Ep 53: Licking Pussy 101 with Eleanor Hadley

In this episode, certified sex educator Eleanor Hadley joins the podcast to reveal the secrets behind her popular course "Tongue Tactics." Together with Meg, they explore the importance of slowing down and savoring moments in sexual encounters, and share juicy details on how to raise your game when it comes to pleasuring and licking p*ssy.

Their discussion extends to crucial aspects such as safety, consent, and the art of communication in sexual relationships, fostering an environment where open dialogue thrives.

They also riff of on:

• Eleanor discusses her work as a certified sex educator, including her popular course "Tongue Tactics."
• Eleanor emphasizes the importance of slowing down and taking one's time during sexual encounters to ensure maximum pleasure for all parties involved.
• Meg emphasizes the importance of feeling someone's excitement and reverence when receiving oral sex, as it creates a sense of safety and openness to pleasure.
• Eleanor highlights the impact of societal shame and insecurity on women's ability to receive pleasure, and the importance of complimenting and validating their bodies.
• Vulva stimulation techniques: warming up the vulva before penetration to build pleasure and avoid jarring sensations.
• Different Oral techniques for enhanced pleasure.

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⚡️Let’s Stay Connected:  

IG: @the.meg.o @thejacoboneill @sexloveeverythinginbetween

⚡ Connect with Eleanor Hadley:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/eleanorhadley
Website: https://www.eleanorhadley.com/
Enroll in Tongue Tactics: https://www.eleanorhadley.com/tonguetactics

⚡ Want more? Here are some of the offerings & courses you can join us in…

The Desire Date: A sexy date night experience for couples ready to re-ignite passion & deepen intimacy. ---> https://bit.ly/49r28Zt

Ignite Your Intimacy: A 4 week course for couples ready for a sexier, wilder, more ALIVE relationship… NOW! ---> https://bit.ly/3R0ihxU

Jacob & Meg also coach individuals & couples. Reach out to them via Instagram for more information. 

Transcript

Meg O'Neill: 0:04

Hey beautiful humans, welcome to sex, love and everything in between.

Jacob O'Neill: 0:12

You're here with Jacob and my wife, Meg. And this

Meg O'Neill: 0:16

is the place where we have all the very, very real role and extremely unfiltered conversations about sex, love and everything in between.

Jacob O'Neill: 0:29

It's here you get a behind the scenes look into our relationship. And we will not be holding back well, we might have

Meg O'Neill: 0:36

no, you don't know how to do that. Not at all. So beautiful ones. Thank you for being here. Enjoy this episode. Welcome back, beautiful people. It is make here today but we do not have Jacob here in the state. We have our official second guest here. sex, love and everything in between. And I was just having a giggle with this guest right now about the first guest that we had on I met at a self pleasure circle. And this guest that we have today I also met whilst self flattering. Literally oh my gosh, Lola, I was sat beside inner self pleasure cycled through. And we were so beside each other is my cue. So I've decided the prerequisite for any guest on this show is they must have self pleasured right beside me right beside

Unknown: 1:31

you. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

Meg O'Neill: 1:36

That's actually a foreplay for the podcast. Yeah. And haven't been too

Unknown: 1:40

ugly. Exactly. warm us up. Yeah. familia. So

Meg O'Neill: 1:45

today, beautiful people. We have the amazing Eleanor Hadley. Welcome, welcome.

Unknown: 1:49

Thank you very much.

Meg O'Neill: 1:51

You are a certified sex educator. And you do a lot of fucking fun stuff in the world. I was just saying before, I love the way in which you really teach. It's with such like, like you said, accessibility and lightness and play and fun. And I just think this is a space that really needs that there's, you know, in terms of sexuality, there's there's such a depth we can go to and that's really important. But yeah, to keep things playful in line fun is also really fucking important for this space. So you are here before we I want to hear a bit more about you. But you are here today. And then in next week's episode, we're going to be talking today about leaking policy. And then also stuck in car next week. And you have a course called tongue taxi. Tongue tactics. Yes, I do. So do you want to tell us a bit about the work you do in the world? And maybe a bit about tongue tactics, too?

Unknown: 2:41

Yeah, absolutely. So super stoked to be here. So I'm a certified sex educator. And the work that I do is I do work with one on one clients, but I also create lots of different courses. In particular, my most popular by far is Tong tactics. So Tong tactics comes in two different versions, depending on who you want to look at or suck. And so we've got PC Pro, or BJ queen. And or the bundle you know, depending if you go both ways, or if you're on a couple, you can get both. And they're really sort of simple lessons very accessible, very, like easily digestible short lessons that just teach you exactly what you need to know to go down and to make your lover just melt with your mouth. And it's so much fun. I've had just the best feedback from this cause like it was so unexpected. I was just like, oh, yeah, cool. I've had some people ask me, you know, for some tips, so I'll just create a short course and just put it all together in one one little like bundle and then next minute I've had I've got about five at this current moment moment. 575 students and like it's It's madness. That's incredible. Yeah, it's really fun. Sorry, Legacy I've left.

