Ep 61: Business, Boundaries, and Blended Families with Nick Perry

Get ready for a new episode with our guest - Nick Perry, founder of Rythm Health.

Nick has spent over a decade exploring the connection between Holistic Health practices – spiritual, mental, emotional and physical – and an individual's sense of self and purpose in the world.

It's a solid hour with Nick and Jacob as they get real about what it means to be a man today, how to navigate the complexities of blended families without losing your cool, the rollercoaster of being a dad, and keeping it together with your partner. 

They're talking about the big stuff - love, making it work when things get tough, and why saying what you need is a game changer.

They cover topics like:

• Jacob's plan to use AI to bring stories to life.
• Sharing the real stuff online to really connect with people.
• Finding mentors to help steer through rough relationship waters.
• Being clear about what you need from your partner.
• Nick's journey to really know himself within his relationships.
• Sticking with personal growth to build stronger bonds.
• Setting up real talk sessions for couples to get and stay close.
• Introducing ways for couples to talk it out and really hear each other.
• Coaching for guys and couples looking to level up their relationship game.

And many more!

Tune in to hear Nick and Jacob share laughs, lessons, and life hacks for everything love and life throws your way.

⚡ If you loved this episode & the podcast, make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss anything.

AND… it would mean the world to us if you rated & reviewed the show.
We carefully read each and every review, and we love hearing about your experience with the podcast!

⚡️Let’s Stay Connected:  

IG: @the.meg.o @thejacoboneill @sexloveeverythinginbetween

⚡️Connect with Nick

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rhythmhealth
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rhythmhealthau
Website: www.rhythmhealth.com.au 

⚡ Want more? Here are some of the offerings & courses you can join us in…

The Desire Date: A sexy date night experience for couples ready to re-ignite passion & deepen intimacy. ---> https://bit.ly/49r28Zt

Ignite Your Intimacy: A 4 week course for couples ready for a sexier, wilder, more ALIVE relationship… NOW! ---> https://bit.ly/3R0ihxU

⚡Join us for our Podcast Live Event!
Register here: --> https://www.meg-oneill.com/SEX-LOVE-EVERYTHINGINBETWEEN
Saturday 2nd March @ 5pm - 9pm |Mylky Space, Gold Coast

Jacob & Meg also coach individuals & couples. Reach out to them via Instagram for more information. 

Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

acknowledging the things that I would normally let slide, and therefore, you know, some mates to the state of resentment, which I would then project then it was just a mess. Yeah, but the detail that I want to highlight here is doing it in a good way. You can do it in a fucking good way. You don't have to be like, Well, I'm a fucking man now. And this is how it is. It's like, you can hold the energy of that, man what I describe it as a multi dimensional man. So I like the concept of a multi dimensional man who can like hold that energy, but really, really lean into maturity and make those language tweaks and make all the difference and that that is what leadership looks like in a relationship.

Jacob O'Neill: 0:51

Yo, yo, yo lovers Welcome welcome. Welcome to sex, love and everything in between where the O'Neill's you're here with Meg and Jacob. And

Unknown: 0:59

this is the place we have really uncensored conversations about sex, intimacy and relationships. We're super excited you're here. Enjoy this episode.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:15

Yo, yo lovers, what is up what is up? Jacob here today with a guest mag has been kicked out of the studio. I know you guys love her but she is she's kicked out of the house that actually have sent her to a cafe to go and be with herself. And I've I'm super excited about this episode because I'm getting to talk to a man that I haven't actually gotten to sit down with before and we've caught each other so many times when the floods were happening down in Lismore we crossed paths we've seen each other at I think nearly every rock pool at the back of the Gold Coast. I've been in deep ceremony with like, Hey, bro. Yeah, good to see you, man. Gone. Alright. Yeah, I'll see you later. But um, yeah, guys, I've got a incredible brother here. His name's Nick Perry. And yeah, bro. Welcome to the show.

Unknown: 2:01

Thank you for having me. How nice is this? Dude, it's

Jacob O'Neill: 2:04

I feel nourished already. We've only been chatting for like half an hour. Quality

Unknown: 2:08

time. I will. I knew it was going to be good. On the hour day would come? Yeah. So I'm grateful for you initiating it.

Jacob O'Neill: 2:16

I have this thing that I suggest to so many men are caught like you need, like the answer I give to every man who has a problem in his life. Time with brothers. Yeah, yeah. Right. And they're like, Yeah, but I've got this bit. I'm like, go and spend time with your with your bros. Yeah. But like, go and do it. Just do it for an hour and then come back and tell me if you've still got the problem. And they normally come back. Like I've got the answer to the problem. Actually, I don't even have the problem anymore figured out the answer. So yeah, man, as much as this is for everyone listening. Thank you guys for being here. Like this is very much a selfish desire of just getting to sit with you and talk about some of the topics that I want to dive into today. Yeah,

Unknown: 2:56

I feel like that's a really wise approach to creating an interesting podcast to be genuinely invested in whatever series of questions you got for me it for your own for your own, fucking whatever. You know, whatever it is, that's important to you. Yeah, man.

Jacob O'Neill: 3:15

And this is, you guys. You're obviously listening to Season Two of the podcasts. We've been running for a year now. Making I've been showing up every week. And we got to the point where like, we want other people here, we want to vibe with some other crew. And one of our prerequisites is it's got to be a fuck year for us. Yeah, not a fuck year for the strategy or a fuck year for the algorithm. It's like, do I actually want to sit down? Do I want this person to come into my house and sit down with her? And that's been sitting like we've been we've had people reach out to want to be on the podcast. We've had other people that like they'd be a good fit, but it hasn't been a fuck yes. Yeah. And I think that's such a vulnerable approach to life, especially in the modern world, bro for us, man who can be a little bit calculated a little bit logical, a little bit. Well, if it doesn't make sense on paper, then we shouldn't do it. But for me, it's been the thing that has continually liberated me from my fucking bullshit. So many times, there's like mags like Let's fucking do this. And I'm, I'm like, I get out the paper and and she's like, come on, like, Let's fucking go. This is a fuck yes. And I know deep down it's a fuck yes. But I've had all of these stories telling me but we have to check this box have to check that box. And it's so great being in a relationship with a woman that that challenges me on that and calls me forward and more recently, I've been the one reminding her as well. So I've been able to give that back to her, you know, she's going through a huge rebrand with her, her her business and she's stepping in to an initiation yet again, with her business and it's been so beautiful to have someone like to have that in our relationship where we can remind each other that if it's a fuck, yes, it doesn't matter how uncomfortable it is. It's the only path forward For us, right?

Unknown: 5:01

Well, from what I've observed, in this half an hour period, you definitely demonstrate like, a proactive quality to you like this hit me up on Friday. I was like, fucking good on ya. And it was it was executed. So with such clarity and simplicity of like, this day, this time this day, this time this day, this time, if you're down, like pick a day and pick a time, I'm down and let's go fucking the first day in time you got let's do this, let's lock it in. So that's cool to see that, you know, if I'm hearing what you just share on there, it's like that's something you've developed. So that's yeah, that's unreal. Because that's definitely something that I'm you know, there's the I can conceptualize things, but putting rubber to the road on them. I'm really good at sabotaging really good. That

Jacob O'Neill: 5:56

was a bit of our conversation before we started the podcast. And just to give guys a bit of an understanding of what I know about Nick, like he's a, he's a business owner, he runs a company called rhythm health, he's a mentor and coach and has a beautiful what I would call like a gentle yet firm approach to his his delivery, which is something that I feel is such a beautiful blend, from a season where personal development was so raw, raw or man's work was like bootcamp military, do the fucking thing. There's such a gentle yet firm nature to you, bro, which is what I was drawn to. And you're also a father, you're also in a beautiful, committed relationship. And those are the things that really speak to me. When I look at the measure of a man I'm like, is he able to hold it down in all areas of life? Like, is he showing up for himself? 100% Like, I see you you're healthy. Do you got clear eyes? You're looking after yourself? It's beautiful. You dress well, you got style, like yeah, this is a man that I I see holds himself and then to know that you and your beautiful partner, Juliet, I've seen your content online. You know, you have children as well, you show up as a father, you're in the yard, doing the yard work, like you don't hide from the realness of life, which is something that I really respect about men in relationships. And also men who have a family. And then the third thing is like, yeah, bro, you show up online and you, you serve your medicine, which is you could easily have dropped that said, you know, my family is more important, I'll go and get a safe job. And I'll go and play it safe here. So I can be, so I can give more here. So what I see in Uber was like those three areas of like looking after yourself showing up for your relationship and your family, and then sort of serving your legacy. By giving your medicine to the world, those are the measures of a man like am I inspired by by his ability to sharpen those three areas? Fuck yes. All right, let's have a conversation.

