Ep 47: Mismatched Libidos, Mutual Masturbation & More

One of the biggest challenges inside longterm partnerships… ‘Mismatched libidos’. When one partner feels like they could have sex ALL THE TIME! And the other… well, feels like sex is a bit of a chore. 

Meg & Jacob dive deep into how to navigate differing sex drives in relationship & why it can actually be a portal to deeper intimacy & connection. 

In this episode we explore… 

• How health & hormones directly affects libido 
• Why Meg doesn’t like the term ‘mismatched libidos’ 
• The common pattern of ‘shaming’ our partner for their high/ low libido 
• The power of curiosity when navigating differing sexual desire 
• The truth about a woman’s libido & desire 
• How lack of safety & attunement locks up a woman’s libido & desire 
• Men - Are you creating a safe environment for her to tap into her sexual desire? 
• How taking sex off the table can lead to MORE SEX!!! 
• The first time Meg & Jacob mutually masturbated 

 And much, much more! 

Sign up for Ignite your Intimacy: https://bit.ly/3R0ihxU

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Meg O'Neill: 0:02

recording in progress recording and progress

Jacob O'Neill: 0:15

recorded on three different fun things. Things audio recording,

Meg O'Neill: 0:20

I might just put my phone on Do Not Disturb

Unknown: 0:32

Do Not Disturb as well

Jacob O'Neill: 0:44

how's your mic? As you make me make his good little Mickey along.

Meg O'Neill: 0:51

Okay, let me just swallow,

Jacob O'Neill: 0:54

spit or swallow? Definitely you ready?

Meg O'Neill: 1:08

Yeah, just let me know if my pops out. Okay, I'll do that. Alright, enjoy it. Okay, both. Okay,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:17

in three. You're in trowing okay, you're leading us in 321

Meg O'Neill: 1:27

Hi beautiful humans. Yo, yo, yo, I want to name to call our community. Yeah, yeah. sex, love and everything in between, in between, in between.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:40

That's already taken.

Meg O'Neill: 1:42

Okay, if anyone's got any fun ideas for the name of our podcast community,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:46

you're really into naming things at the moment. It would just be like,

Meg O'Neill: 1:49

how fun to have a name like hey, yeah, I want to I want you guys to feel seen by me. Do

Jacob O'Neill: 1:57

you wanna call them lovers? Or is that a bit too?

Meg O'Neill: 2:00

That can be cool. Hey, lovers, welcome back. Yeah, and I'll totally change my voice.

Jacob O'Neill: 2:06

You could do that. Hi, lovers.

Meg O'Neill: 2:08

I like that. Okay, okay.

Jacob O'Neill: 2:10

We're asking you shall receive um,

Meg O'Neill: 2:13

I put a poll on Instagram. You guys love a good poll. Whenever I put polls up people just fucking love and people come out of the woodworks to do a poll. Are you like that as an Instagram consumer as well?

Jacob O'Neill: 2:23

Not really no more just scroll reels until my eyeballs sting. Oak better get back to work that's mean detox Jacob dopamine detox. I do. I do a dopamine dopamine talks talks. Yeah. I load up a dopamine load. But nonetheless, let's let's get on with it lovers. Let's do this podcast lover and lovers, Laura

Meg O'Neill: 2:57

and lovers. Love it. How polyamorous we're here with our many lovers. Yes.

Jacob O'Neill: 3:02

Okay, on a hot.

Meg O'Neill: 3:04

We spend an hour every week with multiple lovers.

Jacob O'Neill: 3:10

Oh, yeah, Jacob's

Meg O'Neill: 3:12

giving you guys some dark chocolate ASMR

Jacob O'Neill: 3:16

it's an aphrodisiac. Is it? I think it is. Yeah. It's good for libido. Okay, I'm having dark chocolate oysters.

Meg O'Neill: 3:29

Oh, um, if anyone's on the Gold Coast at Zoo at mermaid best freakin oysters ever.

Jacob O'Neill: 3:37

Hands down.

Meg O'Neill: 3:38

Ever.

Jacob O'Neill: 3:39

I haven't had them but you rave about them. We had them together that time. I thought you're talking about um, where you went on the weekend? No, no, no. So yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 3:51

So that place is epic. Anyway, we are here

Jacob O'Neill: 3:58

to talk about

Meg O'Neill: 4:00

come out of mind blank. We asked you or I asked you on Instagram recently what your biggest relationship challenge is. And it was like a tie for the top two themes that arose one was communication and the other one was libido. So we're gonna dive into a conversation around libido today specifically what we're going to call but then also, very quickly, not call mismatched libido. So many of you wrote in and you DM me but then you also answered the question box expressing that your biggest challenge was this feeling of your libido and your partner's libido not being matched up like either your partner has a much bigger libido than yours. He wants a lot more sex than you or your libido is a lot higher and feeling a lot of tension feeling a lot of discomfort. Feeling a lot of what I see when people bring this conversation forth and yeah, what I see with clients is a lot of women feeling and men to women feeling like broken or that something's wrong with them something's wrong with their body or something's wrong with them because they're not feeling hot, like their libido is high or that they're, they're highly erotically charged or want to be having a lot of sex. And they Yeah, they feel wrong or broken because of that.

Jacob O'Neill: 5:23

Yeah, I have found from, like, the men that I've worked with, and their perspective in relationship is that sometimes their, their desire for sex can be a burden. So hey, it's like, almost like it's a favor that the woman has to do for them at times. And they feel like oh, like, they feel as though like, it's a burden to my partner, so I feel wrong for having to bring it to her. And this can then lead down the shame path of like, lots of men becoming porn addicts, and finding a way to have that need met outside of their relationship. So I think this is a really important topic. And I think this is so much more than just miss. I think mismatched libidos is kind of like the surface level issue. Yeah. And there's like a whole there's a whole depth of conversation that we can have about this, which I'm, I'm really excited about.

Meg O'Neill: 6:10

Yeah, me too.

Jacob O'Neill: 6:12

I'm happy to be here today. Thanks for having me on. Meg. I really meant radio show. There's, it's great to be here in the podcast room with you today. Seven, nine years. Okay.

Meg O'Neill: 6:24

I think I want to start the conversation by saying that yeah, this is a huge fucking topic. And there's many angles in which we can look at libido like those libido from a health perspective, and like a physiological perspective. And that's, that's huge. Right? If you are not like, libido can often be a result of vitality. Yes. Right. And if you are not getting enough sleep, if you are not nourishing your body with, you know, the right healthy, powerful things in your body, your libido is going to be affected. So that's obviously a contributing factor to this as well. We're going to be speaking about it more from like, an energetic perspective, and a relational perspective. And how do we meet this together in partnership? Because that's our fucking jam.

