know, we want to want to take our time worthy of receiving and build up with things like you said before, we'd like licking the shaft circling around the head. Yeah, yeah. clay balls, you gently you kind of spoke about them, then tell us more. So you incorporate how little to incorporate what to do really depends on the person. Yes, you know, so some people will have very sensitive and some are like, squeeze. Yeah, before, right. Most of the time, I think a general rule is be gentle, be very gentle. So when you're doing doing your thing, you can even just gently cup. And I think it's really, really nice to just sort of gently have like a little cupping moment where it's again, that like presence, like we spoke about with cupping Evolver as our energetic bookends, in our policy pro lesson. It's kind of just that like presence, like I'm here. And I have some kind of control here. And it's enough to sort of sensitize the nerves a little bit. And just holding there can be really, really nice. You can also like gently massage the balls as well just really tune in with like how they feel. And if they actually want want that sensation or not, you can gently sort of like almost like tickle, not like tickle, but like slightly stroke very nice and gentle. as well. As you're doing your thing. Yeah, you know, and that can be really, really great. Some people will find that like a bit of pressure on the perineum as well can be really, really wonderful. And that can enhance things, I would tend to save the perineum stimulation for when later in the game. You know what I mean? We want to make sure that we've done our, our, our work, the thing that we came here to do, yes, before we sort of stimulate that spot makes them go well, yes, because something I was gonna ask. And we talk a lot here on the podcast. Now, listeners love us talking about anal play, which I love, which I think for a man or a person with penis can be incredibly pleasurable, especially when, you know, anytime during pleasure, but especially when they're having their caucus up. So I love that you just said like, don't go there too early. Because that can be incredibly stimulating experience for you know, a man. So yeah, any any suggestions or recommendations if someone is wanting to, you know, add, but play into? Yeah, did that experience as always, making sure that you have that conversation first that you are aware? Because, you know, a lot of people do have a lot of armor around. Around anal. Yeah. And so, yeah, firstly, you know, this is something that they're into, or they're not into, and you have that sort of consent there. But then starting, I would say, like, kind of working your way there. So like you're, you're exploring with the penis, and then you can explore with the bowls, and then you can go to the perineum and have like a bit of pressure. And just like that gentle sort of like push and even just like a steady push, and hold. Yeah. And then maybe you sort of pulsate a little bit and then maybe you circle around there, and then you can kind of work towards the actual anus itself. And I'm gonna use this as a little example for the video, but just sort of allowing the presence so it might even just be a finger there, or about like, just like placed on not in yet. Because that prayer even that pressure can really that can be incredible. Even like you said, that pressure on the perineum. I know that's something Jacob loves. So yeah, that's sometimes you know, I won't humor I won't want to, you know, do but play in that moment, but just that pressure on the perineum, whilst, you know, sucking his cock is That's like, I bring that in towards the end. Because I know that's going to be just something totally, and all playing with kind of like doing that coming off at doing that. And that can just be a really beautiful amplify for the experience. Definitely. And so I think yeah, I think that's a really, really good point that like, when we talk about anal, it's not just like, suddenly you have like a dildo all the way up. Yeah, or like the biggest, like you've ever seen. And it's like working your way, valley, even just the presence of like, like massaging the like the OS cheeks, and then getting closer and closer. And this, like massaging around the anus itself, that can feel really, really great for someone. And it doesn't have to go any further than that. We were talking about blended pleasure in the last episode, and I haven't really thought of it like this, but that can almost be you know, he noticed this in my husband like, yeah, like even just touching, you know, the groin or the inner legs? Or like, yeah, the the butt cheeks are apparently like, just adding that stimulation or just a sense of touch whilst sucking his cock is just such an inherently exert? Totally, absolutely, I think this is a really, really important thing to think about, you know, everybody has the potential for blended orgasms. And for someone with a penis, you know, yes, the arousal starts from the center. But as you're like sucking and you're doing your thing, the rest of their body is going to start getting a bit more charged. And so let your hands wander, if you have hands available, then let them wander, like, you know, gently sort of stroke inside the thighs, bring your hands around to their booty, you know, go up along their chest, maybe like a finger in their mouth as well. Like that kind of thing can feel so great to just sort of blend it and bring their awareness out as well. This is