Unknown: 7:50

will appreciate that reflection, man, it's definitely like a conscious pursuit that I have. Because I'm the same as you, I find appealing and and I, you know, I overtly respect a man that can hold it down. Rather than, you know, lean too deep, you know, lean too much into an obsession and like, absolutely crush it there. But you know, at the cost of, you know, accountability to the minimal who is responsible to so sometimes I can like self analyze and go Well, you know, I'm doing, you know, I'm ticking every box as far as my personal expectation on myself as a father, for example, I'm like, you know, truthfully, I'm like, I'm showing up really well for my kids. And then I'm like, Could I pull back a bit there and like, you know, feed some life force into the business here. And I'm like, it's just not, it's just not a trade off. That feels congruent to the legacy that I hope to influence in the world, which is men who have their priorities in order, who are like sacrificing for the higher good. And it's like, what does that look like? It's all grassroots. It's like, I really don't give a fuck about a man's great legacies, philanthropic efforts, if his grass roots aren't well nurtured, nurtured and nourished, if it's, you know, the making a big impact at the cost of your inner circle, then I'm not vibing with that I'm not inspired by that. I'm more inspired by the basic what I just described. Yeah, I think those affairs in order our

Jacob O'Neill: 9:44

whole Yeah, it's like, you go out and you save the world, but you're, you know, the lawns grown too much in the backyard so your kids can kick the soccer ball. It's like, yeah, that's where your priorities and this is. This is the paradox of being a fucking man and your responsibility is that there's gonna be, you know, this tension of like, Great a legacy family running off into the woods by yourself and living on a mountaintop is a real feeling. Yeah. But I want to sort of circle back and I want to hear a little more of your story. You know, we've chatted a little bit, but I want to start with what it's like to step into a relationship with a woman that's established and has a presence and has a brand. You know, I came across Juliet through mag and she's a formidable force. And I'd love to hear a little bit more about your journey of like, stepping into relationship with her and how, how that may have been a form of initiation and a catalyst for like you stepping even more into your power because I I've got my own story of this, but I would love to hear from your perspective, what you know what, what happened? What was it like before? Before Juliet and after Juliet? Yeah, that's, that's

Unknown: 10:51

a perfect way of describing

Jacob O'Neill: 10:55

because this is gonna be so valuable for the men listening and also for the women like that. You know, sometimes your relationship can be the thing that completely revolutionizes your life if you let it. So, Brian, please give us the rundown.

Unknown: 11:07

Mm hmm. Blush before Juliet life after Julia. It's like, so fair to say that us? Yeah, getting with Juliet was the the catalyst, it was the catalyst for my maturation, for sure. For sure. So that, you know, even down to the detail of the age gap, she's six years older than me. So as well as she has a child, right? Well, when we first got together, so she was single month, which meant if I commit to this relationship, then most likely I will be become a stepfather. So you know, what the fuck does that mean? For me and the way the you know, the way things currently are, for me, which I really like it, what I, how I have things set up isn't gonna isn't gonna fly, if I enter into a committed relationship where I have a role in parenting, a child. But I think there's some. So we have this, we have this model in the men's work community that I'm a part of. It's the timeline of a man and we look at different rites of passage, inevitably, throughout the entire lifespan that a man passes through. 18 to 28, roughly, this is just a ballpark it's something to go off. And we refer to that as the RDD phase, which is reading drinking, drugging.

Jacob O'Neill: 12:47

Right. The knighthood almost this fight fuck feast. Yeah,

Unknown: 12:52

totally. Absolutely. 100%. Right. Yeah. Which is a very important rite of passage to pass through. Yes. If what I see a lot of in my work is a man that commits to lots of responsibility prematurely, will unconsciously seek that that odd ad phase at a time where it's really not appropriate. You know, they're in their 40s. Yep, they've got a family. They've got they've got responsibilities. They have to that they have to hold down. So yes. I guess you could say that I was. I satiated my RDD my knighthood I went really hard in that. So when I met Julianne I was still kind of in it. You know what I mean? I wasn't I was like, I was in this sort of limbo phase. I was still like, well, this is what

Jacob O'Neill: 13:47

did that look like for you bro? Because I've got I know that I can see the version of me when Meg came into my life. I was drinking green smoothies in the morning, and smashing vodka Red Bulls at night. Because this in between phase where I was like, maturing, but I hadn't fully let go of the RDD just yet. What would that look like for you? Um,

Unknown: 14:09

so I I had no moved past partying definitely by that stage. And that was just through the, you know, the studies and the work that I was doing, I was trained as a holistic lifestyle coach and really like I was pretty congruent with that value. Yeah. But the routing phase that was yeah, that was uh, that was insatiable. So it was more around semi committed flings and relationships with great people but but I wasn't there yet. And I'll own where you know, where those didn't progress that was onto me and my maturity. Yep. So yeah, that was my that was my instability at that time. Yep. I'm living with mates. Like housemate live in sharehouse living and it was cool, but you know it was full bachelor existence in that aspect. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 15:09

that minimalist lifestyle of Yeah, like you have the bare necessities with your mates it's a it is you're in the barracks. Yeah, it's fucking it's awesome for that stage of life 100%. But so so unfulfilling when the call to move past that

Unknown: 15:27

ignites and then that call is ignored. It's just like the worst. So I was I was privy to that. And I was able to self observe enough to go like, come on man like commitment. I couldn't even deny myself I was like, You're avoiding commitment. So was

Jacob O'Neill: 15:47

that a conversation you had? You had to have with yourself? Yes. Yeah, it was almost like one of those. You go into the bathroom looking at me and be like, What the fuck, bro? That

Unknown: 15:55

was absolutely what it was. And so that was, well, that was comforting, actually, to be like, when the next person comes into my life, go all the way. Go all the way. So I kind of like found a you know, peace on alignment there. And then one day, perusing through Instagram, following Julia, she had some story up and she had Brian Jonestown Massacre song playing and I was like, oh, like, I'm gonna, you know, aim high here. The the sexologist chick. That's a challenge. That's fun. Like, let's

Jacob O'Neill: 16:42

say the thing that was holding you in your RDD was the sex the and then you're like, I'm gonna go for a sexologist. Yeah, I'm gonna commit to

Unknown: 16:50

Well, I didn't know what it was. I was still in the IT day. I was like, but yeah, I was like, your souls like, get ready. Get ready, fucking let's see. Let's see if I get a response. And I did. So I cracked my knuckles. And, and it was really lovely. You know, that was that was definitely there was no games being played. And she had recently got out of a long term relationship. And so we just had some good banter. And then she actually messaged me, out of the blue, like, Hey, I gotta cut this because me and my ex, we're gonna, we're gonna go, we're gonna try again, make work. And I was like, at that stage, I was fully uninvested on that sweet. All the best. Good luck. Yeah, forgot about it moved on. And then however, long later, we bumped into each other in person in Burleigh. And that's where the, you know, the chemistry went all bubbled. And

Jacob O'Neill: 17:55

I'm a hopeless romantic. I just made a whole movie out of that era, you know, it's just like I was I literally had the music playing and you guys bumping on each other. And James Street and it's just like, it

Unknown: 18:05

was that and we've been very clean, very good. Like literally no contact at all. It's not like there was a funny business going on. We're both respectful of what, what she'd chosen and so that happened again, I was still at a place of like call your you know, you're going for rekindling your your old love. That's awesome. Yeah. So whatever, let me kind of cut to the chase here. What what ended up happening was that came to completion in her world. And then somehow we're having a coffee date. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and that's where it all started. And, and it was super fun. The first three months were like really playful, lots of road trips, and life and all of that. Yep. And then she felt connected. And, you know, there was enough magic there, like truly magic, absolute magic, where she's like, okay, you can meet my daughter, which I also really respected. Yeah, it's not like, that's everyone in her lot. Yeah, I told her and I totally saw it was that I was like, Oh, shit, okay. I recognize that gesture that that is or recognize the sentiment in that,

Jacob O'Neill: 19:26

that could almost be an invitation for your like, that stepping out of odd like, Hey, do I feel responsible enough? Like, that's almost like, I have to say yes to that as well. It's not like you have to make my daughter it's like, yeah, this is a this is a responsibility.