Jacob O'Neill: 7:14

I think yeah, I think there's like you said, there's a whole physical aspect of like, what are you putting in your body? How are you looking after your physical engine? Like what is it that you're doing to make sure that you are vital, not only in your, your sex life, but in all areas of life? Totally. If you're not sleeping, well, you're not eating well, you know, drinking high quality water, you know, doing all of these things that can support you to thrive, then, by default, your sex life is going to be affected totally by default. So I'm really excited to talk about the actual relationship dynamics, which I feel can be just as just as important. Yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 7:50

And hormones is a huge piece. Yeah. And I would say majority, like we live in a very, like chemical laden world that doesn't support us as humans to have healthy thriving hormones. And a lot of the time if you're not conscious about it, you're like, there's a lot of hormonal issues that men and women experience so yeah, if you're not feeling vital in your body, I would highly wreck and that is affecting your libido I would highly recommend going in receiving support around that. Like I've even noticed I've been doing a bit of a cleanse with my naturopath and prepping my baby my baby prepping my body for a baby body. prepping my baby body. And all my gosh, I am I feel the most alive and vital and healthy I have probably ever felt in my adult life. And I'm turned on as fuck yeah, like I'm turned on his back.

Jacob O'Neill: 8:44

The red lights that's what it was pretty much blue light in this house made two strips of red lights and everything's changed. That's the answer to libido chi.

Meg O'Neill: 8:57

Jacob just just like so against any like will you just don't like when people get really into like guys, I get a bit over the biohacking biohacking stuff. And so we have incredibly bright lights in our home anytime any of our biohacking kind of friends come over there like What the actual fuck so I went and bought these strips of red lights so at night we turned the the intense blue light off and had the red light and I'm feeling a difference I'm sleeping really well with my mouth tight with my eyemask with the red light before bed.

Jacob O'Neill: 9:26

You are a biohacking bro. But those that but all of those things like I don't think we're the experts and all that sort of stuff but we do all of those things in our life. We eat organic food we drink high quality water we do we are getting better at sleep. Pete And Jordan stop making fun of me for staying up to 12 every night. No like we are sleeping much better. We are regulating our bodies in a healthy way. And that definitely And transposed to the amount of energy we have, which then transfers to the amount of aliveness we can bring to all areas of our life. Yeah, that can only get you so far if you aren't aware of like relationship dynamics. Yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 10:11

That gets to be the building blocks that gets that's the building blocks for everything foundation

Jacob O'Neill: 10:16

life. Yeah. For just holistic living that we're going to speak into. Yeah, the actual because I think this is where people start to trip up when they do all the right things that they use all the right formulas, but then they still come up against the the barriers of resistance because they haven't actually deepened their awareness.

Meg O'Neill: 10:33

Yes. So a shout out a glorious friend and naturopath Talia

Jacob O'Neill: 10:39

swats tele

Meg O'Neill: 10:41

call now but yeah, on Instagram, it's it's what I think is it Thalia underscore naturopath, and he's tele Schwartz underscore naturopath. Okay, well, I'll link it in. I'll link Talia in the show notes because she's a phenomenal naturopath. So anyone that's wanting to wanting support with hormones, especially if you're a woman, Talia is your gal. Yes. Okay. Now to now on to we'll talk about libido from more of a relational perspective. Yes. So first of all, I don't I don't like looking at this or calling it having mismatched libidos. Because already, I think that has this connotation that someone is wrong. And that's often you know, we speak so much here on the podcast about being on each other's team in relationship. And anytime we're feeling like, you know, one of us is right, and one of us is wrong. We step into this paradigm of being opponents. Someone has to win, someone's losing here, someone's right, someone's wrong, someone's the winner, someone's a loser. And so I think when we're looking at libido, from this perspective of like, when mismatched, sometimes it can really feel it can it can leave someone feeling broken, and can leave someone feeling like or the kind of paradigm can be like, I have a high libido. What's wrong with you? I'm not even I have high libido it can be I want sex you don't what's wrong, what's wrong with you? Right? Or someone can be made to feel wrong for having a high libido and wanting sex too much. And like you said that, you know, it's not always a man, I definitely want to, like bust that myth that this isn't always, you know, we live in a culture that tells us that men have higher sex drives than women. And that is just not the case. Right? That's, that's not true. And a lot of the time, yeah, this this if we're looking at it from a male but being made to feel wrong for you know, wanting more sex than a woman that can be when, you know, a man goes into the shadows, and his sexual desires are in the shadows, and he's locking himself in the bathroom and watching porn on his phone and masturbating. And this does not lead to, you know, deeper intimacy, incredible sex when we are taking our sexuality into the shadows of our relationship. 100%.

Jacob O'Neill: 13:03

And I think this also, like we've spoken, I think so much about this on the podcast, and we speak about this all the time as like, men and women are different, like our biology is different. So it's not about a mismatch, the beta, it's about, like, knowing what each of us actually deeply desire, and how we and how we can honor each other's desires and learn to work as a team to create this beautiful experience of pleasure for both of us.

Meg O'Neill: 13:29

Yes, and that would be the first thing I would bring into this is that if you're experiencing this in your relationship, get fucking curious. Like if you just got a bit of chocolate in your beard

Jacob O'Neill: 13:43

come and lick it off.

Meg O'Neill: 13:44

You would hate Jacob like doesn't if he ever has food in his face or anywhere I'm not allowed to like get it off. Not allowed to act like his mommy Yeah, get curious if this is unfolding for you. So say that you are the partner with a lower sex drive perhaps Perhaps your partner let's say you're a woman and your male partner is waking up with a heart on he would like to be fucking you you don't really be want to you don't want to be fucking you know, in this kind of unfolds again and again in your relationship. He is wanting sex. You know, he's bringing you his hard cock and you're a no. In these moments, it could be really beautiful instead of because this can be a protective mechanism to make him wrong. To close off to protect yourself of like, Ah, I don't want sex I like that feels like a burden or that that feels too much. I don't want to have to deal with that. It can be a protective mechanism to project shame onto our partner in those moments to make them feel wrong. But what I would invite you to do is to bring like curiosity right in that moment When your partner is coming to you desiring sex, what is it that he actually wants? And can you? Can you get curious about that? Is it that he actually wants to come? Or does he want to connect with you? Right is sex maybe a portal to him wanting to touch you or just deepen an intimacy or to be together? And so this is where getting really curious about like, what it what it is that he deeply desires, or what it is that you deeply desire. And those moments is really fucking important.

Jacob O'Neill: 15:39

Yeah, well, 100% I'm just trying to just put why'd

Meg O'Neill: 15:43

you put so much chocolate in your mouth?