Meg O'Neill: 4:05

What a fucking legacy. Today we're gonna start with people who want to be pushy pros. We're going to talk about looking busy. Yeah, you have some props. This is mainly going to be audio but for those who follow along on Instagram, there's going to be some visuals for you to to have a look at. We talk a lot about on this podcast, the energetics we spoken. There's actually and we're speaking about this would be a great for play episode for this particular episode. There's one called How to pleasure a woman which speaks very much about the difference between male and female arousal and really being able to honor that in you know, in a woman. So if you haven't already listened to that, go and listen to that, because that's going to be a beautiful kind of lovely little segue totally. But what would you say is the number one thing you feel like anyone who wants to look for see should now

Unknown: 4:57

take your fucking time slowly I mean, I think that's the that's the biggest thing you know, with with having sex with, with someone with a policy is so key, which is slow downs like it's not a race. And I know that often we're like, oh, we have to just quickly get there, like, just get it done. But the longer and slower and more intentional you are, the more reverent you are with the policy that is in front of you, like the more pleasure that that person is going to feel. And so don't race into it, treat it like this beautiful devotional practice, and it's going to be mind blowing.

Meg O'Neill: 5:41

I love that you use like, yeah, that energy of like reverence. Yeah, right. That's so fucking important. I think in any, anytime when meeting, our love is body. Like, that is such a felt experience when we can see when we can feel Alpina like revering our body, not just like trying to brush off of themselves to the goal. Yeah, I such a difference. Well, we

Unknown: 6:02

feel like we'll soften and we'll open up to pleasure more when we feel safe. And we know that this person is so excited to be there. And we're like, oh, wow, like they're really enjoying themselves. And they're honoring me. And they're telling me how beautiful my footsy is. And like, they just can't wait and the thing that I taste amazing, and they get to telling me all these things, like, I'm going to feel more open to pleasure, I'm going to feel safer. Yeah, like it's so important.

Meg O'Neill: 6:29

Because the amount of shame women feel around their vulva and internalized shame around the way it looks, smells, all of these different things, like you said, that creates such a contraction. And if we're not, if we're not feeling someone's excitement, or yet reverence when they do go down on us, yeah, we're going to, most likely, so many women just stay in their heads. And they can be, they can have some fun doing all the right tactics. But if they're not, if a woman's not open in that moment, or feeling relaxed and safe, they're not going to be able to receive that too.

Unknown: 6:58

And that's the thing, you know, like my courses called tongue tactics, but, and I teach a lot of tactics and like the very practical things, but I don't teach that until we've gone through all the energetics, like in your last episode, like, it's so important that we tick all these boxes first before you can like, take my box, you know what I mean? We want to take our time, and we want to feel safe. Because there is so much shame, especially for people with phobias, like, you know, we feel like we're meant to look a certain way. And the amount of students and clients that have come to me or people on Instagram have told me, I just don't feel comfortable with someone going down on me because I'm so worried that they'll, you know, not not like the look of it or not like the taste and the smell. And I feel like ashamed. And you know, we know that labia plasti is one of the fastest growing set plastic surgeries in the world. And that causes people to second guess and think, oh, maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I need to get fixed. And it's so ridiculous. And so I think that if you are someone who's going to go down on a policy, then you have to be so fucking complimentary. You know, they're going to experience so much more pleasure when they know that you're like, town's good.

Meg O'Neill: 8:13

Yeah, like The Hunger feeling someone's hunger. Oh, he's so fucking sexy English, like so. And not having to. Again, I think, you know, I work with a lot of women. And one of the biggest things I see is like, that prevents a woman from pleasure is when she's like, shoulders up in the bedroom. Yeah, exactly. And that can be a lot of insecurity. That can be a lot of second guessing. But being with a partner where you don't have to second guess like, are they do they think he had smells? It's like, yeah, just how simple some of this shit is to just be like, fuck, that's beautiful. Fuck. I love the taste of that. Like, it's so simple,

Unknown: 8:51

but oh my god, you're slow to be there. Yeah. Is

Meg O'Neill: 8:55

this safe? Safety, like safety is fucking everything. Right?

Unknown: 8:58

Everything. Yeah. So that's like, that's always the key, you know, slow down, make your partner feel safe. And then, you know, they're gonna open up so much more. And then you can have fun with all the little tips and tricks with your tongue, you know, your fingers.

Meg O'Neill: 9:14

Okay, well, let's come into tips tricks with tongs and fingers. Tell us give us all the tactics.

Unknown: 9:21

I guess. So there's a lot, but maybe just your favorite my favorites. So okay, so I always like to say, you know, a lot of the time we've we've had experiences we've all had that experience where someone just like kind of like puts their hands down your pants and just like starts rubbing away. You're like, Jesus. I'm not ready. Please, hold us back down. Or they start trying to like DJ, they quit and you're just like, you know, DJ clear?