Unknown: 19:41

Again, and it was that's a really, you know, good way of putting it it was it solidified the decision that I was, like, ruminating on like, okay, Nick, it's time to actually accept and embrace responsibility, and the burden of that And then so you know meeting my stepdaughter it was like it was two feet over that line

Jacob O'Neill: 20:08

yeah not just toying with the idea of dipping the toe it was like yeah yeah before threshold experience and

Unknown: 20:14

so man like what are the things probably interesting to share is how challenging the first two years of our relationship was for the reasons that that you've prefaced around powerful woman like single mom energy like like strong Alpha energy and truthfully are still in my fucking boy energy. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And then entering into a blended family was a dynamic I had no notion of no concept no experience of and and then so the natural order of that family that's like who's holding Alpha leadership energy isn't May and Juliet or is it my stepdaughter and Juliet which was far out man that's, um, down here and you know if really It really sucked in a lot of ways. And it really fucked with the polarity of our relationship. And I think underneath it all it started to chip away at my self esteem and confidence because I felt super behind the eight ball and I felt super perplexed in how to show up in that and I'm just using this language but that alpha male leader energy I really didn't know what was the right way to do it without you know, imposing too much too soon. And these are my values and this is the values you've got you guys have you know, upheld but I you know, I really want to bring this in and there and Messiah tiptoed and doubled and I got a lot of mentoring and you know, did a lot of therapy sessions trying to figure that out on what

Jacob O'Neill: 22:02

I want to sort of share like because this is so real for so many men, and probably like this is giving him great insight for women is like these sort of experiences when we come into a relationship you can't just flick a switch but okay, I'm now this these are now the values this is now how everything runs polarities now this perfect Happy Days complete it's an unfolding and it sounds like that first two years was like this ongoing revealing of the deeper I guess programming or beliefs that were holding you guys back from depth. Yeah, yeah, most definitely. And because you'd said um to feed in you kind of agreed to going there with Juliet almost like by you'd might not have said it out loud and spit with through your embodiment, you'd said yes, I'm in I'm ready to go through these. And whether it was Juliet or another woman, you still would have had to go through this to access this. This depth regardless. So yeah, man, this sounds this is I love this, this is making me feel so I feel not alone in my journey with wrestling with polarity and a really dominant woman who knew what she wanted, had created it. And I had to sort of fit into her life first. And then we went on a journey of calibration.

Unknown: 23:11

Right. Right. Right. And yeah, exactly. And this was this was, you know, the rise podcast. Yeah. And I'm like, fucking student body work and mass shooting people and like, not loving that and sort of shifting out of biomechanical work in some more, you know, mental emotional, spiritual work people so you know, I was in this transition of identity in a lot of core aspects of life Wow, work business identity as a sovereign and who's who's transitioning from boy to man, actually. And then suddenly, someone who's made the decision to not show up to a relationship with a closed heart and six different side doors that I can you know, duck out of Yeah. If If the going gets tough. And then yeah, fathering you know, I think anyone listening because I do, you know, connect with a lot of men who find themselves in the stepfather role and don't have a pretense to recognize blended families are inherently tricky. Like, you know, family life is is it's, it's a it's a it's a full spectrum of everything but but the blended family there's so many external energies that overlap into the field of of your house is there's the other family and their values and their and then there's all this stuff that goes on, that you don't have control over. There's building rapport All with the child or the children, knowing how to love them the way they need to be loved from you in that moment, it's like, do we started a friendship level? Or do I go fully into like, sending you to getting smart with your mother or like this? So yeah, I just kind of say that as a side note, to any man that's listening that finds themselves newly in a blended family dynamic, or has been in there and still feels like they haven't figured it out. Like that's super normal. And it's definitely a good idea to to reach out and connect with people that can show you that cannot demystify it. And it is very, you can totally demystify it. And there are certain structures and frameworks that are like, proven when, you know, when embodied and upheld, proven to create a safe family energy. And that's what it gets to. And when that falls into place. What usually happens before that is the child or the children are a wedge, so they get in between you and your lover, right? Because that's, that's just the energetics. That's what's going on. But when you and your lover can hold that alpha energy and model and demonstrate that and stand firming that against the child's resistance, which is natural, then they can actually go okay, they are together. They are solid, they are strong. I don't need to compete with this fucking new man. That's not my dad. That's in my life. Totally. Yeah, it's been Ah, man learning that has been

Jacob O'Neill: 26:55

epic. Yeah. Did.

Unknown: 26:57

It's been epic.

Jacob O'Neill: 26:58

I mean, yeah, I have nothing to reference against that. So like, I'm not even a father yet. You know, we've got a dog recently. And like, Megan, I'll be making out in the kitchen, it'll start jumping on us and like this fucking dog, man. Get the fuck away from it. I'm like, Oh, shit. The dynamics are changing. Having a dog let alone a child is like shifted how we you know, I've got to train this dog to respect me and, and also respect my relationship with Meg. So to come into that dynamic with Juliet and her daughter and for you to navigate, that would have been fucking incredibly challenging, but also to, I guess, move through the challenge and then arrive at a place where you are able to hold that it would be I could imagine it would feel very liberating and give you I know, it sounds like there's so much value that you have in that that story that men would take from that they're like, Ah, it's it's it's possible to do this. Yeah, it's not actually it's though that wage doesn't have to stay a wedge, it can become something else it can evolve. And yeah, man, what do you feel like with and I know like, seeing you on Julia, you and Juliet have done some work together as well and offered some programs. And what was that evolution? Like in regards to like, I guess? Blending? But then also, how did you like maintain like an identity as as Nick, did you find that hard? Did you find yourself getting lost in the, in the dynamic for me, that was kind of my journey of like, Meg wanted me to be a part of her business. And then I wanted to grow my own business. And then we're doing things together things apart, and there was a messiness to the way that we were operating. But I'd love to hear how you know, like you said, you shifted out of the bodywork into more of the spiritual mentoring emotional stuff. What was that process like for you, you know, stepping into a relationship as well? And was there any like big moments where you felt like you were initiated?

Unknown: 28:55

Hmm, that was a slower burn, too. Yeah, it was it that was a couple years of not not crushing it at all.

Jacob O'Neill: 29:05

So your apprenticeship, bro? Yeah,

Unknown: 29:07

that was the apprenticeship. Yeah, absolutely.