Jacob O'Neill: 15:46

I'll just keep coming back to that was really embarrassing. The way that I see this lens of like mismatched libidos is it's almost like sex is a it's a currency. I keep coming back to that that phrase like sex is not a currency. And can we expand our definition of sex? And we can, can we start to map out our own sexual landscape within our relationship? So what does it mean when your partner likes I woke up with a hard coke every morning, like, don't wake up, like wanting to have sex that just happens. I think most men, I think that's a pretty standard thing was like, do I actually want sex? Or do I just want like, roll around a touch you did that the other morning I was just I was really horny, but I just like, started to touch you. And then I was like, oh, that's all that I wanted. Yeah. It wasn't about me getting off. It wasn't about me, finding getting what I needed. It was just like, I'm just like, feeling the desire to be connected to you. Yeah. And I think what I feel, sometimes when we look at sex as a currency or sex as like, someone wants something from me is that it can feel like, Ah, this is there's an expectation here. Or there's something that I have to give that I don't want to give, or I'm gonna have to be ready before I'm ready. And

Meg O'Neill: 16:58

you know what shuts down a woman's libido like nothing else. Expectation totally, totally, if a man is projecting urgency onto a woman. A woman, a woman is just going her lips, she won't feel safe to even connect with her natural desire for sex, she will not feel safe to even allow the depth of her desire or libido to come online. So I think that's a really important piece for women. That, again, I see this and I feel like I, I used to when I was not connected to my own desire and not connected to my voice as well. This is a really important one. Because when women feel like, if they say yes to sex, they've got to have penetrative sex. And as soon as if their partner is, you know, that he's got a hard COC, he pushes it up against the like her in the morning, that it's either no fuck off. Or, Yes, you can penetrate me. But what if it was like, what if we learn to play in the space in between, and a woman needs to find her voice in order to be able to explore that space? A lot of women don't feel safe to explore that space, because they don't know how to say, hey, I don't actually want to be penetrated. Or, hey, can we just make out and you touch me and I don't want anything else right now. So a lot of the time it's safest for a woman to just not connect to that part of her and go no

Jacob O'Neill: 18:35

that can be that can be really fucking vulnerable to like to go beyond the No. And I know for me,

Meg O'Neill: 18:44

sorry, can you just What do you mean go beyond the No. Like

Jacob O'Neill: 18:47

if rather than like actually like it just like cut off with the No, yeah, and get and then actually be like, Oh, hey, yeah, I'm so down for their makeout session, but I don't really feel like fucking like, actually, you penetrating me this morning. And I think that cuts off the actual beginnings of sex. I think it cuts off the foreplay. Because the woman off from what she actually needs it maybe later on that afternoon, you've made out you've had this beautiful connection. You go out into your day, you have an amazing day, you come home and you feel like you. You've already set the foundations for foreplay. Yes. The piece there is that you say no to protect yourself. But then that also, if you open yourself up to having that conversation, how not? Are you? Oh, if you open yourself up to connecting, then the man can also feel like if you do say, Hey, I just want to make out that guy's like, Oh, but I wanted this and then you get to a man can then get to see where his expectations are. And that can be really really confronting. That can be really really confronting as a man like to see where you're just wanting to use your woman to get

Meg O'Neill: 19:55

off. Yeah, it's like a literal receptacle for your cock

Jacob O'Neill: 19:59

and this is the piece I think like without me mismatched libidos, it's like, are you actually? Do you have a higher sex drive or you just don't have the capacity to circulate your sexual energy there? Because that to me is more because I know when I get a little antsy, I'm gonna use that word needy, needy. And I can feel the urgency like just get me off, just get me off, I want to use your body, I want to get access to it so I can just get this sense of relief. It doesn't actually serve me, it doesn't actually serve you. So I would say in the, for the the idea of like I have a higher sex drive is like, Yes. And how are you actually using that to circulate the energy into your entire life, not just try to get access to a woman's body to get a moment of relief? Yes. I think that to me is a much bigger, much more important question for a man to sit with. Rather than just be like, Oh, well, she doesn't want it. My desires are a burden. I'm just going to go and get get what I need from this from Pornhub.

Meg O'Neill: 21:08

Yes. I think another powerful question for a man to contemplate if this is what's happening, he feels his sex drive is bigger than a woman's big, bigger than his woman's is. How am I creating a culture or environment where my woman feel safe to connect to her libido? Oh, so where am I creating? Where am I not fucking creating an environment where my woman feels safe to connect with her libido to connect with her sexual desires? And what does this look like? This looks like not projecting urgency on to a woman not feeling like yeah, not not expecting her to, to want to be a receptacle for your cock at all moments just so you can like masturbate into her body. Right? If you are a woman in order for her sexual desire to unfold and bloom, because that's how a woman's body works. That's how her arousal works. It's not just like, boom, I've woken up, you know, it can be that when a woman has done the work to really unleash her sexual and orgasmic energy. But a lot of the time, women's bodies need time. Safety, you know, presents to unfold in arousal a to unfold in sexual energy. The and if you're not sorry, and if you're not offering that if she doesn't feel respected in that. She is just going to close down. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 22:45

it's the the she will find ways to dodge your advances and will end up to you creating like this fracture this, this this wedge between you both of you, and then it'll be she doesn't want to or he always wants it. And it'll create this like this whole story that doesn't serve the deepening of your intimacy. Yeah, I think I had something that I wanted to say when I was trying to jump in. But sorry, I was just really no, you're, you're nailing it. The piece around. Forgot, we'll just keep moving on. Okay. It'll come back to me. Okay. I can't remember it now. It's on the tip of my tongue. Did you want to keep going? My love? Sorry,

Meg O'Neill: 23:28

no, you're up, you're out.

Jacob O'Neill: 23:31

I really feel that this idea of men, like not mastering a sexual energy but just becoming aware of it. It can it can really help you in other areas of your life. And that felt like that was where I really started to understand when I was trying to get something from you. I was like, Ah, I'm using I'm always like, not able to hold my my sexual energy. I can't hold this level of lifeforce. Hmm, so is it actually what what would serve me in this? Is it to go and release it? Or is it to actually like breathe with it to expand my capacity to hold it? Yeah. And that, for me is like really, a really important thing for men to understand is like, I want to increase my capacity. I want to be able to understand how I can bring more of myself to life without needing you to give me something. And this is what I was coming back to thank you. I was thought I was never going to remember this. But one of the things that I've been reading, John Weinland has posted a few times I've read more recently with David data's stuff is can you bring your desire without need? So can you woman feel your desire for her without any need attached to it? And I think that really is the foreplay that a lot of women's bodies need to feel safe to soften and to Prepare for, for for whatever six looks like after that.