especially handy. So I talked about in tongue tactics, a concept that I like to call the pleasure percent, which is essentially the the act of edging, right? Yeah. But when you think that your partner is getting too close to finishing, and you're not finished, you're like, hey, I want to keep on going. I've got so much more like a magic sequence. I haven't even gotten there yet. Hold up, wait a minute. Like we can actually start to diffuse that pleasure. Yes. So it's all sort of concentrated in the penis, and they're like, Oh, my God, like, everything feels amazing here. But if we feel like, Oh, they're getting really close, and I want I want to extend their pleasure, then I'm going to sort of move away from it. And so I might sort of slow down what I'm doing here or pull away slightly not not fully. I think if we fully kind of just leave them. Yeah, it can feel like oh, hey, yeah, go. So just sort of slowing down or reducing the intensity of what you're doing around their penis, and then moving the sensation elsewhere on their body that can help to defuse that pleasure. And it can bring that awareness like oh, wow, like I actually can feel some pleasure moving throughout my chest now and like, Oh, I feel like kind of running down my legs and that's a really wonderful invitation for them to really expand their pleasure potential and not have it so genital focused. I think that's you spoke about a blow job being like a gift. Yeah, we can give a man that I think even more so because it's almost like where support inviting them into a new relationship with pleasure in their body. Because a lot of men have just related to the clock in this like, I'm going to just go privately put on porn quickly, you know? Yeah, like jerk off and they don't really know the experience of like, how that pleasure can move from the genitals into the rest of the body so that can I almost think of like blow jobs is like this almost like priestess energy where it's like I was gonna say hi, let me teach you what's possible in your body. I can show you though that's what I feel like. Yeah, like just see like baby like we're gonna we're gonna go somewhere specialty Yes. It's so wonderful. But like, you know, I think that is such a common identity or experience that it's like okay, cool. Any type of pleasure whether it's me jerking off whether it's me fucking someone or if it's me getting a blowjob is just in our in our in our really, really quick and boom. And that's it felt good, amazing. It's a little snack, but there's so much more that we can experience and if you're, like sharing a blowjob with someone, you're going to bring that pleasure to them. Like I want you to know that you have so much power there. And power isn't like an inherently like bad or negative thing. Like that's such a fucking amazing thing. What a privileged position to Be in to have that power to bring someone so much pleasure, like us that like revere that and like worship that cause because it's so it's so cool seeing someone just like, lose their mind because of you that let's speak I want I want to hear a few more tactics. But I'm also I think that energetic pace and I remember when I used to suck cock from this place of like, well I don't want to be down here like, can I just get it over and done with Yeah. What would you say to someone who is sitting here being like, oh, like like you enjoy that what do you like? Yeah. And because I think a big part of like COC worship is being able to genuinely, you know, look that cock in the eye and be like You're beautiful. I'm excited to put you in my mouth. I'm excited to you know, I have a relationship with you right now. And that can be a fucking journey. And I think he's deeply related to obviously the person has that caucus well. But yeah, what would what would be, what would be some of those pieces you would bring around that are for? So very similar to the topic that we talk about a lot when we speak about going down on a policy is safety. So I'm not going to give just anyone a blow job. Just because I like giving blowjobs I like giving a blowjob to someone who I feel deserves it, who I feel safe with who I trust, who I know, cares about my pleasure as well. And isn't just trying to use me to get their pleasure. Despite the fact that I'm I'm wanting to bring them pleasure in that moment. If I feel like it's kind of more like transactional or just like one sided? Yeah, I'm not going to be as excited about doing that. So firstly, think about like, who? Who are you going down on? And like, do you actually really give a fuck about their pleasure? They do? Do you want to connect with them in this way? Or does it feel like a chore? Do you feel like you're not being respected in some way, shape? Or form? Is there some kind of lingering resentment within your relationship within your connection, then it's not going to be as Reverend, you're not going to like it as much. And so I think that's a really, really key factor. Yeah, again, you know, as much as I love sharing, like tangible tips and techniques, we can never, ever just throw that on to a bad relationship. You know, if you're like, I resent you, because for the past, like 10 years, you have belittled me every single day in front of my family, or whatever. Or like you literally never do what you say you're gonna do, or like there's something there that is like this, this festering resentment. There's no no tips and tricks that I can teach you that are going to just be like, Oh, cool. Now, like, I can give you a great blowjob. I don't want to, because I don't like I'm gonna send you like, I don't feel connected with you. I don't feel safe with you. I don't respect you, or I don't feel respected by you. Like, you're not you need to work on that stuff first. Yeah. And so this isn't a band aid. This is more like, how can we elevate a great sex life that we already have? I love that. And so much of what you just spoke about is like such key topics we talk about here, like that resentment piece, I often say if you don't want to fuck your partner, what conversation are you not having? We're like what's going on said we talked about like the channel between the hearts like, what they're blocking that intimacy that then makes all of this possible and fun and playful and beautiful. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And the thing is, as well, like, I want to really speak to like the single folks as well, because I don't know about your audiences, predominantly couples. But you know, any single people listening, I think it's also really important to recognize that you can still have some really wonderful and connected and intimate sex casually. And you don't have to have this like wild, long term love to be able to have that deep connection and like give a great blow job. But you just do have to feel respected by the other person. Yeah. And you have to respect them as well. Like if you're going to share connection and pleasure and intimacy with someone like there's got to be some sort of base level there. If you're like, I'm just gonna use this person to get off or I feel like they're just using me to get off in the data care about me at all. Or we haven't had any conversations about where we stand then there's not going to be as good. I put on like a great performance and a great show. And I might be wonderful and they might have a great time. But I really really would love to advocate for you. prioritizing your pleasure and your connection and your intimacy and honesty as well. Yeah, love that. Okay, anyone tactics you want to share? Okay, so there's lots of different ways to like lick and suck. Pause. So we've got like the lollipop sort of just like looking straight up and going around and then back down. I like to kind of call it like a corncob. But like, don't buy it. It's more of like a kissing so you can kind of like kiss. And not just like a peck but more that like kind of making out like with tongue. Yeah, yes. up along the shaft and then around the tip as well. Okay, so like the sides? Yeah, like a concrete almost? Yeah. Okay. So you can kind of do that that's more of an entry level. So like starting off? Yeah, and teasing them. And then, like, just fully level like meaning has in the beginning. Yeah, not not like babies. Babies. Maybe it is. But like, started, we stopped there. Because that's more of a tease. At some point. That's not going to feel as exciting. Yeah, we're gonna be like, Okay, let's continue on. Yeah, but just like fully making out with the clock as well like the tape of it just like, you know, bringing that tongue in and sort of swirling it around. I like to think of more kind of like a little cyclone around. So you can similar to what we talked about with the clip, creating that kind of vortex in a way. So you might sort of suck on the head or bring your mouth over the head, the corona of the penis. And then at the same time as having that sort of suction, you're swirling your tongue around, right, you might swirl it around in circles, you might go side to side, or up and down as well. But the thing is, is with the penises, we want to make sure that we get a lot of it involved. Yes, the main sensation is going to be around the corona and the term. But we want to, you know, pay attention to Photoshop. So that's why I like to do that magic sequence where I'm paying attention to the top. And then I'm going deeper. And then I come up, and I pay a little bit more attention here. And I tease them to the point of like, oh my gosh, they're getting close. And then I'll sort of back it off by taking in the whole thing. They kind of go around, you kind of spoke about eye contact before. And I think like when you're at the tip of the head, that can be a really beautiful time to just like, look up a little too. I think that's really fun. Now the thing I love to do is give a blowjob in front of a mirror. Here is in our bedroom. So it's easy, but speaking of power, I love like having moments of seeing myself. Oh my gosh, and I think amazing. And I just think again, this is for anyone who feels like fuck, I don't that feels like a duty. I do it. But I don't I'm finding it hard to access that place where I feel like a fucking powerful priestess. Yeah. But yeah, I think that for me just having that reflection of me doing that can really activate my own turn on. Yes. Like a blow job can feel like foreplay. For me, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I find that too. Like, I often find that like, I've gotten to a certain point. And I'm like, I now need you inside me elsewhere. Like I'm worked up. And so huge advocate for the mirror. Massive advocate for eye contact, you know, even if you're like, you know, laying down or you're on your knees below them like that eye contact is like, it can be really cheeky and really powerful. I'm like, do you want me to continue or like, it'll be like that, asking those questions and teasing them like they're going to lose their shit. And having a mirror