Jacob O'Neill: 29:09

So how long did that last? Um

Unknown: 29:14

Well, couple years I think what's in Yeah, solidly a couple years dude. it overflowed

Jacob O'Neill: 29:22

over two years. She you find it funny that the you know, some of these guys that come and do a week of personal development think they're going to be like doing 10k months. Ah, and you see the guys that go out and make 10k in 90 days and solidify your business and it's like, ah, honey,

Unknown: 29:37

it's it's arbing. So I've been training as a coach for 13 years. I've been working in the field for 13 years in a truly holistic sense. traveled the world studied with you know, all kinds of mentors and traineeships and qualifications and this and that. Have had my feet held to the fire the whole whole time by these mentors and to operate safely in integrity to be attune to red flags to, you know, to, there's doing the thing. And then there's all the meta skills that you need to have that only come through experience which you need guided mentoring around, because you're hearing this, but you're registering this is this is, we're gonna lose this person, right? We need it when you bring them up, or there's all this subtle stuff that's going on. So this is kind of a digression here, but it's, it's important, it is important. I find the whole influx of transformational coaching or whatever it is, whatever the title is, I'm delusional and negligent. Because well, working with the most complex organism in the known universe, so let's be mindful of that, let's remember that the models that we learn are helpful that all of them are wrong. So some of them are helpful. So we need to have developed meta skills. So we don't get rigid and dogmatic in the model and miss the important shit. We are then at, then, you know, a person who is facilitating is at risk of creating harm. Oh,

Jacob O'Neill: 31:32

yeah, totally. Man, I, I use this example. You know, a lot of a lot of guys come to me like with their nervous systems fried from doing personal development and thinking they're gonna have these. I call them quantum leaps. And then all of a sudden, they can hold this new level of capacity. And it's like, you haven't fortified. You haven't created the structural integrity to hold that yet. And so a lot of guys crash and burn. And that's where I nurture them. I'm like, Hey, bro. Like, if I if someone came over and said, Hey, bro, here's the full Makita set. Here. Take it. Here's a brand new unit. Put it all in there. Now. Can you go and build me a house? Yeah, yeah, it's like, well, I've got all the tools. I've got the Hilux. I can go and buy some Carhartt pants, which I I like to wear I like to I like to look like I do hard labor, but I don't. I could put the hat on and I can put the work boots on. But it's one thing to gather the skills or throw together the tools. But to actually go through the process of embodying the ability, like you said, the meta, the the adaptability, the nuance, the attunement, it takes time. Yeah. And that's what I mean, I look at my little brother, who's, who's a builder, and I've got friends that are builders, and it's like, it's taken them 667 years. Some of them been in it for 10. And they're just developing a point where they're going out on their own to build their own business. I'm like, Wow, man, like, and I look back on my journey. It's been about eight years. I'm like, oh, yeah, that first four years was fucking hard. Yeah. Didn't make a lot of money, just like an apprentice would. But I was developing. Yes. And I was in other people's containers. And I was learning. Yeah. And then the next four years, I was like, Okay, so that's a little bit more of my own start to do a bit of this. And now I'm only just feeling like, I can actually see, like, build a business that's separate from my, I guess my identity of who I who I am. And I can actually start to create something outside of myself that can hold value because I've been through that initiation, which is a lot longer than three months. It's a lot longer than I initially thought it was going to be. Yeah. Yeah.

Unknown: 33:34

Fucking perfect. Absolutely. Perfect. does. It shows reverence to, to the art and and yeah, it shows reverence to whoever it is. You're standing in front of to? Yeah. As to me, putting in the due diligence and just walk in the path. It's yeah, there's a there's there's just an integrity to it that I think is not valued. Particularly highly. The way the the, what he called the industry is right now. And honestly, man, you know, I say this, and I'm not super like, I'm not on a fucking soapbox about it either. It's like, really? I'm mostly preoccupied with what's going on in my garden. Yeah, so to speak. I don't feel compelled to be like calling everyone out. Yeah. Because what I observe and what I encounter a lot is people find that out for themselves. Anyway, these coaches, they'll get in touch and they'll be like, actually, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Yeah. And actually, you know, I feel you know, lost and directionless and so cool. Okay, like, let's meet these people also with compassion and Yeah, like, like, truly support and facilitate when necessary. That unique process and how that unfolds.

Jacob O'Neill: 35:10

It's even like it I think of it like it. Like sometimes that for me bro is like a really alive for me right now I'm in a really I mean a state of humility right now in my business and what I'm wanting to create because what I want is so fucking big that I don't know how I don't know. That's my statement right now I don't know. And I need help. And I think when you get to those points of humility there is like this almost childlike nature to like, hey, I need to be I need someone to tell me how to how to do this next step. I need someone to hold me as I figure it out. And you know, I think there's so much there would definitely cross over from parenting into mentoring for me. I know it does. I'm not a parent yet. But I see you know, I do a lot of inner child work with guys. And I see this this excited little boy wants it's so bad. Yeah. But he hasn't learned the rules to the game. Yeah. And he runs on to the field and he gets red carded, because he doesn't know the rules. And then he throws a tantrum and never wants to play the game again. And I'm like, Ah, where have we been? Like giving guys red cards non stop. Yeah, not actually saying hey, come here. I want to show you that I want to teach you how to play this game. So you can play it for much longer time and just three months or just the week and you know I I'm I'm a I'm a fiery hot headed theists motherfucker. I don't outwardly project that too often but internally like if there's a fire in me that wants to burn the world to a crisp I want to fucking you know, I want to win. Yeah. And I've had to really find grounded man to help me tend to that fire. So I don't put it out which has been my past put it out don't don't don't burn too brightly Jacob. And then there's like a hey, Louis, let us help you restart this and gradually build it. So you can actually provide value. And sometimes burn a little brightly, and, and cause cause chaos. But then I've had the right people in my life to help me come back to my center. And I sounds like that's, that's why everything has its place. Right? You know, these people that are doing transformation in two days. You have to know that you got a spark that you need a spark to light the fire. Yeah. But then you got to be careful as to how you tend to that. Yeah,

Unknown: 37:27

yeah. And it's in a lot of ways. It's an echo chamber, as well. And so what I observe in the coaching and spirituality circles, and I, you know, I'm very much a fly on the wall. Like I said, I'm pretty preoccupied with my own fucking God. And so you got to bid on. I'm like, yeah, like I'll voyeuristically look at the, you know, the social media beef get, you know, get a bit of entertainment, and I'm not too inspired to participate, but I see. You know, it's so obvious. The, you know, the people that are dissing fucking anything, like polarity coaches are fucking morons, or this and that. And it's like, yeah, like, they kind of are. But also they're not. And you, you know, why do you need to make them wrong? Like, what's, what's your insecurity here?

Jacob O'Neill: 38:20

Yep. Yeah, I love that, bro. And that sounds like, I don't know, like, with you being a parent, you've got another two, you've had another two kids. So you've got your stepdaughter, and got two kids, two kids. Now a couple of young young ones. sounds almost like that. There's almost like a diplomat in your country, like their diplomatic nature. It's like, well, this is true. And this is true. And then we're going to do this just because this and I feel like that's sometimes children will say something that makes perfect sense. But then there's a rule that goes against it. So you have to actually like support them to see things in a certain light. And even if they don't they throw a tantrum. You have to be okay with the tantrum and not make that wrong as well. Yeah, yeah. So I feel like there's such a i don't know i What I've noticed in all of the men's coaches who are fathers, there is such a fucking capacity to not get caught up in bullshit. Yeah, you know, I really look up to you in that regard. My other bro lino, who's a father, I'm catching up with him later this week for a podcast, one of my first coaches Blaze. All of you guys are like, I don't have time for this fucking drama. I've got a family. Yeah. And I've got a business and I've got a woman to attend to and I'm focused on that. If you want to actually come and do the work Let's fucking do it. But I'm not going to get caught up in the fucking Home and Away I'm not going to come down to the marketplace and gossip.