Meg O'Neill: 25:05

Even as you said that I felt like a melting of my body. Whereas if you brought a desire with expectation or need, there's like a bracing, there's like a bracing. And I've, I've felt that in the pocket pass. And I'm sure I've I've expressed this here, that there were moments where you would be trying to like, create polarity and create, you know, fire and passion by being like, I want to fuck you later. And I wanted to, and maybe there wasn't any need there. But that would close me, that would have my body bracing, because for me, it was like, Oh, I've already got to get to that end goal of having sex. And I didn't know if I want that. And ah, so I didn't even feel safe to make out with you. Because I already thought I already had the expectation that my body needed to want to be penetrated. And that was so huge. And I want every woman hearing this right now, to really notice if that's what the pattern that unfolds in your life. And yet to really be able to bring that into your partnership, so that you can create an environment where you're not then having to just say no to every, you know, initiation by your man. But you can open to that because sometimes, you know, what am I trying to say him? For me in that period, taking sex off the table was really powerful, and being able to express to you, I like the idea of sex right now contracts me, but can we actually just talk about? Or can we just make it out and touch each other without any expectation of it leading to anything? And often when my body felt just safe to be in that without already thinking about? Is it going to open? Is it going to be filled? Is my body going to be ready to be penetrated? Is she going to be turned on I could just be there. And being in my body was then the doorway to you know, connecting with my sexual energy and connecting to my openness and surrender. So yeah, I feel like for women listening that maybe feel like they're disconnected from their libido or disconnected from their sexual desires. I highly recommend taking sex off the table, even if it's just for like a week. And to, to land in the safety of that. to land in, in what that feels like in your body. And what you feel safe to connect to the desires when it's not theirs. There's going to be no sex for a week. Okay? I just want to fucking make out with my partner. I feel safe to make out with my partner because I know it's not going to lead to sex. Oh, fuck, I feel so good. Oh, now I'm making out with my partner for five minutes. Now I want to fuck. Well, I've never actually felt that desire before. Well, like I haven't felt that desire really connected for a while. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 27:55

you're removing the need for it to get somewhere. Yeah, that's that's the core essence of desire without need or desire you but I need nothing from you. Yeah. And like you said, like, I would bring things to and I'd say that with the intention of like building the energy. But you will attach to it as like, oh, Jacob wants to get there. Yeah. And that was a beautiful That was a beautiful fit for us to go through that because like, hey, lover. I don't actually really give a fuck if we have sex or not. I'm just saying that because I want you to know that I fucking want you. Yeah. And then you're like, Ah, okay, now I can relax. Yeah, yeah, I don't give a fuck whether we, whether we do anything, I just want you to know that, like, I want to fuck you. And I think you're I think I just think you're the hottest thing on earth.

Meg O'Neill: 28:36

And I really love that, like, can

Jacob O'Neill: 28:39

I sorry? Oh, yeah, I want to say that I, I do feel that like, there's a vulnerability in like, wanting to, like in speaking your desire to a woman like that, that because men have got the, the, the hangover from like, oh, we have, you know, been so we've been perpetrators of and treated women unfairly, which is true in the past. But then to bring your like your dark masculine through and like and like speak your desires powerfully and with intent, it will bring up that that it can bring up that closure. Because even if you don't have an expectation attached to it, that make your partner and maybe their previous partner or they were brought up in an environment where they actually saw that when someone brought that there was an expectation placed on them, that there was their duty to fulfill that other person's need. Yes. So for us, even though I would bring that and you would then close, it was a great a great opportunity for us to like, have a conversation right? And it was never actually about the sex. It was about oh, we actually get to understand each other a little deeper. And it's like okay, rather than me actually come up and save those exact words. I can actually shift my diet my, the words and I can speak maybe a little slower. Maybe I can just touch you and just whisper in your ear something A little more gentle. And actually, like, learn how to like, navigate this landscape of sex. And I think that's like that, to me is like the real juicy part of of intimacy is like learning how to explore this. Yeah, this this tapestry of fuck yes. tapestry

Meg O'Neill: 30:21

of fog, and love that as a few, a few pieces I really want to bring in here. One is yeah, that dark masculine and then the dark masculine. For it to be like, we want to bring it consciously if you're just saying I want to fuck you, but you literally just want to grab that woman's body and treat it like an object and not attune to whether she feels safe or wants to open like, yeah, that's that is the, you know, unintegrated wounded dark, masculine. Yeah, that is the perpetrator. It's entitled, yeah, whereas you want it you can bring that and often that is a very sexy quality in a man when he's owned this owned the part of him that is not afraid to claim a fucking woman or claim his fucking woman, but to bring it with a depth of embodiment, to bring it without need or without expectation. And one thing if you're a man listening to this, and this is the dynamic that's going down in your partnership, I want you to have a conversation with your woman about her never having sex with you out of a sense of duty. Yes, because that will be the biggest fucking permission slip for a woman that is playing out this dynamic as well.

Jacob O'Neill: 31:43

Yeah, if you just went up to you, even if you just you came to your partner, after listening to this, you said, Hey, lover, I just want you to know that you never ever have to offer me sex because you think it's what you have to do. Yeah, I just want you to know that you have full permission. If there's an if that feels like that's in the space, you have full permission to stop and say, Hey, this just, I'm feeling like I have to do this right now. And my bodies are no, like, if you just went and like, let your partner know that like that would be such a gift. Such a gift such a gift, like hey, you don't have to like, just because I have a desire to, to fuck right now does not mean that you have a duty to fulfill it. Yes.

Meg O'Neill: 32:23

And I love that you said the nuance there of like, we can be halfway through having sex or we can be, you know, 30 minutes into foreplay. And you can say, I'm actually done. I don't actually want this anymore. How many times have we done that so many. But that was a huge ingredient. On my journey of liberating my sexual aliveness, if I was still having sex every time, I thought you wanted me to. That is such a disrespect to my body. And when I disrespect my poziom body, my libido gets locked down, my sexual energy gets locked down. So again, if you're a man wanting to feel more of your woman's sexual aliveness, do not let her have sex with you, if you can feel it is just out of duty. And let her know that again. And again. And this is for a woman to use your motherfucking voice, your voice and you standing and advocating for your body is the doorway to liberating more of your libido and feeling more of your turn on. Right? When you create boundaries for yourself. When you advocate for your body, that's when your body and you feel safe to bring your sexual energy online and your natural desires online. And this, you know, you said that before maybe the current relationship the man has never told a woman she needs to like projected any of that onto her. But oftentimes this is an inherited Yeah, experience for women. This is a belief and a feeling that we have inherited from our mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, when sex was a woman's Judy was seen as a woman's duty a wife's duty, right?

Jacob O'Neill: 34:09

Yeah, it's a really, it can it can be sitting in your subconscious and you not even know how it got there. Like it's not something that they taught you at school, or that was like, Hey, this is the rules to being a woman that you have to abide by. It's just through natural osmosis growing up in an environment where that may have been passed down through generations that this is this is your duty as a woman.