that amazing to see that reflection of like, this is how powerful I am. I also think it's really, really wonderful. If you have hands available that you can sort of start to massage your clit or your breasts as well bring your breasts in as well is a really, really wonderful thing to do to sort of switch things up especially if you're getting a little bit sore and your jaw may a little bit of a break. But a lot of men will really enjoy that visual of their cough between your breasts. And it can feel really wonderful for you as well. So sort of like cupping and like squeezing the clock around in between the breasts can be really great and so you can kind of incorporate that and then like a little bit of a lick and then kind of go back to your ledger. It's a nice little intermission if you will. A little like TD intermission. Please enjoy the tidies while we have a short break. Exactly. I think that's just so much more than what we think. Yeah, but it's not just woodpecker in an hour delay. Yeah, yeah. And again, we get to expand our sexual partners experience of their own pleasure usually in when we're expanding our repertoire of tongue sucking, touching tactics. I think that you know, we have often this very, with a lot other things in life but we have a very like narrow view of like, oh well blow jobs are just like what Becca style in and out in and out quickly, quick, quick, quick until they come. But we can make it so much more interesting for them for us, we can expand that potential for pleasure. And we can also really extend it. You know, I think that so often we have this idea that like, men come really fast and blah, blah, blah. And like, oh, I don't want to give I know, a lot of women actually have told me that, like, I don't want to give a blowjob, because then they're gonna come too fast. And then I'm not gonna get mine. And so something that I do actually teach in telling tactics is about like, know, the grand finale, like, Are we are we finishing and have a finishing on us in us? Or are we like moving it along? saying, Okay, now the next step on the pleasure train is yes, medulla, let's go. I enter you teach to have that conversation. But to be kind of clear on that before or what, what, what's your thoughts are on that? I think he can have it before, but I also think it's really nice in the moment, like, Oh, my God, babe, I need you inside me. Yes, yeah. And that's really hot. Like you can kind of like, do your thing and see with the nonverbal cues and see where they're at. And if they're getting close. And then you could just say like, oh my god, like I, you could come up and like, kiss them and just be like, I need you inside me right now. And like, mount them and just like, get on top and have a little ride? Or like, Babe, I need you to take me now. So you can invite the experience to continue? I think so often, we think it's like a grand finale. And it's just going to end there. Yes. And sometimes that can feel a bit too one sided. If we haven't had our pleasure, you know, yes, giving a blowjob can be super, super pleasurable. But we still haven't had a gentle, gentle stimulated in my life. I don't want that to, like we don't like we don't want them to have like, Come. And then they're like, Oh, cool. They're all seated next to us. And we're like, and if they don't sort of offer to, I don't ever want it to be transactional, like you get your turn, and I get my turn. But we can continue this and it can be it can be the start of the journey. Yeah, doesn't have to always be the full stop. Totally end of the orgasm and like coming isn't ever a full stop either. I'll be just have that ingrained in us that that like, oh, man done. Next up? Yes, that's not true. And I would really like to sort of challenge people to question that conditioning around, man come Sexton, you know, we can keep on going. There's so many different things that we continue to do. And we can advocate for our own pleasure. And we can, you know, try different things. But yeah, I think there's a lot more that we can do from there. Yeah, I think that advocating for our own pleasure as women is just like, that's one of the biggest pieces, right? And so much I think when we are advocating and I've seen this in my own journey, and many of the women I've worked with, when we actually learn that we are more excited to fucking Peter upon. Because we're not in that resentment of like, this is feels one sided. This feels super transactional every time we're doing it or like this feels just yeah, like dutiful. Yeah. Where it actually feels like, yeah, we're having our needs met. And we have we're taking up space in that part of the relationship. Yeah. Because like, you know, you're going to feel this energy if, like, if someone's going down on you, and they're like, oh, man, I really hope that they don't come because I want to keep having like different styles of sex and like, you're gonna kind of feel that hesitation and a pulling back in a way. Whereas if you know, I'm going to provide them a lot of pleasure. And then we're going to do even more amazing things together. That's what's coming next. Like, you're going to kind of give it your all, you're not going to hold back. Yes. I love that. One thing that just popped into my mind, and maybe we finish with this, that I think, and I'm speaking specifically of women here, again, this was my journey, and many of the women I've worked with, have a fear of actually being the kind of woman that goes I'm gonna suck