Unknown: 39:44

Oh, that's cool. And yeah, it does get down to that. Hey, the and look, I've got to name my shadow in this too. So my shadow is the feedback I get any time I'm getting. You know if I'm like on the late a team and an initiation weekend of mankind project and we get our feedback at the end from the four leaders. Literally every time I do it, it's the same feedback, which is like, hey, like, fire up your warrior? Like, take up take up more space. Be Less diplomatic. Yes. So I can tell, you know, it's great feedback. And also unlike just got a name that too. Yeah, for my own. You know, cultivating awareness around that is, you know, is there a part of me that is, is dimming my fire if I do have an opinion on united people. And

Jacob O'Neill: 40:39

that's why it's so important to be around men, right? Like the thing that I see in you that I've like seen from afar. I've guys have experienced that over and over again. Okay. Love this about you. But like, there's a part of you that wants to sort of be stoked. Yes, I am. Had a great conversation with another men's coach about this, he was we were giving each other a bit of feedback on back and forth. And I said, bro, I want to hear your like, tell your fucking story. Like you've been sharing awesome concepts. And you're so well. Well read. And I know, I know, you're embodied in that. But I don't feel you in what you're posting. And he shifted and hasn't completely he still speaks beautiful concept, like beautiful concepts, but he's brought so much more restore into it. And that has created so much more energy in cool in his in his presence online. And it's, and it's fun, you know, it stirred the pot a bit. You know, some people get upset. He's like, You shouldn't be sharing out on lines. Like, this is his story, man. That's the this is giving people relatability Yeah, you know, he's helping them understand concepts, but now he's making it relatable. And that's you know, I remember seeing one of your posts about I think it was use there was one about you sleeping in your minivan or in your swag and it was almost like that. There was I can't remember what posted was that you did, but I remember you reading it. I was like, Oh, that feels like the version of you before the before version. And sometimes it's so good, because I know. I can look at someone that's established. And be like, How

Unknown: 42:05

the fuck do I get there? Neither. Yeah, my fucking descent. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 42:11

just post here where you think you're sleeping in the back? You you don't and you swag or something. You're traveling. I was just

Unknown: 42:15

homeless literally shoplifting literally. Yeah. Because I, my self esteem was so low, I couldn't get a job. And I didn't want anyone to know that. So I was hiding in the veil of shame to

Jacob O'Neill: 42:27

Yeah, and that's such a, I get such a real experience. And I know for me when I, you know, I got to a point where I run out of money. I'm Megan, Megan are both running our businesses which separate we tried to do stuff to them. We then said no, let's do stuff separate. And make just shut up, man. It was like I was dead weight. And I couldn't fucking get a run on the board. And then I just kept getting knocked over. And I ended up with like, 28 cents in my account. And I had to come and ask me for money. And like, I was doing shit that I shouldn't have been doing. I was just buying stuff for the sake of buying it and end up with no money. And I got to this point, like deep shame and I had to go and tell her that I had asked her for money and it was the most embarrassing. I felt I still feel sick. I feel like it feels like it's bubbling up I want to throw up I was like that is I didn't feel like a man. Yeah, and I didn't want anyone online. I was sharing this stuff. But inside like in my in my actual world. I was just this shell. I was like, I have no money. I have nothing. I've I've completely reneged on my responsibility to be a provider for myself, let alone anyone else. And yeah, I mean, I didn't want anyone to know that at all. So I could imagine that you having to get a job is I remember that because I went and got a part time job getting the job meant that I'd fucked up. Yeah, so getting the job was almost the confirmation of your you Fox it is a lose

Unknown: 43:53

lose. Paradigm It

Jacob O'Neill: 43:56

is magic. It's a dangerous fucking cloak to wear. Fuck, that's

Unknown: 44:00

a good fucking segue, though. back onto the the back into the piece around the first two years of the relationship. And in my experience, being in relationship with an older woman who's a genius, and a genius at business and making money and I my genius is is in other areas. So yeah, we would run stuff together, and it would feel like I was in her shadow. Yep. It would feel like I was you know, assisting. Yep, at least sort of felt like for me. And, you know, all the way down to the branding and stuff like that. It's like, I wouldn't do it like this, but I'm not. I'm not funding it so far. I can't wait to listen to this. How am I supposed to?

Jacob O'Neill: 44:53

Yeah, your voice didn't have the same weight that Juliet's did in the decision making process isn't

Unknown: 44:59

it? Hmm, it didn't. And it's like, right or wrong. What I know was that I didn't enjoy that. And I know that that impacted the polarity in our relationship all the way into the bedroom. Yep, yep.

Jacob O'Neill: 45:16

Yep. Yeah, hands up for that as well. But yeah, massively.

Unknown: 45:19

So this is the magic of commitment. Right in relationship because on paper, it's like, how compatible is this? But the like? We said earlier, the decision was made to commit slavery or the work began that started with going, I feel like a little boy in my fucking relationship. I feel like a puppy in the house. Um, I feel like I have the smallest energy in the house. And I did. I did. I actually did. It's not it wasn't imagined. I actually did it got to that. It didn't start as that but it got to that.

Jacob O'Neill: 46:04

You know how refreshing it is for you to like, say, it felt like I had the smallest energy. And I did like that ownership just then bro. It's just like, fuck, that's refreshing. Yeah,

Unknown: 46:14

yeah. Yeah. It wasn't like, oh, yeah, I don't need sympathy. I need fucking transparency. That's like, yeah, man. You can fucking your ass kicked. Totally. Yes. And and you've never done this before. So you don't know what the fuck to do about it? Do you might not. That's that's kind of helpful to actually I haven't done this before. So how can I possibly know how to fucking do it? Yes. And that was the there was freedom in the exposure of that. And then there was clarity in me being able to relay what my predicament was. So the support that I was calling in was totally irrelevant. Rather than it being you know, like, half truth of all this is sort of going on and you know, I'll get a, you know, a half useful thing back to me. So

Jacob O'Neill: 47:03

that's, I think that's a piece just there, bro. And like, if you can be brutally, ruthlessly transparent and honest with where you're at, then you're so much more capable of calling in the actual support you need. Yeah, I know so many people that go and do business coaching when they actually need fucking, like emotional and trauma, fucking coaching. Yeah, you need to come and do some like deep men's work. And then when you want to start your business, you know, the men's group isn't going to help you with that you need a business coach, you know? Yeah, so I think like, you being almost like, so transparent with like, Hey, I've got small energy right now I feel like a little boy in my relationship. I don't know how to do this, I need help. You're gonna, naturally by owning that the person that you call in to support you or you reach out to is going to actually be able to serve that exact thing, rather than just choosing someone that will give you the shiny object that you think is going to solve it. Yeah, yeah,

Unknown: 47:56

that my mind from the level of the issue thinks is the solution. Like I just said, I've never done it before. I don't know what the solution is, but there's guys in their 40s 50s 60s and 70s that have Balkan War to this path. well and truly yes, that are totally qualified in in giving me the reflections the hug the arms kicking, and the frameworks and then safe place to come back and review and pivot and I fucking dude, it's not like I'm like oh, like got it sorted my stepdaughter is six months older every six months meaning she's moving through these radical phases of development radically, you know, so her her brand development she's still 17 still fucking kid Yep. You know, she you know a few years ago coming into our blade and she's moving through all these like physiological shifts psychological shifts, she had a history before I came into the picture so it the goalposts are continually moving. And so maintaining this humility is paramount maintaining this transparency is paramount. And that's my gift to myself is you know, now I'm, I have a role as a facilitator in you know, in my field, but in my community. The gift I give to myself is I do my work. Yeah, I don't I don't get caught in a role where I'm like, Oh, I can't you know, I need to actually not bring this to the to the serve the men circle them. I mean, I'll get up, you know, some of the elders outside. I'm like, No, I need you all. Yes. See me so I can, you know, the unlovable part of me, can be soothed in getting on the other side of that evening where I'm like, you will still love me even though I'm really fucking this up. He was struggling with this thing. And so yeah, the goalposts are always moving. But having had the mentoring, and learning the foundations, things are still solid. The curveballs come, but the foundation is solid, so my family's safe.