Meg O'Neill: 34:30

And can I just I just want to riff here for a moment. I truly believe this is why we have this story that men have higher libido than women and men want more sex. It's not actually because that's biologically true. I truly believe that is because women have not felt safe to even connect with the natural libido and natural desire for sex. Because their bodies have been objects for a very long fucking time. They bought their bodies have been abused and mystery. Read it for a very long time. So it hasn't, there has not been an environment and a culture where women have felt safe to even connect to their natural sexual expression and the natural sexual desire. So we have this myth that men just want more sex, no fucking way when a woman connects to her body when a woman is deeply rooted in herself, right? Oh my god, the mother fucking turn on that comes alive in her. Right? And we would bust that myth immediately when you meet a sexually alive turned on woman, you will never think that a man wants more sex. Right? No,

Jacob O'Neill: 35:39

why? I think the pot the pot that you can play as a man is like reverence. I can view a woman's body can you be a woman in her in her magnificence in her essence, and like respect her and that and that doesn't mean withdrawing or like tiptoeing around her and being like walking on eggshells. Oh, can I touch you here? Can I touch you there? Is this okay? Is that not okay? I'm all for consent. But I'm also also for deep attunement. Yeah, especially in relationship. on the dance floor with some random I think there's a lot more nuance around that. I think you need to respect people. But like in a relationship where you guys are learning and growing together. It's not about like, just tiptoeing, like, I don't want to, I don't want to project my desires onto you, I don't want to, you're a woman and I, you know, you, I respect you and you, you get to choose what you want to do, and you have anything that you need, let me know it's not about playing into this kind of nice guy energy. It's about, hey, I deeply desire you. And I also want to know that I reveal everything that you stand for a fucking door. Like I want, I want all of you I want I want to know all of you. And I want to take my time doing getting to know you. Yes, in all forms. And I think that's, that's the you said like women, when they are fully initiated into their sexual aliveness. That is a process it takes time. And for men, if we look at how quickly we can be ready for sex, I think that then ties it even more into the story that men want sex more than women, it's like, well, we're actually ready to go a lot quicker. It's not that we want more sex, it's just like, oh, we have to actually honor the time it takes for a woman to, to deepen into receiving us in our sex.

Meg O'Neill: 37:27

I love that so fucking much that you've brought that up, because it's true. Maybe a man is thinking that, Oh, my woman doesn't want sex, but you're not actually honoring how her arousal works. Yeah, you can do your time, bro. Totally. And you're not like you're not contributing to an environment where she feels safe. Right to be in her body to open to connect with a sexual aliveness or sexual desires. So this, I am really hoping that you guys are really feeling that this is not necessarily about oh, you're gonna highly better than me. I will lower libido whatever. Like, this can be a portal to deeper intimacy, this can be a place like if you lean in here, and if you bring your curiosity and if you get to understand like, what is what is your what is the person in the relationship with the quote unquote, high libido? What is it that they desire in those moments? Wow, is it just they want this thing of relief? Or is it actually are they wanting sex because they're really missing you? And they want to connect and they want deep intimacy with making out in that moment without sex feel good? Like could could you meet there in the middle of could get Could you play in that space? Like what's between, you know, what's that space in between that you could start to lean into a play together and bring curiosity to I also want to bring in this piece around celebration of our partners, libido or partner's sex drive, because again, I was speaking about like, I see this energetic playing out when there is a quote unquote, mismatch of libido, that there can be like a shame or making one at one person wrong. And again, that just like brings our sexuality and our expression into the shadows, that creates more disconnection, that means that our partner probably isn't going to feel safe to either open or bring what's alive in in that realm to us. So I think it's really important to be able to, like celebrate our partner. And for example, like if you were to want no let's use the opposite example, because we've been using a lot of like men having the higher libido, but like, this literally plays out in our life, like a bit, at least a few times a month where I want sex. Maybe we're going to bed and I'm like, I like I'd really I really want to have sex right now. Like And you're No. But you will celebrate me you'll be like, go and get the ones on like, oh, like the ones which ones get off.

Jacob O'Neill: 40:09

Get those ones which

Meg O'Neill: 40:11

ones baby. But you will like celebrate me in that moment you will be like, Yeah, I'm in no right now, but I'm happy to lie here. And sometimes that will end up with us having sex. But just to be able to not go No. But to say no, I'm I'm, uh, no right now. But like, what do you need? Like, go for it? Yeah, like really giving your partner permission to still explore what they need in those moments. And this, again, is where you can really understand what your partner wants in those moments. Because for me, sometimes, I just do really want an orgasm. I really want to, like, you know, circulate my sexual energy. So I will sometimes grab my vibrator. If it's late at night, sometimes grab a one sometimes touch myself sometimes like, yeah, you know, being that expression. And I think this, sometimes this can be so easy for women to be like, yeah, we'd love my partner to do that. But if he wants sex, oh my God, I don't want him to just like masturbating beside me. But we need to be able to offer like, what if you were to be able to bring that non judgmental energy to your partner, like and be able to hold your boundary of No, but simultaneously celebrate him in his sexual aliveness and his sexual desire in that moment, or his sex drive in that moment,

Jacob O'Neill: 41:34

OTA and this really feels like a real practice of sovereignty around owning your owning your pleasure. Yes. Yeah. And that, like if you're willing, if you really want to, like experience pleasure. And you ask your partner, Hey, would you like to have sex? They say, No, I'm not a space to that right now. Hey, by all means, go, go crazy. Like, like, and bring, bring, bring the house down and go do what you do like I am. I'm not going to judge you for going where you need to go with your pleasure practice. And it's like, ah, that, that kind of like, acceptance. Yeah, there's been so many times where I've said no, and this comes back to like, when like libido as well like thinking about like, I much prefer to have sex through the day. Yeah, like, I'm much more daytime sex person at like nine o'clock at night when I'm like, in bed. Like, that's power down. Yeah, base for me, I find it really hard to get excited about having sex at like, 930 10 o'clock at night. For me, I know that that's when I actually want to slow right down. I want to like, relax. I want to be like nourishing myself. And the idea of having sex feels. It feels hard at nighttime. For me. I'm like, Oh, this doesn't feel like the time I want to be having sex. But then when you start to touch yourself, you start to ride around on the bed. It awakened something in me. And it's like, what the fuck you doing Jacob? You know, like, one day this will all be gone one day, you will be in the ground. Dead. And you will be looking down from everything you should have factor A should have fucking get up and fucking, and suck on her titties. But I can touch her pussy, grab her throw up against the wall. Be a fucking animal. And it's like that. It's like, hang on. Okay. Yeah, I want Yeah. And it's like, ah, but that only came if I hadn't said yes, straight away. I would have been saying it because I thought I had to. But by me saying no, you owning your pleasure claiming it and creating a desire without need that you could fulfill. Then I was in like, awaken to like, Holy fuck. There's an experience happening right now that I want to be a part of.

Meg O'Neill: 43:52

So much so. Yeah. And that that was like edgy as fuck for us years ago, like the idea of touching myself while you're in the room. Like, even touching myself while you were in the home. Yeah, even years before that touching myself full stop. So I get that some people might be listening to this being like, What the fuck, I could never do that. And this is a really beautiful, like, you know, having our own we are such advocates for having our own, like sexual practices and like you said sexual sovereignty. And again, not just thinking that it's your partner's job to get you off. Yes. And really reclaiming your pleasure instead of always outsourcing your pleasure. Oh, and for men. This is really powerful. Like if you were a woman that you know, you're a no to having sex in the moment but your partner, you know, is a yes. And he's a man. I really invite you to, again, maybe his usual pattern is to sneak off into the shadows and watch porn and masturbate and I'm not saying that is, you know, wrong, but that He's not life giving to your sex life most likely, you know, if he's he's probably not talking about it, there can be a lot of shame with that. But you inviting him to be in his sexuality, whilst you witness a while you're there and bring such a safety to someone, for him to be like for you to basically say, No, I'm not available right now. And, but like, go for it. Do you want to? Do you want to like touch yourself while I'm in the bed here? Like, can I watch? Can I, you know, and again, this might feel really edgy. But this gets to be the place in which you get to both hold your boundary and celebrate what you feel in that moment and also not have someone feel wrong to celebrate your partner and his desire in that moment to

Jacob O'Neill: 45:47

I want to speak to this from a place of like liberating shame.