Meg O'Neill: 9:49

Oh my gosh. Yeah, you know? Yeah, I get

Unknown: 9:55

it. I need you to just calm down. There's a time and a place. But it's not me. immediately. So take your time. So when I sort of teach the actual tongue tactics, it's really important to not go straight into like the pointy tongue. But instead start with like the broad and the soft and the slow sort of strokes. So even before that, actually, I would say, you know, let's sort of just imagine that we've listened to that part of that previous episode of yours. And we've taken all that into account, all the energetics, we've made them feel really, really safe. We've sort of seduced their whole body and you know, we've gone through like the Gates of pleasure, and we've kind of like come from the outside in, and then we're finally at the plus, we haven't gone straight there. We haven't just like, Oh, little like makeout session, boom, there I am. Fingers in No, goodness, just enough. We take our time. So imagine we've done all that. And then we'd actually like to start more like with a hand sort of on the vulva. Like a little cutting motion.

Meg O'Neill: 10:58

I love that. Oh, that gets me off. So copying and then just like circling off the copying. Yes. Yeah.

Unknown: 11:07

Almost like it to me. It feels like like, my entire awareness has gone from like out here and it's gone. And I'm like, it's quite a

Meg O'Neill: 11:17

grounding feeling to I almost feel like any Yeah, like you said, any kind of energy out. It's almost just like, It guides my attention to policy to be like, Okay, I agree that this is where my, where my energy and attention is. Oh, yeah, so

Unknown: 11:31

delish. Okay, so I'm gonna, I'm going to bring out my props. Okay, go for I have several props. Okay, so this is Vivian. Vivian the Volvo love that Yeah. So we could imagine just like a little like copy motion over, like over the labia over the clip, and just sort of like holding, I'm going to bring out another one as well. This is my newest prop, which I'll get into a little bit more detail later. I haven't got a name yet though. So that still needs that's in the works. But alas, I'm going to do this on the camera. Okay, beautiful.

Meg O'Neill: 12:04

If you're listening to this episode, you're going to have to go and find a way to do is I'll put the video in the show notes only show this video access. So

Unknown: 12:12

with the copying, like I love that sort of just like over I love the, the sort of heel of the palm over the clip just right on top of the months even. And just like holding here, the fingers can kind of go over the vaginal entry as well. And it's just like, just take a moment to sort of like breathe just like hold here. Obviously, you can do it the other way. Depending on like the situation if you're like, laying in between your head is in relation to everything. But just holding, that's just a beautiful place to sort of start and to kind of bring that presence and it's almost like this energetic bookend beginning. And I'm about to worship your policy

Meg O'Neill: 12:58

that did something to my body. A little tingles. But that like, again, that sense of safety and that when not rushing. Something we speak about a lot here on the podcast is like, you know, and a lot of the time we're speaking to men and women and heterosexual relationships. And there can be this tendency of men to project urgency onto women. And that is one of the deepest gifts you can offer a woman is to not project any sense of urgency and give her body the gift of just unfolding in its own time. Yeah, and so that of like, you know, I'm, I'm not, I'm not rushing to get anywhere, I'll take a breath and I'll place my hand over your vulva. Now breathe that, like

Unknown: 13:44

oh, so nice. And I really love that. You refer to it as that, like, projection of urgency, because so many women will feel like, I need to hurry up, I'm going I'm taking too long, and they're not going to be aroused. And often what we do as women is we, we outsource our pleasure, we also assume that their pleasure is more important than ours, because society tells us that their pleasure is more important than ours, and that we exist for their pleasure only. Yeah, and so if you're with someone with a policy and you want to help them feel really, really safe, and to open up to pleasure and prioritize their pleasure instead of like your own, like this is such a powerful practice because you can allow and even like, verbally like actually telling them there's no rush I've got you I'm gonna take as long as you like yeah, yes, you know, they just telling them because otherwise they might be up in their heads. They could be thinking Fuck, I'm not coming fast enough or this might not work or Or what if, like, what if I'm not quick enough, like, they might be in their head even though you're trying to do all the right things. So like, use your voice, tell them like I can't wait to worship you. Your physique is so beautiful. I Like, I'm so excited to give you as much pleasure as you'd like, tell me exactly what you want, you know, that will do things. So it really,

Meg O'Neill: 15:09

really does. Yeah. And not assuming that she already knows that. Yeah, I think even even I've been with my husband for like, almost 10 years. And there are still very much in the early stages of our relationship I used to get into my head around, especially on taking too long. And it only came up the other day for the first time and such a fucking long time. And I expressed I did express it into the space and he was able to, you know, put a hand on my heart and be like, you know, we're here for as long as you need like, I'm I'm not rushing, we'll take it as slow as you need. And, but just not assuming that she gets that like that verbal affirmation is so important. Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown: 15:53

So we would sort of, you know, you can start with that kind of thing. And then when we're talking about the tongue, actual tongue tactics. Like I said before, I like to start with like a broad tongue first. And so this is less about the like, using the muscles, because as soon as you sort of try to get your tongue muscles in bold, it's going to go pointy. And so there's a difference between that like, broad, flat sort of stroke. And we can start with that, that's kind of like warming us up. It's like preheating the oven, if you will. And so we want to take our time to kind of like gently, gently sort of stroke our tongue all the way up from the vaginal entry from the bottom, all the way up to the top, I think the tendency can be to think, oh, clip, I've been told that the clit is the most important thing. And, you know, there's all these jokes and memes that men can't find the clip. And so I'm gonna find it, I'm gonna find it straight away,

Meg O'Neill: 16:51

I'm gonna show what a man is.