Jacob O'Neill: 50:20

It makes me think of those, those buildings in Japan that they're built to withstand earthquakes. Yeah, yeah. And they're actually they're solid buildings, but they've got this. They're designed to be able to actually move when the earthquake comes in. It's like they're designed to actually not not necessarily crumble when something changes, right. But when it does return to guess a sense of calm, that you're no longer it will, it will sort of self regulate and calibrate and I think that's such a you know, I see that in in fathers. It's like, well, this is what's happening right now and we're going to adapt and address it. But we also know that this isn't going to last forever. And that we're gonna go through another another journey and this is sort of what David data's speaks into in his book The Way of the Superior Man which I give it to everyone and you can have you can say he's outdated, but I think he's the fucking Shut up this

Unknown: 51:17

annex. Same crew, same fucking crew who just love hating on shit shut off. Last work. Like how can you dismiss loss work? Totally. But

Jacob O'Neill: 51:27

the thing in that which I think if I can do it, I could just punch the fucking wall right now. Just like fuck. Listen to. He's right. I'll stand on a hill to die for him. Yeah. fall

Unknown: 51:39

on my sword. Yeah, he,

Jacob O'Neill: 51:41

he says and this is what so many men are like, Ah, fuck, really? It's like there is no fucking end. Yeah. Like you said, like every six months, your stepdaughters, you know, six months older, she's going through another stage of development. And, and we're continually growing and evolving, like the Juliet that you that you had that just like, awesome experience with and in Burleigh, is a very different version to the woman that she is now, right. And same with me what I've said to Megan, and others in our vows, or whatever. So I love that I get to love a new version of you every single, sick. So said, Fuck, man, like, I know, like, I keep falling more in love with you, because you keep on growing and evolving into a new version of yourself. And when we can address you know, I'm so excited to become a father because I know this is going to, like be such a test for me. Yeah, where my rigidity is, is that we get to we get to actually enjoy that we get to choose that and rather than resist it, we get to meet it, which is sounds like the the word that I feel. You can feel like an embodiment of his commitment from you. Yeah, commitment, commitment, and this isn't discipline. This isn't being able to be disciplined. It sounds like it's like you are able to meet whatever is here in the moment. With almost with with compassion with grace with insight. And, and and fierceness it's not a it's not a I don't feel you forcing your way through life. I feel your your your opening and opening to it whilst also not hiding.

Unknown: 53:19

Yeah, commitment, the awesome total totally agree with you know, everything you said, the mantra basically for commitment is for me is I'll we'll find a way. That's all it is, we'll find a way. And that's nice because it acknowledges the moments or the you know, the seasons, where you're directionless when it feels hopeless. But we fall back on our safety net of, of commitment. And the mantra is, which is super energizing, we'll find a way and it opens us up back into the creative hemisphere into the field of potential where we can acknowledge we don't know what the solution is, but we know a solution is out there in the Dow. So how can we like follow those signals to the point where where we're separated, we can come back into union better or worse. Open our hearts as much as we can in the moment. Right? It's not like a full gaping open all the time. Can we be cool with that too? And we find a way we find a way the solution arise and then we embrace that or adopt that. And then we're changed again. We've grown

Jacob O'Neill: 54:51

to Yeah, man I just hate I just hate like a face in the commitment that you both have to the Union like it's like, we believe we we build Leaving in our love Yeah, that's fucking cool, man. Yeah, cuz you know, I'm a big monogamy dude. I'm a big like monogamy. For me, that's what I love because I've hopeless romantic but when I'm hearing it This isn't monogamy this is like a devotion to the union, this isn't a devotion to the other associates devoted, like the love that we've created. And we've committed to we know that there is a way. Exactly

Unknown: 55:25

machen a and it really embraces the, you know, we both said to each other when we first met, we've met on March. And that's what we were looking for. So there's so much conflict in our relationship. You know, there really is because, yeah, that just fucking is. And it's

Jacob O'Neill: 55:45

and it's not a bad thing. No,

Unknown: 55:47

hell no, hell no, when we when we have the culture of commitment, and then it's, it's a very positive thing and positive thing to be. We each hold conviction, you know, unique conviction. So, you know, something I think could be cool to kind of like, bring into the, to the chat now. Because, you know, the thread that I'm following and coming back onto is kind of that first two years, right. And so, what got us here was the me acknowledging where my energy was small and acknowledging that that's my responsibility to, to understand and heal and integrate. So I can restore the polarity into into a functional flow of energy as the pendulum swings, of course. And also, what can wait so that's what I can do, what can we do? So working together on the relationship has been a big part of the culture of our relationship to that has helped us figure out our polarities off. Yeah, I mean, and, and you know, what's mine? Cool. And what's mine call? What's mine? What's yours? Um, the reason I say this, is because accountability for relationships, to really work is on the other as well. You know what I mean? And I think I see, and I see this a lot. I see this a lot in men circles. Men who take full responsibility and ownership, and then and then some, and it's like, not fucking put that down. That's her work. Which is classic, nice guy energy. Right? Exactly. Classic Peter, please, I'm

Jacob O'Neill: 57:53

going to take full responsibility, and you never get to be wrong. Yeah,

Unknown: 57:57

you've got it, you're there. And it's fucked. It's so easy to do, man, because

Jacob O'Neill: 58:02

we can put women on a pedestal because of feminism because of the patriarchy that did all this fucked up shit in the past. And then even more so when a woman's established and we can put her as she's the genius. She knows better than me. She's more in tune. She's obviously I don't know any of this. So I'm going to always look to you. Yeah. And, yeah, what you said there because like, I believe, like, for a relationship to work, you have to work on yourself. And then you both have to work on the relationship. Yeah. Because if you just try to work on the relationship by yourself, and the other party isn't willing, it's Yeah,

Unknown: 58:36

I haven't seen it work. Yeah, yeah. Same. I've

Jacob O'Neill: 58:38

seen people try it. And it ended in the same way every single fucking time. It has to be to willing parties. Like you said, we'll find a way and um, yeah, man restoring that polarity. I would love to know, like, we're just coming up, we're just about to hit the hour. So we'll sort of wrap it up in the next 10 to 15. Oh, another thing that I think would be really helpful is like, what happened when you started to actually bring more of your energy? Did that actually create some? Did you find yourself? Did you find that brought up more more challenges in your relationship? Or did it like, serve up for me it's served my relationship. But it also started to show Meg where she was a little more where she was trying to dominate me or trying to make me wrong. Yep. So when I started to almost rise up into more of my masculine. It actually turned on this like this part of her that became quite a projected triggered part of her and I had to like, almost like, stop being I'm taking all the responsibility. I had to like, say, Hey, listen, you're being you're being unreasonable right now. And what you're saying is actually fucking not true. And I had to stand my fucking ground. And that was part of the repolarization process that served intimacy, which kind of had to it had to be that way. I had to stand in the conflict and own Hey, I know what I've done. I know what I'm responsible for. But right now Now this is on you. And fuck man that was that changed my entire fucking life when I finally grew a fucking spine and stood my ground, rather than just being like, Everything's my fault, okay, I'll change Okay, I'll do more for you okay, I'll because what happened was like Mike was making was like, if I just make more money, then the polarity will change. If I just, if I just, you know, if I can just buy us a house, then I'll be the man again, if I just if I just you know if I can just make you come harder, I can just fuck you to God a little more if I can just do all of these things outside of myself to justify my manhood then you will soften into your feminine and had none of that shit. Like all of that you know I ended up because I stood my stood my ground all that stuff started to happen. But if I had have tried to use all of those things, it would have just been me outsourcing my my fucking identity and my worth yet again. 100%

Unknown: 1:01:00

And how fucking resentful. How much resentment? Well, you know, my guess is that would have led to resentment dude

Jacob O'Neill: 1:01:07

imagine like I make I go out and I make three 400k And then she still doesn't want to fuck me. Yeah, it's a problem the man now yeah, like no you're not you just learn how to make fucking money and identify with societal success bro hidden still. You're still the scared little boy that's insecure about his own sense of worth.

Unknown: 1:01:24

Absolutely. And I think another potential in that is is the power dynamic flipping. And so where the blame shame teams coming at you there's the risk that you'll swap roles and then you're going into the blame shame team.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:01:36

Look at me. I'm so masculine. I've

Unknown: 1:01:38

got all the money. Yeah, we're not feminine. Yeah, you were fucking you're you know a bit of a fucking dickhead. You know back then

Jacob O'Neill: 1:01:45

say I talk see now I did what I was meant to dude. Yeah, you do it fucking formula based. You know, that's where polarity gets. That's when guys lose the actual essence of polarity.