Meg O'Neill: 45:51

Yeah, huge go.

Jacob O'Neill: 45:55

US Oh, so intense. Thanks. So yes, love that go.

Meg O'Neill: 46:01

I just like get like really? Like

Jacob O'Neill: 46:05

it's quite hot in this room right now, too, is I

Meg O'Neill: 46:08

had a few shots of coffee today. And it's just it's

Jacob O'Neill: 46:12

Yeah, it is what it is.

Meg O'Neill: 46:13

Take a deep breath back. Yes, my glorious husband, he was saying.

Jacob O'Neill: 46:22

So I don't know what your experience was like growing up. But for me, I would sneak I would sneak his cheeky Oh, in the toilets. And I'd, I would have a wank and I'd do it in the shadows. And that was very much how I got around sex for pretty much the first I'd say 10 years of my life from masturbating, and then having sex, it was all very secretive. It was all very, I do it. When no one's around, I do it as quickly as possible. I do it. And I hope that no one ever catches me. Oh my God, I don't I would die if someone caught me or saw me doing this. So when we would masturbate in front of each other, or pleasure ourselves in front of each other, and that was a big journey to get there. I was I was terrified. I was absolutely terrified to touch myself in front of you. And be seen be witnessed in my pleasure that was so it was it was quite nauseating. And it felt really confronting, and I felt very exposed. But what it did was it it would help me liberate that shame that I had around my own pleasure. And it showed me that I was actually in control. Or I was the the owner of my my pleasure I was in I was the Yeah, it was I had authority over my own pleasure. And that was not for me to outsource that authority to you ever. It was always about my choice. And then being witnessed by you and witnessing you in your pleasure. It became this whole other dynamic of like, Ah, this is where now like liberating the the layers of shame from our past, to the point where now we don't. And there's still parts of us that definitely get needy, but it's like, oh, I can actually like be in my desire, without needing you to do anything about it. Yeah, I can be I can be over here. Hard deck, fucking legs fucking like 10 stuff I want to fuck. And I can hold that and not project that onto you. Yes.

Meg O'Neill: 48:27

And not feel like you the only way the only thing the only other option is to slink into the shadows to do something about it. Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 48:35

exactly. And then I think that comes down to communicating like, and this rather than saying, I want to fuck you right now be like, hey, lover. I'm feeling really fucking horny. I'm just gonna go into the room and self pleasure. I really just need to be with my body right now. I just need to fucking move this energy. You would want to come and be a part of that. I feel I feel like that would like Yeah. Why can I

Meg O'Neill: 48:56

can't watch or if I wasn't really feeling I would just I would literally I would be like, fuck, that's hot. Yeah. Oh my god, I love that you're choosing that. And that's

Jacob O'Neill: 49:08

and that comes back to like, owning the desire rather than like, Hey, I'm gonna go into my room and watch porn and and just get rid of this energy so I can come back and be present with you. It's okay I need to go and be with my body My body wants my body needs some lovin. And that can be like a real sense of ownership. And it can create this like really beautiful dynamic for you guys to play into the attraction. Yeah, and the the passion between between the two the two people.

Meg O'Neill: 49:37

Yeah, and I want to bring a piece in like, because I think a big part of my journey and even like witnessing when we started like self pleasuring beside each other and like letting that be a part of you know,

Jacob O'Neill: 49:48

do you remember there was one time at an eco village? Yeah, yeah, yeah, remember? Like, yeah, Boo boats. No, it just turned into this hot and heavy. Yeah, love maybe yeah, that was just I keep thinking of I

Meg O'Neill: 50:00

think we were both beside each other. And just like, I think that was the first time we'd ever just like touched ourselves, yeah, without touching each other. And then we did each other. And this could be, again, this was I just really, if this feels so out of reach for you right now, or even uncomfortable, I want you to, I want to let everyone know that, oh, my gosh, this was not, there was a place where I wouldn't have even the idea of talking about masturbating, or the guy did talking about even sex felt deeply uncomfortable, even in this relationship. So this is like a journey. And a big part of the journey is our own sexual. Like, our own relationships to our sexuality and our body. Yeah, right. It's so important. So I think for women, like having your own self pleasure, practice going and exploring that, especially if you're feeling like, you don't feel very sexually liable, you don't want a lot of sex in your relationship, not that there's anything, you're not broken, there's nothing wrong with you. And if you desire to feel more sexually alive, start your own self pleasure practice. Because you get to create the environment where you feel safe to just explore, no one's needing anything from you, no one's projecting anything on to you. You just get to explore your own body, your own desires in the way that you want to. And then this is going to awaken. You know, this, this aliveness in you that that you can then bring in exploring a partnership. Oh, but something I wanted to say before is that, like, there will probably be triggers and discomfort, like every human I truly believe holds so much sexual shame, or a lot of like a lot of sexual shame. So, you know, maybe it's the first time you're witnessing your partner self pleasure or masturbate, and there's like a kind of disgust or judgment, like, be

Jacob O'Neill: 51:53

with that. Trigger is a good thing triggers a such good thing, that's

Meg O'Neill: 51:58

such great information, it's, it's important to feel that it doesn't mean I'm a bad person for feeling this, or I'm feeling disgust. Therefore, what he's doing is disgusting, is really important. Just because you're feeling disgust does not mean that the person doing the thing is disgust. That's your own disgust to feel. Right. And you get to feel it. And also, then it's only by feeling it that you get to liberate it and meet that whatever you're witnessing, maybe it's your partner masturbating. Right, maybe it's anal play whatever it is, like you get to liberate that and then choose to meet this experience from a different place. Love that. That only by being with a trigger, is that possible? Yeah,

Jacob O'Neill: 52:38

there's so much. I think there's, it's so easy to label. Like I said, like this idea of mismatched libido is such a, like, odd set, you know, I just have I just have a higher sex drive and just write it off. When it actually like, this is an invitation like these, these are these like, little trigger points of awareness. Like, oh, I have a higher sex drive. Why? Why don't have a high sex drive? What are my parameters for sex drive, and this is what leads us into these deeper conversations. And I'm so glad we didn't try to get anywhere with this, this this, this conversation because I feel it needs to be need to be like teased out. Yeah, I feel like this, this concept of libido and how to create deep intimacy. It's not that it feels like it's like yet it's not a ball of string, and we'd actually have to take our time to bring the nuancing and bring the awareness to why a woman needs this amount of time or why a man may be like labeling himself as having a high sex drive when actually, he's just basing sex off his own biological makeup. Yeah,

Meg O'Neill: 53:44

and the arousal, your arousal, his arousal works. Yeah.