Unknown: 16:54

Like, wow, yes, the clip is important, we will not forget about her. But we also want to, like warm everything up, because there's so many nerve endings and the entire vulva, there's a lot more in the clip. So we're never going to forget her. But we want to warm it all up. And I like to think about this sort of idea of kind of inviting our partner or working to a point where our partner is practically begging for us to be inside. They're like, Oh, my God, like, I just need you in me now. Like, we want to get to that point. And if you try to do that, too soon, it's gonna feel a little bit jarring. And it won't be anywhere near as pleasurable. And so you're kind of building up this pressure this T's your, you know, you're allowing that blood to flow to the vestibular valves to all the places that it needs to in the vulva. And building up that pleasure, to the point where they're like, Oh, my God, I could not fucking last another second without you inside me. Like, practically begging, please, for the love of God. That's what we want to get to. And if you rush that process, you're essentially just sort of dialing down the level of pleasure potential. Right? Totally.

Meg O'Neill: 18:15

And a lot of women don't even know that experience getting to that stage of like, oh, I need you inside of me exempt. That's a lot of why women aren't having, you know, satisfying sex or struggling with orgasm. Yeah, that not allowing for that preheating of the oven. Yeah,

Unknown: 18:31

exactly. And so like, if anyone's listening to like, I've never like craved a dick in me. I mean, maybe. Maybe that's why listening. Maybe you want to be offensive, because you got to push yourself. But for people who have that experience, like it's so, so helpful, to take your time, to the point where you're like, oh my god, I'm actually craving this. And if you are the person who's providing someone with pleasure, you have a lot of power there. And you can like make them like, select a little bit and be like, I'm gonna heat the fuck out of you. I'm gonna build that pleasure up until you're like about to explode. And then we're gonna keep riding those waves. Really amazing. Like, how fun to be able to gift that level of pleasure to someone it's a little a little hot in here a little cold. Okay, so the broad strokes, right? So

Meg O'Neill: 19:37

it's almost like even with the hand but more what I like to think is like, greatest surface area to begin with, like, even with the tongue when you were saying not pointy. Like, it's like, the wide set like yes, surface area of your, of your tongue. Exactly.

Unknown: 19:50

Yeah, we want to sort of use that. To say that the broad strokes are more like a head movement. As soon as you start to engage the muscles with The tongue that's when it's gonna go pointy. So it's more like this big lick actually, you know what I have, I have more props.

Meg O'Neill: 20:05

Oh my God bring them you brought lollipops we're gonna have to put this full episode up this will be just like putting the full episode out because he needs the visual.

Unknown: 20:21

We need the visuals. Okay, so now I can't really talk at the same time as as licking. But I will do my darndest. Okay, so like a broad stroke. So you know how you're, you're licking up and you're moving your head. As opposed to your heart, yes, because if you if you engage the muscles of your tongue, that's when it's pointy. So we want to take our time to do those nice big, long, broad strokes. So that we build that pleasure up. And kind of you're also like creating a natural lubricant, as well as like you're looping all all of us up right from the bottom from the base of the vaginal canal, all the way up towards the clip, then you can start getting a little bit more adventurous with your, your tongue. And I like to think about, you know, starting off with the lick the nice long lick like a lollipop, all the way up. And then we work into kissing and then sucking. And then we can do like flicking and all of these things. So, we'll go into more of like a kiss. And I like to think of making out with the vulva. Almost like making out with a clip as well. So you're just sort of think of the same tactic that you would with like making out with a normal mouth, right? Little French kiss moment. And so you can go to the clear, and you can do like a little bit of a suck moment.

Meg O'Neill: 21:53

I really love that. That's one of my favorites. It's really nice. And there's so many different spoken about it enough a really little suck will be loved a little sad. Yeah. Loved a little suck. I think because it's called licking pussy. Yeah. So often people then they just they they don't have a full range of tactics. It's literally just like you said, the pointing like, yeah,

Unknown: 22:17

that's the thing. I think that a lot of people I know that in my experience. I've been like, low. Like, I want to kind of pull away if they go straight to like the like, just like, pointy tongue. Yeah, it

Meg O'Neill: 22:28

feels abrasive. Yeah,

Unknown: 22:30

like She's sensitive. Yeah. And I also like for people who have penises, right? I like to use the, the analogy of Imagine if we're only focusing on your frenulum. And we're aggressively just going like, like just the tip of our tongue. And just like little sorry about the sound effects awful.

Meg O'Neill: 22:54

I love if people aren't seeing the video.

Unknown: 22:58

So good. Sounds hideous. But it's, it's a bit too much. And if I'm only there, if I'm only on your friendly limb,

Meg O'Neill: 23:06

and describe for those who don't know where to find him is great, you can raise the question.