your cock and I'm gonna love it. Yeah, yeah. Right. What would you what would you and I know, that's a big hole, unpacking all of that. You know, I think that part of me wants to talk about the Madonna whore complex when it comes to this kind of done a whole episode on that so amazing. I'll guide people back but please speak speak. Well, yeah, definitely check that out because it's such a such a frustrating and common belief that a lot of people have especially men around how a woman can be and what her sexual liberation means about her as a person and her morally. And so I think that there's an end we We take this on, we internalize this a lot as women. And so I think that there can be this assumption that a sexually liberated woman, a woman who was like, Okay, I want to suck your cock, and I'm gonna make you calm so hard and like, I can't wait to like ride your day like that you couldn't possibly be an intelligent, a nurturing, a, you know, an honorable woman, if you say that kind of dirty stuff, you're one or the other, you're the Madonna Madonna or the hall or the mother or the whore, you can't possibly be both. And it's just another one of those limiting sort of paradigms that we play into in this world in this society, and that we've had thrust upon us. And so a lot of the time we have these conditions, this deep conditioning that we are not aware of. And that's why you know, people listening to these podcasts who are learning more, who've listened to your past episode will understand, oh, fuck, maybe I've had some of this conditioning, and I need to question it, I need to stop peeling it away. Because it's not helpful. Because it's holding me back from, like, having as much pleasure as possible. It's also holding me back from seeing that this person that I'm dating is an amazing person and a fucking incredible lover. And they can be both. And maybe, you know, the mother of my children is also like, dirty little whore. Exactly. And how good you don't have to be one or the other. And one doesn't take away from the other. Yes, so that's, I mean, just gonna leave that there. And I think as a woman, it's like, actually, I think often women are waiting for that to feel comfortable, but actually, it's feels fucking edgy, to be like, oh, what does it feel like to really own my slot? Yes, and to just go wild while I'm giving him a blowjob. Like, that's, that is gonna feel edgy at first. I'm such an advocate for leaning into like, the awkward and knowing that you have to kind of feel awkward and uncomfortable in order to access new parts of ourselves are awaken these parts of ourselves that we haven't really let ourselves or we've been conditioned to contort and dilute and I think that's a big part of about being a woman or being someone that enjoys sex enjoys sucking a cock, it's like, got to really give yourself permission to be that woman, you absolutely do have to give yourself permission. And I also hear, I think, you know, people listening to this episode, if you're, you're listening to this, and you're like, Yeah, but some men that I've been with are super judgy. And they, they immediately think that I'm a sloth or they will, in slightly in a bad way, you know, they had these judgments around me being sexually liberated. I want you to know that that is not a man. That is a scared little boy who doesn't understand and appreciate the full spectrum of women and stop dating those back and losers. To put it really bluntly, like if, if if the man that you're dating is threatened by your sexual expression, he's got some work to do, if he's willing to do it brilliant. But if he is so so heavily conditioned that women are meant to be a certain way and if you are outside of that sort of sexually sort of limited box that they they want and except then he's not for you. A fucking man. Yeah, I think that's a great place to end. Stop dating losers. give great blow jobs but only to the ones that really does. Okay, anything else you want to add before you share with the people how to find you? I feel like we really just wrapped that up so nice. Yeah, okay. Tell for all the people that want to go in by BJ queen or pussy Pro. Where do they find her? Where did they find you? So you can find me on Instagram at Eleanor Hadley? My website is Elena hadley.com And you can find all of the information how to work with me or learn how to become a BJ queen. Thank you so much for being here. This is so much fun, so much fun. And have fun everyone with your new skills. So much to practice from these last two episodes. I'm Eleanor with all your testimonials and results. I need to know I need to know how it all goes. The magic sequence the magic secret the magic. I'm excited to practical magic secret. Please give me a review. I'd love to know definitely let us see you next week. Yo yo yo, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of sex, love and everything in between. Now if you'd like to stay connected with Megan i You can head on over to Instagram and follow me At the Jacob O'Neill and where can people find you lover at the dot mag dot o amazing and yeah guys check out the show notes for all the information in regards to what we've got coming up. And yeah, we're super super grateful that you guys for taking the time to listen to this podcast if you do have any topics or any questions like I said hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do. Apart from that have a beautiful beautiful rest of your day. Thanks for being here. Big Big Love