Jacob O'Neill: 53:48

And then, and then like, the other thing that I've the whole other aspect too, is like, actually, like Reek like creating sensitivity in the body versus fantasy in the mind, which is where for me, desire is body based need is mind based.

Meg O'Neill: 54:06

Love that distinction. So

Jacob O'Neill: 54:08

a desire will almost like undulate, or rumble or move through the body or create sent like a sensation in the body. But a need will almost be like I need that out there to create the feeling in here. Yeah, and this is

Meg O'Neill: 54:24

this are you gonna love I was just gonna say if you are someone that currently requires fantasy or porn, to have a sexual experience, or have a climax, whether this is important in sex or just in your own self pleasure, I highly recommend having a detox, whether that's a week, two weeks a month, I'm not saying fantasy or porn is wrong. But you are if that is the only thing you're choosing you are capping yourself on what is possible in your sex life. You are you Yeah. So from move, like you said, move from fantasy to what am I feeling in my body? What am I feeling? And where am I feeling? What's the sensation? What's the sensation of my hand on my own Koco my fingers on my own PC or my body on my man's body like the sensations rather than I'm trying to use this image or the one I'm seeing on a screen to get off that, that external experience, like you said, this Yeah, building that sensitivity and coming back to the body, like the deepest orgasmic states will occur when you attune to sensation, and energy rather than a fantasy. Exactly.

Jacob O'Neill: 55:42

I remember when I did a two week course with our mate, Rob. And I just remember being like, I had my own disgust with this, this practice come up. So it was a two week rate, like as long as like a real sensitizing of my, my body. And I remember like, the first day, I was like, Okay, we're going to self pleasure. And you're not actually even going to touch your cock. And I was like, what? It's like, and part of me is like a walking into sit on a toilet. And I was like, Well, hang on, now lay down on the bed, touch your body. And I'm like, What is this? And I was like, and I could feel the part of me was like, This is wrong. I was like, this is, this isn't how I do this. And, by the end of it, like, I remember one of the final before we self pleasured in front of each other, I remember there was like one where it's like, okay, you're gonna self pleasuring the bath, and you're going to light candles, and all this sort of stuff. And I was like, What the fuck? But really, what it was just asking me to do is actually like, create more more awareness of my sensory, like, parameters is like, oh, like, can you like, Can you feel the warm water on your body? Can you actually like enjoy the ambience of the candles? Can you like it? Like, enjoy the pleasure that is here in your body? Can you like awaken something rather than just fantasize about this person doing this thing to you and kind of using this chemical trigger in your brain to get your body to get to where you need to get to?

Meg O'Neill: 57:05

And like you said, I'm sure that was so incredibly healing, because touching your cock before that, like masturbating was how quickly can I do this without anyone knowing I'm doing it? Exactly.

Jacob O'Neill: 57:15

So I was like, flipping the script is like, can I just slow right down. And that, for me is the difference between like, extracting an orgasm, and relaxing into an orgasm, which if you're a man, and you start to understand like that relaxation into orgasm, even if you don't come, just relaxing into like, the sexual energy moving through your body, you will begin to understand, like, for me, that helped me understand your pleasure, a whole lot better and how much? How much value slowing down and taking your time can actually bring to your your sex life? Yes.

Meg O'Neill: 57:56

Well, that's really the basis of like tantric sex. It's relaxing into pleasure. Yeah, rather than, you know, grabbing for the goal, tightening our body, contracting our body, trying to force an orgasm out. And both men and women do that. And the difference of experience when you consciously relax your body, breathe deeper, like for a man breathe into his cock, like breathe into his bowls for a woman, breathe into her pussy space, like, relax. Right, the difference of orgasmic experience in that is is insanely different, like insanely different. And if I'm if you're a man, that and you have a female lover, like focusing there, like, breathe down into your cock, like, bring presence into your own body and to hers and that that's part of the ingredients of creating that environment where she feels safe to unfold and open and bloom in her sexual aliveness, rather than when you're like. She can feel that you just want to like, you know, you're using her body like a hand.

Jacob O'Neill: 59:11

I love that. Like, can you connect to your cock through your breath? Rather than through your furnace? Or your mind? Or through your eyes? Can you connect to your cock through your body? And that for me, like understanding your body so much better, it's like, oh, you're your pussy is awakened through your body, not through your mind. Or not through this, this idea of like, oh, you need to see something. So how can actually bring you down into your body, and then bring that energy towards your posse and then like, awaken her? And that's such a Yeah, understanding like the base. I don't know a lot about tantra, but I know the basics. And I remember reading a book and it's like, what if you didn't have anywhere to go? Other than right here and you could just relax and just enjoy this moment with your body and your partner's body. And then just see where, what what you're being called to touch while you're being called to do. And it's like, Oh, wow. Which brings me full circle to like one of the gifts of the masculine, which is presence, can you just be present? It comes back to this and I think that's, that, for me is super, super, super important when we're labeling stuff like high libido, low libido, mismatched, high sex drive, low sex drive is like, that's lazy. That's lazy. Like if you truly, like want to, like Love Your Partner and get to know them. And you want your relationship to be a place that deepens intimacy. Like, you have to be fucking put in some effort, you have to actually like, show up and make that a priority. And that for me, like I've had a few guys messaged me recently about the podcast and like, Fuck, man, if I had have known about this podcast, like, two years ago, I would be I would still be in the relationship with with my wife, guys, they're like going through really hard times because they didn't have the awareness of what's possible. Yeah. Because they've just, you know, labeled yeah, like I and probably, I'm getting a bit ranty as well. And I've spoken quite a lot just now. I don't really well, I've

Meg O'Neill: 1:01:14

been breathing more deeply. And yeah, I'm just letting you feel safe to be in a frenetic, feminine,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:01:19

I am feeling so turned on right now. The other thing that I wanted to, to bring into the space, especially for men is that this will talk about sex as a currency. And I don't want to sort of open up a whole new topic before we start to close this one down is like, where are you doing things for your partner, or doing things for the relationship and then expecting sex. So this is a really, really, really important one. I know a lot of guys out there, they go out and they work hard, and they make money or they try to provide a beautiful home and beautiful things and do all the right things. And then just expect their partner to give them what they desire, which is which which can be sex. So for me, it's like, can you actually like, choose to do all of those things as a gift for you and your relationship? If you want to make amazing amounts of money and create a beautiful home and pay for amazing holidays? And really, really care for your woman in that way? Oh, get it done, Brother, I celebrate you? And can you not let those things create an expectation that she should give you sex or her nourishment, or her radiance or any form of pleasure? Because you've done that first? Can you have the courage to say my love, I want to deepen with you. Beyond all the nice things that we have. And beyond all the other aspects of life, I want to like create this lover ship, where we deepen into intimacy and both of our pleasure both of our pleasures alive and active. What do you need for me to feel to feel that, because I'd love to share what I need.