Unknown: 23:11

So the frenulum is essentially that kind of like seam of the tip of the penis. So it's the underside seam. Right at the very, very tip. And it's incredibly sensitive. Yeah, it's akin to the sensitivity of our clip, not in terms of the number of nerve endings. Ours is one way or sensitive. But that can be really intense for someone. If you're just focusing only there, you'll probably notice that your partner's like, Oh, Jesus, like enough. Yeah. Like you need to, you need to mix it up. And so same thing with aglet. If you're only going pointy tongue, and just like side to side, side to side, up and down, up and down, and up and down. And just expecting that to be it. Like, yes, nice, feels, feels nice. And it's a lot of sensation. But the rest of my posse is like about me.

Meg O'Neill: 24:06

Me, it isn't.

Unknown: 24:12

So, I would suggest lots of different things. And when I say lots of different things, I don't mean, go ham and go.

Meg O'Neill: 24:23

Like, you know, just what's still going slowly still taking our time. Yeah,

Unknown: 24:27

but we've got a different sort of tactics that we can try. Which I also

Meg O'Neill: 24:31

think back to when you were talking about teasing is that's one of my favorite feelings when I don't know what's coming next. And that really invites me into the depth of surrender in a really beautiful way where if you just like, they're just gonna do the back and forth for the next 10 minutes or however long that's like you have so much space to go back into your head. When there is such a range. There's like, oh, there's such an invitation to be in your body. That's definitely

Unknown: 24:59

and I think there's there's is a real fun line here and balance that needs to be taken into account. And communication is like the first thing that's going to get you there. Because some people will be like, if you're doing the same thing the entire time, I'm gonna get bored. Whereas someone else will be like, if you change it up too much I keep missing, like the bait drop. Totally. Yeah, yeah. So I think there's a nice balance that we can have here where we're taking our time were like, really getting into certain moves, and then moving on, like paying attention to the nonverbal cues. And then we're moving on to something else and taking our time there and then trying something else, and maybe coming back, but not kind of going. Okay, I've got six moves, I think about 112123456.

Meg O'Neill: 25:49

And I'm sure we talked about this a lot here like attunement, and that like what you said, it's like attuning to the nonverbal cues. And like, Oh, I'm sure you speak about this, like these, the tactics have to be in combination to attuning to the person's body that's right there in front of you. Absolutely.

Unknown: 26:06

Because like, I could tell you, Okay, here's a whole bunch of things. And this is like the map that works for me. And then if they try it on you, you'll be like that, you know, so it's never going to be just like a template. When we go on to the BJ Queen episode, look, I do have a magic sequence. It's got a 99%

Meg O'Neill: 26:30

success rating. To try this,

Unknown: 26:32

we are a little bit more complicated. So okay, we've got broad strokes, which we love the sack as well. So there's a few different ways that we can do the sack. So just kind of creating almost this little vacuum seal around the clip. And sucking, just real simple, amazing. We can also do like a suck and lick at the same time. So you've kind of created that little like vacuum around, you're sucking. And then your tongue kind of comes in and like very hard for me to demonstrate. But I can feel it when I yeah, you're sucking and licking, everyone needs to have

Meg O'Neill: 27:09

a lollipop handy to this episode as well. Yeah.

Unknown: 27:14

So we've got the lick anosike A little like sort of vortex moment, you're kind of creating that, that suction. And then, of course, you've got the flick, right. So you can flick side to side, you can flick up and down, also in a circle. So creating that like around, the click can be really, really lovely. What I like about the circle is blending it with a broad stroke. So lit up from the bottom, yes, on the like the base of the vaginal entry, like all the way up over the lips, and then around you kind of create like a little, little roundabout, if you will. So we go around, and then we can kind of come back down. Or maybe you kind of go up and then around Lake and then sack and then back down. Yeah, like up around sack kiss backed up, you know, it creates like a little bit of movement and sort of like energy flow as well. And it's a really nice pattern, as well. And I think that creating this pattern can allow your partner to kind of soften and breathe into him. If it's a bit too sporadic. It can be a bit jarring. Yeah, so creating some sort of pattern. And the pattern could just be up and down, and up and down strokes for like, say 10. Right, I'm not gonna give you exact template, but like, say you do 10 strokes. And then you're like, okay, cool. Now I'm going to do 10 strokes with a circle, and a lick, 10 strokes circle and a lick. And then I'm gonna do like, another 10 of like sucking and then two little flicks in between, or like, you create some kind of pattern. And that can help your partner to just get into the flow. Yeah, and not be like shitless ship or what's coming. Yeah, I'm not sure. But you're still changing up enough that it's interesting. You know, love that. And you can tune in as well because you might feel your partner kind of close their legs or they're like, like, or pull away because they don't like that particular one. Yes. And then he asked them you're like, oh, software and they're like, yes, I've got you. Yeah, yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 29:36

Okay, love that. Yeah. Okay. You spoke of fingers earlier.

Unknown: 29:41

Okay, you know, but the, the I love to

Meg O'Neill: 29:43

Yeah, thank you for the Oh, you're welcome.