Unknown: 1:01:55

Like Fuck, yeah, it's yeah, it's a pallet when it's which is obviously a reflection of still there's a disempowerment in me.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:02:02

Definitely been there, bro. That's been a big one for me. Cool. Yeah,

Unknown: 1:02:06

well, yeah, like, I've definitely caught it too. That's why I can speak into it, where there's a wanting in me to earn enough money to feel like I have power over. Because my experience has been having power held over me. Yes, I fucking hate it. Yeah. So the journey to like, like, genuine. Like restoration of that, that polarity which again, I you know, I'll say just for clarity sake, isn't fixed. Yet, we swapped these these embodiment of these different energies. And there's that, you know, the space in between or the transition where, anyway, I'm not knowing myself. Which came through ownership of all this stuff was the prerequisite for figuring out where my boundaries were. Because I was able to clearly discern what was mine. And what was projection. Whereas before that, all the projections, I just assumed they were mine. And so that prerequisite really served the process of going well hang on a minute. I'm not okay with that. And you know what, like, that's, you know, I'm, I'm not turning my back on you, but I'm fucking I'm not. I'm not accepting now. So to speak.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:03:37

Yeah. So like the prerequisite to holding a boundary is to No, self to no

Unknown: 1:03:42

self. And again, yeah, it's like, that boundary where it gets weaponized. Well, that's a boundary and it's like, is it or is it just a power garnering

Jacob O'Neill: 1:03:54

tool? And like the phrase that I give to men because guys, they're so used to having walls up. Yeah, to protect themselves from feeling like them. I've got to protect myself. I've got to survive. It's dangerous out here. Emotionally. Like I say, Okay, let's work out what's yours? What's actually going on for you? Cool. All right, we've got an idea. We've created a sense of self. Okay, now let's, now let's develop boundaries. So you know how to stand your ground. This is so different from a wall though. Because I say this is what I said when I say boundaries. Honor your feelings. They don't protect you from feeling it. Yeah, right on. It's an honoring of hey, if may comes in projects, okay, that didn't feel good, and it's not true. Yep. So I'm not going to take that on what's really going on? Yes. Tell me what's really going on. Because I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna that's not mine. I'm gonna honor how I'm feeling that that is not true. And that that changed my fucking life man. Because that then doing that in my relationship, I was then able to have those conversations in my in my inner circle with my bros. I then went was able to bring that to my Family, I was able to have more truthful, firm conversations in my business, to the point where, you know, I was no longer needing something from someone or taking on other people's shit. And I see this so much in the coaching industry as well as like, people will take on everyone else's bullshit. And then they just ended up riddled with fucking anxiety or they burn out because they have actually got those boundaries. Absolutely just why men, men, men I could harp on about men's works, or will until the fucking day I die. Fuck off on Yeah, but that's you know, men's work has served me in identifying who I am and what I stand for. Yes. And in that I'm able to bring that into my relationship. And that place you know, my relationship has been the thing that has helped me grow more than anything. Because it's where I've had to meet the deepest parts of Myself bring the most unloved parts of myself. And trust the person that I care about most will will still stand by me on fucking commitment, man devotion, willingness that shoots fucking vulnerable as a man.

Unknown: 1:06:02

So vulnerable. It's so uncomfortable and so inconvenient. Which I always like to point out in good headline if you're waiting for a good time. I'm here to tell you it's never convenient. Oh,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:06:14

I just need to do another fucking iOS ceremony. I just need to do another I just need to go and do breath work on the bro. You just need to go and have the fucking conversation. Yeah,

Unknown: 1:06:22

you need to sit in a chair. And your knees. Yeah. nearly touching each other. Yeah. Take a deep breath and say the speaking to the unspeakable, dude. That's what you got to do. You

Jacob O'Neill: 1:06:34

know, this is what I you know, I tell everyone that comes on retreat with me or comes and does some kind of immersive initiation. I'm like, Okay, now you're ready for the thing? Yeah,

Unknown: 1:06:44

I just thought that was the thing. The thing is much more mundane. Now you're ready to liminal. This is fun. This isn't fantastical. Later. Go master the mundane. That's that's where your salvation is. That's it,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:06:56

man. Go enjoy washing the dishes. Go and sit with your partner and tell her that you know about something that you're not happy with. Go and sit down and share the thing that you don't feel is capable of being loved. Yep, like go and do this. Yes. We always say bring it, you know, you learn it on the mountain. But bring it down from the mountain. Yeah, bring it home. Come home and and just you know, just the way that you open up to a group of men like come in, like bring that level of vulnerability from a from a centered place to your woman to your to your children, like be you know, don't don't let them out and be your escape. Don't let the don't let the ceremony outside of your actual life be the escape. Let it be the the the arena that you develop the capacity to bring it home. Yeah.

Unknown: 1:07:41

Yeah, man. Right on. So that's so it. And that's where the couple's work really comes into its own. Because as we develop our capacity, maybe our partner hasn't so yeah, bringing that through might not be received as we'd hoped. Yep. So if we then go into Oh, fuck you. It's like, no, no, no, no, there's there is there is, you know, there's so much mystery in it. And there is so much nuance in it. And it's like, bringing that authentic self through in service to the love of the relationship also accepts where it can't be received fully and doesn't make that mean, something, you know, that doesn't distort that to announce working. I've been getting hit up a lot this year. Most of my coaching this year has been coupled is really interesting, because I don't advertise it on my website, but I do I do offer it. And so this is what I'm observing a lot is how I structure my couples work is each couple would have to commit to four sessions and two of those sessions are one on ones and so I get them individually. And so this is the stage of like, what's your experience? You know, what's your pain point and what's yours like that I see the finger pointing out lots and lots call there's definitely truth in those accusations but you know, let's work at the causal level here and see what's yours. And so obviously action items are established from from those explorations and then it's so helpful getting the couples work because it's like well now we are sitting facing each other. Now we are like having eye contact there is nowhere to run. And you said that and what you said isn't what I heard so fuck you and button that all the so learning to you know that's where I think couples work is so it's it's the greatest one of the greatest life hacks. Yeah, man. Oh, it's like eating good foods. A great life hack is pretty straightforward. You know? Get some good quality water up here for sure. Yeah. Personal Development, be at a min circle or therapist, whatever. would put it pretty fucking high up the priorities and saying with couples work,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:10:01

yeah, man and integrator and it doesn't have to be the it doesn't have to be the thing that the one thing right, it doesn't have to be the magic bullet this the the the silver bullet that completely eradicate all the challenges from your life. We're with the couples work that Megan I do we serve people in a few smaller programs that we run together, we've realized that our this is just, this is just a beautiful little extra. Yeah, yeah, people that, you know, I have guys come and do all the men's work with me or they come in coach with me. And then when they get in the room with their partner, we're able to have like some really beautiful conversations that just deepen their awareness, give them a few little communication techniques, which I think are the biggest ones. Because there's still going to be times where you get triggered, right? You're still going to project and one of the fun questions, Megan I give to couples is, Can I have another go at that? Oh, that's cool. And it's so funny how people, right? Because like you, you could like have a really awesome one on one with someone and then as soon as they're sitting with their partner. Yeah.