Meg O'Neill: 1:03:00

Perfect, I love that. I think that is important that a man doesn't feel like then he has to disconnect from his desire but again, desire without need.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:03:09

Yeah, yeah, cuz I just know, for me, that's been my biggest wrestle too is like, ah, a big part of my my manhood is being able to provide and do all of the things that create this my ability to be responsible for, for, for the family unit, it's a big part of what I believe my journey of manhood is. But then I cannot let that that, that responsibility create the expectation of hey, I'm doing all this, you should give me this. It's like no, I then get to come to you with my desires and speak to them and deepen into this, this whole this whole other area of life, which is which is to create intimacy without that, you know, it's just you and your partner. Without the house, the cars, their bills, that everything you want to create this beautiful sacred container when none of that can touch it

Meg O'Neill: 1:04:02

one more thing. I feel this I'm I feel like this is more for men. And we're

Jacob O'Neill: 1:04:13

loving on the men today. Yeah. And the women, but I

Meg O'Neill: 1:04:17

feel like it's for the men again, it's like where are you wanting to take, but don't have a willingness to give? Oh, and I don't mean like, where do you just want a blow job and you're not, you know, open to leaking pussy like no, like, where do you want to be met sexually and your partner to ravish your cock and like, you know, worship your cock, but you're not willing to slow down your breath with her body. You're not willing to be there for the journey of her body flowering and blooming open in arousal because She is never going to give you what you want. If you are not willing to do that, right, and not in this tit for tat way, but if you're not respecting a woman and making her feel safe shaped, she's not going to bloom into sexual aliveness. Oh, maybe she is, but she's not going to do it with you.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:05:20

And even if she like, and this is where if she does it out of duty, it will never give it will never fulfill you. It will it will. Forgot the I've forgotten the phrase from Peter crown. It'll be you'll you'll you'll get enough. You'll get just enough. I can't remember what it is. But yeah, I feel like yeah, you're saying yeah, it will never fully scratch the itch. Yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 1:05:46

So just like full circle. Curiosity. Like if this is the dynamic playing out for you if you feel like there is quote unquote, a mismatched libido in your relationship. Like get curious. Have a motherfucking conversation. What's alive here? Do the fucking desire date Okay? Anyone in a couple anyone in a relationship? If you have not already done the desire date, go and do the desire day the motherfucking desire date. I don't know what the link is. But go to the show notes or go to one of our Instagram or message us about it if you can't find the link please. It's probably mag dash O'Neill dot com the website guys mag dash O'Neill dot com forward slash desire date. Just try that and see what happens. And if that doesn't work message me. Because that is this is if you're if you're wanting to get curious and bring more aliveness into your into your sex life like this is it we've got a whole facilitated date night and questions and intimacy practices. So you can actually get to the core of like, what you're both wanting and feel really deeply met. So go and get that actually had a few messages about couples that had done it yesterday. And they said it was really fucking life changing. This

Jacob O'Neill: 1:07:03

is the, the groundwork to for for for intimacy, like you can come and listen to this podcast, you can ask us questions, and we can tell you all about the stuff that we've experienced and give you all of the parameters. But there's gonna come a time where you have to break ground where you have to like, sit down with your pen and write down your desires and look your partner in the eye and say, Hey, I love it. This is what I want more of Yeah. This is what I desire deeply.

Meg O'Neill: 1:07:27

That's really important love that? Like you can you maybe you're 46 episodes into a podcast, you've listened to almost 50 hours of us talking. But that isn't going to change your relationship if you're not willing to embody what we speak about here. Yeah, and I know this is for someone I know, one of you is listening, maybe many of you are listening that's like, you know the thing you've got to go and do after listening to us here on the podcast again and again. Maybe every single fucking week, you know, the things your relationship is asking of you inviting you into trying to initiate you into like, go and have that conversation or go and speak that need or go and use your voice in the bedroom. Like whatever it is go and do that thing. You know what it is? And then DM us and celebrate yourself.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:08:18

Yeah, let us know.

Meg O'Neill: 1:08:20

Okay, I'm getting so hot and sweaty in this chair. Yeah, it's we need to get like an air conditioning unit.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:08:26

And we do that your desire I was going to ask you do you have a deep desire that you'd love to bring to our relationship live on the podcast? Is there something you'd like

Meg O'Neill: 1:08:34

to unit for the podcast room? Yeah.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:08:37

Um, need you need from me or that you desire from me that isn't currently circulating in our in a sacred union or twin flame?

Meg O'Neill: 1:08:48

You know, like that. I need it. I feel just so fucking good right now.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:08:54

Nailed it. I'm sorry. Are always

Meg O'Neill: 1:08:57

I just love when you quality time is always something that turns me on. And when you like, invite me to things. Yeah, yeah. So you do that. But

Jacob O'Neill: 1:09:07

I would say quality time throughout the week is my biggest slip up. Like I'll have things maybe once a month that we go and do together. But week to week, I think that's where I could really improve for you is like, Hey, do you want to go for a walk? Yeah, like, to me, that seems trivial. But for you, that's really important. It's like I I really feel that I could show up better in that in that regard. Like, Hey, you want to go get coffee? I'm not drinking coffee at the moment. Hey, do you wanna just go and spend a morning together? Do you wanna go to the beach? I could really, I'm gonna commit to that. Hello.

Meg O'Neill: 1:09:37

Okay. How about you any desires you want to bring forth

Jacob O'Neill: 1:09:45

you're just nourishing the fuck out of me like this this turn on that you're experiencing right now. It's really fucking cool. So and you're you're rinsing the saucepans after you use them in the morning that you're actually doing that like that's that's the Big Love for Me. Such a good student when you tell me what to do. Yeah, I would like to split. I think I'd like to do a little more singing and dancing, I think yeah, there's I think there's like a I love to Sunday. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'd love to like sing. And yeah, I think there's an element of play that I'd love to have outside of sex just like playing and creating with you that yeah, I feel like coming into summer there's going to be a lot of that like going out into nature and just playing music and just frolicking and just enjoying enjoying life together. So I'd like more of that quality time.

Meg O'Neill: 1:10:31

I want a day off our phone in nature in the next two weeks. The Oh my bad days coming out and we won't have service two days in HR. Okay, done.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:10:42

already sorted. One Step Ahead,

Meg O'Neill: 1:10:45

guys, Jacobs organized a birthday weekend for me. It's called the gathering of Meg. The gathering of Meg. Because so those of you that don't know he runs a retreat called the gathering of men. Now it's a gathering of Meg. You love that.

Jacob O'Neill: 1:11:00

Alrighty, thank you for listening guys. This has been Yeah, this is I love these kinds of conversations. My favorite type of podcast we're gonna get to like extract this. Yeah. Amazing amount of value from from what was just one question. Yeah.

Meg O'Neill: 1:11:15

And what's this space guys? We have some really exciting things coming up in the next month. Oh, yeah. Especially for couples. So what's this space? We love you? Lovers love you lovers, lovers by lovers, lovers,

Jacob O'Neill: 1:11:28

lovers. Please.

Meg O'Neill: 1:11:38

That was really fun.