Unknown: 29:47

My pleasure. Okay, so fingers very contentious issue. So, which fingers do you prefer to use on yourself?

Meg O'Neill: 29:57

The middle and

Unknown: 29:59

therapy My fingers good. Yeah. Peace. See, I'm like spider man hands. Yeah. You're like, Wait a second.

Meg O'Neill: 30:08

Anything just you can sometimes just use one. And I think it would be Yeah, it's either my point or my middle. Okay, cool.

Unknown: 30:15

Awesome. So whatever you choose is up to you. Yeah, there's no right or wrong. So benefits of each. So the piece fingers, right pointer and middle. Great for dexterity. Yes, you can kind of you can reach and you can kind of like, I don't want to say dig, because, yeah, but you can kind of stimulate a little bit more with those fingers because you really get that come hover movement. And they have a little bit more like dexterity, because they can move a lot easier than the other two. Yeah. However, the reason that I like spider man hands or bowling ball fingers,

Meg O'Neill: 30:57

I feel like I've never used this.

Unknown: 31:00

Exactly. Sometimes you're like, how do I feel you I feel you definitely gotta give it. So my, my thinking behind it is that what happens is when you use these two fingers internally, it creates a frame with the pointer and the pinky. So they essentially will massage the labia. So I'll show you on Vivian. So I'm going to go in. And this is like, so if I was doing on myself, I'd be going this way. Right. So those fingers are inside, they get to, you know, work their magic on the G spot. We'll talk about that in a moment. But then these two fingers act as a frame so they can almost like massage and just sort of like hold space. And it doesn't so loop but like they're they're like they're they're holding the external part of the labia and placing pressure down. And if we know our pleasure anatomy, we know that the clit is behind, like the entire structure of the clip, not just the head. Yeah, which is the top, we all know that. It's underneath the labia. And so you're getting that extra stimulation. And when you're sort of like working, doing your magic, you're getting a massage outside and inside, totally

Meg O'Neill: 32:18

fun. All of it and then the workout or whatever you call it, the heel of the hand out the promo based on on the time the clip. Yeah,

Unknown: 32:27

exactly. It's such a good time.

Meg O'Neill: 32:30

Okay, sold, you've sold me,

Unknown: 32:34

then if we were to think with a partner as well, so like, you know, you could do that on a partner. Or you could sort of be under this way. So this is very much for the people who are watching, I'm so sorry, I'm gonna try and explain it though. But if we're, if we're doing this to ourselves, we've got the heel of the palm on over the clit, we've got those two SpiderMan fingers, middle and the ring finger inside, and then we've got the pointer and the pinkie on the outside. And they're sort of creating that frame. Whereas if I'm doing this on a partner, what I can do is I can come from below, and those two fingers will insert, and I'm still creating a frame, but this time my frame is kind of from under and going up from the bottom. And that allows the thumb to then come here onto the clip. Yes, so and then, you know, the other hand might be, you know, squeezing a nip might be kind of on the minds pushing down on the lower belly, which can feel really nice. Doing whatever it wants to do. But we've got a lot of things going on oral so this, this one is in in as well. So would you

Meg O'Neill: 33:41

say that something that a lot of people don't practice or that's what what a lot of your work is teaching when you're teaching the tactics. It's almost to like, play with more instead of just like, focus, the clip and this one movement. It's almost like expanding the range and I find my own body like yeah, when it's when it is like when my partner is like sucking my nipples or touching lots of different parts of me and then yeah, especially I think this is so important for women that struggle to be in their body. Yeah, it's that art. Okay, I've got more, more invitations into my body and again, not from this place of like touching. But like this slow, intentional touch. I think it's such an invitation into the body, which is one of the biggest things that a lot of people struggle with. If they're struggling with orgasm uploader.

Unknown: 34:30

1,000% and they think that the power of blended orgasms cannot go on notice because yes, tele is toma TOEFL. So blended orgasms are all about stimulating multiple erogenous zones at the same time. And so, you know, super popular one is the Clinton in the J spot. It's like a little screenshot like boom, those two at the same time. It's delightful, right? As soon as you add the clip on to the G spot stimulation, you're like, oh, wow, like that really enhances ever thing for people who like nipple play just like adding in like a little sock or a squeeze of the nipple, at the same time as going down on the partner like that just it elevates the pleasure, totally. And so I really, really, I'm such a big advocate for blended orgasms, because it's basically just adding to the amount of pleasure that you that you have available to you. And so, think about what your erogenous zones are. We've got like, you know, our stock standard ones, but you might be like, Oh my God, my inner elbow, when you lick that fucking takes me to heaven, like, whatever it is for you sucking toes, like nibbling the ER, like, whatever it is, that just enhances pleasure, find that and it might be different each time. And the thing is with our body, because we have so many nerve endings everywhere, and with more presence, and with more time and more intention, we can bring this orgasmic sense to almost everywhere. And like, you know, I talked about the, the inner elbow, and it sounds ridiculous, but that's, I say that because I've heard that before. Like, I've had an experience where I was like having some amazing sex and then suddenly my lover licked my inner elbow and I was like, Jesus Christ, I'm gone. And it can just be the simplest thing but it's like that adds as soon as you touch me there or you touch me somewhere else while all this other stuff is going on. Oh my god,