Unknown: 1:11:04

That's made. Yeah, that's me. And I'm like, yeah, oh,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:11:07

and we see this and we still do this man, like mega mega do something like this? And I'll say it, I'll say, you know, you know, don't do that. Or did you leave the odd it's also did you leave this the way like like this? Did you are okay, and I know I'll go and like, I'll ask you to clean up the kitchen, right? And this is this is using this and I do this as well, and she won't do it, then I'll come in, I'll go out see that it's not clean. I'll come back in and like a bitch. I'll go. Did you clean up the kitchen? And it's got that air of superiority to her right? And she's like, No, I haven't yet. And I'll instantly I'll be like, fuck, Hey, can I have another go with that? Like, hey, love it how you feel like, Hey, I know I asked you to clean up the kitchen. Did Can we go out and do it together? Because I just want to get started today without you know, I really want to make breakfast and surreal and I'm actually able to like honor where it's at rather than just coming in and like judging her bro. And I think that, you know, why quit? You said couples coaching can just really help you understand the little things? Yes. Because they're the ones that we you know, we say that the you know, the key to great sex is to actually master the unsexy things. Yeah, right on. So many people want to have the mind blowing sex or, you know, the beautiful sacred union. It's like, yeah, that comes from mastering the unsexy things, having the the uncomfortable conversations around the the little the little flies in the ointment. But,

Unknown: 1:12:36

and I love the example you offered, especially with the introducing the language that you have. And I think what's important is to like highlight that example you offered, and tied into your questions merely, which was like, Well, how did you restore the polarity? Oh, you know, my response was like, I got to know myself, I got to know, my values hierarchy, I got to know you. So I knew where my boundaries fell. And the the other part of that is putting rubber to the road. So So acknowledging, acknowledging the things that I would normally let slide, and therefore, you know, some aid to the state of resentment, which I would then project and it was just a mess. Yeah. But the detail that I want to highlight here is doing it in a good way. Right, you can do it in a fucking good way. You don't have to be like, Well, I'm a fucking man now. And this is how it is, it's like, you can hold the energy of that. Mark, well, I describe it as a multi dimensional man, I sit because the thing that I also observe in men's work is sometimes often, especially in the mainstream, especially in the red pill scene, it's like it's a one dimensional man. So I like the concept of a multi dimensional man who can like hold that energy, but rarely really lean into maturity, and make those language tweaks that make all the difference. And that that is what leadership looks like in a relationship among other things, those little things make Turner, you know, a good leader into like a profoundly good leader. And man,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:14:16

that's, that's what I've noticed is like, there's a difference between a tyrant and and a king. Yeah. And that is like the beauty of it. I've learned so much about myself in like, trying to force my, my reign upon the home. Like, this is how it is yeah, yeah, this can't be any other last, like, learning how the things move in cycles, and everyone has their own fucking shit. You know, one of the biggest things that make does for me is like, I'll turn into a fucking brat. When I'm fucking tired and I won't fucking go and look after myself. And like she'll like to we literally play this role. Like, she'll take that she's like, Okay, I'm in control now. And like, it's like, is that the most masculine thing to let her take control? No, I have to force myself on this and suffer through it. She like alright, hoping that Car. And the other day this happened I was just exhausted man I've done and done for days facilitating a retreat, like non stop just delivering fucking awesome. I nailed us so proud of myself. Do you think I could actually rest when I got home now I tried to do doo doo and come back and force force force. She put me in the car, we went to the movies. And I was like, didn't want to get out of the car. I was like literally throwing a tissue like get out of the car, you little fucking brand. That's it. Don't tell me what to do. She's like, Yeah, and because she rather than, like, yell at me. She just hopped out of the car. And she stood there. And she's like, and she punished, like, Get out now. And we it became this playful became Batman. And because, and in that moment, I was like, this motherfucker has got me she's she's got me she and like, like, yet. She's like, I'm getting I'm coming in. I'm not I'm not gonna hide from this. And I looked at it. And I was like, Don't look at me. And she's like, I'm looking at you. And then all of a sudden, we just started laughing she Karen she's like, Are you a bit sad? And I was like, Yeah, I'm just a bit tired. And then she's like, you know, you don't have to I can, you know, I've got you know, I've got you. And I was like, ah, when watch the fucking movie. And after that movie, I was like, Ah, I can do the things that I was trying to do before. And I think that's the place that you get to into your, in your relationship when you do tend to when you do take the time to get the right mentoring, get the coaching and yeah, man, I'm just so grateful that there's guys out here that are doing the men's work but aren't letting it be the only place they do the work. They're actually bringing it into their relationships into their fatherhood in their for lack of better words, not taking that red pill and then trying to almost recreate the past where we just control everything. We're becoming these these adaptable, multi dimensional men, these these true leaders with open hearts. So bro, it's been fucking mad to talk to you. I want to ask, like what has been one of your moments of like, where you've you've really stepped into your greatness where like in the last little while, like maybe it's in your relationship or in your business? What's been a moment of greatness I'd love to. One of my biggest things is, is I have trouble celebrating myself. So I just want to get around man and celebrate like, can you tell me a moment of greatness in the last last little while, where you've just like, you've stepped the fuck up and you've nailed it. I'd love to hear Well,

Unknown: 1:17:21

honestly. I find it difficult to fault my fathering. Yeah, that's where my greatness has really emerged. That's where I have a level of fucking love affection, expression, playfulness, where we're normally I would just suppress all of this to be some sort of fucking tough guy and it's just I've just very intentionally chosen to be the man the father that I want to be and that I feel my kids deserve. And, and my devotion to that is ah, like I sleep that that has never kept me up at night. Put it that way. I how the love and the patience and the presence that I offer my kids, particularly my babies because I'm around them all day every day. I have 00 anxiety around that of like, Oh, could I have impacted them this way? So far? I'm sure I'm gonna fuck it up eventually. Right. But yeah, my feel. There's a lot of things. In my judgment. I could be doing way better in life. But I'm proud of the way i Father. Yeah, fuck and yeah, yeah, it's

Jacob O'Neill: 1:18:55

epic goosebumps to that man. You know, I can feel the there's a tough guy in me right now that wants to just be seen a certain way. And I think, well, I know fatherhood is going to crack me the fuck open. And I know that when you said expression. Man, I haven't really expressed myself much this last year in the way that I want to because I've been trying to fortify this leader that looks a certain way. And I can feel fatherhood is going to show me a part of myself that is just aching to be seen. And it sounds like you know when you say you, don't you your fatherhood cannot be questioned. I would fucking love a man that can stand in that because it sounds as though that no matter what comes for you, you will be able to prioritize the things that matter to you. And that's a fucking man to me, bro. So fuck, I love this conversation. But we had so much more than we wanted to talk about grief and all these other things, but man, it's been a fucking phenomenal chat and I just yeah, I really hope that men get to listen to this one. I know we have a lot of beautiful women listening so please share this with your partner and bro Where do people find you?

Unknown: 1:20:01

Probably two main places websites a good place with them. health.com Today, you know with the HH YT hm, Instagram,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:20:12

rhythm health, simple rhythm health, and I'm here bro. I just respect you deeply and you're a man that I not only can like stand alongside, but I also Yeah, you inspire me and I look up to you as a fucking father. Thank you so man, I'm, I'm so grateful. And I've learned a lot about myself from this conversation and bro, I feel like this is just the start of a deeper relationship that we're cultivating St.

Unknown: 1:20:36

man Yeah, thank you and certainly, you know, to offer my truth in as it relates to our relationship. I look up to you in so many ways. So so it is a it is a delight to you know, sit by with your brows and everyone who's watching and listening. Isn't that awesome? Yeah, I like to have friends. I have people who invest a portion of their day to tune into what we have to share. So always grateful for the community and the audience,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:21:09

our whole man on how to present thank you so much. Beautiful people. We will see you I will I will see you next week. If you check the show notes, all of next information will be there. And yeah, trust yourself. Trust in commitment, trust in the willingness of your heart and don't be afraid of depth. It's where all the gold is found. Big Love everyone puts. Yo yo yo, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of sex, love and everything in between. Now if you'd like to stay connected with Meghan IE, you can head on over to Instagram and follow me at the Jacob O'Neill and where can people find you lover?

Unknown: 1:21:47

At the.mag.oh? Amazing

Jacob O'Neill: 1:21:52

and yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all the information in regards to what we've got coming up. And yeah, we're super super grateful that you guys have taken the time to listen in to this podcast. If you do have any topics or any questions, like I said, hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do. Apart from that have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. Thanks for being here. Big Big Love.