Meg O'Neill: 36:29

like amplifies it amplifies it. I realized recently underarm for me looking like having my underarm like don't just like the outside. Yeah, like, oh, yeah, I never knew those. So yeah, it's hurdle total elevation. Yeah. Yes. And I feel like blended pleasure is also so important for anyone, you know, I have a lot of women coming to me wanting to have internal orgasms, or different orgasms. And that's such an important tool for actually, you know, stepping into our orgasmic potential. It's not just like, Okay, I'm not going to touch my clit. And I'm gonna go, it's like, no, this is the working together, and you can begin to open to deeper levels of pleasure or re sensitize, re sensitize different parts, when we're learning to blend Absolutely,

Unknown: 37:14

and like with our like genitalia, as well, like, there's so much innovation. So there's lots of nerves that are like, kind of talking to one another and connected to different parts of our body, and different parts of our genitals as well. So that's why I get enhanced. So you know, if you're having anal sex, and then you stimulate the clit at the same time, like they have a nerve that connects one another. And so it's like, boom, like, you're gonna feel it, you're gonna feel that like throbbing that like ache. And so that's why it's so nice to to blend things because they are already connected. And they're kind of like begging to be

Meg O'Neill: 37:49

like, please, such bodies like an orchestra and you're just like, yeah, learning to play all the instruments together. And I think that is probably for someone pleasuring a pussy, like learning that it's like you learning to play all the different instruments and not just like, go for the one thing exactly,

Unknown: 38:08

like stop just like hitting the triangle

Meg O'Neill: 38:21

I'm not sure. What else do we need to know? Or Yeah, what else do people need to know about looking pussy pleasuring a pussy? Sorry,

Unknown: 38:30

I want to go back to fingering, right. So there's two different options. I mean, any options, you can do whatever you like, but I prefer those fingers. But you can still use your pointer and your middle as well. But I want to talk about the technique. Because what I find a lot of the time, especially with men is they see fingering as a sort of placeholder for fucking Yeah. And it's like, Oh, I'm gonna use my fingers, like. And they're like, oh, so what do I do with my coffee? I go in and out and in anatomy in and out. Yeah. And you're like, Jesus, that's not exactly what I'm after. Yeah, I would really like my day spot to be stimulated, or I wanted to be more gentle. And so there's absolutely a time and a place for like the in and out and some people love that. But I think remembering that fingering can be an art in itself. And it's not just let's use it the same way as I use my clock. Let's use it differently because my clock can't come by I can't control the curvature. Happiness, you know, maybe you could have left maybe you could have right maybe you don't at all. Yeah, but you can control that like you can with your fingers. You got so much more dexterity. And so there's a lot of potential to find different spots inside the vaginal canal as well. You can find the g spot the a spot of the case what the P is what you can find all these different spots that make your mother Your oh my god, Ah ha, melt. Let's just not not go there I've ever made Oh, make your lover melt with your fingers nobody else

Meg O'Neill: 40:23

got in Craig's chair

Unknown: 40:39

not to kink shame, no, no, look, you do consent and all that. Moving right fingers and things want you to think about the different things that you can do with your fingers and how you can stimulate different areas and get creative, you know, don't just think it's got to be in and out. And I'm just trying to do that same jackhammer motion because the thing is the jackhammer motion doesn't tend to do a lot. For us, we need that clip simulation, and we need certain zones actually stimulated and like a little bit of pressure, rather than just in and out. Because the thing about the vaginal canal, which is quite interesting is that it's actually not as innervated as the clip. And as other areas of our body. It has a lot of nerve endings, of course, but it doesn't have as many and it's quite a like biological. But like by design. So we all have heard that childbirth is rather painful. We know this, if if our vaginal canal had as many nerve endings as the clear, like would not be possible. It's too too much painful. Yeah. And so that's part of the reason that's not to take away from the fact that childbirth is what it is. But it's just like, there's, there's not as many things in there. And so just a simple in and out motion is not going to stimulate very much, unless we're simulating other things at the same time. So we need that clip simulation, we need like maybe hitting the cervix, if that feels good for someone, sometimes it can feel a bit painful, we need the g spot. And so there's certain positions, of course that we all know like that will hit different spots and feel better for you. And so when you're fingering, think about especially that come have emotion, which is really, really nice. Um, you can also do this is why the different fingers are actually really good, because for your piece fingers, that kind of that can work a lot better for that come hear that because you have a bit more dexterity. Yeah. You

Meg O'Neill: 42:57

see, it's like, if you were saying to someone, like come up with your piece fingers, like you're pointing and then like, yelling them back, exactly,

Unknown: 43:05

I getting that like, sort of motion, yes. And such as well loves Yeah, and just kind of like massaging and you know, everyone will feel different. So you might sort of just do little circles on the G spot as well, you might sort of gently do that come here, but the fingers can get tired. And so sometimes instead of getting the fingers to do all the work, you might actually just sort of pull forward. And so you're almost like getting your shoulder and your elbow to do the work. Yeah, and so

Meg O'Neill: 43:33

pretty easy.

Unknown: 43:34

They do they get real tired, especially like if you're doing like the spider man hands, that can get a bit hard to like really get into the come hover. But if you're allowing yourself to do that tug, just placing that pressure and moving from your elbow and from your shoulder that can really, really help to get the stimulation that that your partner needs. And that's especially helpful for like squirting and things like that. So don't rely on just like I have to just kind of do this digging motion, or I have to go in and out only and get tired or that you're just not feeling as great. Think about different ways that you can move and then also move around vaginal canal so you might actually sort of sweep around to the side or like go down and place that pressure on the opposite side the back wall of the vaginal canal and press down that can be really really pleasurable as well because that's kind of going towards the perineum way way more interesting than just an in and out

Meg O'Neill: 44:39

completely. I'm trying to think if there's anything else I want to ask before we close up any other tactics you feel that are incredibly important to to bring people? Um,

Unknown: 44:56

I would say like going back to that sort of idea of the energetic bookends. So we've sort of started with that poem over the copying motion. I also think that's a really, really wonderful way to end. So she made her partner calm. Or if you're about to sort of move on, maybe you're going to continue on to different styles of sex. But even just sort of, you know, pulling out, maybe you've had your fingers inside for a while pulling out or maybe they've just come and they've just had a big orgasm, but finishing with a nice like hand over. It's kind of like, Ah, yes, yeah, sealed. It's lovely.

Meg O'Neill: 45:36

I love that to my, my husband will often do like, like the cupping, but then a hand on the heart as well. And I love that, just like that. I think that grounding and that, like sense of completion is really beautiful, too. Yeah, absolutely. And

Unknown: 45:49

then like a little kiss, yes.

Meg O'Neill: 45:52

Anything you would bring, I want to circle back just a little bit to if you feel someone is looking at oC pleasuring and pissy, and they can tell that person is maybe struggling or in their head? Or maybe what would you suggest in those kinds of moments? In

Unknown: 46:10

those moments, I would, I probably, like, come back up and like, kiss them. And like, look them in their eyes and ask like, how are you feeling? What can I do to pleasure you, I really want to bring you as much pleasure as possible. I'm here. That sense of pleasure and presence, I think is very important. If they're in their head, just switching up your movements and things like that isn't going to quite do it, because they'll stay in their head. So you need to get them out. And so I would sort of take several steps back. Yes. Agreed. You know, we take our time to work from the outside in. And if you get bear too soon, and you think that they're still in their head, then go back? Yeah, what can I do, ma'am? I'm going to massage the rest of her body, maybe I'm going to like, like her nipples for a while. Maybe I'm going to like make out with her even more, and make her feel softer and safer and more open. Yes. You know, it's not about adding it's kind of about taking away going back a step. I agree.

Meg O'Neill: 47:14

And I think so many I work with so many women that don't even realize that they are allowed to advocate for themselves in that moment. It's almost like arbit my partner is already there. And it's like, just like teaching a woman that she can use her voice in those moments. And not yet. Oh, like, Can you can you you know, massage my breasts again? Or can we make out for a little longer and that can be instead of almost just like lying there? You know?

Unknown: 47:41

Yeah, I mean, like,

Meg O'Neill: 47:42

just like, let's just wait till this is over. I'll fake a fucking orgasm, but actually learning to advocate for yourself so you can actually experience the pleasure you desire.

Unknown: 47:53

Yeah. 1,000%

Meg O'Neill: 47:56

Well, this is fucking fun. Yeah, educational lots of giggles it'll slip out anything you want to leave everyone with before we see them next week for BJ queen?

Unknown: 48:12

Well, if you're gonna get down on a pissy Slow the fuck down.

Meg O'Neill: 48:17

worship? Worship? Yes. So much reverence for policy. Lots of verbal affirmations? Absolutely. And if and when the beautiful people listening want to dive deeper with you? Where can they go and get tongue tactics for more? How do they find you?

Unknown: 48:34

So you can find me over on Instagram and Eleanor Hadley? My website is Eleanor hadley.com. And you can find all of my classes there as well. Awesome.

Meg O'Neill: 48:42

We'll put everything in the show notes as well. Thanks for being here. Beautiful people. We'll see you next week.

Jacob O'Neill: 48:51

Yo, yo, yo, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Sex love and everything in between. Now if you'd like to stay connected with Megan, I You can head on over to Instagram and follow me at the Jacob O'Neill and where can people find you lover

Meg O'Neill: 49:06

at the dot mag dot o amazing

Jacob O'Neill: 49:11

and yeah, guys, check out the show notes for all other information in regards to what we've got coming up. And yeah, we're super super grateful that you guys for taking the time to listen in to this podcast. If you do have any topics or any questions, like I said, hit us up on Instagram and we'll see what we can do. Apart from that have a beautiful, beautiful rest of your day. Thanks for being here. Big Love